Currently I am at a certain stage of my life where I have to make a decision. It is never easy making decisions, especially where others are concerned. It is always the same story - to make the decision to make myself happy, but others unhappy, or make the decision to make others happy but myself unhappy. Always a dilemma there.
To me, others' happiness always mean much more to me. I always feel that as long as my friends and loved ones are satisfied and happy, even if I do more it does not matter. The outcome is to let them be happy, then I will be joyful and satisfied.
But in this case, what does my happiness mean to others? Do people even care whether I am happy? Do people even realise that whatever I am doing, however much I am giving in, each time I feel more frustrated than before because people just take for granted I should be the one doing everything since I claim I care for them, that I love them? Do people not think that I, too, will like some care and concern, some appreciation, some love from them?
I am never the type to calculate how much I give. I do not go around being all "fair" by saying that just because I do certain things, the other person must do something back to me. This is not true friendship, and this is not love and concern. Because if you really care, you will give unconditionally.
But I am human after all. My tolerance level is also limited, no matter how much I can tolerate, no matter how much I can give. There will come a time when I am at the maximum, then I will start to blow up totally as I cannot tolerate it anymore.
Is it worth it giving in all the time when the other party clearly seems to be more and more disinterested? Is it worth giving in all the time when people expect you to make all the decisions, and yet not happy with what you come up with? And is it worth giving in all the time when people do not even give you any shred of respect by not telling you even a simple thing like whether it is on or off, and leave you hanging and wondering?
Sometimes I wonder, if I do just give up and not do anything anymore, will the other party even care that I have given up? Then all my time and years have been spent and wasted in something unconstructive, something that should never have begun in the first place.
To me, others' happiness always mean much more to me. I always feel that as long as my friends and loved ones are satisfied and happy, even if I do more it does not matter. The outcome is to let them be happy, then I will be joyful and satisfied.
But in this case, what does my happiness mean to others? Do people even care whether I am happy? Do people even realise that whatever I am doing, however much I am giving in, each time I feel more frustrated than before because people just take for granted I should be the one doing everything since I claim I care for them, that I love them? Do people not think that I, too, will like some care and concern, some appreciation, some love from them?
I am never the type to calculate how much I give. I do not go around being all "fair" by saying that just because I do certain things, the other person must do something back to me. This is not true friendship, and this is not love and concern. Because if you really care, you will give unconditionally.
But I am human after all. My tolerance level is also limited, no matter how much I can tolerate, no matter how much I can give. There will come a time when I am at the maximum, then I will start to blow up totally as I cannot tolerate it anymore.
Is it worth it giving in all the time when the other party clearly seems to be more and more disinterested? Is it worth giving in all the time when people expect you to make all the decisions, and yet not happy with what you come up with? And is it worth giving in all the time when people do not even give you any shred of respect by not telling you even a simple thing like whether it is on or off, and leave you hanging and wondering?
Sometimes I wonder, if I do just give up and not do anything anymore, will the other party even care that I have given up? Then all my time and years have been spent and wasted in something unconstructive, something that should never have begun in the first place.
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