My Family Tree ....

I remember my exs and some friends used to tell me that they are very confused over my family structure. I have so many relatives that they find it hard to differentiate who is who. I admit I do come from a big family, but actually once you know my family tree, it is not that hard to differentiate.

I shall start from my dad's family. He is the youngest, with an elder sister and brother. My aunt and uncle were born in China before the war, and my grandma single-handedly brought them, together with her in-laws, and some of my grandfather's relatives, out of China when war struck.

She was helped by her elder brother who brought his own family and their mother out. They all went south to Malaysia. My grandfather was studying at a university in Nanjing at that time. After the war, he managed to trace them and joined them in Malaysia, and that was how my dad came to be born in Johor. My aunt and uncle are thirteen and ten years older than him respectively.

After that, all of them settled in Singapore, where my grand-uncle owned a provision shop, my grandfather helped in keeping the accounts for him, and that was the shop my grandma used to bring me to when she wanted to visit her family, and her niece would always give me biscuits and candy.

My grandmother was educated for people of her time, when girls were not even allowed to go to school and learn to read and write. My grandmother was the only girl in her school, as her mother wanted her to have a good life. She was bullied by the boys, and her elder brother protected her and escorted her to and from school. She studied until what would be secondary one, when her school banned girls from attending school and going to a higher level, and she had to stop schooling. Up to now, she could still read newspapers and write to her relatives in China.

Anyway, my eldest aunt used to teach, and that was how she met my uncle, who later became the principal of one of the top primary schools. They have five children - four daughters and a son. As so typical of Chinese families, especially of the older generation, there must be a son to carry on the family line, thus even though my aunt only wanted two children, her in-laws made her produce a son before she could stop.

My cousins there are all much older than me, ranging from eighteen to ten years older. The eldest is unmarried (not sure if it is by choice) and working as a lecturer. The second one is in an Information Technology Consultancy firm, and married to an eye surgeon. They have three children, two boys and a girl.

The third is a Mathematics and Physics teacher, married to a businessman. They have three children, one girl and two boys. The forth used to be a banker, now a homemaker, married to a remisier. They have two children, one girl and boy. The fifth was a lawyer, then went to work at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, now posted to Washington DC as an ambassador. His wife was a lawyer, now a homemaker. They have two children, one boy and girl.

My dad's brother used to own a restaurant. Upon retiring, he sold his restaurant, and is now working as a part-time chef. His wife used to run a small canteen in a school. They have three children, two daughters and a son.

The eldest is a Cathay Pacific stewardess turned trainer. She is based in Hong Kong, and her husband is a computer specialist in Hong Kong. She gave birth to a girl two years back, after nine years of marriage. The second cousin is the one that is working in the prisons department. She divorced some years back, and have custody of her two sons. Their brother is a computer specialist who just got married last year to a marketing manager. Needless to say, they are also quite a lot older than me, ranging from ten to five years.

So that is about done with my dad's side. My mum's side is the more complicated one. My grandmother was the daughter of a village chief. Surprisingly, for people of that era, her parents, especially her father, doted on her, even though she had five elder brothers (all but one died young). So her parents matched her with a guy from a good family to marry.

My grandfather was the second son of a neighbouring village chief. His father was the chief of a few villages, which included the one where my grandmother came from. My grandfather wanted to make his own fortune, so came to Singapore to work as a bus conductor at first. He went back to China to get married at the request of his father, and shortly after that, came to Singapore to work again, leaving my pregnant grandmother.

War came shortly, and my grandfather lost contact with his family. He thought they had perished. My grandmother and her in-laws also thought my grandfather had died. She gave birth to a girl, who later died. Her father-in-law took pity on the young widow and adopted a baby girl for her, who is now almost seventy and living in Hong Kong.

My grandfather remarried again in Singapore after the war. His second wife came from a rather well-to-do family. However, shortly after, he heard that my grandmother was still alive, so he fetched her and his younger brother to Singapore. Needless to say, both my grandmothers are not happy (even now) over this turn of events, but being traditional and considering the circumstances of those times, they agreed to live together amicably under one roof.

My grandfather and his younger brother then went into business together. Within a number of years, they managed to break into China, Hong Kong and Indonesia. My granduncle then went to Indonesia to build up the business, while my grandfather stayed in Singapore and travelled frequently. He died of kidney failure while on a business trip to Hong Kong, and was buried there.

My mum was only two at that time. After that, both my grandmothers split up and lived apart with their respective children. My granduncle continued taking care of the family, while at the same time supporting his own growing family. And since my mum grew up without a father, she took my granduncle as a father figure, which is why she is still so full of respect for him.

My grandmother has four children, two sons and two daughters in alternate order. My mum is the youngest. My eldest uncle had an accident when he was young and became crippled in one leg. So he was sent to Australia to study medicine, and met my aunt there (while she was studying to be a nurse), who came from a rich Chinese family in Kuala Lumpur. They stayed on in Australia and have three boys.

The eldest is in business, married to a Caucasian who is a clinical psychologist, and about to become parents. The second one is a physiotherapist, now studying to be a doctor. He is the one who will be getting married in Malta in July, to a native Maltese. The youngest one is in his final semester at University of New South Wales, doing Environmental and Biomedical Engineering.

My second aunt became a teacher, and married her course mate at the then Teachers' Training College. They have two daughters, the elder one died of an asthmatic attack when she was fourteen, and the younger one just gave birth to a boy. She studied to be an auditor, but is now taking a break to be a full-time mum. Her husband is a computer engineer who is now on scholarship to pursue his PhD locally.

My third uncle took over my grandfather's business in Singapore, which had been in the hands of my granduncle before that. He actually graduated as an engineer. His wife used to be their former neighbour, as her father attended the same school as my granduncle. My aunt was a Mathematics graduate and used to work in a big company. They have five daughters, the eldest died of leukaemia at the age of nine. My aunt resigned from her work because of my cousin's illness, and had never worked since then.

Now the other four girls, two of them have graduated, one from Accountancy and one from Science, and the younger two are in secondary school, under the Integrated Programme, an accelerated study programme where they will go straight to their 'A' levels without even taking their 'O' levels. The eldest girl is now helping her father in his business.

My second grandmother has three children - one son and two daughters. Perhaps because she herself came from a well-to-do family and was educated for people of her time, thus the way she brought up her children was different. She gave them expensive Western education, unlike my illiterate grandmother who sent her children to Chinese schools, although top schools.

Which was why my mum fought to go to the then University of Singapore, which only took in students from English schools, instead of the then Nanyang University, that took in students from Chinese schools. Maybe that is why my relatives from my second grandmother's side are more established in life, as my cousins are all educated in the best schools, be it locally or overseas.

My eldest uncle is a gynaecologist. His wife, also a doctor, is the daughter of a Malaysian Datuk. When they got married, my aunt's father specially gave them a house in District 10 as part of her dowry. They have three children, two sons and a girl (in the middle). The elder son is a remisier who married an architect. Their solemnisation was at Ritz-Carlton two years back, and their wedding dinner was at Fullerton.

The girl is getting married on Saturday, also at Ritz-Carlton. She is a journalist. Her husband will be based in America for five years, which is why they are getting married before leaving. She used to be a national netballer and he a national swimmer (incidentally, it was their photos and article that came out in the newspaper some weeks ago, about national sports players finding love among the sporting circle). The youngest son is now studying in Australia.

My second aunt married a businessman. They have two children, a son and a daughter. The son graduated from America and is now helping my third uncle with his business. The daughter completed her Masters at Harvard University on a government scholarship, and is now working at the Ministry of Defence.

My youngest aunt married a doctor. They have two children, a daughter and a son. The girl went to America on a President's Scholarship and completed her Masters. The boy is almost finishing his army.

So my relatives are all rather established, all graduates with honours. My cousins are all smart, from the top schools, especially those from my second grandmother's side, who not only made it to top schools, but from the Gifted Education stream throughout. In comparison, I am really nothing. Maybe that is why my parents push me so hard so as not to lose out? In this case, I have really let them down big time.