The friend's place we went to yesterday is a detached house in District 10, one of the expatriate areas. She is an expatriate's wife, and her house is really quaint and cosy, a typical colonial-style house with a big garden behind, a gardening shed, and a patio which opens up into a swimming pool-cum-jacuzzi. If I have a house like this, I will never think of moving out!
I have been after my dad to get a pool installed at our backyard ever since we moved in, but he kept refusing. Yet when my brother asked for the pool table, he agreed immediately. Sometimes one just cannot understand why parents favour one kid over another one.
My friend's kids are really well-mannered and well-behaved. Her maid was off, and since she had to entertain us last night, they ordered a few pizzas for dinner. Her kids went to help prepare salad without even needing to be asked. And when her son wanted a second helping, he actually asked permission first and when the permission was given, he only took a mouthful. It is not as if her son is still a little kid, he is already twenty years old.
My brothers will never do that. They will take all the food they like and then leave very little for everyone else. And they will never ask for permission to take second helpings; they will just go help themselves. As long as they are full or it is the dish they like, they are not concerned even if others are not full or like the dish.
When her husband brought the children out after dinner, the kids actually came up to us one by one and said goodbye and that it was nice to meet us. I am really impressed! When I organised a party at my place, my brother just hid in his room and refused to come out to mingle or talk to anyone, except when he wanted to eat something. When my friends left, he did not come down to greet them or whatsoever.
And since my friend's car was being decorated, her son took the initiative to call a cab for the family. The father only needed to tell them the time they need to leave and all the children got ready and waiting. My brothers would never follow the timing my mum gave. Often, she had to scream at them a few times to get ready before they finally obliged, albeit with an irritated look that she was being too controlling again.
I examine the difference between the Western upbringing and Eastern upbringing, and I must say, I am really impressed with the Western way of upbringing of the children, at least in my friend's case (and also in some of my relatives' case who are brought up the Western way). Westerners do not really smack their kids a lot, they try to reason, yet these kids (at least the ones I know) turn out better.
My parents with all their Chinese traditional way of upbringing using the cane and not mincing words and insults, somehow why are we not as well-brought-up as others? I grew up distancing myself from my parents because they put me down in whatever I wanted to do, and even now, my mum still wants to control what I do at times.
My parents never really caned my youngest brother and let him get away with all the disrespect he shows me or them in the way he behaves, and he grows up thinking the world of himself and everyone must cater to his wishes. My first brother got more beatings than him (although I am still the one that got the worst end of the stick), and he, too, grew up distancing himself from my parents.
If you remember the post on good parenting which I wrote a while back, you will recall that I wonder exactly what good parenting is. I have seen what good parenting is, in my friend's case. She did discipline by occasional smacks, mostly reasoning and with plenty of love-showing, and her kids are all so well-behaved. Some parents believe in caning, talking down, being in control and not comfortable with showing love, and the kids turn out otherwise.
A friend recommended me to watch "Frequency", which he says it shows good parenting in the main character on his treatment of his son. I have already ordered the DVD from another friend who imports DVDs pretty often. The DVD has arrived actually. However, he is back in Malaysia now so I have to wait until after Christmas or next year to get the disc from him. Perhaps after I watch the show I can truly understand what good parenting is like. Meanwhile, I hope that I can bring up my future children like how my friend brought up her kids - so well-mannered and well-behaved. The type of children every parent like to have.
I have been after my dad to get a pool installed at our backyard ever since we moved in, but he kept refusing. Yet when my brother asked for the pool table, he agreed immediately. Sometimes one just cannot understand why parents favour one kid over another one.
My friend's kids are really well-mannered and well-behaved. Her maid was off, and since she had to entertain us last night, they ordered a few pizzas for dinner. Her kids went to help prepare salad without even needing to be asked. And when her son wanted a second helping, he actually asked permission first and when the permission was given, he only took a mouthful. It is not as if her son is still a little kid, he is already twenty years old.
My brothers will never do that. They will take all the food they like and then leave very little for everyone else. And they will never ask for permission to take second helpings; they will just go help themselves. As long as they are full or it is the dish they like, they are not concerned even if others are not full or like the dish.
When her husband brought the children out after dinner, the kids actually came up to us one by one and said goodbye and that it was nice to meet us. I am really impressed! When I organised a party at my place, my brother just hid in his room and refused to come out to mingle or talk to anyone, except when he wanted to eat something. When my friends left, he did not come down to greet them or whatsoever.
And since my friend's car was being decorated, her son took the initiative to call a cab for the family. The father only needed to tell them the time they need to leave and all the children got ready and waiting. My brothers would never follow the timing my mum gave. Often, she had to scream at them a few times to get ready before they finally obliged, albeit with an irritated look that she was being too controlling again.
I examine the difference between the Western upbringing and Eastern upbringing, and I must say, I am really impressed with the Western way of upbringing of the children, at least in my friend's case (and also in some of my relatives' case who are brought up the Western way). Westerners do not really smack their kids a lot, they try to reason, yet these kids (at least the ones I know) turn out better.
My parents with all their Chinese traditional way of upbringing using the cane and not mincing words and insults, somehow why are we not as well-brought-up as others? I grew up distancing myself from my parents because they put me down in whatever I wanted to do, and even now, my mum still wants to control what I do at times.
My parents never really caned my youngest brother and let him get away with all the disrespect he shows me or them in the way he behaves, and he grows up thinking the world of himself and everyone must cater to his wishes. My first brother got more beatings than him (although I am still the one that got the worst end of the stick), and he, too, grew up distancing himself from my parents.
If you remember the post on good parenting which I wrote a while back, you will recall that I wonder exactly what good parenting is. I have seen what good parenting is, in my friend's case. She did discipline by occasional smacks, mostly reasoning and with plenty of love-showing, and her kids are all so well-behaved. Some parents believe in caning, talking down, being in control and not comfortable with showing love, and the kids turn out otherwise.
A friend recommended me to watch "Frequency", which he says it shows good parenting in the main character on his treatment of his son. I have already ordered the DVD from another friend who imports DVDs pretty often. The DVD has arrived actually. However, he is back in Malaysia now so I have to wait until after Christmas or next year to get the disc from him. Perhaps after I watch the show I can truly understand what good parenting is like. Meanwhile, I hope that I can bring up my future children like how my friend brought up her kids - so well-mannered and well-behaved. The type of children every parent like to have.
3 comments:
A friend recommended me to watch "Frequency", which he says it shows good parenting in the main character on his treatment of his son.
O...kay. It will be too long to respond on the above. The reply will therefore be elaborated here.
Now...
To be fair, a pool requires a lot more work and upkeep compared to a pool table.
Two...
Are your friend's kids even in the same age range as your brothers? One really should not categorize parenting as "Western" or "Eastern". There are only 3 categories: "Good", "Normal", and "Bad". Regardless of where/style of practice.
(I had the link of a video about a 6 year olf who cusses F*** words at his mother for not bringing him a drink. I lost it. It is a western family btw.)
Anon_X : You are the sly one, aren't you? :-D
Ole Wolvie : My friend's kids are all around the age range of late teens to early twenties, which are the same as my brother's ages.
I do agree there will always be parents, no matter what race or culture, who can bring up good children and rebellious children.
All I'm saying is that I like the way my friend brings up her children, cos I'm sure my brothers do not behave like them, and I will like my own children to be just as well-behaved as her kids.
And I find it amazing that for a Western family of bringing kids up with love and affection with hardly any beatings, the kids are so well-behaved, as compared to a Chinese family whose parents are disciplinarians. Better than other Western families of course whose kids show no respect to the parents or anyone else, that is really too much.
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