If my friends know the actual situation I am in, they will ask me why do I not want to be in a normal relationship? But what is a normal relationship anyway? Different couples function differently. What is normal to some may not be normal to others.
A normal relationship, in my book (and I believe in a lot of others' books), is one where the guy and girl got together, they start going out, accompany each other for events, meet each other's friends and parents, hang out at each other's place, chat on the phone at least once a day, do things together. They take the time to meet as often as possible.
I started reflecting on this after hearing my friend's account on why his ex-girlfriend left him. She deems him as too sticky. As a teacher, he hardly has time to meet her, so most of the time, she goes out with friends. They meet each other during weekends, he will call her once in a while after school and at night.
But he could not call her after 10pm as she wanted to sleep. The guy calls her and she is not happy?! My guy does not even call me on the phone! My friend wanted to meet up more often during the school holidays. His opinion is that if he really loves the girl, he will want to spend as much time with her as possible.
Such a guy and the girl does not like?! I do not even know if I am meeting my guy this weekend, the only day we actually get to see each other! Of course, when a relationship ends, it is not totally one party's fault. So I cannot say my friend is not totally at fault, maybe he is just not the guy she desires?
If what my friend went through was a normal relationship, then yes, my relationship is very abnormal indeed. Of course, I also hope that when I go for theatres and plays, I can have someone to accompany me. When I come back late from work, I hope to have someone meet me for dinner as even a glance at him will put a smile to my face and wash away all the tiredness and stress of the day.
As it is, he does not call me on the phone, we only get to go out once a week (and even then that is subject to confirmation on the actual day), I do not go to his place and have not met his parents (even though he has already seen my parents), we do not go out with each other's friends.
He does not go to plays and theatres with me as he does not appreciate, and he was not there on my baptism since he is not a church-goer. If any of my girlfriends is to be in this situation, they would have screamed their heads off and broken up with the guy immediately.
I never once minded, even though I feel so lonely at times. The fact is when we do go out, I still enjoy myself so much with him. We still have a good time. And I still feel excited and look forward to see him. To me, as long as I get to see him and he still treats me so well when we go out, that is enough for me.
I believe some people will say I am dumb, that I deserve better. But what is "better"? Being with someone who can be with you all the time yet in the end just disappear on you? Or someone who pesters you for sex all the time?
Do I feel disappointed that we are not doing what a typical normal couple will do? Of course I do, I will be lying if I say I do not. But in a relationship there must always be give and take and being understanding. I cannot force him to like the things I like, nor do something he is not comfortable doing. And if he is not free to meet me, then so be it.
Although my life revolves around him (not really, since my life revolves around a lot of other things), I cannot expect him to be this way. To my friend, he feels that if he is someone's boyfriend, he will give the girl utmost priority. But not every guy thinks this way, so even if I do give my boyfriend utmost priority, I have to accept it if he does not feel the same.
Because when I fall in love, I really fall deep. When I say I love you, I really do mean it, wholly, truly, unconditionally. I do not give my love to just any mere person. And loving a person means taking the person as a while, warts and all, just like how he takes me as a whole, good and bad together.
So yes, my relationship will continue this way, until the day I stop asking him out and stop messaging him. Because when that happens, it will mean I have been so disappointed again and again that I have given up, and there are no more feelings left for him.
A normal relationship, in my book (and I believe in a lot of others' books), is one where the guy and girl got together, they start going out, accompany each other for events, meet each other's friends and parents, hang out at each other's place, chat on the phone at least once a day, do things together. They take the time to meet as often as possible.
I started reflecting on this after hearing my friend's account on why his ex-girlfriend left him. She deems him as too sticky. As a teacher, he hardly has time to meet her, so most of the time, she goes out with friends. They meet each other during weekends, he will call her once in a while after school and at night.
But he could not call her after 10pm as she wanted to sleep. The guy calls her and she is not happy?! My guy does not even call me on the phone! My friend wanted to meet up more often during the school holidays. His opinion is that if he really loves the girl, he will want to spend as much time with her as possible.
Such a guy and the girl does not like?! I do not even know if I am meeting my guy this weekend, the only day we actually get to see each other! Of course, when a relationship ends, it is not totally one party's fault. So I cannot say my friend is not totally at fault, maybe he is just not the guy she desires?
If what my friend went through was a normal relationship, then yes, my relationship is very abnormal indeed. Of course, I also hope that when I go for theatres and plays, I can have someone to accompany me. When I come back late from work, I hope to have someone meet me for dinner as even a glance at him will put a smile to my face and wash away all the tiredness and stress of the day.
As it is, he does not call me on the phone, we only get to go out once a week (and even then that is subject to confirmation on the actual day), I do not go to his place and have not met his parents (even though he has already seen my parents), we do not go out with each other's friends.
He does not go to plays and theatres with me as he does not appreciate, and he was not there on my baptism since he is not a church-goer. If any of my girlfriends is to be in this situation, they would have screamed their heads off and broken up with the guy immediately.
I never once minded, even though I feel so lonely at times. The fact is when we do go out, I still enjoy myself so much with him. We still have a good time. And I still feel excited and look forward to see him. To me, as long as I get to see him and he still treats me so well when we go out, that is enough for me.
I believe some people will say I am dumb, that I deserve better. But what is "better"? Being with someone who can be with you all the time yet in the end just disappear on you? Or someone who pesters you for sex all the time?
Do I feel disappointed that we are not doing what a typical normal couple will do? Of course I do, I will be lying if I say I do not. But in a relationship there must always be give and take and being understanding. I cannot force him to like the things I like, nor do something he is not comfortable doing. And if he is not free to meet me, then so be it.
Although my life revolves around him (not really, since my life revolves around a lot of other things), I cannot expect him to be this way. To my friend, he feels that if he is someone's boyfriend, he will give the girl utmost priority. But not every guy thinks this way, so even if I do give my boyfriend utmost priority, I have to accept it if he does not feel the same.
Because when I fall in love, I really fall deep. When I say I love you, I really do mean it, wholly, truly, unconditionally. I do not give my love to just any mere person. And loving a person means taking the person as a while, warts and all, just like how he takes me as a whole, good and bad together.
So yes, my relationship will continue this way, until the day I stop asking him out and stop messaging him. Because when that happens, it will mean I have been so disappointed again and again that I have given up, and there are no more feelings left for him.
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