My youngest brother came back for a surprise visit last night. I was on my way home after the talk when someone at home called me. The moment I heard his voice, I was shocked! Apparently, since everyone from overseas is coming back and we are having a family portrait taken of everyone tomorrow, my mum packed him back as a gift for my grandma, and a surprise for everyone.
I am happy to have him back of course, as it will be another few months before I get to see him again, so why am I feeling down? Maybe because of how he is being treated? He is like the little emperor, everyone gives allowance to him, especially me, because he is the youngest. So why am I always the one who has to give allowance, what makes others think I do not wish to be given allowance? Just because I am the eldest I have to be the one always giving in?
The thing is, when I was younger, I could still throw tantrums, my mum would just ignore me or tell me off not to be too wilful. But now that I am this age, it will seem too petty and childish if I get bitter and throw a tantrum, but it does not mean I am any happier to see the blatant biasness and favouritism being shown. Yeah, people always say he is the youngest, he is still young, give in, give in.
But the fact is he is no longer young. At least he is not a little kid anymore. He is already an adult. My parents sponsored him overseas to study and willingly gave him a supplementary credit card to use as his disposal while overseas. My mum refused to send me overseas to study if I could not get a scholarship. I had to get a sponsorship for my own tertiary studies, then gave tuition and worked every vacation so as to earn enough for living expenses, as my parents never gave me enough pocket money. What my brother is getting is three times more what I was getting then.
Sometimes I wonder is it because he is the youngest, or is it because he is a boy? Is it because I am the eldest or is it because I am a girl? I cannot even whine or show any envy as it will make me seem as if I do not care about my brother or that I begrudge whatever my parents have given him and not me. Sometimes I do begrudge, I do wonder why I am the one being treated differently, but as I said, as the years go on and one is supposed to be a mature adult, any tantrum will be unbefitting of someone my age.
Oh well... it is not that I do not love my family, but if things have been different, if I had been treated the same way as my brother is being treated now, perhaps things will have been different for me. I would have gone places because I have the full support of my parents and people who love and care for me. Then I would not have faced so much struggles and difficulties in my life and would have long been successful in career and even love.
I am happy to have him back of course, as it will be another few months before I get to see him again, so why am I feeling down? Maybe because of how he is being treated? He is like the little emperor, everyone gives allowance to him, especially me, because he is the youngest. So why am I always the one who has to give allowance, what makes others think I do not wish to be given allowance? Just because I am the eldest I have to be the one always giving in?
The thing is, when I was younger, I could still throw tantrums, my mum would just ignore me or tell me off not to be too wilful. But now that I am this age, it will seem too petty and childish if I get bitter and throw a tantrum, but it does not mean I am any happier to see the blatant biasness and favouritism being shown. Yeah, people always say he is the youngest, he is still young, give in, give in.
But the fact is he is no longer young. At least he is not a little kid anymore. He is already an adult. My parents sponsored him overseas to study and willingly gave him a supplementary credit card to use as his disposal while overseas. My mum refused to send me overseas to study if I could not get a scholarship. I had to get a sponsorship for my own tertiary studies, then gave tuition and worked every vacation so as to earn enough for living expenses, as my parents never gave me enough pocket money. What my brother is getting is three times more what I was getting then.
Sometimes I wonder is it because he is the youngest, or is it because he is a boy? Is it because I am the eldest or is it because I am a girl? I cannot even whine or show any envy as it will make me seem as if I do not care about my brother or that I begrudge whatever my parents have given him and not me. Sometimes I do begrudge, I do wonder why I am the one being treated differently, but as I said, as the years go on and one is supposed to be a mature adult, any tantrum will be unbefitting of someone my age.
Oh well... it is not that I do not love my family, but if things have been different, if I had been treated the same way as my brother is being treated now, perhaps things will have been different for me. I would have gone places because I have the full support of my parents and people who love and care for me. Then I would not have faced so much struggles and difficulties in my life and would have long been successful in career and even love.
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