It had been a busy weekend, running around for my cousin's wedding. Attending a wedding from a more affluent family is really different! The venue, setting, food, activities and atmosphere is just different! Today was the tea ceremony at my cousin's place. Seems like no matter how Westernised people can be, they still adhere to Chinese traditions and customs!
According to tradition, the bride and groom are to serve tea to their elders. Grandparents, parents, uncles, aunts, elder siblings. The elders will sit down on a couch (couples will sit next to each other), and the bride and groom will then have to serve tea to them, normally the groom serving the guy and the bride the lady. The elders will then drink the tea as a sign that they accept the new son or daughter-in-law into the family. After drinking the tea, they will give a gift (normally a red packet) to the couple.
After that, the bride and groom will then sit down on the same couch and younger siblings will then have to serve tea to them as a sign of respect and welcoming the new elder brother or sister-in-law. The bridal couple will then give a red packet as a token of appreciation to the tea server. To Chinese, even cousins are considered "siblings", and rendered the same treatment as older and younger siblings.
So anyway, my cousin and her new husband served tea to both my grandmothers, then her parents, then our aunts and uncles, then the elder brother and sister-in-law, then the cousins who are older. After that, they sat down and the younger brother and cousins then served tea to them one by one.
The catch is that the couple can only serve tea to elder siblings or cousins who are married, not singletons. Thus, even though I am older than the bride (but not the groom, even though by rank I am more senior), I was not entitled to accept any tea served by them. The belief is that for an elder unmarried "sister" to witness a younger "sister" getting married ahead of her, it will be bad luck and she may be left on the shelf. My mum said that by right, I was not even allowed to witness the wedding ceremony.
I am not one to uphold tradition so much actually, but for the fact that the aunt helping to give the tea for the couple to serve up, declared to everyone that although I am older, they could not serve tea to me as I am not married. Thus, all "well-wishing" relatives started bombarding me on my current status, which is precisely what I have been trying to avoid all my life!
Now, must she let the whole world know I am well over-age and still unmarried? Does it make any difference to my status, and do people think I feel good being reminded about how old I am getting and still no good news of any sort? But what do people expect of me anyway? Grab someone to marry just because everyone is waiting for my turn? Is it my fault that I have yet to find someone so committed and madly in love with me that he is willing to marry me immediately the moment he set eyes on me?
Do people think I do not feel left out or upset when I see my own younger cousins getting married ahead of me? What can I say except they (the girls) are lucky to find guys committed enough to spend their lives with them, and the guys are committed enough to marry the girls they choose? Who can I blame if I do not have such luck, since so far, most guys I come across have no qualms entering a relationship but when it comes to commitment and marriage, they disappear without a trace?
According to tradition, the bride and groom are to serve tea to their elders. Grandparents, parents, uncles, aunts, elder siblings. The elders will sit down on a couch (couples will sit next to each other), and the bride and groom will then have to serve tea to them, normally the groom serving the guy and the bride the lady. The elders will then drink the tea as a sign that they accept the new son or daughter-in-law into the family. After drinking the tea, they will give a gift (normally a red packet) to the couple.
After that, the bride and groom will then sit down on the same couch and younger siblings will then have to serve tea to them as a sign of respect and welcoming the new elder brother or sister-in-law. The bridal couple will then give a red packet as a token of appreciation to the tea server. To Chinese, even cousins are considered "siblings", and rendered the same treatment as older and younger siblings.
So anyway, my cousin and her new husband served tea to both my grandmothers, then her parents, then our aunts and uncles, then the elder brother and sister-in-law, then the cousins who are older. After that, they sat down and the younger brother and cousins then served tea to them one by one.
The catch is that the couple can only serve tea to elder siblings or cousins who are married, not singletons. Thus, even though I am older than the bride (but not the groom, even though by rank I am more senior), I was not entitled to accept any tea served by them. The belief is that for an elder unmarried "sister" to witness a younger "sister" getting married ahead of her, it will be bad luck and she may be left on the shelf. My mum said that by right, I was not even allowed to witness the wedding ceremony.
I am not one to uphold tradition so much actually, but for the fact that the aunt helping to give the tea for the couple to serve up, declared to everyone that although I am older, they could not serve tea to me as I am not married. Thus, all "well-wishing" relatives started bombarding me on my current status, which is precisely what I have been trying to avoid all my life!
Now, must she let the whole world know I am well over-age and still unmarried? Does it make any difference to my status, and do people think I feel good being reminded about how old I am getting and still no good news of any sort? But what do people expect of me anyway? Grab someone to marry just because everyone is waiting for my turn? Is it my fault that I have yet to find someone so committed and madly in love with me that he is willing to marry me immediately the moment he set eyes on me?
Do people think I do not feel left out or upset when I see my own younger cousins getting married ahead of me? What can I say except they (the girls) are lucky to find guys committed enough to spend their lives with them, and the guys are committed enough to marry the girls they choose? Who can I blame if I do not have such luck, since so far, most guys I come across have no qualms entering a relationship but when it comes to commitment and marriage, they disappear without a trace?
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