Changes In Perspective .... (And Happy Holidays!)

At last I have something to do on Christmas Day. I will be meeting a friend for lunch and a movie (Yes! "Narnia" at last! Although I have heard mixed reviews about the show....). He had a Christmas wish list, which I promised to help make his first wish come true, so he will have what he asked for, as well as something that I brought back from Tasmania. Which reminds me, someone else is also supposed to meet me some time soon to pick up his Tasmanian present (gentle reminder :-D).

K is going home tomorrow for Christmas, so I met up with him after work since it is so near the season and we did not want to go home so early. We went down to the Esplanade to see a carolling performance, then had dinner at a Peranakan restaurant, before proceeding to HMV where he bought a whole lot of classic movie DVDs. I actually saw the original edition of the book "Memoirs Of A Geisha" at HMV and bought it immediately, as that was the edition I have always been looking for. Now, is HMV venturing out into book sales as well?

Now that the year is ending, I start to realise that my perspectives have changed in a matter of ways. Upon looking back, I find that I have done certain things differently as compared to if I have done them in the past.

Perhaps I could have done better in my studies. I used to disagree with my mum for taking good grades and the school one attended as the basis for everything else. Once the results are good, everyone would treat you so well.

I felt so left out in front of all my smart relatives who attended the best schools and have the best grades, so my grandma, parents and all other relatives kept fawning all over them. Whatever they did was right and good, whereas nobody paid any attention to what I did or wanted to do.

Once the results were not up to par, you would be ostracised and left alone. People viewed you as someone stupid who would never make it in life. Now upon looking back, maybe I could have used the time and energy of being resentful to be more focused on my studies, but then how much better could I have done? For the long list of special stream education, gifted education, straight 'A's, top students of top schools, and some top scholars, no matter how well I did it would never be comparable as I would forever be in others' shadows.

But I would have strived to get a higher university education. I used to disbelieve my mum when she told me the importance of a good degree, as I thought she was again judging me on the basis of my results. But now I realise just how true it is. There is such a difference between graduates and non graduates, honours and no honours, first-class honours and second-class honours, post-graduates and mere graduates.

I could have continued law. I used to find it so hard for me since I was struggling with all the theory and aspects and pages after pages of reports, but now I appreciate it so much better. I used to find law interesting, then my interest died after taking it, but the interest is now revived and stronger than before. There is now a tinge of regret on giving up in the past, especially now I feel so inadequate and incompetent in the work I do since my knowledge is but so limited.

I could have considered carefully before entering into any relationship. I realise too late now that a relationship is more than just two persons being interested in each other. There must be commitment and responsibility on both sides to make it work. In every relationship, sometimes love alone is really just not enough.

If there is no commitment or accommodation on both sides and being tolerant of each others' quirks, the love (ie passion) will die sooner or later, and the one that ends up doing more will feel so tired. What I have learnt through the years is that if you really love and are committed to someone, a relationship should not even be tiring or miserable. Being in love should be the happiest and most exciting feeling in the world.

There were so many things I could have done much earlier, like joining the chorus, taking professional voice and dancing lessons, furthering my music education, passing my driving test, taking a post-graduate course, getting baptised. Why did I have to wait until now? Where have all those years gone by, years I have wasted in doing things that ended up meaningless?

So now I have a new goal, which is to really live a life according to how I like it instead of how people want it, and try to complete as many things I want to do before the age of thirty. Only a few more years to go!

Oh, and I will be attending the midnight mass, something I have not done for about five years now. I miss the atmosphere and spiritual environment that is always so abundant during the midnight mass to welcome Christmas. I am really looking forward to it again!

So Happy Holidays to everyone! Have a Merry Merry Christmas and a Happy Happy wonderful Year ahead!