I am currently having mixed feelings. As April draws to an end and May Day begins again, I have to look at my life so far in the various perspectives from the beginning of the year. This year so far, coupled with the whole of last year, has been a period of growth, changes in perspectives, self-discovery and lots of fun.
When I was young, I had more problems - school, teachers, parents, siblings. Then growing up years, of teens and adulthood, which I feel I have never outgrown in some ways. More problems as I discovered the angst of first love, boy girl relationships and the commitment that comes, working life.
Then my mid to late twenties, more work problems, relationship problems, depression. It had been a very bad year once, emotional roller coasters, counselling, therapists. Since then I have become more cynical and guarded. I have lost my quirkiness, my craziness, my spontaneity, and started becoming "normal" for once. I have lost my ability to fall head over heels in love with every guy I came across and started closing people out.
I have become less receptive to others' problems, more "unfeeling" and "heartless". Just a few years back I was ever ready to lend a listening ear and got personally involved in others' problems, but now, all I do is to lend a listening ear, try to make others feel better and then shrug off without any care or worries whatsoever. Many a times I have also asked myself, have I really become totally unfeeling?
Last year to this year is a time of growth. A time of discovery. A time when communication with the people of various relations improve tremendously. A time when I start talking and opening up to others, a time of self-confidence and thinking highly of myself, instead of the low self-esteem I used to have and putting myself down all the time.
A time when my career jumps, so much that I feel like having a change. A time of new friendships and wonderful friends. Of travelling more than before. Of lessons learnt and remembered. Of resolutions made and tried to stick. Of having a closer walk with God.
So now with one third of the year gone, certain things need to be in perspective. Career wise, I have decided to take up the offer. It is a big and established company after all, and I am getting a pay raise. Maybe this time round I can get the challenge I am always craving for in a multi-national corporation.
Family wise, I have had my issues with my parents, still have, but they are my parents and we have started communicating well for quite some time. My dad called me from China the moment he heard I have a new job offer. I am really touched by that! My mum helped me research on the company and how it is doing. For once, I feel I am really going places!
Religion wise, I have started praying more. Praying on the direction I should go where my career is going. I have had problems in my work place since last year, culminating to frustrations the past couple of weeks. Then I prayed and now I have a good offer. So I am going to pray more fervently than ever, for my friends, for problems the world is facing like the economic crisis and the swine flu, for people who victimised me at work, and also, praying for direction in my own life.
Social life wise, I have met wonderful people and have never been happier. There are ups and downs of course. Everyone is different, everyone has their own issues and set of problems. Sometimes I feel sad and helpless that I cannot do much to help them. All I can do is to lend a listening ear, cheer them up, encourage them and try to be as positive as possible.
Now for my personal life. I have been focusing on other kinds of problems that my own personal life has taken a backseat. It is time to re-think what I want to do, where I want to go, where I foresee myself next year, or in the next ten years or so before this decade is over and a new one starts. I am still seeking answers to that.
So with this next half of the year or so, it will be a time of change - a new job, and hopefully new hopes and dreams. Happy May Day to everyone!
When I was young, I had more problems - school, teachers, parents, siblings. Then growing up years, of teens and adulthood, which I feel I have never outgrown in some ways. More problems as I discovered the angst of first love, boy girl relationships and the commitment that comes, working life.
Then my mid to late twenties, more work problems, relationship problems, depression. It had been a very bad year once, emotional roller coasters, counselling, therapists. Since then I have become more cynical and guarded. I have lost my quirkiness, my craziness, my spontaneity, and started becoming "normal" for once. I have lost my ability to fall head over heels in love with every guy I came across and started closing people out.
I have become less receptive to others' problems, more "unfeeling" and "heartless". Just a few years back I was ever ready to lend a listening ear and got personally involved in others' problems, but now, all I do is to lend a listening ear, try to make others feel better and then shrug off without any care or worries whatsoever. Many a times I have also asked myself, have I really become totally unfeeling?
Last year to this year is a time of growth. A time of discovery. A time when communication with the people of various relations improve tremendously. A time when I start talking and opening up to others, a time of self-confidence and thinking highly of myself, instead of the low self-esteem I used to have and putting myself down all the time.
A time when my career jumps, so much that I feel like having a change. A time of new friendships and wonderful friends. Of travelling more than before. Of lessons learnt and remembered. Of resolutions made and tried to stick. Of having a closer walk with God.
So now with one third of the year gone, certain things need to be in perspective. Career wise, I have decided to take up the offer. It is a big and established company after all, and I am getting a pay raise. Maybe this time round I can get the challenge I am always craving for in a multi-national corporation.
Family wise, I have had my issues with my parents, still have, but they are my parents and we have started communicating well for quite some time. My dad called me from China the moment he heard I have a new job offer. I am really touched by that! My mum helped me research on the company and how it is doing. For once, I feel I am really going places!
Religion wise, I have started praying more. Praying on the direction I should go where my career is going. I have had problems in my work place since last year, culminating to frustrations the past couple of weeks. Then I prayed and now I have a good offer. So I am going to pray more fervently than ever, for my friends, for problems the world is facing like the economic crisis and the swine flu, for people who victimised me at work, and also, praying for direction in my own life.
Social life wise, I have met wonderful people and have never been happier. There are ups and downs of course. Everyone is different, everyone has their own issues and set of problems. Sometimes I feel sad and helpless that I cannot do much to help them. All I can do is to lend a listening ear, cheer them up, encourage them and try to be as positive as possible.
Now for my personal life. I have been focusing on other kinds of problems that my own personal life has taken a backseat. It is time to re-think what I want to do, where I want to go, where I foresee myself next year, or in the next ten years or so before this decade is over and a new one starts. I am still seeking answers to that.
So with this next half of the year or so, it will be a time of change - a new job, and hopefully new hopes and dreams. Happy May Day to everyone!
2 comments:
All to best to your sun rays, may it continue to shine as bright.
Have added your remarks in my post: http://peekintomyblog.blogspot.com/2009/05/freak-accident-or-work-of-pi.html
:)
Thanks! And thanks for adding me into your blog! :-)
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