Some people ask me why did I use this look? Simply because it reflects my current mood - feeling blue. I guess it is a surprise to those who know me, because blue is not any of my favourite colours. Even when I buy a hardcover journal, I never go for one with a blue cover. Perhaps I should have used green instead, but then green is associated with calmness and peacefulness, which is a far cry from how I am feeling.
The reason I am feeling blue is nothing to do with the recent big event that just happened. Rather, it was due to a series of things. Regret? Pining? Love's Labour Lost? Painful memories? Perhaps all. It could be due to somebody's upcoming big event, which I was told in a very roundabout way by a third party, or it could be that after one (or two) whole rounds, I finally realise who it is I am always looking for, yet it is too late to change things. Or it could even be the newborn baby of one of my relatives, who used that name of all names, and each time I hear that name, something will trigger and I end up feeling so uncomfortable.
I used to give advise to my friends, saying that the ultimate test of love is letting go. Even if the person ends up flaunting someone else in front of you. Even if that person marries someone else. One still has to smile and be happy, yet at the same time breaking into pieces inside. So why is it when it happens to me, I find it easier said than done?
I have lost people I love before, yet when it comes to this person (and someone else), it still tears me apart. I get reminded at every nook and corner. Whenever I happened to pass by his neighbourhood, I hope to see him, yet at the same time I know I will turn around and walk off if I do see him. I am at the stage where I hope to get a glimpse, yet at the same time knowing I will only get angry if I even so much as see his shadow.
It is not as if I am not moving on. I have moved on. Yet at the same time I cannot help my memories flooding my mind. Even if I do not want to. Perhaps it is true that in one's lifetime, there will be one person whom a person will love the most, the one person that he / she can never forget, the one person that he / she can never get over. Otherwise, can there be an explanation why, when I have not heard from him for so long, have not seen him for so long, have been in other relationships, ultimately the one I think of most is still him? The one that still affects me the most is still him? The one I most want to marry, is someone like him?
It is true, is it not, that when one has had the best, whatever comes next can never be comparable? It is unfair to compare, but then is it fair then to settle for second best when one has had the best? No, it is not. It took me two more heartaches to realise that the one who is best for me never fails, and I should not go for someone any less. Rather, I should go for someone similar or better, not someone not as good.
Perhaps my expectations are too high. Maybe I will really end up as a shrivelled old hag. But when it comes to my lifelong happiness, I believe I have the right to be choosy. So if I am not able to find someone who meets up, then I have to be resigned to the fate. The greatest mistake is to just settle for someone else for the sake for settling down and starting a family, because I owe it to myself and my future family to find the best.
P/S The song I include below reflects exactly how I feel. Incidentally, the MTVs above are all our songs - the songs we both love and count as favourites, and which (still) mean so much to me.
The One You Love - Glenn Frey
I know you need a friend, someone you can talk to
Who will understand what you are going through
When it comes to love, there's no easy answer
Only you can say what you're gonna do.
I heard you on the phone, you took his number
Said you weren't alone, but you'd call him soon
Isn't he the guy, the guy who left you cryin'?
Isn't he the one who made you feel blue?
When you remember those nights in his arms
You know you gotta make up your mind
Are you gonna stay with the one who loves you
Or are you goin' back to the one you love?
Someone's gonna cry when they know they've lost you
Someone's gonna thank the stars above
What you gonna say when he comes over
There's no easy way to see this through
All the broken dreams, all the disappointment
Oh girl, what you gonna do?
Your heart keeps sayin' it's just not fair
But still you gotta make up your mind
Are you gonna stay with the one who loves you
Or are you goin' back to the one you love?
Someone's gonna cry when they know they've lost you
Someone's gonna thank the stars above
The reason I am feeling blue is nothing to do with the recent big event that just happened. Rather, it was due to a series of things. Regret? Pining? Love's Labour Lost? Painful memories? Perhaps all. It could be due to somebody's upcoming big event, which I was told in a very roundabout way by a third party, or it could be that after one (or two) whole rounds, I finally realise who it is I am always looking for, yet it is too late to change things. Or it could even be the newborn baby of one of my relatives, who used that name of all names, and each time I hear that name, something will trigger and I end up feeling so uncomfortable.
I used to give advise to my friends, saying that the ultimate test of love is letting go. Even if the person ends up flaunting someone else in front of you. Even if that person marries someone else. One still has to smile and be happy, yet at the same time breaking into pieces inside. So why is it when it happens to me, I find it easier said than done?
I have lost people I love before, yet when it comes to this person (and someone else), it still tears me apart. I get reminded at every nook and corner. Whenever I happened to pass by his neighbourhood, I hope to see him, yet at the same time I know I will turn around and walk off if I do see him. I am at the stage where I hope to get a glimpse, yet at the same time knowing I will only get angry if I even so much as see his shadow.
It is not as if I am not moving on. I have moved on. Yet at the same time I cannot help my memories flooding my mind. Even if I do not want to. Perhaps it is true that in one's lifetime, there will be one person whom a person will love the most, the one person that he / she can never forget, the one person that he / she can never get over. Otherwise, can there be an explanation why, when I have not heard from him for so long, have not seen him for so long, have been in other relationships, ultimately the one I think of most is still him? The one that still affects me the most is still him? The one I most want to marry, is someone like him?
It is true, is it not, that when one has had the best, whatever comes next can never be comparable? It is unfair to compare, but then is it fair then to settle for second best when one has had the best? No, it is not. It took me two more heartaches to realise that the one who is best for me never fails, and I should not go for someone any less. Rather, I should go for someone similar or better, not someone not as good.
Perhaps my expectations are too high. Maybe I will really end up as a shrivelled old hag. But when it comes to my lifelong happiness, I believe I have the right to be choosy. So if I am not able to find someone who meets up, then I have to be resigned to the fate. The greatest mistake is to just settle for someone else for the sake for settling down and starting a family, because I owe it to myself and my future family to find the best.
P/S The song I include below reflects exactly how I feel. Incidentally, the MTVs above are all our songs - the songs we both love and count as favourites, and which (still) mean so much to me.
The One You Love - Glenn Frey
I know you need a friend, someone you can talk to
Who will understand what you are going through
When it comes to love, there's no easy answer
Only you can say what you're gonna do.
I heard you on the phone, you took his number
Said you weren't alone, but you'd call him soon
Isn't he the guy, the guy who left you cryin'?
Isn't he the one who made you feel blue?
When you remember those nights in his arms
You know you gotta make up your mind
Are you gonna stay with the one who loves you
Or are you goin' back to the one you love?
Someone's gonna cry when they know they've lost you
Someone's gonna thank the stars above
What you gonna say when he comes over
There's no easy way to see this through
All the broken dreams, all the disappointment
Oh girl, what you gonna do?
Your heart keeps sayin' it's just not fair
But still you gotta make up your mind
Are you gonna stay with the one who loves you
Or are you goin' back to the one you love?
Someone's gonna cry when they know they've lost you
Someone's gonna thank the stars above
0 comments:
Post a Comment