It was an interesting night. I met a friend and we went to
Garuda Padang Cuisine for dinner. (For a more detailed post, please go to
our food blog.) Before that, I had an interesting discussion on gender equality with my guy.
What he brought up is rather interesting. He says in general, Asian guys are more chauvinistic, as they probably grow up in a family where the father is strong and the mother more meek, so they kind of expect their woman to also be like their mothers - meek, submissive and accommodating.
Hence, my kind of upbringing and character will turn a lot of men off, since I grow up with a mum who has all the characteristics of an Eagle, and a dad who has all the characteristics of a Dove. Besides, in my family (including extended), it is the women who are smarter, better-educated, more capable. I am already the black sheep.
1. Asian men like the woman to go to them. For instance, in a social setting, the man can mingle with the people, but he expects the woman to go over to him, just stand there next to him like a vase and not contribute to the conversation. In other words, he wants the woman to just be there.
My comment to that : If the man is mingling around, why can the woman not mingle around? Why must she stand next to him like a vase? It is a social setting, it makes more sense if she herself mingles too! If the man is needed, the woman can always go to him. Similarly, if the woman is needed, the man can always call out to her or go to her. And if the man is so insecure that he throws tantrums just because the woman does not go to him, then he is not worth it!2. Asian men do not like outspoken women. They expect the women to just agree to whatever they say. They want their way and the woman should just follow and not question.
My comment : Just because one is a female, it does not mean she has no opinions of her own. Nowadays, women are getting more and more educated. Many are even more educated and capable than their male counterparts. If a woman has any brains, she will definitely has her own say and opinion on things. So why can she not agree to disagree? That is what communication is all about - two way, discussion and compromise, and not just one-way and follow.3. Asian men like a woman who can cook and clean and takes care of them.My comment : Yes, it is a bonus if a woman can cook and clean. A woman who loves her husband and home will always want to take care of the man by serving him. But it should not be imposed upon her. I absolutely hate the scenario where the woman slaves away in the kitchen while her husband plays games and generally laze around without lifting a finger to help with the housework, and yet still complains why the meal is not on time and talks bad about her cooking.Nowadays, women hold demanding full-time jobs too. Sometimes she can be higher-ranking than the men. Sometimes her work can be more intense. So why must she still be the one who goes home, cleans the house, cooks, takes care of the kids, and the man can just go home, laze around and generally do nothing? Do they think the woman is not as tired? Just like a man likes a woman to take care of him, the woman also likes a man to take care of her and treats her like a "little woman".
Having said that, there are also women I know who cannot cook, do not intend to learn and absolutely hate and have no interest in cooking. It is their husbands who do the cooking and cleaning and serve them. If a woman ever has this kind of man, she really should grab, treasure and not let go. That is why I always love a man who can cook, but unfortunately, this is not the case. Luckily he never once expects me to cook and clean and serve him!
4. Asian men are put off by a smart and capable woman. They get scared when the woman is higher educated, earns more and is higher-ranking than the man.
My comment : Again, if the man is that insecure that he cannot take a smart and capable woman, then he is not worth the time!5. Asian men tend to listen to their mothers and like the women to be able to gain their mother's approval. For instance, if a guy brings home a girl whom he deems perfect, the moment his mother says something, he will suddenly find all kinds of flaws in the girl (be it justifiable or not), and often just dumps her if his mother dislikes her. He likes the woman and the mother to be close.
My comment : If the man expects the woman to be like his mother, then please just go marry his mother! The thing is, no two women are alike. A man cannot expect that the mate he finds will be totally the same as his mother. Besides, a different generation has a different thinking from the older generation. Does it mean to say, if they get married, and the mother insists on going along on their honeymoon, he will then bring his parents along?I believe most parents are easy to get along, and most girls have no problems getting along with anyone else's parents. But it becomes tricky when the parents are sticky and over-protective. They start putting down the girl, saying she is not good for him, saying she is too highly educated or too lowly-educated, that she is after him for his money, or she is only playing with his feelings.
When that happens, then what? Dump the girl just because his parents say so? Then he is pretty stupid, is it not? In this case, he may as well just ask his parents to find him a girl since no matter which girl he brings back, she will never be approved by his parents!
If he is a real man, he will know how to stand up and fight for the woman he loves. I love that scene in the "Joy Luck Club" movie where the guy actually told his mother off for insulting the girl he loves. That is the trait of a real man, and not a mummy's boy!
The thing is, if the man fulfils all these five things above (woman go to him and stand next to him at social gatherings, agrees to everything he says and does everything according to his way, cooks, cleans and serves him and are of lower-ranking, lower earning power and lower educated, and listens to his parents by dumping a girl they dislike), then he is considered a man.
Since when did being a man entails putting down a woman? Being a man is not because of how powerful he is, how many women he conquered, how he can make a woman submit to him totally and serve him fully, how much of a mummy's boy he is, but because of his actions.
If a man is so insecure that he needs a "lesser" woman to make him feel good, or that his parents words are the be all and end all, then I do not think he is worthy enough to be called a man. Just like he can be so powerful and controlling to a woman, yet when she has problems and needs him around, he refuses to be around or runs away, then he is also not worthy to be called a man.
Similarly, if a guy is deemed as being "controlled" by a woman just because he gives in to her, he has no issues over her being better off or more educated or in a better career than him, does not care how his parents feel about her, and is always around whenever she needs him, he is actually more of a man than any other man, because he knows how to treat a woman right and knows how to comfort her when she is down, much better than those men who think they are so good but actually run away from responsibilities.
Having said that, just because a woman is powerful, capable, smart, career-oriented and whatnot, it does not make her any less of a woman. All these do not make a woman, it is the actions. She can be all these yet still be totally family-oriented, able to cook and clean (if she chooses to) and treats the man well.
There are those women who are so whiny, submissive and knows how to pander to a man's ego, but in the end they are totally inept at anything else save batting her eyelashes and flirting with men and have affairs with just about any sugar daddy she can find.
So which of these are more man, and which of these are more women? I still think it is the actions, and not the character, that make up the gender, but one is free to disagree!
