After having been to quite a number of (and coordinated a few) weddings, I have observed that no matter how different people are, the way they want their wedddings to be are mostly the same - something grand, joyous, public, and with lots of toasting. So far, I have never come across one wedding that is simple and private with just the solemnisation and a small reception for the family and real close friends. The weddings I have attended are mostly pretty big affairs, fit for a gala of some sort. And as expected, most guests invited for the dinner are more the parents' guests than those of the wedding couple.
I always like church weddings the best. Solemn, sincere, and a beautiful moment for the wedding couple. And the people you invite are actually people you know, not business associates or long-lost friends of your parents. Chinese wedding dinners are big affairs, but people buy about fifty tables, of which more than half consist of people you do not know. If the couple happen to have a big family, like my friend who got married a few years back, whose father has fifteen siblings and that side of the family already took up about five tables or so, not counting the rest of the extended family on her mother's side plus her husband's family, then sometimes big affairs are unavoidable.
My point is that if one is to get married and organise a wedding dinner, then the number of tables ordered should correspond to the actual number of people the bride and groom know, not people only their parents know. After all, it is the couple's big day, so technically they are the ones who have the rights to choose who they like to invite to share the day with, not anybody else.
In a typical Chinese wedding, the groom will go to the bride's place, where he and his "brothers" will be locked outside and ragged by the "sisters". The groom has to do a series of tests and then he will have to give a big red packet to the "sisters". The tests can range from soemthing harmless to something wild, all in the name of fun and banter. This is to show how determined the groom is to marry the bride. The tradition is that if the groom really wants to marry the bride, he will be willing to go through all the hurdles just to receive her.
Then the couple will proceed with the tea ceremony for the bride's family, by serving tea to the elders, which encompasses grandparents, parents, immediate uncles, aunts, elder siblings, and for some, elder cousins as well. The younger siblings (and for some, younger cousins) will then have to greet the couple as part of the welcoming for the addition of a new family member.
After that, the couple, together with their "brothers" and "sisters" will proceed to the groom's place and have the tea ceremony for his family. Then, they will either go to their new place for lunch, or go straight to the hotel where the wedding reception will be held. They can then rest and relax the rest of the day until the dinner banquet. For couples who are church-goers, their church ceremony will normally be after lunch. Guests will go straight to the church themselves. After the ceremony, the couple will then proceed to the hotel as above until the banquet.
The dinner is normally a nine-course dinner. Guests will sit down and wait for course after course to arrive. There is hardly any mingling around. Some couples have cocktail receptions before the dinner, where guests can mingle around. The bride and groom will then exit and enter about three times, depending on how many gown changes the bride has. The most number of changes I have ever seen is three - the normal wedding gown for the grand entrance, and two more gowns for the different march-in times, plus an additional different cocktail gown for the pre-dinner cocktail reception.
The first march-in will be the grand entrance, before the first dish was served. The second march-in will be after the third course, where the couple will then toast champagne and all the "brothers" will shout out loud to join in the toasting. After that, there will be photo-taking sessions where the couple will go to table and table and take pictures with the guests. If there is another march-in (ie another gown change), normally the next march-in will be where the "brothers" and "sisters" start ragging the couple, otherwise it will be dancing or singing where the couple will lead. Then the couple, together with their parents, will stand at the doorway just after the last dish was served to greet the guests goodbye.
But one thing about a Chinese wedding is that people are normally late. And the sad thing is that it is mostly the relatives or family members that are late, not the friends. Most friends will actually show more respect by turning up early or on time. In most cases, wedding dinners start late due to the place still being half-full because most of the relatives have not arrived. And these relatives expect that the couple wait for them because they are elders.
Just like yesterday, my friend wanted to have the tea ceremony at the restaurant at 5:30pm. Her relatives kept calling her and asked if they could postpone the tea ceremony to 7:30pm instead (which was the time for the dinner) since it was a big rush for them. Then there were other relatives who requested for this and that for her wedding.
Who is the one getting married? My friend of course! So she and her groom should be the only ones to decide what time to schedule for things and what they want their wedding to be like, and who they want to invite. Who are others to make so many comments on others' weddings? My friend has already planned out everything and confirmed everything, how can others just request for things at the last moment?
In most cases, it is normally the parents who insist on a big banquet, so they can invite everyone they know and show off that their kid is getting married. And these people will turn up for the "free" food despite not knowing the wedding couple personally. Thus in a lot of cases, the couple's hands are tied, as they have to choose between having the type of wedding they like, or going along with their parents' wishes since their parents brought them up and some offer to pay for the wedding dinner. Often than not, the latter prevail.
If it is my wedding, it will be solely what my groom and I have planned out - the schedule, the venue, the day, the activities, the people. Elders or not, no one has the right to make comments about my wedding. And elders or not, once they are late, I will start at the stated time. Since they do not want to show enough respect to me, I should think they do not deserve my respect as well. The bottomline is it is my big day, so everything should be going according to how my groom and I have planned and organised, not for some flukes to force their opinions on us.
The wedding I find most memorable is the one which I attended in Sydney. My cousin's wedding is the typical Western style (except with the little tea ceremony in between, after the church ceremony and before the dinner). They relaxed in the morning, went to the church at the required time in the afternoon and the bride marched in with photo-taking on location. Then dinner is at a restaurant overlooking the harbour.
There is a balcony where we had cocktails and finger food. The menu was a Western menu with alternative choices of food as well as red and white wine. There was no change of gown, but there were speeches by both the bride's and groom's fathers, the groom and the best men. After the speeches there was ballroom dancing led by the couple and everyone else could join in the dance. The banquet ended off with dancing. All those who were invited were either immediate family members or friends of either the bride or groom or both. The best thing was that everyone arrived early or on time and everything could start on time according to schedule.
That was one wedding I really enjoyed. Something classy, yet not totally extravagant. Something with lots of fun, music, wining, dining, singing and dancing. Something where all the guests know other people and can mingle around with each other. Something where people really share in your joy, instead of just going for the sake of eating and scooting off after that. Something where the people invited at least showed some respect to the couple in question. Now that is one wedding to remember.
I always like church weddings the best. Solemn, sincere, and a beautiful moment for the wedding couple. And the people you invite are actually people you know, not business associates or long-lost friends of your parents. Chinese wedding dinners are big affairs, but people buy about fifty tables, of which more than half consist of people you do not know. If the couple happen to have a big family, like my friend who got married a few years back, whose father has fifteen siblings and that side of the family already took up about five tables or so, not counting the rest of the extended family on her mother's side plus her husband's family, then sometimes big affairs are unavoidable.
My point is that if one is to get married and organise a wedding dinner, then the number of tables ordered should correspond to the actual number of people the bride and groom know, not people only their parents know. After all, it is the couple's big day, so technically they are the ones who have the rights to choose who they like to invite to share the day with, not anybody else.
In a typical Chinese wedding, the groom will go to the bride's place, where he and his "brothers" will be locked outside and ragged by the "sisters". The groom has to do a series of tests and then he will have to give a big red packet to the "sisters". The tests can range from soemthing harmless to something wild, all in the name of fun and banter. This is to show how determined the groom is to marry the bride. The tradition is that if the groom really wants to marry the bride, he will be willing to go through all the hurdles just to receive her.
Then the couple will proceed with the tea ceremony for the bride's family, by serving tea to the elders, which encompasses grandparents, parents, immediate uncles, aunts, elder siblings, and for some, elder cousins as well. The younger siblings (and for some, younger cousins) will then have to greet the couple as part of the welcoming for the addition of a new family member.
After that, the couple, together with their "brothers" and "sisters" will proceed to the groom's place and have the tea ceremony for his family. Then, they will either go to their new place for lunch, or go straight to the hotel where the wedding reception will be held. They can then rest and relax the rest of the day until the dinner banquet. For couples who are church-goers, their church ceremony will normally be after lunch. Guests will go straight to the church themselves. After the ceremony, the couple will then proceed to the hotel as above until the banquet.
The dinner is normally a nine-course dinner. Guests will sit down and wait for course after course to arrive. There is hardly any mingling around. Some couples have cocktail receptions before the dinner, where guests can mingle around. The bride and groom will then exit and enter about three times, depending on how many gown changes the bride has. The most number of changes I have ever seen is three - the normal wedding gown for the grand entrance, and two more gowns for the different march-in times, plus an additional different cocktail gown for the pre-dinner cocktail reception.
The first march-in will be the grand entrance, before the first dish was served. The second march-in will be after the third course, where the couple will then toast champagne and all the "brothers" will shout out loud to join in the toasting. After that, there will be photo-taking sessions where the couple will go to table and table and take pictures with the guests. If there is another march-in (ie another gown change), normally the next march-in will be where the "brothers" and "sisters" start ragging the couple, otherwise it will be dancing or singing where the couple will lead. Then the couple, together with their parents, will stand at the doorway just after the last dish was served to greet the guests goodbye.
But one thing about a Chinese wedding is that people are normally late. And the sad thing is that it is mostly the relatives or family members that are late, not the friends. Most friends will actually show more respect by turning up early or on time. In most cases, wedding dinners start late due to the place still being half-full because most of the relatives have not arrived. And these relatives expect that the couple wait for them because they are elders.
Just like yesterday, my friend wanted to have the tea ceremony at the restaurant at 5:30pm. Her relatives kept calling her and asked if they could postpone the tea ceremony to 7:30pm instead (which was the time for the dinner) since it was a big rush for them. Then there were other relatives who requested for this and that for her wedding.
Who is the one getting married? My friend of course! So she and her groom should be the only ones to decide what time to schedule for things and what they want their wedding to be like, and who they want to invite. Who are others to make so many comments on others' weddings? My friend has already planned out everything and confirmed everything, how can others just request for things at the last moment?
In most cases, it is normally the parents who insist on a big banquet, so they can invite everyone they know and show off that their kid is getting married. And these people will turn up for the "free" food despite not knowing the wedding couple personally. Thus in a lot of cases, the couple's hands are tied, as they have to choose between having the type of wedding they like, or going along with their parents' wishes since their parents brought them up and some offer to pay for the wedding dinner. Often than not, the latter prevail.
If it is my wedding, it will be solely what my groom and I have planned out - the schedule, the venue, the day, the activities, the people. Elders or not, no one has the right to make comments about my wedding. And elders or not, once they are late, I will start at the stated time. Since they do not want to show enough respect to me, I should think they do not deserve my respect as well. The bottomline is it is my big day, so everything should be going according to how my groom and I have planned and organised, not for some flukes to force their opinions on us.
The wedding I find most memorable is the one which I attended in Sydney. My cousin's wedding is the typical Western style (except with the little tea ceremony in between, after the church ceremony and before the dinner). They relaxed in the morning, went to the church at the required time in the afternoon and the bride marched in with photo-taking on location. Then dinner is at a restaurant overlooking the harbour.
There is a balcony where we had cocktails and finger food. The menu was a Western menu with alternative choices of food as well as red and white wine. There was no change of gown, but there were speeches by both the bride's and groom's fathers, the groom and the best men. After the speeches there was ballroom dancing led by the couple and everyone else could join in the dance. The banquet ended off with dancing. All those who were invited were either immediate family members or friends of either the bride or groom or both. The best thing was that everyone arrived early or on time and everything could start on time according to schedule.
That was one wedding I really enjoyed. Something classy, yet not totally extravagant. Something with lots of fun, music, wining, dining, singing and dancing. Something where all the guests know other people and can mingle around with each other. Something where people really share in your joy, instead of just going for the sake of eating and scooting off after that. Something where the people invited at least showed some respect to the couple in question. Now that is one wedding to remember.
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