Now that my exam is over, I finally have time to settle some long-overdue issues, mainly, why, of all the men in the world, I always get to meet the crummy and scummy ones? Where have all the good men gone? Sometimes I wonder if I am fated to have this kind of life - being cheated and toyed with.
Often have I ask myself what have I done to deserve heartache all the time. Have I been bad, have I done something so wrong that I have to be punished? The thing is I try to be a good person. I do not smoke, nor gamble, do not even buy any form of lottery, do not drink (unless the occasion calls for it, and even then only a few sips), do not club and definitely do not seduce, flirt or sleep around.
So why do I not end up with decent wholesome guys, instead of guys who have no qualms just wanting to sleep around, or shallow guys who have no idea how to behave properly towards a lady and often end up pawing them all over? Or else ask stupid questions, and yet think they are always right.
Come to think of it, those guys who want to bed you from the beginning are at least honest enough to tell you so. And although this always got me so irritated, at least I can tell them off and stop any further progress. No harm done.
What really riled me is the hypocrisy of other guys, who claim they love you, want to be with you, shower you with all kinds of affection, claim you are the one and only, guarantee they are not with you just because of sex, yet everything are just empty promises and they can go around with other girls behind your back. These are the worst of the lot - scummy, jerky, hypocrites, liars, flirts. These are the guys who are put on Earth to torture girls.
Perhaps it will be not so much of a torture if the girls are wise up to their act and get out before anything happened. But I chose to be dumb. I chose to believe. I chose to fall in, so I have no one to blame except myself.
Why was it that in the past when my heart would skip a beat whenever I received a call or message from him, and I would reply instantly, then his calls and messages became lesser and lesser and I was left pining? I never dared to contact him so often because whenever he had any problems at work, or family, he would choose to clam up and become a hermit, so I never knew when it would be a good time to contact him. Then when I did not contact him, he would not contact me as well, until in the end I caved in and started contacting him again.
Then the times when we were supposed to meet, he could cancel, claiming he had family emergency. I would then standby the whole day, turning down appointments, hoping he would meet me after he was done with his affairs. I could wait the whole day and he would never meet me, and never replied even after the numerous attempts at contacting him. Come to think of it, I was so dumb! People are right when they say I am dumb and stupid, because I am!
Yet now when I have finally come to my senses, finally woken up from the dream, or illusion, or delusion, and have washed my hands off the entire thing, why must he then start calling me more often? Asking why did I not talk to him lately? Why did I not contact him lately? Why ask me? Why not ask himself?
I see it coming long ago. Afterall, is it really possible for someone to have the same kind of family emergency almost every week? Is it so coincident that he always had to go out with his family member each time I asked to meet? And it was not as if his family members are that old or frail or crippled. So why must he do everything for them each time they asked? And even if he needed to help them out, why could he not just tell me what it was he needed to help out? Or bring me along? I can help too! Why so secretive, and keep rejecting me whenever I offered to help out as well?
And what about the things which he promised to help me with long ago, yet never get done? So whatever his family members say he had to do it immediately, no questions asked, but whatever I say he could push it around, give excuses and never get anything done? Then just exactly how did I exist in his mind? Right at the bottom I think. Yet he expects me to put him on the top of my mind?
No way! I am not to be taken for a fool again! And he can stop giving excuses as to why he could not contact me or meet me. I will not fall for any lame excuses again! He woke me up from this dream by showing his true colours, so nothing he say or do now can ever make me go back to that illusion which I stupidly held on to.
Often have I ask myself what have I done to deserve heartache all the time. Have I been bad, have I done something so wrong that I have to be punished? The thing is I try to be a good person. I do not smoke, nor gamble, do not even buy any form of lottery, do not drink (unless the occasion calls for it, and even then only a few sips), do not club and definitely do not seduce, flirt or sleep around.
So why do I not end up with decent wholesome guys, instead of guys who have no qualms just wanting to sleep around, or shallow guys who have no idea how to behave properly towards a lady and often end up pawing them all over? Or else ask stupid questions, and yet think they are always right.
Come to think of it, those guys who want to bed you from the beginning are at least honest enough to tell you so. And although this always got me so irritated, at least I can tell them off and stop any further progress. No harm done.
What really riled me is the hypocrisy of other guys, who claim they love you, want to be with you, shower you with all kinds of affection, claim you are the one and only, guarantee they are not with you just because of sex, yet everything are just empty promises and they can go around with other girls behind your back. These are the worst of the lot - scummy, jerky, hypocrites, liars, flirts. These are the guys who are put on Earth to torture girls.
Perhaps it will be not so much of a torture if the girls are wise up to their act and get out before anything happened. But I chose to be dumb. I chose to believe. I chose to fall in, so I have no one to blame except myself.
Why was it that in the past when my heart would skip a beat whenever I received a call or message from him, and I would reply instantly, then his calls and messages became lesser and lesser and I was left pining? I never dared to contact him so often because whenever he had any problems at work, or family, he would choose to clam up and become a hermit, so I never knew when it would be a good time to contact him. Then when I did not contact him, he would not contact me as well, until in the end I caved in and started contacting him again.
Then the times when we were supposed to meet, he could cancel, claiming he had family emergency. I would then standby the whole day, turning down appointments, hoping he would meet me after he was done with his affairs. I could wait the whole day and he would never meet me, and never replied even after the numerous attempts at contacting him. Come to think of it, I was so dumb! People are right when they say I am dumb and stupid, because I am!
Yet now when I have finally come to my senses, finally woken up from the dream, or illusion, or delusion, and have washed my hands off the entire thing, why must he then start calling me more often? Asking why did I not talk to him lately? Why did I not contact him lately? Why ask me? Why not ask himself?
I see it coming long ago. Afterall, is it really possible for someone to have the same kind of family emergency almost every week? Is it so coincident that he always had to go out with his family member each time I asked to meet? And it was not as if his family members are that old or frail or crippled. So why must he do everything for them each time they asked? And even if he needed to help them out, why could he not just tell me what it was he needed to help out? Or bring me along? I can help too! Why so secretive, and keep rejecting me whenever I offered to help out as well?
And what about the things which he promised to help me with long ago, yet never get done? So whatever his family members say he had to do it immediately, no questions asked, but whatever I say he could push it around, give excuses and never get anything done? Then just exactly how did I exist in his mind? Right at the bottom I think. Yet he expects me to put him on the top of my mind?
No way! I am not to be taken for a fool again! And he can stop giving excuses as to why he could not contact me or meet me. I will not fall for any lame excuses again! He woke me up from this dream by showing his true colours, so nothing he say or do now can ever make me go back to that illusion which I stupidly held on to.
4 comments:
For a male perspective (not that I am typical). I find that women are impatient with falling in love.
A very good JApanese friend of mine tried hard to convince me that my approach to women was wrong.
I was never in a hurry. I wanted to get to know the person before deciding that I was in love or merely attracted. So, for me, taking 6 months or a year to find out about a girl was no problem.
My friend told me that no woman would wait that long while I tried to decide if I wanted her to be my girlfriend or not. She told me that a guy had a very limited window of opportunity with a woman and had to act quickly if he wanted to get her. I replied that I was not interested in women who make hasty, ill-formed decisions.
So what would be my experiences? I would find a girl I like, take my time geting to know her, but usually after about 2 or 3 months, she would suddenly become cold, stop returning calls, be busy, or suddenly find a boyfriend.
I always find people get into relationships too quickly.
My male friends often commented about girls wondering why they ended up which such jerks. Why do nice girls seem to like guys who don't treat them well?
I found a pretty good explanation in a woman's blog (Blinky Mummy) about 18 moths ago. She said it was because women want to feel special. So they go out with the jerk because he is nice to her, but not to anyne else. Whereas a nice guy, is nice to everyone, consequently, the woman doesn't feel so special.
There are guys who want to take their time and get to know a person before making any move. They don't want to give false hope, or claim disingenuous affection. However, they get drowned out in the sea of men who are competitive and aggressive and see women as a prize to be won - and for some reason, women seem to like that.
Have you gone to that relationship course? How was it?
Hi Celia, from reading this blog, looks like your bf is not treating you well huh. Well, if he is not, then its time to leave him ya, if he does not have the love for you, do not entertain him....do take care...your friend, David
Richard : Actually I don't make that hasty decisions, as in I don't get together with a guy just a month after knowing him. Normally I take about 6 months or so (except for the latest, abt 4 months). And the guys I have been with are not those types who are only nice to me but behave like a jerk to everyone else. Rather, they are nice to everyone else, but at times behave like a jerk to me.
The thing is that it is hard to see a person's true colours. Not everyone show the ugly side of them, not everyone has a "you see what you get" approach. Most tend to put on their best behaviours, then months or years down the road, morph into something different. Perhaps people do change, some change for the worse. And the sad thing is that in all my relationships, I was the one who wanted to remain faithful, who tried to adapt and accommodate, but the guys started to become distant and unfaithful.
The relationship course has been postponed, most likely to mid-June, subject to further confirmation. Quite a disappointment actually, as I was really looking forward to attending the course.
David : Thanks for your support. Really appreciate it.
I was giving my opinion and observation about how women seemed to behave. Of course, it does not universally apply.
I think you can get to know a lot about a person before getting into a relationship with them. Of course, if you only causally meet someone once every few weeks for an hour or two, then it is easy for the person to present a facade.
You have to see a person frequently and in a number of circumstances.
In my case, I knew Sofia for 6 months before asking if she would be my girlfriend. During that getting to know her phase, I would speak with her on the phone a few times per week, I would go out with her, alone or with friends. I easily averaged 15-20 hours per week with her. I knew her views on many topics important to me. I knew how many kids she wanted (I still find it amazing how many couples get married and don't even know if the other person wants kids, or how many).
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