Wholesome Or Seasoned?

A continuation from my previous post. I was having lunch with my boss the other day when he asked me a question, “Do you like a guy who is more wholesome or do you prefer a guy who is more seasoned?” I interpret the question to mean if I prefer a guy who is more innocent in the ways of the world, or do I prefer someone who has played enough and have a somewhat rich experience.

Honestly if anyone has asked me that just a few years back, I would have said the former. But now, maybe the latter. Wholesome and clean-cut guys are good. In fact, I know a couple of such guys, and they are really good. They go home after work, they are filial and nice to their parents, they lead a simple life, making their parents happy. They do not crave for luxuries and have none of the vices. They are the kinds who will make good husbands and fathers.

But right now, these guys will be too boring for me, sad to say. A wholesome guy needs a wholesome girl, and I am definitely not a wholesome girl. Having had life experiences and being exposed to things, I now rather go for someone more seasoned in life. Everyone has a past, so no matter how his past is like, as long as he shows himself to be reliable and dependable, committed and settled yet fun-loving, that is all that matters.

Experiences are related to maturity. Comparing two people of the same age. The one who lived a “colourful” life at a young age is actually more mature than the one who has been living a good and simple life. There are people I know who are already in their thirties but still go wide-eyed with disbelief at the “ugliness” of the society and people in general. Then there are those who are only in their early twenties but have gone through rather hard experiences, and bring about a sense of street-smartness and sensible outlook towards life.

Those who are seasoned are far better people. I am not saying those who are wholesome are not, what I am saying is that for a seasoned person, he / she knows what is going on and what does life entails, so he / she have higher EQs and smarts to better able to handle things and give others that “feel good “ feeling. In other words, they may not blurt things out unwittingly in all innocence and inadvertently offend others.

Someone who is wholesome may be more sheltered, thus may end up saying and doing things in all naivety, thinking he / she is showing care and concern, but may not know he / she is actually offending someone else. I have been asked questions by people like that, which my first impression goes, “Are you sure you are really as old as you say you are?” Because for someone of that age, the kind of outlook he / she has is really too simplistic.

Thus, someone who is wholesome or who has not experienced much in life, may not be able to relate to the level I am at. I am not saying I am of a very high level, but I have learnt through the years to be more street-smart and not so naive anymore. These things come only with experiences, so for those who have not experienced what I have experienced, it is hard for them to relate to what I have been through.

And I will find a wholesome person too "innocent" for my liking. It will be as if I am always "mothering" the person, and the last thing I want is to be a mother to my mate. I will be mothering my own kids next time, I do not need to mother another person, thank you very much!

But for those who are wholesome, please stay the way you are! You are very good people in your own right, and should not change just to please anyone. No one should change for anyone, so being wholesome is good. We need more of this kind of people around!

Of Wishy Washy Men ....

Is it because I am too authoritative, too fierce, or having too high expectations, or is it really that guys are just wishy washy and totally unreliable? Like the classic example where a guy can say he is interested in you, but after just a month or so and a few dates, suddenly gets distant and totally stops contacting you. If you are not interested, then do not say you are and mislead others!

But this trait is not just on relationships. In fact, in a lot of things they do, they are unreliable. For instance, a guy may say want to do this, but in the end never gets anything done, and then someone else has to do it for him. If he is not confident he can do it, then do not make empty promises in the first place only to disappoint others when things are not done!

Granted there may be exigencies, granted there may be changes in the interim, but in any case, please communicate! I get really irritated when guys promise things then suddenly go incommunicado and I have to “clean up the mess” so to speak. If in the end I end up doing everything, then I may as well just do it in the first place rather than relying on someone else only to create more work for myself!

Am I asking for too much if I expect others to keep their word and communicate, instead of making empty promises only to disappear in the end? Am I being unrealistic by asking for basic reliability and dependability? I also get really irritated with those who have to be spoon-fed every step of the way! If the person is a kid I do not mind, but if the person is an adult who has been working for several years, then he / she should have the maturity to be resourceful and find answers instead of asking and expecting answers to come forth.

What really riles me is even after guiding the person along, the same person still asks the same question, albeit in another way. Arrrrggghhh!!! I have patience with primary school kids, but if you are an adult, you ought to have enough common sense on what to do, need not even ask anyone! I have not asked anyone anything for a very long time, I rely on my own senses to find answers!

Alright, I should not use my standards to have the same imposition on others, but sometimes seeing someone who is about my age or older acting in such an immature way really makes me worried. I wonder if guys my age or older are behaving like this, then what hope is there left for ladies my age?

No wonder there are so many ladies in their twenties who are still innocent in the ways of the world can get attached to guys in their thirties because their job stability attracts them, but older ladies are not able to. At least those who have gone through a bit of life experiences are not able to, as these guys will then be too naïve for them. Woe betide us!

Some Wisdom ....

I received via email this really beautifully written essay on a topic close to all our hearts. Close because most of us have not partaken of the glorious Sacrament of marriage yet. When I read it, I have always gleaned a new perspective about marriage from it. I hope it touches you as much as it touches me.

FOREWORD: As an aside, Eduardo Calasanz was a student at the Ateneo de Manila University, Philippines, where he had Father Ferriols as professor. Father Ferriols, meanwhile at that time, was the Philosophy department head. Currently he still teaches Philosophy for graduating college students in Ateneo.

Father Ferriols has been very popular for his mind-opening and enriching classes but was also notorious for the grades he gives. Still people took his classes for the learning and deep insight they take home with them every day (if only they could do something about the grades....).

Anyway, come grade giving time, (Ateneo has letter grading systems the highest being an A lowest a D, with F for flunk), Fr Ferriols had this long discussion with the registrar people because he wanted to give Calasanz an A+. Either that or he doesn't teach at all... Calasanz got his A+.

THE ARTICLE PARTNERS AND MARRIAGE
by Eduardo Jose E. Calasanz

I have never met a man who didn't want to be loved. But I have seldom met a man who didn't fear marriage. Something about the closure seems constricting, not enabling. Marriage seems easier to understand for what it cuts out of our lives than for what it makes possible within our lives.

When I was younger this fear immobilized me. I did not want to make a mistake. I saw my friends get married for reasons of social acceptability, or sexual fever, or just because they thought it was the logical thing to do.

Then I watched, as they and their partners became embittered and petty in their dealings with each other. I looked at older couples and saw, at best, mutual toleration of each other. I imagined a lifetime of loveless nights and bickering days and could not imagine subjecting myself or someone else to such a fate.

And yet, on rare occasions, I would see old couples who somehow seemed to glow in each other's presence. They seemed really in love, not just dependent upon each other and tolerant of each other's foibles. It was an astounding sight, and it seemed impossible. How, I asked myself, can they have survived so many years of sameness, so much irritation at the other's habits? What keeps love alive in them, when most of us seem unable to even stay together, much less love each other?

The central secret seems to be in choosing well. There is something to the claim of fundamental compatibility. Good people can create a bad relationship, even though they both dearly want the relationship to succeed. It is important to find someone with whom you can create a good relationship from the outset.

Unfortunately, it is hard to see clearly in the early stages. Sexual hunger draws you to each other and colors the way you see yourselves together. It blinds you to the thousands of little things by which relationships eventually survive or fail. You need to find a way to see beyond this initial overwhelming sexual fascination.

Some people choose to involve themselves sexually and ride out the most heated period of sexual attraction in order to see what is on the other side. This can work, but it can also leave a trail of wounded hearts.

Others deny the sexual side altogether in an attempt to get to know each other apart from their sexuality. But they cannot see clearly, because the presence of unfulfilled sexual desire looms so large that it keeps them from having any normal perception of what life would be like together.

The truly lucky people are the ones who manage to become long-time friend before they realize they are attracted to each other. They get to know each other's laughs, passions, sadness, and fears. They see each other at their worst and at their best. They share time together before they get swept up into the entangling intimacy of their sexuality. This is the ideal, but not often possible.

If you fall under the spell of your sexual attraction immediately, you need to look beyond it for other keys to compatibility. One of these is laughter. Laughter tells you how much you will enjoy each others company over the long term. If your laughter together is good and healthy, and not at the expense of others, then you have a healthy relationship to the world.

Laughter is the child of surprise. If you can make each other laugh, you can always surprise each other. And if you can always surprise each other, you can always keep the world around you new. Beware of a relationship in which there is no laughter. Even the most intimate relationships based only on seriousness have a tendency to turn sour.

Over time, sharing a common serious viewpoint on the world tends to turn you against those who do not share the same viewpoint, and your relationship can become based on being critical together. After laughter, look for a partner who deals with the world in a way you respect. When two people first get together, they tend to see their relationship as existing only in the space between the two of them. They find each other endlessly fascinating, and the overwhelming power of the emotions they are sharing obscures the outside world.

As the relationship ages and grows, the outside world becomes important again. If your partner treats people or circumstances in a way you can't accept, you will inevitably come to grief. Look at the way she cares for others and deals with the daily affairs of life. If that makes you love her more, your love will grow. If it does not, be careful. If you do not respect the way you each deal with the world around you, eventually the two of you will not respect each other.

Look also at how your partner confronts the mysteries of life. We live on the cusp of poetry and practicality, and the real life of the heart resides in the poetic. If one of you is deeply affected by the mystery of the unseen in life and relationships, while the other is drawn only to the literal and the practical, you must take care that the distance does not become an unbridgeable gap that leaves you each feeling isolated and misunderstood.

There are many other keys, but you must find them by yourself. We all have unchangeable parts of our hearts that we will not betray and private commitments to a vision of life that we will not deny. If you fall in love with someone who cannot nourish those inviolable parts of you, or if you cannot nourish them in her, you will find yourselves growing further apart until you live in separate worlds where you share the business of life, but never touch each other where the heart lives and dreams. From there it is only a small leap to the cataloging of petty hurts and daily failures that leaves so many couples bitter and unsatisfied with their mates.

So choose carefully and well. If you do, you will have chosen a partner with whom you can grow, and then the real miracle of marriage can take place in your hearts. I pick my words carefully when I speak of a miracle. But I think it is not too strong a word. There is a miracle in marriage. It is called transformation.

Transformation is one of the most common events of nature. The seed becomes the flower. The cocoon becomes the butterfly. Winter becomes spring and love becomes a child. We never question these, because we see them around us every day. To us they are not miracles, though if we did not know them they would be impossible to believe.

Marriage is a transformation we choose to make. Our love is planted like a seed, and in time it begins to flower. We cannot know the flower that will blossom, but we can be sure that a bloom will come. If you have chosen carefully and wisely, the bloom will be good. If you have chosen poorly or for the wrong reason, the bloom will be flawed.

We are quite willing to accept the reality of negative transformation in a marriage. It was negative transformation that always had me terrified of the bitter marriages that I feared when I was younger. It never occurred to me to question the dark miracle that transformed love into harshness and bitterness. Yet I was unable to accept the possibility that the first heat of love could be transformed into something positive that was actually deeper and more meaningful than the heat of fresh passion. All I could believe in was the power of this passion and the fear that when it cooled I would be left with something lesser and bitter.

But there is positive transformation as well. Like negative transformation, it results from a slow accretion of little things. But instead of death by a thousand blows, it is growth by a thousand touches of love. Two histories intermingle. Two separate beings, two separate presences, two separate consciousness come together and share a view of life that passes before them. They remain separate, but they also become one.

There is an expansion of awareness, not a closure and a constriction, as I had once feared. This is not to say that there is not tension and there are not traps. Tension and traps are part of every choice of life, from celibate to monogamous to having multiple lovers. Each choice contains within it the lingering doubt that the road not taken somehow more fruitful and exciting, and each becomes dulled to the richness that it alone contains.

But only marriage allows life to deepen and expand and be leavened by the knowledge that two have chosen, against all odds, to become one. Those who live together without marriage can know the pleasure of shared company, but there is a specific gravity in the marriage commitment that deepens that experience into something richer and more complex.

So do not fear marriage, just as you should not rush into it for the wrong reasons. It is an act of faith and it contains within it the power of transformation. If you believe in your heart that you have found someone with whom you are able to grow, if you have sufficient faith that you can resist the endless attraction of the road not taken and the partner not chosen, if you have the strength of heart to embrace the cycles and seasons that your love will experience, then you may be ready to seek the miracle that marriage offers. If not, then wait. The easy grace of a marriage well made is worth your patience. When the time comes, a thousand flowers will bloom.

My Dream House, Part Deux

Some time ago, I thought of how my dream house (apartment) would be like. Now, for daring to dream, I have been thinking in the event a miracle happens and I am able to afford a landed property, or able to buy over my parents’ place in the near future, what will that look like?

Nowadays the modern houses are getting taller with a more open concept. The living room will have a chandelier, like my living room now. There will be a guest room and bathroom after the living room, as well as another room for the music room, where all the instruments (especially the grand piano) will be kept. There will also be a games and karaoke room. The living room will have sliding doors which open to the driveway in front, and a koi pond beside, and a swimming pool behind. Of course there will be an entertainment system in the living room too.

Downstairs in the basement, there will be two kitchens – one for cooking, one for baking. The main kitchen will be an open kitchen where the divider also serves as a bar counter. And there will be a wine cellar, or at least a wine storage cabinet! There will also be an indoor dining room, which opens out onto a patio and an outdoor dining room and barbecue area.

The second floor will consist of the study and children’s rooms. There will be at least three bedrooms on the second floor. The third floor will consist of the master bedroom (with an attached bathroom, walk-in wardrobe, and a sliding door that opens out onto a balcony area), as well as a home theatre room, where there will be shelves opening to show all the CDs / DVDs. There will be a big plasma television with surround sound, as well as stereo system for endless movie watching and music listening.

There will be a television, DVD player and mini CD player radio set in every room, for ease of television or movie watching and music listening. There will also be a bookshelf and study desk in every room to encourage reading and proper habits since young.

On the top floor is the attic. It will also serve as the library. There will be shelves of books, a reading couch with a lamp and another stereo CD player radio set for endless hours of reading and music listening. The top floor will also be a place where I (or any of my family members) go reflect, or simply want to be alone. The attic will then open out onto a roof garden, where there can be roof get-togethers, parties or drinking sessions for family and friends.

And that is the concept of my dream house. As I said, it is my dream house, so for now, it still remains a dream.

My Dream Wedding ....

I will be helping out at a close friend’s wedding this October. Hers will be a rather simple wedding, just the traditional tea ceremony at the hotel, then solemnization with a pastor and a poolside dinner. How cool!

Unfortunately, despite both her husband and her being of the same denomination, they do not attend the same church, so it is a bit complicated why they cannot hold their wedding ceremony in a church, even if they want to. Yes, church people do play politics too, sad to say!

I have thought of how my dream wedding is like. I believe I have mentioned before that I had planned out how the wedding is like, what will happen, all that is missing now is the groom. I used to think I want a big wedding, full of pomp and fanfare. Afterall, it is only for once in my lifetime, so why not make it as fanciful as possible?

But as the years go by, with more weddings to attend, I am starting to think that perhaps a big do is not that necessary. Most of my friends have big weddings in ballrooms, but all just blend together, nothing out of the ordinary. I want a wedding that is both memorable, unforgettable yet intimate at the same time.

So what will my dream wedding be like? It must be a church ceremony first, of course. It will be a full mass, not just a wedding mass. The band and choir will belt out their tunes. I will have my own special vow. At the end of the mass, we will each dedicate a song to each other before marching out.

The reception comes later. It can be in a ballroom or a cosy restaurant. It will have a musical themed where instead of the usual march-in of the bridal couple into the ballroom or restaurant, it will be a medley of songs sung by either one of the couple or helpers during the march-in. Then the meal will proceed.

As usual, in the middle of the meal, there will be time for speeches and games. The bridal couple will then dance in, a medley of three or four dances, of latin and ballroom, until they reach the stage or platform. Champagne popping will come next, then speeches, thank yous and dedication to our parents. After that the floor is open for dancing.

This is the kind of wedding I like – with fun, music and laughter, not just a mere ballroom and photo-taking session. Having said that, I always profess that a wedding is but one day, a marriage is a lifetime. Yes, it is one thing to make that one special day memorable and unforgettable, but the true meaning of marriage is not in the party or ceremony, but how the couple live together after that.

In other words, marriage is not the end of a relationship. It is a beginning of commitment, of a new phase in the couple’s life, that they are living together as one. And that is why getting married is so wonderful – because both are willing to commit to each other and adapt and care for another person for the rest of their lives. It is only a pity not many are willing to make that kind of commitment, and those who are willing are already committed. Oh well….

Signs Of Miracles?

Just about anything can be a sign. Few months back when I was contemplating what I should do, things happened in succession that made me realise I should backslide from being backslided and go back to have a closer relationship with God. I met a church friend of a friend who is a staunch Christian and brought me to his church and cell group. I started following him to his church every Sunday and his cell group every Tuesday.

A fellow Catholic introduced me to CHOICE and I attended the April weekend. Since then my life has become better. I changed a job, I made more friends, I started being more involved and having fun. I started discovering more of myself through the sharing and walking closer with God through cell groups and prayer meets.

For some reason, around mid-May, that friend whom I have been going to church and cell group with stopped contacting me. We no longer go out with each other. It corresponded with the time I changed job and started being busy. So I have stopped going to the cell group on Tuesdays. At the same time, I was invited to go for CHOICE Prayer Meets on Wednesdays.

Since February, some friends and I have ice-skating sessions every Wednesday. Since the last week of May, we have not had any session. Due to this, I was available to go for a twice-monthly Prayer Meet by CHOICE. The Prayer Meet is every alternate Wednesday in one of the couple's house.

Since there had not been any ice-skating session for more than two months, I had been going to the Prayer Meets faithfully. The more I go, the more belonged I feel. For the first time, I feel really belonged to a spiritual committee. After participating in various religious activities through the years, I feel really at ease and comfortable with the people in CHOICE.

So when my friends wanted to start ice-skating all over again, I was in quite a dilemma. I want to continue ice-skating, but at the same time I do not wish to miss out on any of the Prayer Meets. So when my "coach" told me she can no longer make it on Wednesdays but Tuesdays instead, I feel so relieved! I can go for ice-skating on Tuesday and still make the Prayer Meets on Wednesdays! What a good deal!

Perhaps I am meant to stay on in CHOICE, since everything is being paved for me so smoothly. I believe there are better things to come henceforth. God is really trying to tell me something! There is a nine-week special Novena for the Procession of Mary which started in mid-July until September, and so far, I have been faithfully attending every session. I have also sent in my petitions and thanksgiving. Hopefully before the end of the sessions miracles can finally happen for me!

A Room-Ful Of Music

I do not come from a musical family. I got sent to music classes at a young age, like a lot of others, but my parents do not really listen to music. They do not believe in buying cassette tapes or CDs, and only listen to music in the car. Even then, the music they listen to are Chinese oldies. So I was not exposed to English pop until secondary school age, when my classmates were gushing over New Kids On The Block, and the stupid me was asking in wide-eyed wonder, “What is NKOTB?” to the chagrin of my classmates.

Then I got exposed to Michael Jackson, Tommy Page, ABBA and various other pop artistes. After that, my musical tastes started getting more and more wide-ranged, even though I started having my own favourite kinds of musical genres. I used to listen to Perfect Ten 98.7, but now I listen mainly to Gold 90.5 (oldies – songs from the 80s and earlier), Class 95 (anything from ten years ago to about two years back, nostalgic songs) and Power 98 (catchier songs, hip hop, anything from the eighties), with the occasional Symphony 92.4.

Because I listen to primarily English songs now judging from the kinds of CDs I have, many are surprised I can belt out Mandarin tunes during karaoke sessions, because, well, I do not look like the type that can even speak Mandarin. I do have my own favourite Mando pop singers and songs too. Recently, I started listening to music again in my room. As I said, my parents do not buy cassette tapes, so we never listened to songs at home. We did not even have a radio or tape player! My parents viewed these as “unnecessary expenses”.

Thus when I finally got the Walkman I badgered for, I plugged in the earphones and listened to Perfect Ten 98.7 (latest hits) all day long. I listened while I was studying, while I was reading, while I was in the car when my parents were driving. My mum used to frown on me from listening to music, but that was my only source of entertainment since my mum banned me from watching television during school days, and she banned me from reading books when I was studying. I could not even go out with my friends or on my own! Without music, I would have been bored to death.

As the years went by, one guy I dated gave me a CD player. I could then buy CDs and tuned in to the radio at the same time. But it broke down after a year or so, so I got rid of it since it was too bulky for my liking anyway. Then later, another guy gave me a Phillips 3-in-1 clock-radio-CD player, with a unique alarm. The alarm can be set to a normal alarm, radio alarm or CD alarm, so I can wake up in the morning to my favourite tunes or favourite deejay.

I really like this gadget! It is small and handy too! My room started being flooded with music whenever I was around. Then work and other activities took over and I did not use that for more than a year. For some reason, I started preferring peace and quiet, would just like to sleep whenever I am in my room.

Until recently. I started listening to music again, started playing music in my room again. Why? No idea. I just find music soothing. I see the gadget sitting on my bedside dresser, and thought it would be a pity not to use it. Plus I have so many CDs and I do wish to listen to them all over again. Hence, I started my usual routine of bedtime music again.

It used to be a few things I must do at night – pray, read, listen to music, talk or message my loved one. Now the last one is off the routine, and for a long time, the rest were also off the routine. Thus I thought it would be good to get into the grind and start living again, after losing my direction for quite a period. There will definitely be more rooms full of music in the future!

A "Bag" Lady

I went to a second hand shop to try to sell off some bags and wallets I had. I had two Louis Vuitton tote bags and two Prada wallets to sell off. I had only used them a couple of times, so I decided to sell them off rather than let them stay in my room and rot. However, when I reached the shop, the owner claimed that without the receipt, she could not take it as there is no proof of authenticity.

How am I supposed to have receipts after so long? I am not those who keep receipts (unless for special occasions). Do the Authenticity Cards not suffice? What is the fuss about brands or whatnots anyway, that we must show the receipts as proof that we did buy the products from the boutiques? Luckily my friend bought the two Prada wallets from me, but for the two Louis Vuittons, I am still looking for buyers.

I am not exactly a brand person. That is not to say I will not enjoy brands once in a while. I have been carrying a Prada wallet around ever since the brand became popular. Occasionally during some Christmases, my mum would give me a Prada bag. When she goes overseas, she would buy me a Prada bag at times. Sometimes she would get me Louis Vuitton, Kipling, Polo Ralph Lauren and Esprit bags. (Remember, I am into bags?)

As a result (excluding those I have sold or am thinking of selling), I now have four Prada bags, two Louis Vuitton bags, and various others like Esprit, Kipling, Elle, Adidas (that was a birthday gift last year) and Valentino. It will be nice to own a Coach, Kate Spade, Marc Jacobs, Gucci, Dolce & Gabbana and Chanel too, but at times practicality has to take precedence.

The thing is, I am not a brand person as in I must only get a certain brand or cannot live without a certain brand. To me, as long as the quality and design is nice, and will not burn too big a hole in my pocket, that is all that matters, notwithstanding the brand name. Having said that, I prefer Prada over any other brand because of the simplicity yet elegance of the classic design. If it is not because I have generous loved ones and friends around me, I will never be able to afford so many.

So I can never understand those people who change a new bag every few weeks just to show that it is the newest model of a particular brand. Where do they get the money from? Even though I collect bags, I still carry the same bag to work, and change my bags according to occasion. I do not change a new one every few weeks.

For instance, on Mondays to Thursdays I carry the professional black Valentino, which I have been using ever since I started work in the corporate world. On casual Fridays, I change my bag according to my outfit and whether I will be going out at night and where I will be going. My weekends the type of bag will depend on where I will be going, who I will be meeting, what I will be doing. And of course, I have a special bag for Lunar New Year to collect the red packets!

So even though it is nice to own branded stuff, there is only so many things one can have. To be honest, just how many things do we need? For me, it is time to get rid of a few stuff so as not to clutter up my room. I can clear my stuff and get some cash back at the same time, so why not?

Closer ....

I was looking for the movie “Closer” for quite some time (alright, I admit it, I wanted to watch it again when I realize what the theme song is), when by a stroke of luck, I found the disc at a clearance sale. I first watched the show when it came out in the cinemas about four years back now.

I remember it is a show on cheating and betrayal, on possessiveness and bitterness. How two strangers happened to meet each other on the streets and then fell in love and got together. How a doctor, having been fooled by his cyber sex partner, went to meet the girl in question, only to find out it was not her who was online, but still fell in love and married her.

The show is a web of deceit, weaved by four people. The back cover of the disc reads, “Four beautiful people do ugly things to each other”. How true! The show is about the ugliness of man. That true beauty is not on the surface but on what you do and who you are.

And the song? It was played in the beginning of the movie, when Natalie Portman was at her slutty image, walking the streets, saw Jude Law and then got into an accident. Then it was played at the end when again she was walking the streets in another place, this time with a more demure and simple look.

Seems like the entire movie only has one song, and that song itself lends its essence to what the movie is about. Overall, a great movie in its own right, and the song makes it even more “artistic” as a film!

O By Damien Rice

Remember some time back I was looking for a song? Mr “Wolf” has kindly provided me with the title, singer and lyrics, thank you very much! So I did a search and realize it is the song in the movie “Closer”, but of course when I was watching the movie then, it did not register.

In any case, I was looking for the song, and found it in Damien Rice’s album O. Which makes me wonder, why have I never noticed this guy until now? He has a fantastic voice, he plays several instruments (including some of his tracks), and he writes all his songs! What a talent! I wanted to upload the entire song here, but for some reason, the video upload kept failing. :-( In any case, the MTVs are on top, so feel free to click on any video streams to hear the song!

His songs are all nice and soothing. Furthermore, his album cover and the little booklet that comes with it are all illustrated. His songs are recorded in a trailer on his own, together with his band of musicians and backup singers. The album indicates ten songs, but he has two hidden tracks in there too.

I am not about to switch my musical taste, but in my opinion, Damien Rice is great! At least he is one of the modern soloists who have a great voice, coupled with great lyrics and a soulful tune. In an era where hip hop and disco rock takes over ballads and country, it is rare to find someone who can carry out soulful tunes. Thus this is one guy to look out for!

Pro Bono And Locum

In the past year, pro bono work is getting to be the trend amongst professionals in my industry. In the past, people used to think professionals in my industry only know how to eat up the money and life savings of others and not help those in need, unlike doctors who are out to save lives, or architects who build houses for people.

But for a few years now, there have been locum solicitors for law firms. These professionals do not work full time, get themselves attached to a law firm and get called on only in need. In other words, they work free lance or part time, and are called upon only when the partners are overstretched and have no time to deal with everything. Being a locum solicitor is a very good move for those who are married and hope to dedicate more time to the family, thus working at one's own flexible hours is a good idea for them.

Last year, there was a quite a bit of emphasis on pro bono work. What is pro bono work? It means voluntary or community service. Lawyers will dedicate certain hours a week to help out in Community Legal Clinics or give legal aid to heartlanders or those who do not know the law and need some advise. Even voluntary welfare group and church organisations require pro bono nowadays. Afterall, what better way to give back to the society than to do something you are already familiar with?

Pro bono work is a very good idea. Finally, lawyers, too, can help those in need without charging an exorbitant amount just to win the case. One can utilise what one learn, yet help others at the same time. By volunteering, one gets to learn so much more too. Who says we only eat up the savings of others just to win a case or give advise? For once, I am filled with pride at the path I have chosen, it has become more than just a mere working for survival thing for me! A pity I am not qualified enough to take part, otherwise I will be sure to do some pro bono work as well!

A Little Inkling ....

The one month hiatus has been good. It makes me more focused on certain issues at hand. First and foremost, what do I want to do? I have tried a variety of jobs, from music and education to private practice to in-house. There are reports on lawyers leaving the practice to be chefs, bakers, lecturers, entrepreneurs, actors, etc.

For instance, Wild Rocket restaurant at Mount Emily (and the adjoining bar) is set up by a former lawyer. So is Awfully Chocolate. Local drama personalities like Neo Swee Lin (who happened to be my senior in secondary school), Ivan Heng (who directed me for the Madame Butterfly performance) and Adrian Pang were all lawyers. One of the baritones in the Singapore Lyric Opera where I used to be a member was a lawyer, and he gave up practice to go to Italy to study voice.

Which makes me wonder, do I want to be in this line for life? I like variety. I always believe that variety is the spice of life. Which makes others feel that I cannot settle or be committed to anything. But the fact is if I am stuck doing the same things day in day out, I will be bored to death!

A few years back, I was thinking of setting up a café. This is nothing to do with anyone, but it was just an idea I had. In fact, when I was still with my then-boyfriend in university, we ever joked that if we retired next time, we would open up an eatery. Alas, it was not a joke for me, as the seeds of the plan already started being implanted in my head.

Then he had a stint in Starbucks during school vacations, where whenever I popped in to his outlet, he would concoct his own coffee just for me. It was a decaf mocha freeze, but it tasted really good! He refused to tell me how he made that, but I loved it! I started thinking if he and I owned a café, we would concoct our own brew!

Needless to say, due to circumstances, the café plan was shelved. Until two years back. I was again sharing this plan with someone, who said he would support me and we would run it together. But then, circumstances happened again, so again, this was shelved.

Lately, this idea has been pretty strong in my mind. I even thought up the concept of the café – Victorian theme, quaint design. It will be a bookshop within a café, where people can go in and read or buy books, drink coffee, with variety of cakes, cookies, cupcakes and muffins. There will be a grand piano and a small platform for live band performances and dancing.

I know that running an eatery is not easy, especially in the local context where the competition is so intense. First and foremost, I need to find capital, which I am severely lacking of right now, in order to run a café. Secondly, I must find a good location, good interior decorators, good staff, all these of which I am also lacking, since even though I know quite a number of people, I do not know enough people to be able to convince them to drop everything to work for me.

Thus, the seeds are still planted in my mind, but they cannot be sown at this moment. Maybe one of these days this dream will come true, but for now, it remains just a dream. There are so many dreams I have, which I do hope all can come true in my lifetime at least, then I can die with no regrets!

Jazz By The Beach

A friend and I went to Jazz By The Beach at Sentosa on Saturday night. After the shoe-ing event, I had to rush home to shower, then went to Novena, and finally went to the Jazz event. When we reached there, it was quite packed, so we could only sit at the deck instead of the tables around.

The band was playing a variety of music when we arrived. The singer is really good! Strong vocals too! She made people want to dance to her music! A family left and we managed to get some seats at the end. When the band started playing "Sway", I started grooving with the beat, although we did not get a chance to dance.

In any case, my friend took some photos of us at the event. His camera is definitely much better than mine, where night shots are concerned!

At the deck enjoying the music

At the table

The Bacardi balloon at the top of the deck

Gyrating to "Sway"

Yet, again ....

This is supposed to be a coconut tree but it was too far and too dark

After we left, we started walking along the stretch of the beach and came across the cute beach sculpture of the same name. Just for fun, I started posing at the letters that make up the name, before going back and taking the shuttle back to the mainland. Overall, it was a pretty fun night out just chilling out and relaxing for the weekend!

Me posing at one of the letters

Can you see the letters spell out "Siloso"?

I'm stuck in the hole!

Baring Your So(u)le ....

I came across a mailer on a Bare Your Sole project, not the barefoot walk, but on sorting out shoes (mainly Crocs), cleaning them and boxing them up to be sent to the children of third-world countries. Interested, I signed up for it. The event was held at the Crocs warehouse yesterday. Food and drinks were provided.

I have never seen so many crocs in my life before! For someone who has never owned any Crocs, it was an eye-opener, because when I got down to paring up the shoes, sorting them up and stringing them, I realise that they are comfortable indeed. No wonder the holey sandals that come in many colours are so popular with the young and old alike!

We had a blast sorting out the shoes, paring them together, stringing up the pairs, and placing them into a box. Non-Crocs shoes were also included in another box. Those shoes that have been worn out were discarded. Some of the volunteers got to cleaning and drying the shoes too.

There were some shoes that have somehow lost the other half. Those were put in a corner and then sorted according to colour and design. We had to find the other half of it. The organiser said if we were able to find one with the same colour and design but the sizes were different by just half, pair the shoes up together. Whatever that was left, we mixed and matched the colours. For instance, a red left Croc and a blue right Croc of the same size, the straps were removed and interchanged with each other to make them into a pair.

Somehow staring at the "lone rangers", I thought of an analogy. Those shoes are just like humans. Some were in a pair, some the pair was lost and we had to keep searching for it. Some the more you search, the more you could not find it, but all of a sudden, the other half appeared in front of our eyes. Some remains alone to the end. Some need some help in mixing and matching before they become a pair. Some does not have the perfect pair, but got paired with one that is almost similar in all respect. Does this just not reflect human relationships exactly?

The whole thing ended around four in the afternoon. By the time we finished, there were about twenty boxes of shoes packed, and more boxes of trash to be thrown away. It was tiring, but fruitful!

The Living Faith - Part One

It had been a really busy and fruitful weekend. On Friday night, in a bid to improve my spiritual life, I attended the first series of four talks on "The Living Faith" presented by a Dominican priest, as in he is the spiritual director of the Lay Dominicans, not from Dominican Republic. He is a Spanish priest, from Spain (duh!).

Friday's session was on the split between real life and the faith. How many of us actually practise the faith in our daily life? Not in preaching or trying to convert everyone, but living a good Christian life, adhering to the Ten Commandments. I guess being humans, our sinful nature, no matter how minor, always surfaces.

The talk was actually rather enlightening. I never knew simple things like carpark coupons, or various relationships in our lives, have made us not live life the Christian way. For instance, we are all supposed to be truthful, yet in the act of parking the car, we tend to state a false time, ie if we parked the car at 7:30pm in the evening, we tend to tear out the 8:00pm slot so we can "buy more time" and not get summoned.

Or trying to get along with a difficult person. We tend to just ostracise him / her and not welcome him / her into our activities simply because we do not like the person. But being Christians, are we not supposed to love everyone, even our enemies?

The talk ended with a discussion on practical situations. For instance, after a late night party to celebrate your birthday, you went back to the office the next day, with no inclination to do any work. Then the boss asked for a presentation which was due by noon and it was already eleven. You totally forgot about it. What would you do? Would you choose to tell a white lie and say it is in the process, or would you confess and say you totally forgot to do it, and would get down to it immediately, or would you confess that you totally forgot because you stayed out late partying?

How many of us have been in this kind of situation? I believe all of us who have worked for some time will have come across situations like these. To be honest, I normally take the first two options. Not that I am often in these situations, but I rather say a bended truth and get down to work immediately, than to confess the actual truth and get myself into trouble.

There were other scenarios too, but this was what my group came up with. All in all, it was a rather interesting first session, thought-provoking too. There will be three more sessions the next three Fridays, and I shall see how the rest of the sessions go!

My Stash Of Journals And Notebooks ....

I was spring cleaning my room a couple of weeks back when I came across all my journal books. I had come across some of my journal books on my desk, under my books, in a drawer, but it was last night that I found all together. A brief glance and I counted twenty-five books! Goodness! Do I really have that many? I cannot even remember I have that many!

There are small notebooks that are more like shorthand books, there are cutesy diaries with a lock and key and scented pages, there are plain ledger books, and there are autograph books with cute covers. I wanted to refresh my memories so I took a brief glance. Now I remember why I have so many. I have been regularly writing in diaries since upper secondary. I keep a separate one for school, one for my life in general, one for relationships and friends.

Thus, the accounts I had with the first guy I dated filled up one book. When I was away at the ASEAN Law Conference all those years back, I brought along a plain notebook and that one week conference filled up one book. When my ex and I were going out, he would give me a new journal every half a year. He would always get those cutesy diaries for me to note down my accounts with him. My travel memoirs were in separate journals too.

I wrote regularly from 1993 to 2002. I even labelled the journals – Love and Friends, School, Family, Travel. Maybe that accounts why I have so many! For some reason, after we broke up, I no longer write regularly, hardly at all. In fact, in the subsequent years that followed, I gradually forgot I even have so many journals at hand! Then I started writing online, so there is hardly a need to touch those diaries, and I have to admit I slowly forgot about them, except for the one or two books which I still do write in as and when.

Thus, it came as a surprise when I saw just how many journals I have, some I remember fondly, others I do not even remember seeing before, yet the pages are filled with happenings. First impression after all these years is that wow, my handwriting is not bad! And I really do use lots of strength when I write, so goodness knows how many pens I have used up! I really must buy a storage case to store all these journals, and my books too! Trouble is I have not been able to find a big enough bookcase to store all my reading and writing materials!

Cryptography ....

I just finished reading Dan Brown’s “Digital Fortress” for the second time. I remember the first time I read that, I was so engrossed and captivated that I could hardly put the book down and finished it within a couple of hours! Now that I read it again, I am still so captivated and engrossed by the story!

I am never a figures person, so it takes a long time for me to crack any code to do with numbers. If it is anagrams, word search or crossword, I can get that done in a short time, but for Sudoku, I am still unable to get all right. Hence, I will fail miserably at algorithms in cryptography. Still, Cryptography itself is an interesting subject.

Imagine if you want to communicate only to your loved one. Why not try a code within a code, something which only both of you can understand? Or if you want to bring your message across to an ally but do not wish to let it fall in enemies’ hands, you can try to weave a help signal into a code so only your ally can decode it? Imagine if I am to tell a story in code, now how interesting will that be? No one can ever decipher what I say, save for those who are ultra smart or who venture a very lucky guess. I can even write my name in code and no one will know my full name!

Because I enjoy mind games (as in quizzes, logical puzzles, code breaking, not playing of people’s emotions), sometimes I do have my own code game. For instance, I will have my phone number in code. So whichever guy who wishes to know my number have to break the code. I started doing this when I just got to know people, and not sure if they are sincere or dubious. So when they asked me for my number, I would tell them in code. Those who were able to break the code would be those I believe to be more intelligent, thus I gave them a chance. Those who could not or could not be bothered to, I left those behind.

To me, if the guy is really sincere in getting my number, he would crack it just to contact me. Besides I find that refreshing and intriguing if someone does that to me. So far about eighty percent of those I have “quizzed” were able to get it right at the first or second try the most. Maybe my code is too easy to break! In that case, the other twenty percent really need to be spoon fed, so just as well I stopped all contact!

How I wish I can think up a real code that no one except myself will be able to break! Perhaps in the future when I draw up a will to split whatever little assets I have, I will play a game with my beneficiaries. I will use a code in a riddle and they will have to go on a treasure hunt to find the missing will. The first person to find it will be entitled to be the administrator. How fun that will be! ;-p

The Price Of Carelessness ....

Two weeks ago, I tripped and fell. I had no idea how that happened. All I knew was I was on the pavement when suddenly I tripped and fell on my side right in the middle of the street! Luckily there were no cars then otherwise I would have been run over! As usual, there were a few people around, but everyone only knew how to stare, as if staring at someone in an accident would make the person feel better.

Anyway due to the angle I fell, I had to use my arm to break the fall. So I grazed my left elbow in the process. It started bleeding. By the time I reached home, the bleeding subsided. Two days later, the scab fell off and the wound became raw and bleeding again.

My mum took some medicated powder and applied to the wound. It was so painful that I could hardly move my elbow! The powder felt as if it was eating into my flesh! A bandage was put over it, which only made the wound itch, and it was still painful when the bandage was taken out!

The next day, I bought some violet antiseptic lotion. After applying, it was also biting into my wound. I still need to patch up the wound and bandaged it. It was left exposed during the night and bandaged during the day. Later on in the week, the elbow was a bit better since I could at least bend and move it.

The wound stopped bleeding during the weekend. But I still had to continue with the of applying the violet antiseptic for two more days before the skin started growing again. Thank goodness it is not almost all healed! What I am worried about is the scarring that will come with it. I never had an injury this painful or this bad before! I really must look where I walk in the future!

Miso Steamboat Feast

The lunch gathering at my best friend's place two Saturdays ago was great! To cater to a group of five to six people, she made steamboat. She bought all the ingredients the day before, then poured the ingredients for miso soup into water, and started boiling it using the steamboat boiler. The end product was perfect! The soup was really delicious - not too salty, not too sweet, just right!

There was also rice, sweet sauce, soy sauce, mushrooms, cabbages, carrots, beef, pork, chicken. What a feast! My best friend did all these single handedly on her own! If anyone could, she definitely could. In fact, long before I started taking a real interest in cooking, she would teach me how to cook. I would go visit her at her (old) place and she would cook for me while I observed. We also baked a cheesecake together.

We sat down for lunch reminiscing about old days, and catching up on what we have been up to. Ever since she married, it had been hard to meet up with her lately, although we still talk to each other occasionally. Besides settling down to domestic life, she has been busy with her job too. She is one person I really look up to, one of the few women I aspire to be, and I hope to achieve that!

Little Black Dress ....

I bought a black dress a few weeks back. I was not deliberately looking for a black dress. What happened was I was on my way home and there was a mannequin wearing a black dress. It is sleeveless, A-line cut and body-hugging, perfect for work! I fell in love with it at first sight. Since it was the sale period, I decided to make full use of the discount and got it.

Fashion magazines have always stated a lady’s wardrobe can never do without a little black dress. How true! A black dress can be worn on any occasion - formal, casual, professional. Somehow one tends to look better in a black dress, even if it is not your colour. It can be matched with anything and any colour - heels, accessories, bags. Nothing is as versatile as a black dress!

As long as I can remember ever since I started wearing dresses, I have always had a little black dress. It started with one piece for work. Then my ex got me a Macy's ball gown during his trip to Los Angeles. I love that gown! It is long, with black straps and low-back with crisscross straps. Just the kind of design I like for a gown! That gown is still around, I only wore it once for a company’s dinner and dance a few years back.

I wanted to bring it and wear at my cousin’s wedding in Australia, but my mum took one look at it and said no. She told me how could anyone wear black at a wedding, it was not as if I was attending a funeral! I wore a silvery satin gown in the end. But guess what? A western wedding needs a black dress! Half the guests were in black gowns because that was the only formal attire and colour for them!

Since then, I am still looking for an occasion to wear that gown. Maybe if I attend another gala dinner, then I can wear that. Now I have several black dresses, including the one I just bought for work. I have a black toga dress which I wear for classy dates, and another sleeveless black dress, also for casual dates. Come to think of it, I really do have lots of clothes! Perhaps one day I need to do another wardrobe overhaul to see just what I have to get rid of!

Astons - The Prime Place For Steaks

A few months back, I was at Astons Prime and ate a mean cut of beef. A few weeks back, I was at Astons Specialities for dinner, and I ate fish. Now, it is not a place for fish, but I was not that hungry for beef, so I ate fish instead. Still, the food is good.

Ambience wise, of course Astons Prime is better. After Astons Prime, I have wanted to try Astons Specialities for ages, ever since my friend told me about it. Astons Prime is the upmarket restaurant, whereas Astons Specialities is for the general public - heartlanders, students, people who are not as affluent as others.

My friend and I were at the outlet at Cathay. The first time I wanted to go there, the queue was so long that I had to change the venue. The thing is that the place does not take in reservations, so it is on a first-come-first-serve basis. With the place being a favourite haunt for students and movie crowd alike, the restaurant is always crowded.

Furthermore, when my friend reached earlier and went to queue, he had to call me and ask what I would like, since the waitress was taking orders for those who were queuing up in order to save time. Hmmm... good idea! But it would be easier if the table was reserved, is it not?

Still, when I reached there, I could sit down immediately thanks to my friend! The orders were already taken, but the waiter waited until I arrived before he served. How nice of them! The food was not too bad, but the ambience is not as good as its more upmarket sister restaurant. It is a small outlet, which explains why the queue is always so long!

By the time we finished our dinner, the queue still had not subsided. It was still a long queue outside the restaurant! I think the waiter was glad we went off when we did so he could free up our table for others. I think the outlet recently opened a stall called Aston's Express at a coffeeshop near my place, one of these days I must go check it out!

Story Telling ....

I came across this quote which I find rather meaningful :

Writing to Save the Day (Fr Henri Nouwen)

Writing can be a true spiritual discipline. Writing can help us to concentrate, to get in touch with the deeper stirrings of our hearts, to clarify our minds, to process confusing emotions, to reflect on our experiences. By writing we can clarify what we have lived, and thus integrate it more fully into our journeys. Then writing can become life-saving for us and sometimes for others too.

This was quoted during a story-telling session of the CHOICE committee. The presenters had to write their talks and then present it to the participants. Writing itself is therapeutic, a good way to let out frustrations and emotions, but it is also a way to reflect, to see things in an objective way, and to learn from experiences and grow in our life’s journey.

Writing is not always easy. Writer’s block does occur, even to the most accomplished writers, let alone someone like me. But through writing, I start to discover more about myself, to see myself from the little bits and pieces I let out.

There have been people who have asked me, why not mark my posts private? Why must tell my life story to the whole world? What if I get judged and ostracized? Yes, I know the danger of living a “public” life. I have had lessons on spilling too much and getting betrayed in the end. I know the feeling of being judged by people without them knowing the full story.

But why do I still choose to share? Why do I not just write about mundane things, nice lovely things, instead of weird or "interesting" experiences? The thing is, and which I believe I have mentioned it, I do not believe in showing people only a beautiful façade. I can write about all the perfect boring things, but that is not real. I can behave in a nice and wholesome way and make others like me, trying to please everyone, but that is not me.

My life is not exactly wholesome, even though my family is more than wholesome. I have always been the black sheep. Life for me is never easy. It seems easy to my relatives, but not to me, because I never succeed in anything. Where my cousins are all first class honours and Masters in established professions, I am not at that level. Where they manage to find nice mates to settle down with after just one or the most two relationships, my love life is colourful and dramatic (to some) to say the least.

Yet I choose to blab all, not because to show off or that my story is so interesting, but because that is real. I can say everything is alright, pretending I am always happy and cheery, but that will not be real. In reality, things are never that good. I choose to show the good and the bad because that is how life is – taking the good and the bad.

And that is why I feel belonged in CHOICE. The presenters too have their own painful life experiences, yet they are willing to write and share with people they do not even know, without any fear of being judged. No one is perfect, so who are we to judge? Yes, one may be wholesome, but that does not mean others have the same kind of experiences, because some people go by life easier than others, whereas others go through an arduous journey before finding peace and being contented.

By sharing experiences and stories, it can be an inspiration. I am not so presumptuous to say that I have inspired others, but those presenters during my CHOICE weekend, have inspired me. They make me feel that I am not alone, that they too face the same kinds of problems, albeit in a different degree. They make me yearn to do more. They are all holding down demanding jobs and struggling with raising families, yet they take the time to share their experiences with us, to stay with us throughout, to encourage and motivate us. So how can I still be so laid back?

The participants inspired me too. With relationship problems and problems communicating with parents, these are just part and parcel of life. Some people may not have experienced it, but there are many others who have worse experiences, so we are not alone in this world. And I feel it is always good to listen and learn from others’ experiences, because that is real in the real world.

Someone from my prayer group brought up this point which I find rather apt. She said many people are afraid to share as they are afraid of being judged. But it is only those who dare to share, they dare to open up without being afraid of negativity, that they can truly accept their past and ultimately find peace. Only by opening up and daring to show love that you can get all the love back.

I find this really true! It was only by opening myself up to all things positive and negative that I can find peace, and know more people. I have tried and tested that, and that really works! I am not saying must say everything to the whole world, but by sharing experiences, it helps others to realise they are not alone, to make them feel warm and cared for. And that is good enough reason for me!

Me And My Brother

My youngest brother went back to Canberra last Friday. He was back for three weeks, and spent the time catching up with his friends and relatives. Thus, I was surprised when he called me on Thursday afternoon, asking if we could have dinner since he was going back. Even when he was here, he never asked me out on my own!

Of course I wanted to spend time with him, but that day I already had a dinner appointment with a close friend. But I know my friend will not mind, so I asked my brother along as well. We went to Tapas Tree and my brother ate his usual prawns and seafood before dropping us off at Butter Factory.

The next day (Friday), my boss kindly allowed me the afternoon off. My brother was craving for laksa, so we went to our favourite laksa place, then shopping for a haversack for him to use on campus. After that we took the bus home.

I must say, it was a good bonding between us. I used to think my little brother was an irritant, okay, to be fair, he is rather sensible, although he could be an irritant at times when he was younger, but he mellowed down through the years. So it was a good bonding because being with him made me miss our times together when we were still quite close.

I will not be seeing him again until end of this year, but I do hope we can still have some days to ourselves for more bonding!

Just What Have I Been Doing Wrong?!

Ever since 2002 when I went to Sydney to attend my cousin’s wedding, a cousin from my maternal side has gotten married every year. The cousins on my paternal side are all much older than me, so they have gotten married years ago. Recently I heard that at the end of this year, another cousin is getting married. She a high-flier in a global investment company, from gifted education, has a Masters degree from Harvard University. Definitely she is smarter, more capable, from a much wealthier and established background, and definitely more sassy than me.

My other cousin’s Sydney's boyfriend is also looking around for homes in both Sydney and here. So I guess it will be another couple with impending wedding bells. I also heard that even my most flamboyant male cousin, who has sworn to be single, is also now happily attached. Which means every one around my age range and younger is either attached or going to be married.

My cousins, especially the female ones, are all so much more educated, capable, smarter and talented than me. If men told me they get threatened by me because they think I am too capable, assertive and smart (which I am definitely not), then what about my cousins? They are all better than me in every aspect, so how come they are able to get attached and men do not get threatened by them?

I am not begrudging them. I am very happy for them. Truly happy. But it leaves me as the only female cousin left who is still unattached on both my paternal and maternal side. Why is it I can never have a smooth-sailing love life? The men I have met were either two-timing cheats, self-centred mummies' boys, egotistical male chauvinists, picky and calculative wimps. Even the better quality decent nice guys only take me as just a friend. Just exactly what have I been doing wrong? I really cannot fathom it!

Gourmet Haven In Horse City

I was at Picotin one Saturday for dinner. A friend introduced me to this place when we were wondering where to have a gathering. According to him, it is a nice place with good ambience, perfect for casual dates! Thus, I checked it out.

The chef Sebastien is really nice! I sent him an email asking about a personalised menu, and he actually replied! In the end, due to the varying tastes of the group, I decided it would be better to choose from the a la carte menu instead, which is already pretty good in variety!

The place is along the stretch of the old Turf Club. It is a bit inconvenient to get there without a car, but at least it is not too far from the main road, so is still within walking distance from a public bus stop. Of course, there are also free shuttle services from certain designated train stations, but the shuttle buses come only once in a while.

The restaurant itself is cosy, even when we dined alfresco. There are two alfresco areas - a normal and a tented one. The normal alfresco area is sheltered, next to a fence with creepers and leaves. At night there is dim lighting by candlelight. Really a cosy place for dates!

We ordered Demi douzaine d’escargots de Bourgogne au beurre d’herbes (escargots), Crevettes grillées, salsa a la mangue et réduction de betterave (king prawns with salsa sauce) and a salmon bruschetta dish which I cannot remember the name for appetisers. The appetisers were shared amongst all eight of us.

For the main course, mine was spaghetti bolognaise (yes, not a good choice, considering it is a French restaurant so I should order something more special), while the rest had Tagine d’agneau (lamb shank), Cote d’agneau pane, champignon et pommes amandine, sauce a l’ail confit(lamb chop), Mignon de porc farci aux prunes et sauce au cidre (pork chop) and oxtail. The lamb shank was good - it consists of a big piece of bone. Needless to say, my friends had a hard but enjoyable time partaking and sucking the bone dry!

Dessert was ice cream and sorbet (with eight flavours), and a couple of them ordered Crepe suzette et glace à la vanille and Crumble a la canelle et aux pommes (apple crumble). There was also a big screen with a rugby match. We seemed to be the only Asian table around as the rest of the tables consisted of Caucasian families, friends, couples and a few hunks too, all enjoying the rugby match!

It was a wonderful dinner! I will definitely go back there again! The menu looks so tempting that I want to go back as many times as possible to try everything on the menu! This place is definitely highly recommended for those who want to try something new and want a cosy ambience to be in, as well as special occasions for couples. The ambience is good, the food is better, and the chef gives personalised service! What can be better than that?

Defecting Back To The Old Monopoly ....

I am always one to "break a monopoly". Years ago when I still had a pager (beeper), I had no choice but to use the only service provider available. After that the monopoly was broken by the influx of a few other service providers. Now, there are two main rivalling companies, three actually, but the third one's scope of business is more on cable television.

So when I first got my mobile, I went under the main rival. At that point in time, I did not like the main service provider. It had been a monopoly for so long, so the attitude of the customer service people left much to be desired. The rival just came up not too long ago, so the pricing plans were very competitive. Besides, almost everyone I knew then were under the main provider, so I thought why not be different, since the company was brave enough to infiltrate the market and break the long monopoly?

Since then, I have always been under the rival. Through the years, I changed my number once and service plans a couple of times and my monthly bills increased a lot. Although I cancelled a lot of "value-added" services and downgraded the plans twice, I still end up paying quite a bit every month.

My dad has always been a major fan of the main service provider. Ever since he got a mobile phone, he had always been under them. Then the internet, and now the wireless. Our entire house is wired up by them. Since then, my mum also went under them. So did my youngest brother. Only my first brother went under the third service provider. Recently, my brother switched over, so now my entire family is under the main service provider.

When my mum told me how much she is paying per month, I got a big shock. She is paying just one third of what I am paying, and has more functions than me! I have to pay for things like auto-roaming, Caller ID, IDD, Video Call (if I use it), Voicemail and just five hundred text messages, which I almost always end up exceeding, plus I also have to pay whenever I send out a multimedia message. Not worth it for the amount I am paying!

I checked out the promotion plans for my mum's service provider, and it turns out I can get a 3G plan for twenty bucks lesser, with free auto-roaming, VoiceMail, Caller ID, Video Call and five hundred text and multimedia messages. My parents do not use the phone like I do, at least my mum does not. Her mobile is only for emergencies, not like me, who uses it for just about anything. So definitely she will be paying much lesser bills than me, but still, the 3G plan I saw is much more worth it than my current plan!

Hence, I finally caved in and decide to defect. It is not that I do not wish to remain faithful, but after being such a faithful customer for so long, somehow I do not seem to get any rewards. I do not even get any perks like discounts on bills or free mobiles. Whenever my contract is renewed and my phone is due for upgrade, I still have to pay to get a new phone if I want to!

The last time I renewed my contract (some time last year), I paid an extra two hundred bucks just to get a 3G phone - the Nokia 6600 Fold. And it was not even the phone I wanted, even though it is a nice enough phone. I could not even choose the colour! I got it only because I thought I was going to Japan and need to use a 3G phone there, and that was the only one that was small enough and fitted my budget at the same time.

However in the end, my mum let me use her old 3G phone in Japan instead, so the Nokia became a spare phone which I started using only recently when my old phone is finally retired. User-friendly as it is, somehow I dislike Nokia phones because they tend to be bulky. It is a practical phone, but not high in terms of presentation and light-weight. But still I used it as I need a phone.

But now that I am defecting, I signed up for the 3G plan with the rival company of my service provider. Guess what? I can retain my number at no charge, plus get a Sony Ericsson T707 for free! And I can choose the colour, so I got the pink one! I fell in love with Maria Sharapova's phone at first sight, and I am so lucky to be able to get it! So I now have a new cool and chic phone for free, at a much lesser rate!

This is what comes of being the main service provider. I guess there must be a reason why majority of the people are still using it. The rival gives good service too, but it does not have as many perks and good promotions, sad to say. If this is the good deal I can get, then I hope there are more good deals to come as a customer!

More Sex = More Kids?

Reuters reported a few weeks back that having sex daily actually improves sperm health. Interesting! I guess this probably bodes good news for the men! Now whenever the wife refuses their advances, they can always manipulate by saying, "Don't you wish for me to be healthy?" Actually it is rather common sensical, is it not? Afterall, if the couple is trying for a kid, the more you make love, the more chances of conceiving you have, if both husband and wife are healthy and their bodies are functioning properly.

This also bodes good news to all those men who are addicted to masturbation, sleeping around and one night stands. All the more they will have sex or ejaculate as often as possible in order to be healthier, since it is now scientifically proven that having more sex will improve the quality of their semen. It is up to each individual what kind of life they lead, I am beyond the phase of getting disturbed and disgusted.

Personally, if I am to get married, consummation is a given, whether by law or religion. If my husband refuses to make love to me, I can have him sued and the marriage annulled. Of course, there is a danger where the man, being man, will always have a much higher sex drive than a woman, so it is up to the couple to communicate and show respect for each other.

Having sex should not just be to conceive. It is the physical and emotional bonding of two people in love and want to belong to each other as one. Too many people as it is take sex so lightly, and can sleep with just any mere person, but I am not about to judge here.

My religion preaches against contraception. I have not gone to any natural family planning course as yet, but I have been told that using contraceptives is a prevention of life, which is against the teachings. Whether a couple have kids or not, it is God's gift. So if God deems the time, He will bless the couple with a kid, and many kids.

Still, this is a grey area. What if the couple only want two kids? Or want to enjoy couplehood first before having any kids? That is why we need family planning. Of course, the couple can abstain, but as a married couple, sex is part and parcel of married life (although it should not be the be all and end all), so it is natural for them to want to make love.

If they have sex everyday without contraceptives, then the chances of having kids is very high indeed, if they are not planning for any as yet. For some people, just one time can get the woman pregnant; for others, they can try for years without any luck. Of course, accidents do happen, even with contraceptives. Who is to say using contraceptives is a sure proof way of not getting pregnant?

In any case, I read with amusement at the report. I am sure many more would have reacted in an uproar. I can just imagine the number of husbands or boyfriends showing their wives or girlfriends the article in a bid to bed them more often. The article did not state whether more sex equates to more children, but I do believe a healthy sex life and a healthy marriage is co-related. Thus, whether planning for kids or not, there should be a healthy amount of love-making in a couple to sustain the relationship in the first place.

More About Moi!

There have been quite a number of "newcomers" of late. Some have indicated they would like to know more about me. Actually from what I have blabbed so far, I think people will have a pretty good idea how I am like. Anyway, short of asking others to read the archives because I do not think anyone will really bother reading my past entries just to know me, for the benefit of the newcomers, here is a summarised version of me in a nutshell. This was adapted from the Facebook's meme of "25 Things".

1. I was born a free-thinker and the eldest and only daughter of three children to very conservative and traditional Chinese parents, but adopted Western ways and converted to Roman Catholicism in my secondary school years, although I did not get baptised and confirmed until my mid-twenties. I have relatives from Indonesia, Australia, Hong Kong, Malta, Canada and China (of course!). Even though my natural heritage is Chinese, I have been told I do not look quite like one.

2. I love food! Fast food, slow food, Asian, Western, as long as it is food! My only sin is gluttony (ok, maybe sloth too!). I am a chocoholic with a sweet tooth. I cannot resist milk chocolates, chocolate ice cream, chocolate malt, drinking chocolate, chocolate milkshake, hot chocolate, et al! My food can be very sweet and very salty, but I cannot take sour and bitter. In any case, I am more carnivorous. I prefer white meat to red meat, and fruit to vegetables. I am never a salad person, and I only eat mild tasting fruit like apples and bananas, and sweet ones like rock melons and water melons. Pineapples are a no-no, too sour for me!

3. My favourite colours are white and pink. Why? I have no idea! I just find these two colours rather soothing to my eyes!

4. I speak English (to friends, co-workers and family) and Mandarin (to parents and elderly), but I consider myself mono-lingual since my flair of the Chinese language is hardly up to par. I can understand a bit of my dad's dialect (Hainanese) but I can hardly speak my mum's dialect (Heng Hua). I want to learn as many languages as possible, starting from Japanese, French, Indonesian, Korean, Spanish, German and Italian.

5. I consider myself a bookworm, movie buff and music fan, and a hopeless romantic. Last count my books number five hundred and growing. Music CDs one hundred and growing. Movie discs (VCDs and DVDs, which include drama serials of all genres) three hundred and growing. I am running out of space to store them!

6. I started learning the electone, but later branched out to piano, and dabbled with violin, cello, flute, voice and recorder too. However, I have only performed publicly and competed on the electone and piano for music festivals.

7. Singing is one of my greatest passions. I was ever in the school choir, and had a performing stint with the Singapore Lyric Opera. I still sing as and when during karaoke sessions and church choirs. My dream is to sing like Sarah Brightman! So is dancing, and wish to take on more dance lessons, in ballet, tap, latin and ballroom.

8. I am not a shoe person. I buy shoes only when the occasion calls for it. However, I am into clothes, bags, accessories, cosmetics, books, CDs and VCDs / DVDs. I only have five pairs of shoes (one for work, one pair of ankle straps for special occasions, thongs for casual outings, one pair of ankle boots and one pair of knee-length boots, no Crocs or Birkies), but lots of bags of various sizes, many pairs of sunglasses, six watches, and I do not even want to start on clothings, cosmetics and accessories!

9. I am not a sporty person. I do not run or jog or hike. I only play certain racquet sports. My favourite sport is tennis, and I will drop everything to play it once I have a companion to play. Squash is a close second. I do not play badminton, I swim only because I have to, not because I want to, and the only other sports I enjoy are bowling and ice-skating. Having said that, I do hope to learn diving and roller blading one of these days!

10. I am more right-brain than left-brain, so words and speech do loads for me, but numbers and figures simply do not cut it with me. Hence, I was ever in the school debate team, which probably accounts and justifies why I am (still) so assertive, argumentative, outspoken and opinionated.

11. I have myopia since the age of eight but refused to wear glasses until the age of ten when I could hardly read the words on the classroom board. Since then, I have been battling with myopia, glasses and lenses until now. The last I check, it is five hundred fifty per eye, which means I am totally blind without my glasses or lenses!

12. The right person for me has to be someone intellectual with a high IQ, reads a fair deal, cultured and knowledgeable, articulate and can hold decent conversations, emotionally-sensitive yet has pretty high EQ, witty (but not corny), financially-savvy with a high FQ, just a tad romantic, sweet, absolutely truthful, humble and not painfully boring. For him, I will pledge my life and get married, only once, and it will be a case of "in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, till death do us part".

13. I am rheseus positive, ie my blood group is O+, which means I am a universal giver, but not a universal taker.

14. I love musicals, operas and plays! My favourite is "The Phantom of the Opera" as I simply adore the Phantom! "Les Miserables" is a close second. I also enjoy live concerts by my favourite singers and will hope to catch them when they come here to perform, like the upcoming Michael Learns to Rock "Eternity" concert tour!

15. I love cooking and baking, even though I hardly have the chance to. I love concocting my own recipes! I have gone for some cooking and baking classes, and hope to go for more!

16. I do not smoke, gamble, sleep around, indulge in one night stands and buy lottery or numbers. I do swear at times and drink occasionally, I prefer wine to beer, red wine to white wine, and I dream of having a wine cellar at home one day!

17. I have a morbid fear of needles, injections, blood tests, anything that pokes into me and operations, which explains why I am still so scared of going for a lasik even though I so much want to, as I fear being cut open and dying in the operating theatre.

18. I was a jeans, bermudas and T-shirt girl. I never wore a dress on my own accord (unless my mum forced me to) until the age of eighteen. I now wear mostly dresses, especially body-hugging, frilly and sweet ones that bring out my figure. That said, I still do wear jeans, and have about eight pairs of them!

19. I never wear makeup until I graduated from university. Now, I cannot go out without makeup. I feel naked somehow!

20. I have natural wavy hair (courtesy of my mum) that was frizzy and hard to maintain, making me look as if I had bad hair days everyday until I discovered the wonders of rebonding and easy maintainance of straight hair!

21. I have a lust for travel and to see the world, and help others at the same time. My dream is to set foot in every continent in this lifetime, even Antarctica! Immersing in the nature, history, geography and culture, and mission trips mean more to me than shopping and lounging in a five-star hotel room.

22. I love art and appreciate the works of Leonardo Da Vinci, Pablo Picasso, Vincent Van Gogh, Claude Monet and Kurt Halsey. Unfortunately, I cannot draw to save my life, although I do have ideas for interior designs now and then.

23. I adore small classic things. Everything I have are small - bags, wallets, mobile phones, watches, MP3, laptop. I own a red iPod Shuffle, a white Fujitsu Lifebook 10-inch laptop and a Philips 3-in-1 alarm clock-radio-CD player that can be held in just one hand! My phone used to be a limited edition gold clamshell Samsung SGH-E500 that is just the size of my palm (and I have relatively small hands, even for a lady!) before I officially retired it early this month and replaced with a black Nokia 6600 Fold, then I got a free pink Sony Ericsson T707 which I am currently using. So is my digicam - a small, pink Olympus mju 500S. Even my car has to be small - the Mini Cooper S cabriolet (in the design of the Union Jack) will be my first car! However, the small intricate stuff applies only to accessories and gadgets, not for men. For men, the "bigger" the better! ;-p

24. I am more a tea person (English breakfast, Earl Grey, Jasmine, Chrysanthemum, Iced Lemon, Green, but not Chinese tea) than a coffee person, but I do hope to taste Blue Mountain and Kopi Luwak one of these days! Unfortunately coffee causes insomnia and does things to my insides, thus I refrain from drinking too much. In any case, I feel our local coffee cannot be compared to coffee overseas!

25. I love children and animals. I hope to have five kids (okay, make that three at least since I am soon to be above the age) and lots of dogs, cats, birds, furry things! My favourite breed is the Maltese, followed by the Westi and Golden Retriever!

Just A Quick Update ....

So I am back! Starting over again, I am grateful to friends, old and new, for their support all these while. There comes a time where I must think about continuation. I first started this blog for ravings and rantings, but since my life has been pretty normal of late, at times I wonder if people will be interested in my somewhat mundane life. Still, I want somewhere to write, and it does not matter how others view me because I just want to write. Hence, this stays, for now.

Thought it is time for a new look to mark a new chapter. I am rather proud of myself that I can manage to find something nice and quaint, yet do not totally depend on a cut and paste code template. So what do you think? Nice design? Not by me though, if only I can do such nice things, I can set up my own design business already! :-p

In a way, it is a new chapter for me, because the first half of the year, particularly the second quarter, have been rather bouncy. I changed a job, I got more involved in religion, I started sorting out my own (and men's) minds, and now, I am totally living my own life, shorn of indecisive men. There can be nothing better than one's own self worth and happiness!

A slight update for what I have been up to : My supervisor finally came back from his honeymoon on twenty-fourth of June. I succumbed to flu on the twenty-fifth of June, and with the swine flu virus going around, I was "quarantined" for two days. Work had been piling up for the past month and I have been busy with teleconferencing the past week. The CHOICE June weekend was cancelled by the Archbishop's orders due to the virus.

My youngest brother came back from Canberra for three weeks. Since he will not be back again until December, I took the afternoon off on Friday to bring him to eat his favourite food, went shopping, changed currency and kept him company until we saw him off at the airport.

I watched Transformers, twice. I watched Duplicity (a very good show!), Ice Age 3 and Harry Potter. Initially thought Public Enemies was showing on 9 July and was so looking forward to it, but due to delay in the rating of the show, it was postponed to 23 July, hence I will be watching it this weekend.

I had dinner at Astons Specialities, Picotin (a very nice place by the way), Tapas (a Mexican restaurant), as well as drinks at Brewerks. I had a lunch gathering at my best friend's home. I mourned Michael Jackson's demise, and got caught in the shopping malls, restaurants and cinemas playing all his songs.

I went to Butter Factory to participate in a fund-raising for the blind. I changed two phones (long story). I adopted a long overdue confirmation name, so now I have three names, crazy as it may sound. I went for Novena, Prayer Meets and CHOICE Story-telling sessions. I am finally singing again for the choir at my parish church. Hopefully it will be long-term this time round!

What else have I been doing with my time? I started reading again. I have always been reading, but I started intensive reading again. I started listening to music again. I have been listening to music off and on but nowadays I start listening to music whenever I am in my room and before I drift off to slumberland. I started seriously thinking about what I want to achieve in the next few years.

I kept up on news events. After a few years of silence, Jakarta got bombed again last Friday. At times I really wonder what are these people up to? Is it really so pleasurable in their opinions to go around killing innocent people and endangering others' lives in the process? As if the world is not messed up already.

This period of "silence" is good in a way that I can focus on other activities. Has there been any urge to write? Of course! Writing is a big part of me, and to suddenly stop writing it is as if something has been wrenched away. But I keep to my own promise - to take a break for a month before resuming. But for those who know, I have been writing off and on in my Facebook notes!

Hence, here I am, back again, with more ramblings of the nitty-gritties of my mundane life!