Do you believe that God (whichever God people believe in) is fair? He gives something, He will take away something. Or He will replace something that one is lacking.
Just like why those who are deemed as so perfect can never live long, yet those who lead evil lives are able to live to ripe old ages? And why my first brother has to be saddled with this problem ever since he was born? But God, being fair, gave my first brother a kind heart, and my second brother smarts but totally lacking in sensitivity.
Bad and disrespectful I may sound, but many a times I have questioned God's Will and things that happened to me. In a way, I have never stopped believing, but many times, I have asked God why do others' prayers always come true and they lead smooth lives, but I can never achieve what I wanted and my life has been one disappointment after another?
My fellow Christians will tell me if things do not happen, it is because God does not want it to happen as He has planned something else for me. Then what is it He has planned? How would we know? I wish I can know, then at least I can succeed in whatever it is. Afterall, if it is what God plans for me, the journey will be smooth-sailing and successful.
There was a time when I thought that God has been unfair to me. I even doubted His love. It was the period of my life when everything went downhill. I did not make the Honours year, I was posted to a neughbourhood school where no one had ever heard of, despite all the reputable schools around the vicinity of my home, my driving instructor unsulted me and dropped me as his student, my dad went into major financial problems.
It was also around this time when whatever my ex wanted was fulfilled. His dad's business was finally picking up again and they were able to solve their financial crisis, he passed his driving test at the first attempt, he made the Singapore Airlines grade just after one interview. It was as if he had the Midas touch and everything I touched turned to powder instead.
Both of us prayed together but all his prayers came true instead. I started questioning him, and wondered if I should get baptised so my prayers could come true. He scolded me for not believing, and said I should get baptised only if I am truly ready, and not just because I wanted my prayers to come true. If my prayers did not come true, it was because God wanted something else for me.
But things for me kept going downhill and things for him kept picking up. I really started doubting if I have believed in the wrong religion, wanted to just give up. Needless to say, we quarrelled many times over this issue.
Upon looking back now, I realise everything happened for a reason. God knows what He is doing. If I had made the Honours years, I would have just taken my qualifications for granted and not have the desire to upgrade.
If I did not have trouble with my driving instructor and passed my driving test so easily, I would have crashed the car and been paralysed for life already. As it is, now my quiet reflections are mostly during my time spent taking public transport.
If I did not get posted to that school, I would not have realised the true extent of family and juvenile prolems our society has, and how discriminating society is, by always looking out for the best schools and best students, and looking down on normal school students. As it is, it made me realise that not every student comes from a mission or SAP school background.
Come to think of it, my life for the first twenty years had been good, which was probably why I needed to be exposed to the other side of life for the next decade. But one thing I finally know through all these ups and downs is that God has been there for me all along.
God has been good to me. He is fair indeed. He wants me to know life is not so easy all the time, although I still think my life could have been a tad easier, and He wants to mould me into the type of person He wanted.
So since God allows me to live on, there must be a purpose. I only need to find what, and through His blessings, I hope to finally achieve what I desire and what He desires of me.
Just like why those who are deemed as so perfect can never live long, yet those who lead evil lives are able to live to ripe old ages? And why my first brother has to be saddled with this problem ever since he was born? But God, being fair, gave my first brother a kind heart, and my second brother smarts but totally lacking in sensitivity.
Bad and disrespectful I may sound, but many a times I have questioned God's Will and things that happened to me. In a way, I have never stopped believing, but many times, I have asked God why do others' prayers always come true and they lead smooth lives, but I can never achieve what I wanted and my life has been one disappointment after another?
My fellow Christians will tell me if things do not happen, it is because God does not want it to happen as He has planned something else for me. Then what is it He has planned? How would we know? I wish I can know, then at least I can succeed in whatever it is. Afterall, if it is what God plans for me, the journey will be smooth-sailing and successful.
There was a time when I thought that God has been unfair to me. I even doubted His love. It was the period of my life when everything went downhill. I did not make the Honours year, I was posted to a neughbourhood school where no one had ever heard of, despite all the reputable schools around the vicinity of my home, my driving instructor unsulted me and dropped me as his student, my dad went into major financial problems.
It was also around this time when whatever my ex wanted was fulfilled. His dad's business was finally picking up again and they were able to solve their financial crisis, he passed his driving test at the first attempt, he made the Singapore Airlines grade just after one interview. It was as if he had the Midas touch and everything I touched turned to powder instead.
Both of us prayed together but all his prayers came true instead. I started questioning him, and wondered if I should get baptised so my prayers could come true. He scolded me for not believing, and said I should get baptised only if I am truly ready, and not just because I wanted my prayers to come true. If my prayers did not come true, it was because God wanted something else for me.
But things for me kept going downhill and things for him kept picking up. I really started doubting if I have believed in the wrong religion, wanted to just give up. Needless to say, we quarrelled many times over this issue.
Upon looking back now, I realise everything happened for a reason. God knows what He is doing. If I had made the Honours years, I would have just taken my qualifications for granted and not have the desire to upgrade.
If I did not have trouble with my driving instructor and passed my driving test so easily, I would have crashed the car and been paralysed for life already. As it is, now my quiet reflections are mostly during my time spent taking public transport.
If I did not get posted to that school, I would not have realised the true extent of family and juvenile prolems our society has, and how discriminating society is, by always looking out for the best schools and best students, and looking down on normal school students. As it is, it made me realise that not every student comes from a mission or SAP school background.
Come to think of it, my life for the first twenty years had been good, which was probably why I needed to be exposed to the other side of life for the next decade. But one thing I finally know through all these ups and downs is that God has been there for me all along.
God has been good to me. He is fair indeed. He wants me to know life is not so easy all the time, although I still think my life could have been a tad easier, and He wants to mould me into the type of person He wanted.
So since God allows me to live on, there must be a purpose. I only need to find what, and through His blessings, I hope to finally achieve what I desire and what He desires of me.
2 comments:
our God is a fair and just one..as long as we allow him into our lives and let him guide us..we should be sure he knows the best for us :) that is what i believe..because even though i am not baptised..i always believe that i am blessed..
Hey, go get yourself baptized! Whichever denomination, because I believe God has been good to you too! :-)
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