I was chatting with a friend, and he told me something that really enlightens me. To backtrack, I know about this some time ago, as fellow blogger Richard wrote about it once, but hearing my friend's own experiences, I can feel how he is feeling. Upon reflection, I realise what he said makes a lot of sense.
Our conversation was on letting go of our hurts, and getting over someone. My friend said that he ever hated his ex very much, that for a while, he was put off entering into another relationship altogether. But when the right person came along, love just happens. So actually, to get over a love is not to hate a person, because by hating a person, it means the feelings are still there. Whereas if you no longer have any feelings for the person, you will be indifferent and disinterested, as the person's affairs does not concern you anymore.
Come to think of it, that is so true. Why would one bother hating another person, or being so emotionally strung up, unless one still have feelings for that person? Afterall, one is indifferent towards anyone else he / she has no feelings for. For instance, if I have no feelings for this person, whatever the person does is not my concern. Similarly, if I have feelings for this person, I will be affected by what he / she does to me.
So if a girlfriend is angry at her boyfriend because she finds him irresponsible and cowardly (and vice versa), that is because she loves him (and vice versa), thus whatever he does affects her more. By right, love should not have any expectations, but the irony is that if we truly love a person, somehow our expectations of this person will be the highest. It is not a matter of accepting and tolerating his / her quirks, but to someone one really cares about, one's reactions and emotions are directly proportional to the amount of feelings one has for that person.
Which let me remember something my parents once said to me. My mum said she does not go to our neighbour's house and discipline the kids there, but she does that to us, because she loves us, and she want us to be good. Sometimes we hurt her by the things we did, but it is only because she cares, that is why she feels hurt.
Thus the more strongly one feels for someone else, the more hurt and pain and emotional he / she gets. Love and hate is but a thin line. Once the love has been betrayed, hate will take its place, because feelings given out is never that easily taken back or forgotten.
Similarly, if it is someone one has no feelings for, then whatever that person does will not affect him / her. If I do not have any feelings whatsoever to someone, I will not care less what he / she does. It is only those I care deepest for that I mind what that person does, and will get affected by his / her actions.
Now I finally understand that if I still bear a tinge of hate towards some people, it means I still care strongly about them. And because I still feel so strongly about someone, that is why whatever he does affects me just as strongly. Until the day I feel indifferent to what people do, that will be the day when I no longer have feelings for them, no longer care for them. And for this to happen, it must have been something really major to kill my feelings altogether.
Our conversation was on letting go of our hurts, and getting over someone. My friend said that he ever hated his ex very much, that for a while, he was put off entering into another relationship altogether. But when the right person came along, love just happens. So actually, to get over a love is not to hate a person, because by hating a person, it means the feelings are still there. Whereas if you no longer have any feelings for the person, you will be indifferent and disinterested, as the person's affairs does not concern you anymore.
Come to think of it, that is so true. Why would one bother hating another person, or being so emotionally strung up, unless one still have feelings for that person? Afterall, one is indifferent towards anyone else he / she has no feelings for. For instance, if I have no feelings for this person, whatever the person does is not my concern. Similarly, if I have feelings for this person, I will be affected by what he / she does to me.
So if a girlfriend is angry at her boyfriend because she finds him irresponsible and cowardly (and vice versa), that is because she loves him (and vice versa), thus whatever he does affects her more. By right, love should not have any expectations, but the irony is that if we truly love a person, somehow our expectations of this person will be the highest. It is not a matter of accepting and tolerating his / her quirks, but to someone one really cares about, one's reactions and emotions are directly proportional to the amount of feelings one has for that person.
Which let me remember something my parents once said to me. My mum said she does not go to our neighbour's house and discipline the kids there, but she does that to us, because she loves us, and she want us to be good. Sometimes we hurt her by the things we did, but it is only because she cares, that is why she feels hurt.
Thus the more strongly one feels for someone else, the more hurt and pain and emotional he / she gets. Love and hate is but a thin line. Once the love has been betrayed, hate will take its place, because feelings given out is never that easily taken back or forgotten.
Similarly, if it is someone one has no feelings for, then whatever that person does will not affect him / her. If I do not have any feelings whatsoever to someone, I will not care less what he / she does. It is only those I care deepest for that I mind what that person does, and will get affected by his / her actions.
Now I finally understand that if I still bear a tinge of hate towards some people, it means I still care strongly about them. And because I still feel so strongly about someone, that is why whatever he does affects me just as strongly. Until the day I feel indifferent to what people do, that will be the day when I no longer have feelings for them, no longer care for them. And for this to happen, it must have been something really major to kill my feelings altogether.
0 comments:
Post a Comment