Two years. Can anyone believe I have kept this going for two years now? One thousand, one hundred and ten posts. I can hardly believe it myself! In two years, all these things happened? Come to think of it, if I am to really compile, these two years of my life can be like a mini soap opera all on its own.
Perhaps I should not say my life is that dramatic as compared to a lot of people around. But I do crave for a simpler life. I do not need all the excitement of clubbing or getting high on drinks. Or being pursued. All I ask for is to have a man who loves me, a home of my own, a family to take care of. Sometimes I wonder is that even too much to ask?!
I still remember around this time last year certain things happened. And although I daresay a lot has forgotten what I went through, it will be one experience I will never forget. Shall I say I am thankful to be alive? Is it better to be alive and yet miserable? Or is it better to die with a smile and go into eternal happiness?
If I am to go back in time and make a choice again, I may choose a totally different path. Something that will not cause hurt to others, to those I love. Something that will cause happiness, to me and those around me. Something that everyone will approve of. But life is such that no matter which choice one makes, someone will ultimately end up hurt, someone will sure disapprove. There can never be a scenario where everyone can be pleased.
So in this case shall I then do what I like and please myself, or do what I do not like and please others? No one has any answer to the ultimate question, and it will be something I constantly ask myself, with no answers.
Perhaps I should not say my life is that dramatic as compared to a lot of people around. But I do crave for a simpler life. I do not need all the excitement of clubbing or getting high on drinks. Or being pursued. All I ask for is to have a man who loves me, a home of my own, a family to take care of. Sometimes I wonder is that even too much to ask?!
I still remember around this time last year certain things happened. And although I daresay a lot has forgotten what I went through, it will be one experience I will never forget. Shall I say I am thankful to be alive? Is it better to be alive and yet miserable? Or is it better to die with a smile and go into eternal happiness?
If I am to go back in time and make a choice again, I may choose a totally different path. Something that will not cause hurt to others, to those I love. Something that will cause happiness, to me and those around me. Something that everyone will approve of. But life is such that no matter which choice one makes, someone will ultimately end up hurt, someone will sure disapprove. There can never be a scenario where everyone can be pleased.
So in this case shall I then do what I like and please myself, or do what I do not like and please others? No one has any answer to the ultimate question, and it will be something I constantly ask myself, with no answers.
3 comments:
I would suggest you take your wish to time travel and recast it in the present:
I am thankful to be alive. I may choose a different path today. I will not cause harm to others and to those I love. I will bring happiness, to me and to those around me.
Congratulations on your second year. You are more prolific than I. In two years I had a little over 400 posts.
I heard someone say (Laura Day in Welcome To Your Crisis) that rumination (thinking about the past, the what if / should have / would have / could have) is the "impotent desire for healing". Think about today. Think about being your best and doing your best. Acknowledge your feelings, but don't let your feelings control you. It takes time to heal and like any injury, you must resist the temptation to keep lifting the bandage and looking at it, poking it ("Am I better yet?").
I feel your pain, and as a person who also feels pain for reasons that are probably different from you, I won't give any cliches advices except that I wish you life and I pray that God will grant you grace to live through this difficult time. You take care of yourself. Cheers.
Richard & Iceman : Thanks so much! Both of you have inspired me, in your writings, and more ways than one.
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