A Soccer "Widow"?

What is it with men and soccer? Now that it is the middle of the World Cup season, I still do not understand what it is about a round checkerboard ball that keeps so many people in the world crazy for it, to the extent of killing for it.

Personally I have not watched any game. I cannot be bothered to stay up or wake up just to watch a soccer game. I am not adverse towards football nor against it; I just do not see why people get so hyped up about over men kicking balls.

But I am in a family where soccer is the number one preferred sport for the guys. My brothers root for Manchester United whereas my guy claims to be a full-time Arsenal and part-time Liverpool fan. Needless to say, there have always been shouting matches (at the television set, not at each other) when all are watching soccer together.

Now with the biggest sporting event, it is an intensive shouting match. Each supports a different team and each has his own preference who to win. All day long, I see nothing but people checking results, hearing talk on soccer and speculation on the big final.

Hence this period of time, nothing else exists for men. Even if I can suddenly lose ten kilograms and parade in front of them in a sexy bikini and their focus still will be on the ball game.

Sigh ... There is nothing else for me to do except to wait for the big finals and that four years will not fly by so soon!

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Of Local Sight-Seeing

I always love travelling. It is a great privilege to be able to travel and see the world. Sometimes I admire the culture in the West as they can take a few weeks off during summer or Easter or Christmas and just go travelling. How I wish I have that many days off!

But actually if we have a long weekend and no time or money to have a real get-away, there are also places here which many have never known. Instead of going overseas to soak up their culture, why do we not soak up our own culture as well?

In fact, there are lots of places here to explore, if only one makes the point to look around. There are so many areas to sight-see. One should get used to one's country before one can start getting used to another country!

Hence from now on when I fret over where to go and what to do, I can start by exploring this little island of rich culture and a blend of history!

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Course Choice Amendment Exercise

I received my course choice confirmation letter today. As expected, I was offered all four modules which I signed up for. Yet why is it I felt it was not enough?

I guess because there are so many other modules I am interested in. I would like to take up those subjects solely for interest sake and not to count towards the overall grade.

So I called in and asked, and was told to write in and request formally. I suspect no one else ever had this request hence the staff there had no idea how to handle too.

The thing is, down here, when people go to school, they are only focused on scoring well for examinations and would take just the appropriate courses to graduate.

I do not think anyone would even bother taking extra if it does not contribute to their overall grade. Afterall, why would anyone waste time and money to take something they deem as "useless"?

So I believe my request would raise more than a few eyebrows. But to me, I always believe going to school is not just for results.

Going to school means experiencing whatever the school can offer and gaining knowledge, which includes keeping your interests alive and increasing your knowledge by taking whatever we are interested in. Even if we do not take the examinations and that do not count towards my final grade, still I have learnt something and gained more knowledge.

Afterall anything can happen during examinations but whatever knowledge gained and however our lives were enriched, no one could take that away from us. And having an education fits that purpose instead of just scoring.

In any case, I really hope and pray that my request would be acceded and I can take more subjects this coming semester!

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Childhood Flavours ....

I cannot believe I actually found this!

This has been my favourite childhood snack of all times! But ever since my teenage years and adulthood, lesser and lesser provision shops have been stocking this. In the past, whenever I managed to find this, I would buy in bulk - at least twenty packets! They were so cheap, about ten or twenty cents per packet!

For the past few years, I have not been able to find any of this. I was thinking perhaps it is finally out of stock everywhere, and moaned about the loss of my favourite childhood snack.

Then today, I was wondering around the hospital near my office when I came across this old provision shop in that neighbourhood. Suddenly, I saw a small display case with this snacks! Without thinking, I wiped out the entire stock! Finally I found my favourite childhood snack!

Thank goodness it is sold so near my office, so I need not go all over to find! I am frequenting that provision stall from now on!

Running A Marathon

So it is confirmed. I am participating in the Standard Chartered Marathon in December, running ten kilometres for charity. What happened was my dear was signing up through his office, and he kind of goaded me to register as well. So a few weeks back, I tried registering. I thought if I am to run a marathon, I need some form of motivation. Hence I decided to run for charity.

But when I tried registering online, somehow my transaction was not successful. There was no confirmation slip sent as well. I thought nothing of that and tried to register again the following week. But the second time I tried registering, all places for adults were full. Seems like this event is really very popular, and there are really so many avid runners around!

However, when I received my bill earlier, I realised the transaction was charged! I was puzzled, so called up the organisers. The lady who answered my call said it could be due to a technical glitch, and it was a common problem. Apparently there had been people who registered but their transaction was "not successful".

Nevertheless, she promised to check up for me. Five minutes later, she called me again and told me my registration was confirmed, hence the charge. She even told me my registration ID, proving the success of the registration. However, she said because of the technical glitch, some of my particulars were not captured, so someone would be calling me soon to verify the missing information.

Hmmm.. if my transaction was not successful and some information missing, yet my card could be charged and I could have a registration ID? This sounds rather dangerous. Still it seems as if some divine being felt it best for me to take up some sports, and perhaps training and running for a marathon is a good way to start and lose weight too.

I am rather apprehensive about running ten kilometres, but this is for charity. So I guess I just have to persevere and do it!

Bookworm Deluxe : Love Is A Verb

I just finished this heartwarming and touching book by Gary Chapman. Heard about him? He is a senior pastor and marriage counsellor in America and the author of "The Five Love Languages".

This book "Love Is A Verb" is a collection of true stories on the different facets of love. Would you love your child if he knows he will be handicapped for life? This mother did and spent all her energy and resources on her handicapped child even though she has two more normal children.

Will you love your child if he had done something awfully wrong and the rest of the family wanted you to disown him? This mother did and her other kids cut off from her but she managed to hold the family together in the end.

Will you love again when your spouse of more than thirty years died of an illness? This woman did three years after the death of her husband, even though she already have three grown children and grandchildren. She married his best friend, who also lost his wife earlier.

Will you love your own adopted children as much as your own children? This woman did, who adopted four more children in addition to her own birth children and love them like how a mother loves her children.

Will you offer a cup of coffee to park rangers when they have to stand in the snow, giving the bad news that the park was closed due to heavy snow? This man did. After turning back to the cafe at the entrance of the park, he bought hot coffee and chocolate for all the park rangers who were freezing out there doing their jobs and they were ever so grateful.

Will you sacrifice what you really want for your loved ones and family? This man did. He sacrificed his well-paying job just to stay home more often to take care of his baby (he loathed changing diapers and were scared of feeding) when his wife was working shifts.

The stories in this book teach us the meaning of humanity, forgiveness, sacrifice, commitment. How many of us are actually committed in a relationship? More often than not, we claim we are committed but actually we start griping when we come across our partners' faults.

But real commitment means examining ourselves, making things better and making the relationship works. For instance, I can wonder why I am with him when he drives me up the wall at times. There were also times when I wanted to just break up and stop creating trouble for myself since men equates trouble.

But then again, when I examine myself, I start to wonder, why is he with me? There is really no justification he will continue being with someone like me, yet he does.

So instead of focusing on each other's flaws, we can focus on how we can make things better.

After all, love is a verb. You make the decision to love and thus should make things work instead of taking the cowardly way out and escaping before anything even started.

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Annual Iowa Summer Writing Festival

There have been only three things I wanted to be since young - a lawyer, a journalist or a teacher. Teaching I have been there and done that, and now with Cathechism, in a way I am still teaching. Work wise I am doing something law-related, so one can say I have also been there and done that.

As for a journalist, this dream is still unfulfilled. Of course I keep my love for writing alive by my blogs, my diary, the little short stories and essays I weaved out, by editing works (mostly written by my dear). But my works have never appeared in any form of print media.

And that would be my greatest dream - to see my byline in print, not in any mere tabloids but in major or international newspapers and magazines. I will so love my words to inspire others.

Or else I can write best-selling novels like my favorite authors, but that is hard because the market here has no place for literary talents. People here in general do not read. When I tell others who some of my favorite authors are, they give me blank faces even though the books are so widely read throughout the world.

First and foremost I need to improve my writing. Through the years, I have wanted to improve the way I write. I read a variety of blogs, books, newspapers and magazines. I have tried submitting stories to magazines but none were published.

There are hardly any writing courses around. By that, I mean a crash course and not any long-term courses. By chance, I found out that the third UNESCO Literary City - Iowa - actually runs summer programs in the University of Iowa every year for anyone with the desire to write.

Anyone can sign up for any course, be they weekend or week-long courses, and the topics covered are quite varied. Imagine learning writing in a small town, a town one can never imagine ever associated with anything literary. What a dream to sit in a cosy cabin, facing a small American town, in a relaxed atmosphere, just writing.

If I can ever have the chance to attend the Festival, it will really be a dream come true for me! Wonder if I do have the chance in this lifetime?

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Exam Results : Pass!

I cannot believe it! I actually cleared all my papers! Not only did I pass my examination, I did well enough to take on the maximum study load next semester (actually should be upcoming semester). I thought I was going to fail a couple of papers, but those which I thought I would fail, I managed to get a C+ and a D+, which is a really big relief, as I can never imagine re-taking them!

The module confirmation exercise will be up this week, and I will be sticking to the four modules I am signing up for. It is really great that I passed well enough, otherwise I could only take one module next semester, which means an additional four more years, which I cannot afford the time nor the energy anymore.

Time to rejoice and celebrate until back to school in July or August! Yeah!!!

Come Support The Fresh Air Host Fund!

With global warming and the weather and seasons going crazy lately, fresh air is getting to be more and more essential. How many of us are actually breathing in fresh air nowadays? Definitely not in a cosmopolitan island city like this, nor in heavily populated cities.

However, if we go to a laid-back place like Tasmania and some parts of New Zealand where the natural scenery is so wonderful, we can still breathe fresh air. Hence, this summer, some people are playing host to kids, in order to educate them about fresh air and the need for it.

We can help the fresh air fund by either volunteering as hosts for the kids, or contributing in our own ways. Each contribution helps pay for a round-trip bus ticket for the kids. A very generous donor has also agreed to match every donation, so now every donation helps pay for two tickets instead!

It will be great to help the children and save the environment at the same time!

A Journalist's Mate

Yesterday's Life! paper featured a full-length article on my favorite journalist. I have written about her before. I always look up to her as my role model - educated, intelligent, independent and rejoicing in her single life.

I have always followed her bi-weekly column every alternate Sunday in the Lifestyle newspaper. Her column makes of good reading, especially when she was musing and reflecting on the lack of welfare for singles, her resignation to a single life, her dogs, thoughts on men and her carefree lifestyle where she could go traveling as and when.

Now her latest article is on her engagement. Yes, she is finally getting married! She mentioned her fiancé last year. He was her college crush but lost touch with each other until last year. Since then he had appeared in her columns but there was some ambiguity whether she was in a relationship with him.

Now it is confirmed. She will be getting married next month so yesterday's article was the last one of her singlehood. Her column will resume in September, by then, she will be a married woman and can finally muse and reflect about how it is to be married as opposed to being single.

I am so happy for her! She is one woman I look up to - loves her singlehood and independence, yet craves for a companion at the same time. I guess many women can relate to that. Most women I come across, no matter how intelligent, successful, educated and wealthy, all like to be married and have kids one day.

This is something men can never understand. It is hard to find a man who yearns to settle down. They are very happy to be in relationships but they fear further commitment.

Men, too, have their own criteria. They ask for the moon and the stars but at the same time, they blame women for being choosy and picky. Actually I think men can be even more picky as women can still overlook flaws but men refuse to compromise just because the woman is not in their preferred age range or the kind of look they like.

Which is another reason why I am so happy for her, that she can find the right one at her age - a man who will not be put off by her age or independence. He even says he is very willing to let her be the dominant party in the marriage, when most other men will be put off and expect the women to do their bidding.

At least this proves that miracles still happen. One can still find love, no matter what age. And sometimes he may not be galloping by on a horse and sweeps you off the feet. He can be a divorcee with a child, balding and wrinkled. But he is still a Prince Charming nevertheless. Afterall, love may not necessary come in a grand package because sometimes, it comes in the most unassuming of packages.

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The New Distance Fares

Come July, our public transport system is going to implement the new distance fares. How this works is that instead of paying for the number of stops, we pay for how far we go. This makes a lot of difference to me, especially since my place is between two train stations. Now I need to go to the further one if I am to go to town, and then go to the nearer one if I am to go down to the east.

It did not matter in the past because the price for either station to go anywhere is the same since both belong to the same "stage", but now, with the new distance fares, the price between the two stations can cost anything from two to four cents, so I have to go whichever one accordingly if I do not intend to pay extra two cents.

With the new distance fares, the price upon boarding will increase from the existing one. But the advantage is that, if we are to transfer a bus or train, ie if we take another bus or train within the same journey subject to a maximum of five transfers in two hours, we can get quite a lot of rebate off, depending on the total distance. The rebate only applies if we transfer, and not if we take a straight bus or train.

For instance, once the distance fares start, if I am to take a straight bus from my office back home, it will take me two hours. But if I am to take a bus to near where my mum's office is and then change to another bus back home, the total journey is only about an hour and a few cents cheaper than if I am to take a straight bus.

It all depends on the route of the bus. The straight bus that goes to my place will go by several neighbourhoods and small lanes before arriving at my place, whereas the bus that I transferred to will cut through the highway all the way until it reaches another neighbourhood. So the total journey and time is shortened.

Come to think of it, the public transport here has changed a lot. I remember people telling me there used to be conductors on the bus, where they would punch out a ticket to your destination. I have never come across any conductors, but I do remember when I was young, the buses were non air-conditioned, with hard seats and noisy. I could hear the engine rattling each time the bus moved.

Our bus drivers had their uniforms consisting of a blue top and dark blue pants. We put in the coins into a machine next to the driver, and he would pull the handle to take the coins, and the ticket would then come out of another machine behind the driver's seat. I was always excited during those rare times when my mum or aunt would bring me to take a bus ride and I would always collect the tickets. I still have my collection of old bus tickets!

That was when I was still quite young, around the eighties and early nineties. In those days, I was driven around most of the time, and each time I could take the bus or train, I would be so excited because I could then see unfamiliar scenery flashing by me. How times have changed! Now I crave more than anything to be driven around as I am so sick of taking long bus or train journeys with people who are downright inconsiderate and it takes so long to go anywhere!

Anyway, around the mid-nineties, air-conditioned buses were introduced. Now the way of public transport had progressed! With the introduction of air-conditioned buses, I much rather wait for an air-conditioned bus than to take a noisy, non-airconditioned bus. Coins have also given way to a transitlink card, where we topped up cash and then paid using a transitlink machine on the bus. We had to key in our own fare according to the number of bus stops, and the ticket would come out on their own.

The disadvantage of this was that some passengers were not honest. Because we could key in our own fare, some of the passengers just keyed in the lowest fare available, even though they could be travelling a much longer distance. Whenever these people got caught by the inspector during random checks, their transitlink card would be taken and penalised the total fare. I witnessed some quarrelling with the conductor, saying that was the only fare they could afford, but the conductor refused to budge.

Then comes the twenty-first century. Bus drivers are now given better esteem in their jobs by being called "captain". Their uniforms went through an overhaul. They now wear a light green top with black pants. Their image is now updated to a more modern and sophisticated look. Buses are now fully air-conditioned (except for a few services), with more comfortable seats and much less noisy.

Transitlink cards have given way to magnetic cards where passengers just need to tap upon boarding, and then tap upon alighting, and the fare would be automatically deducted. The machines could only be tapped upon reaching a bus-stop and not during any other journey. This was one way to prevent cheating. Of course, there was no stopping some passengers to tap the card upon reaching a bus-stop without alighting, even though they were alighting only a few stops more.

So the bus inspectors upgraded their machines. One tap of our cards would indicate whether we were honest or not. Last year, the magnetic cards were replaced by a longer, slimmer version, but the function is the same - tap when you board, tap when you alight. What if we forgot to tap in upon boarding or tap out upon alighting? Then the next bus or train we took would not be able to register our card, and we had to then pay cash or go to any train station service counter and have the card rectified.

Now with the new distance fares, we still tap in upon boarding and tap out upon alighting, except now, instead of deducting the number of stops, the total distance is calculated and deducted accordingly when we alight. Even buses are automated nowadays!

This works for trains too. Instead of going by stages, now every stop is accountable for the total distance. So upon calculation, sometimes taking buses is much better than taking a straight train! The transfer rebate works on trains too, so even if I take a train, then transfer to a bus, then transfer to another train, there will be rebates for every transfer as well.

The train system has also evolved, from just a few stops that covers East to West and North, then the far North close to the border, then the North-east, then the West extension, now even the Circle and later on Downtown. So the train systems can ensure almost everywhere is covered!

But taking buses sometimes still have advantages especially in places where the train does not go to. And at some stops, the bus stops are nearer to the venue than the train station, and cheaper too, especially with the rebates and distance!

So I can say our island here is pretty much covered and convenient in terms of public transport. But I still say, having a car is still much more convenient, especially if one intends to go to rather "out of the way" places in the shortest time possible!

Making-Up Or Making-Down?

Vanity is a woman's prerogative. When I was young, I never really bothered dressing up or making up. In secondary school when I saw my classmates coming in for Saturday classes with make-up, hair styled, accessories and the latest fashions, I was always in awed how they managed that when all I did was appear in jeans and t-shirt. I was an ugly duckling.

Through the years, I learnt about grooming and etiquette and started practicing them. Even though I can never be as elegant or classy as those richer and more established, still there have been men who complimented me on my dressing sense by saying I look good. That made me happy and confident.

Despite all these, I still do not quite know how to dress stylishly. I do know the proper clothes to wear and the accessories but that is it. I will wear matching earrings or a necklace according to the clothes I wear.

But I do not wear a belt, or appropriate shoes or even hats or berets or scarves. Nowadays I see people on the streets wearing a sleeveless top with jeans, matched with a belt, vest, beret, sunglasses, boots and a scarf. These are the kind of girls that ooze of style and sex appeal.

Unfortunately, I have never been able to master that. How would I know which belt fits? Would it be more appropriate to wear a beret or a hat? What kind of shoes fit what kind of clothes? Shall I go for metal frame sunglasses or tortoise shells?

Needless to say, my dressing sense, although having received compliments, is still very simple and not as classy or stylish as many others on the streets. I have always established that clothes make a person, but why is it others can know what to wear and what match just like that whereas I do not and not sure hence do not dare to experiment?

The only grooming habit I have is to wear the appropriate makeup to match my image. Ever since I discovered makeup, I have never gone without using any. This is continued throughout my adult life.

Until recently. I do not know whether is it because I have been so busy and tired this year, or that I no longer go out and meet men, but whatever it is, I have become lazy. I do not really bother applying makeup or accessorize anymore. To top it off, my growing waistline and the hours in the sun is only more detrimental to my looks than anything else.

Now I look horrendous. I look as if I have aged ten years, as if I am now middle-aged. I used to look younger than my age and could still pass off as a teenager in my late twenties.

It is true that makeup and the right dress sense really do wonders! One look so different before dressing up and after. All the more because I have found someone, so I should want to keep dressing up for him even if he accepts me for who I am and what I look like!

So when my friend asked me to go shopping last night, I agreed immediately. This is the season of the big sale after all, so I thought I could at least get some new threads at a reasonable price.

We went into a boutique and saw some things I like. I bought three dresses - a chiffon green knee-length off-shoulder dress, a black and white knee-length halter dress and a white dress with sequins and designs, as well as a white hat and a black rope belt.

I tried the clothes on and discovered I look really horrible in them! Not because I look awful but because I look like a pumpkin! If I manage to reduce my bum, tummy and upper arms, I would look pretty good in them, like in the past.

Which is why I bought them, not just to improve my accessorising, but also to motivate myself to lose weight. If only I can get rid of the unsightly areas, I will look really good, not just in the new purchases, but in whatever I wear!

It is time again for another image revamp!

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A Nation Of "Nice" And "Ones"

I have come to the conclusion that the people here are lacking in creativity in general. Anytime any building is erected, the name is always the road name.

For instance, when a cosy SoHo was built around the central part of the river, it is named "The Central". Then when another mall was erected in the middle of Orchard Road, it is called "Orchard Central". Next to it is a shopping mall at number 313 Orchard Road, so it is called "313@Somerset" (Somerset being the name of the train station behind the mall).

I wonder if people can come up with better names? Like when the budget terminal was being built, there was a contest for naming the terminal. Some "smart aleck" filled in the name "Budget Terminal" and won the contest! I suspect he could have done that for fun without thinking he would ever win. But the biggest joke is that he actually won with a name like that, signifying just how "creative" people are!

The one name that has been overused is the name starting with "One". For instance, any new development that comes up, it will always have "One", like One Commonwealth, One Amber, One Fort. Why One? Why not Two, or Three or Four?

And I have not even touched on the kind of small talk people have. Someone can ask, "How are you today?" with the answer, "Nice".

"This is a nice dress!"
"That is a nice hat! It looks so nice on you!"
"This dessert is nice!"
"I have a very nice boss."
"My boyfriend is very nice."

I often wonder, is our vocabulary so limited that we are only limited to using "nice"? How about other adjectives like "beautiful", "fantastic", "great", "delicious", "caring", "wonderful" and so on?

We are brought up in a bilingual education environment. Surely we know many more words and usages besides "one" or "nice"?

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Flooded!

After all the heat wave going around, it finally rained yesterday. When I woke up in the morning as usual, I saw the rain splashing down in torrents. It would have been a day of rejoice because finally the weather cooled a bit.

Luckily it was not too bad on my way to work because even though there was rain and visibility was poor, there was no heavy jam. Hence I could still reach office early. By mid-morning, the storm had become stronger and only stopped around noon.

Then there were reports of the floods at Orchard Road. For those who are not familiar, Orchard Road to us is like our "capital", if we ever have a capital. It is the equivalent of Tokyo's Ginza district to the Japanese, the New York City (okay, New York City is more glamorous) to the Americans. Orchard Road is the place of branded stuff, designer wear, and the entire row and stretch of shopping malls. Needless to say, it is also the base of the great sale going around at this time of the year.

Yet it got flooded. There have been history of flooding in our little island, but never in Orchard Road. So it was a first that Orchard Road could actually flood. Cars were submerged, basement stalls were wrecked. One Starbucks which I used to frequent at an open basement was completely submerged. Stalls selling watches and electronic products were ruined.

All in all, there was a loss of millions worth of products, and some of the stalls had to shut for two weeks for massive cleaning. Talk about bad timing! Just when this is the season for them to make the most profit, they had to lose so much business. We are not even sure if insurance can be claimed since this is clearly an "act of God".

In any case, people have been kind enough to send me pictures of the destruction. I must say the workers here are efficient indeed. The flood was on until mid-afternoon, but by evening time when I took the bus that passed through that stretch, already the streets were clean and dry with no trace of flooding at all!

Our Olympic countdown

Police officer helping a submerged pedestrian

Wonder how the cars even managed to move?

Our newest icon - The ION
(which I have not had the time to actually explore the whole place)

Borders Bookstore (just below Esprit is the submerged Starbucks)

How ironic for the bus to go by at this time. We were all surprised indeed at the state of affairs.

Even though I did not personally witness the flooding and destruction, I do hope nothing of this ever happen again! It would not be a good experience to wade in knee-deep water and mud!

What Constitutes A Mature Man?

A conversation with a friend got me thinking. We were talking about both of us preferring mature (not old) men and whether men mature later than ladies when she came up with this question, "How can you tell if a man is mature enough?"

I was stumped. Yet off my head I could tell her my own definition of what a mature man is like based on my own observations. After that she said she is impressed and agree totally.

That got me thinking, what I brought up seem true. I have observed those who are still single (hence generally more "immature") and those who are married (so generally more "mature") and I must say, the points I brought up are not that far wrong.

So what constitutes a mature man? To me, I think maturity lies in a man's physical and mental actions.

Imagine two men in front of you, both attracted to you. One behaves like a gentleman and treats you nicely. He is reliable and trustworthy and puts you first. He is full of respect for you.

The other one only wants to get you in bed and tries all kinds of ways to achieve what he wants, without caring what you want. He does not respect you at all.

Now if you are a lady looking for a real serious relationship, which man would you go for? Chances are you will go for the first one. Why? Because the way he behaves shows his maturity.

To me, I feel if a man is mature enough, he will know how to behave towards a woman on the physical front. He will know how to control himself and not go on and on about how horny and unsatisfied he is. He will treat a lady with respect and not treat her like a sex object. A real mature man will know he loves the woman for who she is and not just the physical aspect.

The other measure of a man's maturity is in his mental behaviour. Now imagine there are three men in front of you, all three who passed the first round of "physical maturity".

The first goes around griping, complaining, and blaming the whole world for his problems. He takes things very personally and gets ultra sensitive about everything. He avoids or runs away whenever there are problems. He interrogates the girl whenever she talks on the phone or talks to other guys, he could go as far as follow her home and stalk her so as to ensure no other guy goes near her.

The second has many female friends and each week he will go out with a different girl to "test the water". He is fun-loving and will bring his dates to all the nice and exciting places. He knows how to treat a lady well. But he never dates seriously and prefers just enjoying life going out with different girls.

The third is not as fun-loving as the second man. He is more serious. He may not know sweet words to win a girl's heart. He can be totally square with a corny sense of humour. But he trusts the girl and lets her do what she pleases. He never runs away from problems and faces them headlong. He is just a typical, simple, boring man.

Again, if you are looking for a serious relationship, which man would you choose? I daresay there is a high chance a woman will choose the third man.

The first is too whiny, insecure and self-centred. Normally men like these play double standards. Whatever they did not allow the girl to do, they would go ahead and do on their own, like going out and talking to female friends and expect the girlfriend not to say anything.

So this kind of man is out of bounds as he is not emotionally mature. Why must we end up being with a man just to create more problems for ourselves by being his second mother?

The second type is one that may never settle down. He just likes playing the field. In this way, he is also not emotionally mature as he is not ready and willing to settle down yet. These are the men who can be good boyfriends. They give a very good time on a date. But they may never progress beyond that stage. Chances are if the girl asks for more commitment, the relationship will then be off.

This kind of men are out of bounds too. Yes, they can be good friends but this is it. A woman should never attempt to be romantically involved with a man like that unless she is willing to end in a broken heart. Furthermore she may end up waiting or dragging on, and honestly, as a woman, how many years can we actually afford to lose and waste over non-committal men?

Now comes to the third type. He is secure and confident. He trusts the girl and does not kick up a fuss even if she meets up with her guy friends. He is yearning to settle down. He meets a lady, falls for her and remains faithful for life.

This is the kind of man that is emotionally mature and the kind a woman should look for if she is looking for a serious relationship.

I think I have covered about all bases. Please note that this is not a psychology or social study; it is just based on my own observations and experiences on guys I have dated, guys I came across and guy friends I have, as well as a general observation on the kind of men ladies around my age look for.

Of course different people look for different kinds of qualities, but I believe if the man is both physically and emotionally mature (in my descriptions), then I believe I am not too far off in my observations.

So for those men who are looking for serious relationships and still not finding any, perhaps it is time for a reflection whether you are "mature" enough to attract a lady?

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Monotonity And Mundanity

I am no job hopper even though my resume gives that impression. However I am not one who stays in the same job, drawing the same salary, with the same rank for ten years, unlike a particular someone I know.

The longest I have ever stayed in a job is three years three months, the shortest two days (but that was because the company made a mess of my job offer and no headcount was approved so I had to leave as they were not complying with regulations by hiring me).

I do go for better ventures when I have a better offer. The company I was working with prior to this, I stayed for two years, nine months and three days. I almost made three years there before this current job opportunity came knocking. Now I am in my current post for almost one year and one month.

There is no perfect company or environment. If I am to compare job responsibilities, the previous job gave me the most exposure and best learning curve. I handled things which I never knew I could, and did them successfully. I built up good friendships and that helped me to achieve quite a few things at work.

But some of the people there made the working environment unpleasant. Ironically those who played politics are those who had been in the company for twenty to thirty years and still in the same rank. I somehow got the feeling they resented the fact I could handle more things outside my job scope so tried to find fault with everything. To me, if they were any that capable in the first place, why were they stuck in the same job for so long with hardly any progression?

Then when I came here, things got better. Even though there are still loudmouthed and nothing-better-to-do-but-gossip people around, at least no one really got on my nerves. And I do have a group of people whom I lunch with at times. So in terms of politics, so far this place is better.

But the work is not as enjoyable. When I was hired, I was supposed to do Corporate Finance, like Initial Public Offerings, cross-border transactions, incorporation, merger and acquisition and restructuring. Now the entities have merged, gotten acquired, consolidated, amalgamated, and mostly restructured. With the financial downturn last year, the listing was put on hold until further notice. Hence I will not be able to get the listing experience for now.

So now what I end up doing are day-to-day stuff like board minutes, Annual General Meetings, photocopying, scanning, checking financial statements, things which anyone who is more junior than me can handle. I feel more like a Finance Assistant than a Legal and Corporate Officer.

In my previous job, I handled major and minor contracts, Intellectual Property, insurance, private equity, medium term notes, property, sales and marketing, international and cross-border transactions, due diligence, leasing, attending property launches, charity trust and accident claims.

Thus in my current job scope which any teenager can handle, I am feeling bored and mundane. I was doing twice as much work for lesser pay! I am not complaining about having lesser workload for more pay but right now, it is not challenging enough. I had problems in my previous job but I was satisfied with my work in the end because it was enriching.

In the past from the moment I reached office I was working, with a bit of a break in between, then all the way until after six. Now all my work can be done by eleven in the morning, then I just have to wait for lunch, then lax in the afternoon until around six. So I end up with quite a bit of free time to just surf the net until end of the day. In fact I am busier with non-work stuff than actually work!

Hence even though I am only in this company for slightly more than a year, I was contemplating if I should just move to something more challenging. Two Fridays ago, I made a decision. The next day (Saturday), I saw two job openings in the Recruit paper. Talk about a coincidence!

One is a petroleum company, looking for in-house legal staff to do contracts, insurance and corporate. Another is the top law firm here looking for staff in its Intellectual Property and Technology department. I have sent in my resume to both and just keeping my fingers crossed.

Yesterday, news officially came out that we are not getting an increment or a bonus. In other words, we are having a pay freeze. This news came just when the job market is now picking up and the company managed to make profits the first half of the year!

Perhaps it is a sign then that it is better to move? In any case, I am looking out for better opportunities and see which one(s) I can apply to. If not then I will just continue with my monotonous and mundane work until the time comes for me to move on again or afford to take a break and not work for a while.

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Volunteer Or Disciple?

The deepest session of the retreat touched on the concept of volunteerism and discipleship. We were asked this thought-provoking question : Are you a Volunteer or a Disciple?

We were asked to split into five groups. All of us had to brainstorm in our groups the concept of a volunteer, disciple and the difference between these two.

After we were done, we had to move around and see what the other groups came up with. From what I could see, all the groups had similar concepts on what constituted a volunteer and a disciple.

To summarize, a volunteer is someone who picks and chooses what he wants to do because of his interest. A good example is my involvement in the upcoming Youth Olympics. I volunteered for the media role because of interest. However I did not volunteer for any other roles simply because I am not interested in doing those.

A volunteer is also someone who does things at his own time. The commitment level is not high because he deems that there is no loss even if he drops it along the way.

Some volunteers do things for the sake of bring recognised. For instance, if he likes to be in a leadership role and wants all the glory of recognition and achievement, he will want to do it for the sake of being "recognised". Or rather, he expects to be rewarded for what he did. This then creates a grey area whether one volunteers for self recognition or for more selfless reasons.

So then, what is a disciple? A disciple, on the other hand, is someone who does what he is called to do. Even if it is fruitless, even if there is no recognition, he still does it simply because he obeys his "master". The commitment level is much higher, often lifelong. It may not be something he expected or wanted, but he still goes ahead to do what is needed.

After that session, I really reflected. I guess there is always a thin line between a volunteer and a disciple. Why are some people more inclined towards certain aspects? Is it because they really like or they are called? Somewhere along the way, the distinction between a volunteer and a disciple had become blurred.

So do we want to be volunteers or disciples? This is still a tough question to answer.

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My First Cathechist Retreat

My retreat ended on Sunday evening but I was too shagged to do anything. Then it was back to work again on Monday.

In any case the retreat was a pretty enriching one. It was not as intensive as the CHOICE retreats. In fact, we only needed to check in on Saturday morning, rest after mass on Saturday evening, woke up for morning prayer at a quarter past eight on Sunday, and everything wrapped up after lunch on Sunday.

Still it was a good session, particularly a profound session on the purpose of our being and what we are doing this for. I notice that religious retreats tend to have the same kind of itinerary overall.

The retreat was held at the major seminary, which is situated at the far northeastern part, totally unfamiliar to me and what some would consider as our "countryside". Walking along the path towards the venue, one can never imagine we still have these kind of areas in our urban city.

Hopefully I can go for the next one, if there is going to be another one!

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Off To A Cathechist Retreat!

Another Saturday morning where I could sleep in after a long and tiring week, but again, I had to rise early to take an hour's journey of two buses in order to go to the seminary to attend a Cathechist Retreat.

I have no idea what the retreat will be about. Wonder if it will be as intensive as the CHOICE retreats? Hopefully it will be inspiring and enriching!

Needless to say, not many are happy with the fact that the retreat happened to be around the same time as the opening match of the World Cup.

I am no soccer fanatic, and never intend to be a soccer widow. Which is why when Mr DC came over to my place to watch the opening match with my brother last night, I just went to sleep instead of watching together.

Then he stayed the night in the study before waking up early for the retreat, although I have a feeling my mum woke up a few times a night to ensure he was still sleeping in the study. :-p Now he is snoring next to me on the bus as I am typing this.

In any case, I do hope this will be a great weekend for everyone!

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Volunteer Schedule

My schedule is out for the Youth Olympics! Basically I would have to work full days every weekend for the two weeks.

Starting on Saturday 14 August and ending on Thursday 26 August, my shifts will be mostly afternoon to evening. I even get two days off! Due to this, I only need to apply half day afternoon leave.

Six afternoons off equate to three full days so in the end, I only need to take three days' leave! That is great because then I need not use up that many days and can carry forward to next time round.

The best news is that I only need to report at that time and dismiss at the stated time, need not report earlier nor stay on longer.

I must say the organising committee really did a fantastic job! They arranged our schedules such that for those of us who are working, they scheduled around the later part of the afternoon and evening so our work would not be too disruptive.

Now I really cannot wait until the event is nearing!

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Of Communal Dining

What is communal dining? My understanding is that it consists of several diners at the same table, eating all together from the same dishes instead of individual dishes.

Or so I thought. Apparently I was not far off. Communal dining is essentially like what a normal Chinese family does at dinner - cook a few dishes and everyone takes from the same dishes instead of each individual's share.

This has always been a typical Asian concept. Go into any Chinese, Indonesian or Peranakan restaurant and one will notice that these places go by the concept of communal dining.

Hence I was quite surprised when I found out that one of the high-class Western restaurants also have communal dining. In my mind, I was wondering how the Western crowd take to this concept.

Out of curiosity, I took a look at the menu and was intrigued. It is a full Western menu but consisting mostly of main courses. The appetizer is a platter, followed by a variety of main courses where diners can choose from, up to a maximum of four main courses. So the diners will have a variety and not just one main dish.

Cool! Now there is communal dining in a Western restaurant too! Then I realise this concept is starting to slowly gain popularity in the West.

Hopefully I have a chance of going there one day and see if the food is any that good!

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Good Or Bad Customer?

I blew up at a customer service officer last night. Not just any customer service officer, but one from the Sony store itself. What happened was the new fancy digicam which we got a few months back was having trouble. Not with the camera, the battery was having trouble.

The last time I used it two months back, everything was good. Then when I wanted to use it last week, I went to charge the phone on Friday night, and it was not charging. So I tried again on Saturday, but it was still not charging.

Mr DC called the Sony store where the camera was bought. The person over the phone said as long as the whole set was bought within six months, we could still exchange the faulty piece. So we made a trip down last night with my warranty card, camera, battery and charger.

The first guy who served us helped me check the battery. Again, it was not charging. After putting another battery into the charger, it was ascertained it was my battery problem, not the charger. Then when he put his battery into my camera, my camera started working perfectly. He asked if the battery died the last time I used it, and I did not charge immediately, to which I answered in the affirmative.

Then he said that was why my battery is faulty. How does that make sense? I said, when the battery was flat, I did not charge it because I was not using it, then now I was using it that was why I charged it. Why could that not work? None of my gadgets have any problem!

He then said, we need to charge the battery a bit to let it have power, even if we are not using it, then when we are about to use, charge it again. That would let the battery have a longer lifespan. How could that be? Would that not make the battery weaker by always charging and not using? The power would run out faster, would it not?

Anyway, after that he took out the battery. I thought he was really going to help us exchange, but all he did was to stare at us, until I asked if we could have another battery. He then took another battery and started charging us. So I protested. I told him, I only bought the whole set a few months back, we were told we could exchange the faulty piece, and I even brought my warranty card, so how could he then charge us?

Then another guy took over, and he calmly said the battery is not included in the set. That was when I blew up. I told him straight off, that we went down because we were told we could exchange, and now we were there, he told us it was not included in the set? How could it not be included since the battery and charger came together in the same box as the camera, and not as if we purchased them separately on their own. Besides, how can the battery not considered a set with the camera since we need the battery before the camera can function!

I do not think I am being unreasonable by saying that. But he kept saying that if we would like to go under the warranty and exchange, we would have to go to their technician and repair the whole set. So I said I do not need my camera repaired, I only needed a working battery! In the first place, for such a brand name, how could they sell us such a slipshod product?

I must have sounded really edgy, so the store manager took my charger and battery and used a special liquid and cloth and wipe the whole thing thoroughly. He then tried charging my battery again, and this time, it worked! The store manager told me, perhaps because I left the charger out, exposing it to the elements of the air and dust, hence some of the chemicals and mechanism inside could have oxidised, and so, when I was charging the battery, the charger could not "read" it properly.

Now, that made much more sense! Yet why could someone not tell me that in the first place, instead of telling me something that was totally out of context? The manager even said if there was any problem again, go to their flagship store and repair it as that was the only place they could do exchanges. Again, why did someone not just say so?!

I am not sure if I was quite nasty last night, although I know I did raise my voice for quite a while. Afterall, for the amount we paid, this kind of thing should not have happened at all! But I must hand it to the people inside, no matter how loud I became, they still smiled and tried their best to explain to me.

In the end, I apologised for raising my voice before we left, and they said they could understand where we were coming from. Still, if their product knowledge was better, this would never happen!

I went home and charged my battery again, and this time round, it worked properly and charged fully. Hopefully none of this will happen again!

Top 10 Traits Men Look For In Women

In my previous post, I touched on the top ten traits women look for in men. To clarify, the traits are what women look for in a marriageable partner, not just a fling. So now, I will touch on the same study on the top ten traits men look for in a partner, as in a marriageable partner.

1. Mutual Attraction and Love
Above all, men want to marry a woman they love and are attracted to. While this may seem like a given, the “love marriage” is a modern development. Men started ranking this trait at No. 1 just a couple of decades ago, in the mid-1980s. Earlier in the 20th century, dependability, emotional maturity and a pleasing disposition ranked higher than love. Now, both men and women are marrying for love first and foremost, and marriages have become unions of passion, friendship, support and mutual attraction.

2. Dependable Character
Throughout the 20th century a woman's dependable character has been a top priority for men, who ranked it at No. 1 as far back as 1939. Like women, men want a life partner who will be trustworthy, faithful and reliable. They want a wife who will stand by their side and, considering divorce rates, it's no surprise that dependability would continue to be attractive.

3. Emotional Stability and Maturity Both men and women consistently cite emotional stability and maturity as one of the most attractive traits in a potential spouse. While men often fall victim to the stereotype of prioritizing physical attraction, when it comes to a potential wife, they want a woman who is grounded and secure in herself. Women also place maturity at No. 3 on their lists of good-husband material.

4. Education and Intelligence
A woman's education and intelligence are more attractive to men than ever before. This characteristic has been steadily climbing the ranks of men's desires for decades, up from No. 11 in 1939. Now that women are receiving 60% of college degrees and are half of the workforce, men are looking for women who are both intelligent and educated--or in other words, more accomplished and interesting than ever.

5. Pleasing Disposition
Men place a potential wife's pleasing disposition at No. 5 and have included it in their top-five traits since the 1930s. On the other hand, women in recent years are less likely to prioritize a man's pleasing disposition. Until recently, women consistently ranked it at No. 4, but it currently appears as No. 7.

6. Sociability
Both men and women rank sociability at No. 6 on their lists of mate preferences. And for both sexes, it has been steadily moving up the list from around No. 12 in 1939. Because today's married couples are more likely to be friends and have mutual circles of friends, it makes sense that this has become a more attractive characteristic.

7. Good Health
Men look for good health in a potential wife, but it is slightly less important to them today than it was in the past. In the 1930s and again in the 1970s, they ranked a woman's health at No. 5. They are smart to rank it fairly high on their marriage-material list. Both sexes are living well into their 70s, and often older, making good health a predictor of a long-lasting marriage.

8. Good Looks
Women's looks have become increasingly important to men over the years. The trait has jumped up seven spots, from No. 15 in 1956. (Looks did not make the top 10 list of what women want in a husband, but it has become more important to them over time too--jumping from No. 18 to No. 12). Perhaps because modern marriages are more likely based on love and attraction rather than practicalities (like wealth or status), physical attractiveness is more desirable.

[Ed: Why am I not surprised? Men are still visual creatures, but not everyone is born good-looking! Fortunately, women have the right to dress up and look good, hence the attraction factor will up a bit.]

9. Desire for Home and Children
A woman's desire for home and children has become less attractive to men over time. In 1939, men ranked it at No. 6. As women have increasingly achieved similar levels of education and career status, men may have begun to perceive them as more equal partners. How to divide the labor of home and work isn't as obvious as it was to their grandparents' generation.

10. Ambition and Industriousness
Despite the pervasive stereotype that men are intimidated by ambitious women, men rank this trait ahead of others like refinement, being a good cook and having similar religious backgrounds. While it's not high on their list (No. 10 out of 18), it is clear that men find a woman's drive, determination and energy attractive qualities in a life partner.

Hence this concludes the study. Surprisingly, men and women are generally looking for the same kinds of traits. But I guess it is rather common sensical, is it not? Afterall, in modern society, women are no longer subject to their husbands' whims and fancies (even though some people still claim women should submit to the men), and men no longer marry a baby machine. Nowadays couples are more equal in terms of education, intelligence, job prospects, earning power, etc.

Thus, the partners each gender looks for are now more compatible and equal in all these aspects, instead of the man expecting the woman to submit and the woman expecting the man to provide. Although in general, the man is still the head of the household, so they still provide the bigger share of the expenses and the woman still takes charge of the bigger share of the household chores and children's well-being.

In the twenty-first century, men and women no longer marry just for love, but also for companionship and partnership. In other words, the person we marry is someone whom we can actually look forward to spending the rest of our lives with, and not just to fulfil our sexual or material aspects or our desire to have a family.

Because forty years later when the children have grown and we have retired, it will just be two of us facing each other. Without love, commitment and companionship, no marriage will ever last that long.

Top 10 Traits Women Look For In Men

I came across an article from sociological studies on what both men and women want in a partner. In fact, all these traits are what I am looking for too, and most women I know. It does not need a study to know what women want!

Top 10 Traits Women Look For In A Partner :

1. Mutual Attraction and Love
Women no longer look for a man who will provide for them. They want to be in love. In 1939, when women had no job prospects and needed to marry, they ranked love at No. 5. The women’s movement has not only helped women pursue careers, it has also given them more choice in love.

2. Dependable Character
Women want a husband they can count on and this has not changed in years. Yes, women look to their spouse to be a lover and friend, but they also want him to be supportive and trustworthy. They want to know that he will be there and will be loyal.

3. Emotional Stability and Maturity
This has consistently ranked in women’s top 3 throughout the 20th century, signaling that it is a key quality for a stable partnership. Women seem to look past appearances to the heart of the matter, they ranked good looks at No. 12. In other words, women do not like a man being too whiny and childish!

4. Desire for Home and Children
Today, women are much more attracted to men who are interested in home and family than they ever have been. In 1977, they ranked this characteristic at No. 10. Because most women today are expecting to be in dual-earner relationships, they want husbands who will be happy and willing to contribute at home. More women today even report that they hope he will take the lead at home.

5. Education and Intelligence
Women have ranked education and intelligence at No. 5 since 1977, making it one of their most desirable male traits for 30 years. This timeline coincides with more and more women receiving college educations themselves. Once education became important in women’s lives, it became a more attractive trait in potential husbands.

6. Sociability
Sociability has been steadily moving up the list from No. 12 in 1939. The rise of the “love marriage”, a partnership based on attraction rather than practicalities (like wealth or status) might mean that married couples are more likely to be friends and have mutual circles of friends.

7. Pleasing Disposition
Surprisingly, a man’s likability does not rank as high on women’s list of wants as it used to. Until recently, women consistently ranked it at No. 4. Perhaps women are now more willing to accept a man for who he is, despite the inevitable mood swings.

8. Ambition and Industriousness
Ambition has become less important to women over time, although it still ranks in their top 10 checklist. It may be that because more women are thriving in the workforce, they want a husband who has earning power but aren’t looking for him to be the sole provider. In 1939 women ranked ambition at No. 3, and it was No. 4 in 1956.

9. Good Health
Health has been an important characteristic for women through the 20th century and remains so today. One might argue that because we’re living even longer, health plays a huge role in the success of a marriage.

10. A Good Financial Prospect
Interestingly, modern women rank a man’s financial potential as more desirable than they have in the past. In 1939 women ranked it lower on the list, at No. 13. It still comes in after items like love and maturity, but perhaps today’s women realize that a good economic partner is good husband material.

Now let me see - does he fulfill all? Actually he does. Of course, some of these traits he already has an abundant of, and some he does not have enough and still need more of, but generally, he does fulfill all. Which is good news to me at least!

What about what men want? Next post I will go through the traits men want in women, which are actually rather similar to what women want in men!

Baring Our Lungs ....

Last Saturday, I went for a long awaited for singing session. Unfortunately, my voice was not that great, probably due to the intensive choir practice the day before. Still, it was a great singing session.

We started off with dinner at Candlenut Kitchen. (For a description of the place, check out our food blog.) Then we proceeded to Party World. But the cost seemed a bit pricey, so we went on to the Kbox nearby. However, I find that particular Kbox does not have as wide a repertoire as Party World. Many of the songs I wanted were not available. Furthermore, there were not as many original MTVs of the songs, so many of the songs show girls in bikinis wondering around the beach. How cheesy!

My greatest surprise is that my dear actually sang a Mandarin song, not just any Mandarin song, but one by the late Teresa Teng! Wow.. I did not know he even knew any Mandarin songs! He took Chinese until after secondary, but he definitely does not listen to any Mandarin songs. In fact, the Mandarin songs I know are much more than him (and I am not one who listens to Mandarin songs too)!

When it comes to Mando pop, I get very selective over the repertoire. I only listen to real good quality, so those Taiwanese boybands and all the other singers whom many people go crazy over, they do not cut it for me. I listen to only Jacky Cheung, Kit Chan, Teresa Teng and Wan Fang. To me, I feel these are the only good vocals around, the rest simply do not cut it.

Hence I was really surprised he could croon Teresa Teng’s “The Moon Represent My Heart”. The others chose their songs and had a great time crooning away too! In the end, Kbox is not exactly that cheap as well since they added in hidden costs, like taxes and tidbits. I told them to do without the tidbits but they claimed each room would have at least one bowl depending on the number of people. So if we had seven of us, there would be three bowls, even though two bowls would be more than enough, but they refused to bend their rules.

In any case, it was a great singing session. I only hope my voice had recovered enough for the practice this week!

Bare Your Sole Charity Walk

The day finally came. I could actually wake up early in the morning instead of sleeping in on a weekend, to take a train down to the stipulated station, where a shuttle bus would take us to the venue. When we reached the beach, there were tentage being set up and a mini carnival was going on.

First there were speeches. Then we went to the starting point. That was when I took out my flip flops and put them in my bag. Thus, the barefoot walk started. We flagged off at fifteen past eight in the morning. Walking on the pavement barefoot was really no joke. There were small stones and hard granite. My feet felt prickly. I walked for about five hundred metres when I stepped on a small stone, which cut into my foot. It was painful for a few minutes, and I had to hobble on one foot.

When we had walked about one kilometer, the ground became smoother, only to pick up again later on when the ground became even rougher than the beginning. We walked on for two and a half kilometers before the sign said to make a U-turn, and then we were on our way back to the starting point.

We saw a thunderstorm in the horizon. Luckily for that, because the wind was pretty cool and the weather was not too hot. We were actually starting to enjoy the cool breeze, but around the last two kilometers, it started to rain. Even though it was not that heavy a rain, still, we got wet. We still continued walking on until we finally reached the starting point again.

So we did it! We walked five kilometers barefoot, in about one and a half hours! After that, we splashed our feet with water and wore back our foot wear. My footwear had never felt so good on my feet!

We have really taken things like shoes, clothes, etc, for granted. Until we actually experience going barefoot, or else we would never know how priviledged we are to actually have shoes!

Date Ideas

I get this a lot, "What exactly do you two do on a date? Where do you go?" I am always stumped by this question. I always wondered if I am expected to answer this in a more unique way? I mean, down here, besides food, movies and shopping, seriously, what else can we do on a date?

But then if I answer that, it is too boring and run-of-the-mill, is it not? After all anyone who is with someone will do the same thing. Seems like the routine for anyone with a date - dinner, shopping, movies, drinks.

The worst thing is if you tell others you just stay home and watch television together, people will then have an impression how boring and lack of life's passion one must be.

The thing is, when I was young and full of energy, I wanted to go places. But budget was a constraint. So we ended up hanging out at each other's homes, more me hanging out at his place than mine. I never used to mind as I thought as long as I was around him that was all that mattered, even if he would just be hooked on his computer games and totally ignoring me save for the occasional requests of water and food, and I had to then be like a maid, bringing him water and food and fed him as requested.

When I got older and more affluent, I started to think about the kind of relationship I wanted. Maybe we can go fine dining and various gastronomical adventures. We can get away once in a while together. We can go chilling out after work. We can go yachting. We can go for operas, musicals and plays. I thought of all these even when I was dateless.

Yet now when I finally have a date, again there is budget constraint so we ended up doing the same routine things again - dinner and movies. The worst thing is that at an older age, one's energy level goes down so even if you wanted to go places, you just feel so tired everyday that you just want to go home and not do anything.

I am not against a plain dinner and movie date, or just hanging out at home. But I am one who needs variety in my life. Doing the same things all the time will only bore me to death.

But what can we do? Both of us earn a nominal salary and have our own bills to settle. As much as we like to go places, we are limited by funds as after setting aside for household, course fees and necessities, we may not have that much left especially with the cost of living nowadays. Hence there are even less things I can do now as compared to when I was still single, carefree and not gone back to studying.

But then again, whoever said a date must be lavish? There are actually many places to explore right in this island itself, places where no one even knew existed! And all do not cost much!

Furthermore, there are many things we can do which are inexpensive and yet let us lose weight and remain healthy. What can be a better deal?

So I did some research and came up with a few ideas :

1. The most common - walk or picnic on the beach. Or cycling, jogging, dog-walking, moon-gazing, star-gazing, sea-gazing, or just gazing into each other's eyes.

2. Explore a village. Believe it or not, there is still a little village consisting of wooden houses somewhere in this city, with actual residents. It is right smack in the middle of government flats and suburban housing. Knowing how our government maximizes the use of the land space fully, this village will not last much longer so it would be a good idea to visit it and see how life was just forty years ago. Since it is a residential area and not a tourist spot, anyone can go there for free.

3. Commune with nature. Somewhere around the northern part of this island, there is a stretch consisting of a wetland reserve and organic farms. All we need to do is to take a train there, then a shuttle bus will take us into the area and we can explore whichever farm we like, be it a fish farm, bird watching at the wetland reserve, or a vegetable farm. A healthy meal of organic food is included too.

4. Hiking. The only trekking path here is up our highest point, which is not even high in the first place. This shows how flat our land is, without any natural landforms like mountain tops, lakes and valleys. Still it is quite a popular hiking trail for many people, if they bother to get up early on a Saturday morning to go hiking.

5. Park hopping. Now there is a three-in-one ticket at a very good price to gain entrance into the zoo, the Night Safari and the Bird Park. The best news is one need not go all three places in one day as the ticket is valid for a month. Much more worth it as compared to getting individual tickets for the three places.

6. Horse riding. The Saddle Club allows a ten-minute horse riding experience for a good price. This would be interesting especially for people who grow up here but have never seen nor ridden a horse.

7. Treetops Walk. Our National Parks Board had designated treetop trails linking the different parks together, with another at a reservoir. It is a good form of exercise, enjoying each other's company and see nice scenery along the way.

8. Victorian Chic. For a touch of Victorian, stroll along the main river, especially around sunset. Flanked by skyscrapers on one end and Victorian buildings at the other end, it is a beautiful and romantic sight to stroll alongside the river in the evenings.

9. Go on a boardwalk. There is this stretch around the eastern part that has a very nice pavement stretching out to the beach. Great for exploration and beach walk. The only downside is that the particular area is reputed to be one of the most haunted areas on this island and there are real life accounts of people actually feeling uncomfortable whenever they go there.

10. Walk about on a grassy field. There is this stretch of tall grass situated next to a marina, where yachts dock. The field sometimes have this plant called lalang. It is situated at the far north eastern part where there is hardly any housing and not many have heard of the place. Hence one can have the field all to themselves for a picnic or just sit there, read and enjoy each other's company.

11. Go to a Pet Farm, especially for animal-lovers like us. The entrance is free and you can ogle at all the cute puppies, kittens, hamsters, chinchillas, even exotic pets like snakes and reptiles!

12. Last but not least, my favourite, which I always hope can happen but never did. Have the house all to yourself and the guy whip up a sumptuous candlelight dinner. I always thought I would like a guy who can actually cook, but unfortunately ... Well you give some, you take some.

So there, ten date ideas that are enjoyable, inexpensive, different and healthy! Looks like I must first start checking off the list by doing them! Now if only I can find the time!

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Heavyweight!

I cannot believe I am still increasing despite the fact that I am already cutting down on food! I used to eat one bowl of rice at every meal but now I eat only a quarter or no rice at all. When I dine with Mr DC, I dump all my rice on him. In fact, he eats three-quarters of my share plus his own full share and I only eat a quarter.

I have also cut down on what I eat for breakfast. Now I only eat cereal with low fat milk instead of the full breakfast I used to have. I have stopped snacking. I make a point to exercise during the weekends and walk more often.

So why am I still balloning up at a rapid speed? Why are my pants getting tighter and my clothes cannot be worn anymore?

The greatest irony is that, Mr DC does not seem to be putting on weight despite eating much more than me and living about the same kind of lifestyle I have! Why is life so unfair?

I need to shape up for my cousin's upcoming wedding in September. Otherwise I will not look good no matter what I wear! I used to still look elegant in a gown, now my arms are thick, my bottom is heavy and I look about three months pregnant. I probably look years older! I think even real expectant mothers do not look like that!

Oh dear, what else can I do? I need and want to get back to my original size again - the figure I was so proud of back in my late teens and early twenties instead of the blimp I am becoming!

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Appeal Appealed!

Remember a few weeks back, I was appealing against an appeal? Great news, my appeal finally came through! I received a call yesterday that my grade for that assignment has been reverted back. I went into the portal to check but the penalty was still there.

Today, when I went in again to check, my grades have been reverted back! So I got back my 'A'! Yeah! It makes a huge of a difference especially when I need this to pull up my grade point average, especially since I do not foresee I did that well in the recent examinations.

At least it is a lesson learnt. I shall submit my assignments slightly earlier henceforth!

Love - The Be All And End All?

Five years and four days ago, I started this blog. That point in time I was still in a relationship. Hence the thought of journalling my life and my relationship. Then four days later (five years back from today), my then relationship ended. This blog then became the focus of my single life.

Five years, and relationships are still a big part of my life. It used to be just that one relationship, but through the years has grown to relationships with family and friends, old and new.

Definitely a lot of things have happened. At least I did not spend my time just working, sleeping and eating. When my then-relationship ended, I met some scums. Pardon me if I offend the guys, but I did meet a few scums.

A few only had sex on their minds and they had the cheek to call me square and arrogant just because I refused to do the deed with them. I am not some cheap and loose girl who beds anyone I see!

Two others are downright cheapskates and penny pinchers that all they wanted were free meals, with me picking up the tab.

The biggest scum of all was someone I really fell for but he led me on, pretending he was single but actually he was not. When I found out, he had the cheek to say he did not deem it necessary to tell me because if I really loved him, I would not mind his status!

Imagine the turmoil, dilemma and sorrow I was in. On one hand, I felt so betrayed yet I loved him too much to let go even though I knew I had to, but it was just so painful. On the other hand, I got judged and labelled a home-wrecker and third party, when I was not in the know in the first place. And it were people whom I deemed my close confidantes that did that. Talk about a double betrayal!

Why did no one ever blame the scum who fooled around but always the gullible girl who fell for his charm? Do people think I make a living wrecking people's homes? My mum taught me not to be a home-wrecker too. Did people think I felt happy? Why did no one consider the fact that I was depressed and suicidal and had to undergo counselling for a year because it was that scum who caused it?

But that incident taught me a great lesson. Since then I no longer compromise my standards. I no longer sway to sweet words and romantic gestures. Mr DC (Carrie has her Mr Big, I have my Mr DC) can vouch that romance and words no longer cut it for me. Whatever men used to woo girls do not work on me anymore.

I do not really know what brought about that change. Maybe because I am now more cautious? I know for a period of time, I wanted to swear off relationships altogether because I just became so weary and wary. I actually started to enjoy being single, leading my life happily and being carefree, instead of the problematic times when I was in relationships.

After that great big scum, there were other men who tried to woo me. But I never let myself go again. In any case the men were rather fickle too. They were so into you for a while then suddenly disappeared without a trace. I absolutely hate it when people pull a disappearing act. The least one can do is to be decent enough to talk things through and not leave others hanging.

Even though I was single for a while, I never gave up on relationships. I read relationship articles from my muses Violet, Kloudiia and Terry. Besides the tips, I realise when I was reading the relationships advise that I am not alone in the world when it comes to meeting scums because other ladies experienced similar things too. Which led me to conclude that many men are indeed scums.

I started following the tips on how not to settle for second or third or fourth best by stating down the criteria(s) I wanted. Which was what I did. But one thing I have personally experienced is that when it comes to love, having a checklist is not enough.

Look at Mr DC. He definitely does not fit into my checklist. I was not even interested in him in the first place. In fact, I wrote him off the moment I set eyes on him. I thought he was another one of those scumbags who was trying to be funny and cheeky with me. He only fulfils one criteria - religion. I did not deem he fulfilled enough criteria to go on.

But he was the one who stuck around when all those other guys decided that they had enough fun and decided to disappear, not even continuing the friendship. He never wavered in his friendship.

He was the one that let me do as I please, unlike other guys who, even as friends, expected me to go along with whatever. It was as if they still had the mentality that the men rule and women are to be seen and not heard.

This is not a perfect relationship. We have our ups and downs too and our disagreements. But which relationship is perfect? Many men I know start pulling out just because they argued or disagreed, as if the partner has to be in sync with them all the time.

It happened to me too. A guy who claimed to be wooing me suddenly pulled out because I disagreed with something he said. He said he wanted someone who fit totally. It was only the third time we went out as friends and already he jumped to conclusions without even giving the chance!

But not Mr DC. He welcomes arguments and debate as intellectual banter. He does not pull away no matter how difficult it gets (I can be pretty hard to get along). He is always there for me and my family.

Of course there are ongoing problems which we are still trying to resolve. But I am not a perfect person too. Yet somehow he is just perfect for me, despite my gripes.

People have asked me what did I see in him. He is not an aeronautical engineering scholar like my first ex-boyfriend. Neither is he a first-class honours law graduate like my ex-fiancé. He can neither sing nor have a way with words. He is stuck in the same dead-end job for years. And he has real stick-in-the-mud parents who demand everything their way and I am an unwelcome intruder into their otherwise perfect and peaceful family of three.

But he is everything the other guys are not. He is not threatened by the fact that I may be more capable or higher-educated or in a better job, unlike other guys who run away the moment they think the lady is in any way better. Neither is he scared off by the kind of family background I come from, unlike my exs. And he not only supports but also participated together the things I like to do for my religion and the community / society.

Violet's latest post is on dating the marrying kind. This is the marrying kind - loyal, faithful, good tempered, family-oriented, loves children and loves my dog to bits (which also seems to love him more than me now), and not those who cannot even make up their minds whether they even like the girl.

So with that, I end on love - the beginning of my blog, the end of this post, and hopefully it will be love that ends my blog and begins a new one - the end of singlehood and the start of the rest of my life.

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