An International Reunion

The reunion went well today, as usual. Since everyone was here, we had a full family portrait with the third and fourth generations, as well as those attached and soon to be married. In the end, it was thirty of us (plus a dog) which the photographer managed to take into a big family portrait. After that it was family by family with my maternal grandma, so four families altogether. Since there were little kids around, the photographer acted like a clown and use props and toys to get the kids attention so as to get a good shot.

We proceeded to the restaurant for lunch after that. It was an exclusive restaurant open to members only. My uncle is a member so he got us a room and booked five tables. Come to think of it, I am finding it a drag going for big massive gatherings like that. Firstly, all the cousins my age and younger are either attached, engaged, married and with kids. So these would usually be seated together.

Next would be the "kids" table for, erh.. the younger ones, as in those who are newly graduated or still studying, so their ages range from sixteen to twenty-five. And because I am still single, I am often put at that table, even though I am no longer that age. The next few tables will be the Indonesian relatives, the old folks like my grandma, grand-uncle and the sons of my late grandpa.

The daughters and their partners (my mum and aunts) will then be at another table. This is Chinese tradition for you - the segregation of the hierarchy and ranks of the generation, the separation of the sons and daughters as sons will always be of a higher rank than the daughters, hence only the sons are deserving to sit with the parents and the daughters have to sit on a separate table.

Now, my cousins are all high-fliers. Even the younger ones are from the integrated programs to do straight 'A' levels without going through 'O' levels. Those newly graduated are from Masters or top grads, for instance, one of my cousins recently came out in the news for being the top Oxford graduate in law. Not to mention the number of doctors, Masters and PhDs from my this side of the family.

Hence I always feel so idiotic sitting with them and amongst them. I always do not wish to talk for fear of saying the wrong things. I feel so low among them, as they always seem so much more knowledgeable and talking about higher order things that are beyond my level. Still they are nice people, I just do not wish to sound and feel like a fool.

Looking at my cousins and their other halves, I cannot help but envy how blissful they look. Yes, I know my family is quite massive. And they are loud and outspoken, especially my mum, with her bossy and domineering personality. Even one of my newer cousin-in-laws remarked that we are a rather sociable family, not like his where everyone just keep quiet and stare at each other.

So why were the men I dated before never wanted to come along for massive family gatherings? Why do the guys whom I met lately always get frightened off when they know my qualifications, what I am working as and where I stay? I am not the powerful one, it is my mum and the rest of my family. Why get scared off? So why are my relatives able to find mates that can mingle and will not be scared off? Sometimes I really wonder if I am the only one born under an unlucky star, that I cannot even seem to succeed in anything!