Corporal Punishment And Discipline In Schools

The show “I Not Stupid 2” gave me the inspiration for a few more posts. For a long time, I have wanted to mention on corporal punishment and discipline in schools, but thought it was a rather sensitive issue. Since that is allowed on big screen cinemas, I believe it should be allowed on my blog too.

When I became a teacher, it was with the full understanding that we were not allowed to hit the kids or dish out corporal punishment in any way. Kids nowadays are of a different generation where they have become so “soft” that even simple remarks like “You are so lazy” or “Why do you not understand what I say” are not allowed, let alone hitting the kid in any way.

I remember when I was in school, I was often insulted by my primary school teachers. My primary school teachers had a habit of asking students to demonstrate problems on the board in front of the whole class.

So each time I could not solve a Mathematics problem in upper primary, my teacher would taunt me in front of the class by saying that I was blind since I could not see the figures in front of me and everyone would laugh. I used to hate that as it was not as if I did not have enough insults back home.

My secondary school teachers are not that bad actually, probably because I was in a girl’s school and caning in any form was not allowed for girls, thus never got to witness public caning. Still my school students never gave any form of real trouble, although there were a few wild girls. There were no such things like gang fights or triads or shoplifting.

But as a teacher, sometimes it is hard to do one’s job properly if your hands are tied so to speak. I am not against corporal punishment provided it is done in moderation. Some of those kids really needed a smacking before they can learn their lessons.

I caned a kid before in front of my Principal, but it was not a public caning, just behind closed doors in the Principal’s office. And it was caning on the hand, not the behind. This kid stole my mobile phone and sold it to a second-hand handphone dealer, yet lied about it, and it was his friend who felt guilty and spilled everything to my Discipline Master who retrieved the phone for me.

I was not there when the parents were called in, but they gave their permissions for the caning, although they requested for a private caning even though the school rules stated that students would be caned in public for serious offences like theft.

And since parents disagreed, there would be no public caning. Such is the system now that schools all have to bow down to the parents’ wishes, which is why some parents think they can “run” the school and control the teachers in their own ways.

My parents and the other teachers were in favour of the public caning and felt that the principal should adhere to the school rules, otherwise the other students in the know would do the same thing. But for me, I know how it was like to be caned, and since the kid had apologized to me and the offence was never repeated, I let it go.

In the show “I Not Stupid 2”, the student was so shamed after the public caning that he felt he had died. To top it off, his classmates played mean jokes by re-enacting his caning scene. Sometimes kids can be the most merciless people in the world. They thought they knew everything but actually all they wanted were to have fun and never cared how others’ felt.

Some time back, a teacher was filmed by a student’s camera phone for scolding a China student and tearing his assignment to shreds. I cannot say that the teacher was not in the wrong as she should not tear anyone’s assignment in the first place.

I never tore my students’ homework no matter how badly they did. The most I ever did was to throw their books or worksheets in front of the students, and actually even that was not allowed. I would get into a lot of trouble if anyone ever found out but since I am already out of the industry I can say it with no worries.

Anyway the teacher was teaching in one of the top junior colleges, and for even a local student who manages to enter the school, it is already quite something, let alone a China student. It is the school that caters exclusively to the cream of the cream of the crop. So must the teacher tear the assignment to shreds just because it was not up to her expectations?

But the student who took the clip and later uploaded to the Net was even more at fault. In the first place, what was he trying to do? Get others into trouble? And in the second place, the classroom is supposed to be the teacher’s haven, so she has some liberty on how to handle the students.

No matter how at fault she was, being her student, he had no right to take the clip of her doing that then uploading to the Net. Then why did he not take her clip when she was teaching effectively? It was a downright disrespect to the teacher and indirectly implying that schools nowadays teach kids to be so bold.

But the thing was that no one focused on the kid who uploaded the clip. Everyone just focused on the teacher tearing the student’s assignment and started an uproar on why teachers could do this and got away with it, how could teachers do this to students, etc. Are kids made of cotton wool nowadays that anything could not be done to them or any of their property at all?

So because of this, the teacher was given a warning and made to apologise to the student, and the student who took the clip got away with it. Due to that, other kids may just become equally bold and take a video of their teacher scolding or reprimanding the student in any way and upload to the Net and create another big uproar.

There was another incident on a principal giving a student a whack on the head with a book. That created another uproar and the principal was forced to resign and now he was transferred to the Ministry where there would be no kids around for him to handle.

This indirectly tells people that anytime anyone felt their kid or any student got insulted be it by a mere hit or words or tearing up assignments, anyone could just complain or sue. Thus parents and students would become more arrogant and create trouble over the littlest thing. Bad news for all educators around.

The thing was that he was a good principal. My friend who had been in his school was full of praises for him, saying how effectively he ran the school. And for such an experienced principal to lose his cool at a student, I believe the student must have been really incorrigible and made him totally pissed off in the first place.

This incident became rather big as lots of controversy arose. Some people said that the principal was wrong to even hit the kid. Why, are kids not allowed to be hit nowadays no matter how out of hand they are?

Some people said the principal did the right thing since they were brought up on corporal punishment as well. The feedback from students and parents were that the principal should be sued on abusing the kid.

What abuse was that?! If they call a whack on the head with a book abuse, then what about beating another person till one bleeds? If that is abuse, then I can sue my parents for abuse and malpractice many times over. And just because of this one incident, everyone forgot how good a principal he was and the school lost a good principal and the Ministry a good educator just like that.

Having been a teacher, I know how hard it is to teach a class of fourty students, with every student coming from different family backgrounds. Some are angels at home but devils in school, some come from families where the mother sleeps around and they do not even know who their real father was.

Some come from families where the parents are so busy working that they do not even have time to discuss about their kids’ problems. Some come from broken families where they were shuttled from relative to relative as both parents refused to take custody of the kid.

Kids from messed-up families normally create the most problems in school, and if these kids’ parents genuinely could not be bothered and let the kid run amok all the time, it is then the teacher’s and the school’s job to help in educating.

And by education, I do not mean just book learning. It also includes inculcating values like discipline, kindness, consideration and showing respect to others. And if it takes a whacking to make the kid learn, then I am all for it.

But ultimately, it lies with parents. Kids look up to the parents more than anything else, so if being parents and they do not want to take care of their kid, how can they expect anyone else to help them take care of their kid?

If they want teachers and schools to take care of their kid, then they should allow the educators to dish out whatever punishment and discipline deem fit as long as the kid learns and become better, and not turn around and blame the school if the kid got punished when all along they have no time to discuss their kids’ problems.

True, public caning and corporal punishment may not work on every kid. There are other methods like counselling and positive reinforcement. But I still think that at times, corporal punishment is inevitable and teachers and schools should be given more liberty on how to discipline the kid as part and parcel of education. I am speaking this not from an educator’s (or an ex-educator) point of view, but as a member of the general public.

The 12 Zodiac Animals

So the year of the Dog (according to the Chinese tradition) is officially here. We have just bade farewell to the year of the Rooster, and next year will be the year of the Pig, then Rat (the first animal in the Chinese zodiac), Ox, Tiger, Rabbit, Dragon, Snake, Horse, Goat, Monkey. For traditional Chinese people, the new year is not officially “new” until Chinese New Year itself.

Many people I know have no idea where these zodiac animals came from. They know they are born under a certain animal, but have no idea why and the sequence of the animals. Actually it is very easy. The animal year comes back after every twelve years, so we just have to count twelve years for our animal year to come back.

If one was born before the Chinese New Year, he / she would be considered as the end of the previous animal year, whereas someone born after Chinese New Year would be the beginning of the next animal year.

This is much less confusing than to calculate our elements, ie whether we were born of the elements Water, Wood, Metal (Gold) or Earth. I myself have no idea which element I am under, although my mum used to say I am either Fire (due to my fiery temper) or Wood (as she always think I am a blockhead).

So why are there twelve animals? There are many legends about this, but the one which I remember the most was the one my mum used to tell me as a bedtime story when I was young. My mum’s version also explained why cats and rats became enemies.

According to legend, the Jade Emperor of Heaven felt that the years went by without much meaning. He wanted the years to be represented by animals, so the animals could have their shares in the years, instead of always taken by humans.

However, he only had the intention to honour twelve animals, so he set up a race where the first twelve animals to cross a certain river would be the twelve honoured. He would be at the other side of the river to await them.

All the animals got into a frenzy to prepare for the competition. Each of them wanted to be honoured. In those days, the cat and the rat were very good friends. They lived together, ate together, went everywhere together. Needless to say, both wanted to be honoured.

The night before the big race, the cat and rat both stayed up to celebrate. The cat got so drunk that if fell asleep immediately. The rat stayed up the whole night so it would be the first to get out by sunrise, as that was the time when the race started.

At the first cock’s crow, the rat got out without bothering to wake the cat. It ran as fast as possible to the river, where a lot of animals were already there. The ox started to swim across, followed by the Tiger.

The Rabbit hopped onto the Tiger’s head and the Snake tried slithering its way over. The Horse and Goat started galloping, the Dragon was flying by, the Rooster flew across, the Dog and the Pig held on to the Horse and went forward.

The Monkey quickly swung from tree to tree and landed on the back of the Horse. The Rat immediately bounded on the heads of each animal and landed on the head of the Ox, which was still in the lead. Once these twelve animals have started crossing the river, there was some sort of an invisible shield to prevent more animals from coming in.

What happened to the Cat in the meantime? When it awoke, it was already bright. When it realised that the Rat had left without it, it flew into a rage and immediately dashed off to join the race. But by the time it reached the river, the shield was already there, and it was stuck behind with the other animals that did not make it into the first twelve.

By the time the animals reached the others side of the river where the Jade Emperor was indeed waiting, the Rat bounded off the Ox’s head and landed first, with the Ox right behind him. The Tiger rushed forward with the Rabbit on its back, coming in third and fourth.

The Dragon then flew down, followed by the Snake that slithered out of the water. The Horse bounded up immediately, followed by the Goat that was right behind him. The Monkey fell off the Horse’s back and landed behind the Goat. The Rooster flew down, followed by the Dog and the Pig, which were both soaking wet but made it on time.

The Jade Emperor was very pleased and started to honour all the twelve animals in order of their appearance. Thus, the sequence was Rat, Ox, Tiger, Rabbit, Dragon, Snake, Horse, Goat, Monkey, Rooster, Dog and Pig. And that was how these animals became the Chinese zodiac.

The Cat was angry at the Rat for backstabbing it, thus from then on, each time the Cat saw the Rat, it would chase it as revenge. That was also how the Cat and Rat became arch enemies.

Chinese Lunar New Year Celebrations

The first two days of the Lunar New Year went without a hitch. The days were spent visiting relatives and studying. I am so pleased with myself that I have actually finished the readings for next week, even though my first lecture will start only this Thursday.

The topic is on Art History and Appreciation, so I have to know the various form, structure, composition and perspective of a piece of painting, as well as how to tell the difference between a piece painted by oils, acrylics, watercolour or tempera. Interesting, but I am no art connoisseur. Hopefully I will not botch up the assignment.

For the celebrations, it is more or less the same routine year after year for my family. On the first day, we would dress to the nines in our new clothes, then greet my grandmother, before proceeding to my uncle’s (my dad’s brother) place.

Normally we will stay there for an hour before going to my maternal grandmother’s place for lunch. From there, we will greet her as well as my uncle’s family. After lunch, we would go to my wealthy relative’s place.

We would be home in the afternoon provided my parents did not have anywhere else to go. Guests would start coming to see my grandmother and we had to be around to entertain them. In the evening, we would go to my aunt’s (my dad’s sister) place for dinner, then to my mother’s sister’s place after that.

On the second day, either we would go visiting friends or distant relatives, or else we would be home as there would be other relatives coming. Besides, my mum would normally host a big gathering that night for my uncles, aunts and cousins on my father’s side. Either we would cater, prepare a sumptuous feast or a steamboat meal. This year it was steamboat.

Chinese New Year celebrations are normally enjoyable, except that the older one gets, the more one has to put up with irritating remarks. Every year since I cannot-remember-when, my older relatives will keep telling me it is time for me to stop taking the red packets, so when will it be my turn to distribute? In other words, give them a break, get married and I can start distributing.

Then when it is finally your turn to distribute, people will start asking when you will start collecting back? In other words, have a kid and start collecting the red packets on behalf of the kid. It goes on and on all the time.

When I was in my late teens and early twenties and I was attached, everyone frowned upon it and said that I was too focused dating thus could not do well in my studies. Now when I am older and single, they are pushing me to find someone. The older generation are really so contradictory!

People always think I have an influx of cash after the New Year since I have so many relatives, some whom are very established. What they do not know and cannot believe is that I do not get to keep most of the red packets, since I still have to turn them over to my mum (yes, even at this age!). The only ones I get to keep are those my parents gave me, and those I got from my ex’s parents and relatives as well as my own visits to my colleague’s and friend’s places.

All others given by my own relatives have to be handed to my mum, and that is always so heart-breaking for me as it is my relatives who give me a much higher amount. If I had kept all the red packets every year through the years, my bank account would have reached five-figure probably ten years ago or so, and I would not be so cash-strapped in the past.

I will be going to my friend’s place later on in the afternoon for a post-wedding get-together. She will show us the wedding photos and video, and will cook dinner for us as well. Looking forward to it!

I Not Stupid Too? (Or Misunderstood Teens)

I brought my first brother out to watch “Fearless” and “I Not Stupid 2” earlier on. Jet Li still looked the same ever since his “Wong Fei Hung” days. “Fearless” is quite a good show with a meaningful message, and it can be said to be one of Jet Li’s better shows ever since “One Upon A Time In China”.

“I Not Stupid 2” is better than the first one, probably as I can relate more to it. The show focuses on teenage rebellion, typical Singaporean parents who concentrate only on making money and neglect the children, issue of discipline in schools, and how good traits are often overlooked due to mistakes and bad points.

The show started off with the little boy narrating, “When was the last time you praised someone?” Very meaningful message. True, how often have we really praised anyone for anything? Often than not, it is just in our nature to focus on the bad things instead.

The main characters of the show are three kids, Tom and his brother Jerry, and Tom’s friend CC. Tom and CC are both Normal stream students in a secondary school, and their teacher often scolded them for being useless and lazy.

Jerry is a normal inquisitive primary school kid, but he is often misguided as his parents have no time to entertain his questions. Thus he relies on his friends who often gave him the wrong information as they are just as ignorant as he is.

Tom and Jerry’s parents only nag, scold and cane, without fully getting into the full picture. Tom got an award for being the most prolific blogger (is there really such an award?), but all his mother said was why could he not use the time to focus on his studies instead?

When his father’s laptop spoilt, Tom actually fixed it for him, only to get scolded for fiddling around with the laptop. Jerry got a lead role in a school play and his teacher asked him to ask his parents to attend, but his parents would only tell him why could he not spend the time on his school work?

Tom got caught with a porn VCD in his possession and was sentenced to public caning. He wrote in his blog that he was as good as dead, and could not cared for anything that happened anymore. Thus he joined CC and hung out with a triad.

CC’s father was an ex-convict, and although he loves his son a lot, does not know how to show it. CC thought his father only knew how to beat him up, thus created lots of problems for his teacher.

When his teacher wanted to punish Tom for having the porn VCD, CC wanted to help Tom, only to get whacked on the head by the teacher. So he fought back in defense and was expelled from school as a result, which was why he decided to join the triad.

The teacher was snapped on some students’ camera phones for whacking CC on the head, and resigned due to pressure. But when his principal disallowed his resignation, he reflected and decided to change his method of teaching. Thus he started to focus more on the good points rather than the bad.

For instance, a student improved by two marks and instead of his usual reprimand, praised her and encouraged her to do better by improving by five marks the next time round.

When Jerry realised that his father charged S$500.00 just for a one-hour presentation, he decided to buy his father’s time. So he stole some money from the canteen vendor. His parents thought he stole the money to buy “Pokemon” cards, but he told them that he sold off all his cards and took the money just to have enough to buy an hour of his father’s time. That was when his parents realised that they have not been good and effective enough in disciplining and guiding their children.

Tom and CC were made use of by the triad to shoplift and got into a series of trouble. Tom realised just how much his father cared for him when after he and CC were beaten up for robbing an old lady, his father pleaded with the old lady not to press charges against Tom and to arrest him instead for not being a good parent.

CC’s father saw him getting beaten up and went to defend his son, only to get pushed down and hit his head as a result. He was rushed to the hospital, and CC got scolded by his father’s friend for not reciprocating his father’s love.

When CC got expelled, his father went to every school begging for a place for him. When his bag was torn, his father immediately bought a new one for him. CC realised how much his father really loved him when he saw his father was willing to die for him.

In the end, all were well again. Children learnt that their parents actually cared for them a lot, except they did not know how to show, and parents learnt that their children yearn for their praise and acceptance more than anything else.

This show relates a lot to me as my parents were like this too. Nothing I did was ever good enough for them, and they focused on the bad things instead of the good. When I did not do well for my examinations, they screamed at me for being useless and a good-for-nothing, even though I have improved by over ten marks.

When my late teacher registered me for the various music competitions, my mum said, “I do not understand why your teacher believes in you so much, You think you are really that good? If you spend as much time on your studies than playing music, you will already be the top student tenfold.”

When my teacher asked me to apply for a music scholarship, my mum said, “You think you qualify for this?” and refused to give her consent. When I wanted to take part in my school’s track and field events, she said, “You think you are so good in sports? You are nothing but a clumsy oaf.”

The years between fifteen and eighteen, I remember wanting to run away from home, commit suicide, play dead, anything to get my parents to show concern for me. I really ran away from home once in the middle of the night the year I was seventeen, as far as the bus stop outside my lane, only to be found back by my parents. Instead of showing worry, all I got was a caning for being a slut by running around outside in the middle of the night.

I had on and off cold wars with my mum for a couple of years. The reason I depended on my first ex so much was due to this cold war with my mum. I thought at least there was someone who could show some concern for me, and no matter how he treated me, I thought it was still better than my mum.

There was once when my first ex’s family brought me out for dinner, and they drove me back rather late at night. My mum threatened to call the police and accuse them of kidnapping me. She called me a shameless slut for running around with a guy until so late in the night.

I really lost it then and hit out at her. I regretted bitterly what I did, but at that point in time, I could not tolerate all her hurtful remarks anymore. She was shocked that I actually hit her, and shouted for my father.

I lashed out at her and as much as told her how I felt. I said all she cared about was her career. Had she really spared a thought to my feelings and what I wanted? All she cared about was making money, but since she had so much money yet she never gave me a cent more than what I was getting.

When I had to resort to borrowing sometimes from my friends, and my grandma would give me money as and when, she scolded me for being shameless to even beg people for charity.

I as much as told her that everything I did was wrong in her eyes, no matter how hard I tried, she was never satisfied. She never wanted to hear about anything unless it was about me topping the school. Yet my brothers could get away with anything, even if they got hurt by their own faults, somehow I was still the one being punished.

Even when I won an award in upper secondary for topping the level in Literature, she said it was no big deal since it was not as if I topped the school. But that was a big deal to me as I have never ever won an academic award before.

I never told them anything, even now I find it so reluctant to really talk to them on certain issues as they still think I am a good-for-nothing in their eyes. But at least now they leave me alone to do my own things, which suits me just fine. Sometimes I think my friends understand me more than my own parents. I think even those who read my blog will know me more than my own parents.

When I hear my brothers complaining how my mum treated them, I always told them how she treated them was minuscule compared to how she treated me. They did not have hot curry poured over their head in lower secondary just because they did not do well in their examinations, nor did they got threatened to be sent to a juvenile home if they did not pull up their socks in their studies.

I have gone through all these times, bore the brunt of insults my parents lashed out at me which my brothers never even had a fraction. Thus I can relate to the characters in the show on how they felt their parents never cared about their feelings and sought company in others instead.

Just like the Tom's character in the show, he blogged out all his unhappiness, and his parents stumbled upon his blog to realise just how much he hated them, my diaries contained all my feelings towards my parents too. I wrote about how I wish I was dead since I was as good as dead in their eyes. The only difference was that each time my mum saw me writing in my diary, she would tell me to use the time to study.

This show makes me even more determined to be a stay-home mum to my kids next time. I do not want to be like the mother character, who only cares about her work and totally have no time for her children. I want to be there for my children and guide them on the right path. At least the show taught me a little on how to be a good and effective parent in the future.

Gong Xi Fa Cai!

Now that my first brother is back, I will not have a lot of chance to use the computer since he claims his campus computers are lousy, and not able to access a lot of websites, so have to use the one at home to catch up on all his soccer forums, where he is one of the moderators, as well as the many months of blog-reading.

Besides I have been putting in more hours at work in lieu of the long weekend, as well as settling my study schedule. My lectures and tutorials are on alternate weeks. Since I am only taking one module this semester, my lectures and tutorials will only be once a week, or rather, once every two weeks, since one week lecture, next week tutorial and so on. Not too bad actually.

The best thing is that attendance is not mandatory. Since lecture notes will be put up on the net and we can always call our tutors for any queries, we will not be penalised even if we are unable to attend classes due to work exigencies or other commitments. Of course, the best thing is to attend lessons regularly to be able to understand the topics fully.

Tomorrow is the first day of the Lunar New Year (or Chinese Lunar New Year to be more exact), which means today is the last day of the old Chinese lunar year. My bed sheet has been changed, my sleeping attire is new, and all the New Year goodies at my house have been put out.

On the eve of the New Year, my parents will bring us to the temple where my grandfather's altar is and pray to our ancestors, although my parents will not aks me to hold the incense and pray.

But when they started burning the papers (which I do not participate in as I feel that is a big waste of paper and harm to the environment), I would play with the two cute dogs in the temple until my parents called me to go. Then we would proceed home where we will have our reunion dinner.

Talking about meals, my supervisor brought my whole team out for lunch on Thursday. There is this seafood restaurant near my workplace. It was very crowded that day since it is the only restaurant around that area, so everyone who works around the area will go there.

But the food is good. We had lobster sashimi, then fried lobster head and tail, prawns, roast chicken, steamed garoupa, mee goreng (spicy fried noodles) and cabbages with mushrooms. It was a real sumptuous meal!

Anyway my friends all told me that their reunion dinner is either something simple (simple dishes with the family), or steamboat (easiest, just dump everything into the soup and let the food cook), or restaurants. But then if they go to eat at restaurants, then those poor waiters will have to miss out on their reunion dinners with their own families.

My family will have a variety of dishes. The reunion dinner is the only time where we can have expensive dishes like abalone, seaweed soup, whole chicken, big shitake mushrooms, pomfret fish, fried vermicelli and king prawns.

It will take my maid the whole afternoon just to prepare all the dishes, although since my mum is around today, I wonder if she will cook some of her special dishes? I have not tasted my mum's cooking in ages!

My mum used to teach me how to cook when I was practicing for my Home Economics practical lessons, but ever since I stopped the subject, she stopped cooking too. The best cook I know is my maternal grandmother. No one else can ever cook like her!

More updates about the New Year celebrations later on. Hence for now, Gong Xi Fa Cai to everyone and may the Dog Year usher in good fortune and luck!

Bookworm Deluxe : A Time To Kill

My first book review of the year. John Grisham’s books are very technical in nature, probably due to his legal training. His books are slow-moving with lots of legal jargon, so for those who do not understand the legalities of certain issues and how the legal system functions, they will not be able to appreciate his books. Although he tries to incorporate a storyline, his stories are mainly law-based. Which is why a lot of people find his books very hard to read.

The first book I read is “The Firm” when I was in upper secondary. At that point in time, I was not able to understand all the technicalities behind the book, so I found that book very boring. The story was slow-moving, characters moved in slow motion, there was hardly any sense of anticipation on what would happen next.

I used to be rather bewildered how come his books could sell so well if the stories are slow, disengaging and confusing at some parts. Only after I started reading “A Time To Kill” and “The Pelican Brief” that I understood why he is such a popular writer.

Back when I was doing law, my tutor would recommend his books, and told us to read it from a lawyer’s frame of mind. Analyse the situations in the storyline and then reach our own conclusions on how exactly to fight the case. After that, his books became more and more intriguing.

“A Time To Kill” is the second one of his books I read, and so far I find this the best. “The Firm” is one of his more slow-moving books, like “The Chamber”. I wonder how the Tom Cruise movie of the same name was like as I never got to watch the show. If I could go back in time, I would have read “A Time To Kill”, “The Pelican Brief” or even “The Runaway Jury” first.

Where “The Firm” is more on a high-speed chase type of story, thus may not appeal to a lot of people, “A Time To Kill” really tugs at your heartstrings as it is more of a father’s love for his daughter, and the still-rampant racial discrimination of the blacks by the white in the southern states.

If you have seen the film starring Matthew McConaughey, you will more or less know what the story is about. Black girl raped by two white guys, father attacked the guys, white guys got off scot free but black father got thrown into jail for assault, whites revived the old Ku Klux Klan tradition of “terminating” the blacks, white lawyer defended black guy and got into some trouble as a result, public chose an all-white jury, black father knew he was doomed when he saw the jury, a law student was intrigued by the case and offered to help the lawyer out for free and almost got herself killed.

The actions were all very 1930s-America, even though the story itself was set around the 1980s – 1990s. The show summarized a lot of the wordings in the book. Where the book consisted of lots of legal jargon and terminology, the show itself rephrased the words and made them more “layman” English just so the general public would be able to understand.

Other than that, the gist of the story is about the same. I love the lawyer from the way he argued the case, both in the book and in the show. The lawyer was real brilliant! I leave it to you to find out whether he won the case, and if he did, how. ;-)

John Grisham’s other books are just as brilliant. He is a brilliant writer in his own right, although not everyone can appreciate his style. The general American public seems to like his books though, which explains why several of his books have been made into movies.

Besides “The Firm” and “A Time To Kill”, there was “The Pelican Brief” starring Julia Roberts and Denzel Washington, “The Chamber” starring Chris O’Donnell and Gene Hackman, “The Rainmaker” starring Matt Damon and Claire Danes, and most recently “The Runaway Jury” starring John Cusack and Rachel Weisz. I have only seen “A Time To Kill”, “The Pelican Brief” and “The Rainmaker”.

His books deal with law of all aspects, from young interns (The Rainmaker) to law students (A Time To Kill and The Pelican Brief) to big shot law firms (The Firm) to the jury system (The Runaway Jury) to capital punishment (The Chamber).

John Grisham’s books are not for everyone. Even the most avid reader may not be able to handle his books. But it is a good read for people who like intense drama, albeit slow-moving. The most interesting parts will be when the characters pick up all the clues and evidence along the way. His books are quite specialized in this area.

He writes like a lawyer, thus his books require lots of breaking down of the various jargon before normal people can fully comprehend. Which is why those who read his books must be people who have the patience to devour from the first to the last page, otherwise most will give up halfway. For simplicity of reading and just as intense drama, Dan Brown’s books are still better and more suitable for the general public.

Tertiary Grading Systems

I was tied up the past few days studying and singing. I have managed to finish reading the first few chapters of the textbook, and starting on the next few chapters later on in the week. The first few chapters are nothing much, except to answer queries on how to study humanities effectively and score well in them.

Really useful tips. Why did I not have these all those years ago? All my years of being an Arts major, and I never knew these tips existed. At least this gives me a bit more confidence in facing my studies head on.

The chorus sessions are getting more fun and interesting. Jennifer is really a cool conductor! Since there are no real Altos, she paired up all us girls together, so we have to take turns singing the Soprano and Alto parts.

There are five songs to sing, so I will be singing three Soprano parts and two Alto parts since my partner is able to sing the lower notes better. It is such a struggle singing the Alto parts after the voice is tuned to singing high notes all the time.

It was my mum’s birthday on Sunday. This year my dad was around for her birthday, so my parents went out that evening. Last year, my brothers and I treated my mum to Hard Rock Café for lunch, then we went to my grandma’s place where my uncle bought her a cake and had a karaoke party.

Since my dad was around this year, we left him to plan the celebration instead of us. Speaking of which, my first brother is coming back for the New Year! In fact, he should be already on the plane now. Yeah! We can finally stay up late to catch up again!

I was looking through the grading system and class of qualifications for the SIM University. Apparently, it also follows the Grade Point Average (GPA) system just like the other local universities. Before it became the fourth university last year, it used to go according to the Credit Unit (CU) system. I am considered the pioneer batch under the new system.

In the past, there used to be the CU system for all our local tertiary institutions as well, but this was changed to the GPA system around the late 1990s – early 2000s. In fact, when I started my studies in NIE under NTU, it was still on the CU system, until my final year when all was changed to GPA, and my grades were recalculated as GPA grades.

The change came about because in the CU system, every module carries a certain unit. Thus, anyone who completes the unit gets the credit, but that does not distinguish the higher scorers from the lower scorers.

When it comes to ranking according to class of qualifications, there were many disputes. For example, in a normal degree, one needs 100 CUs to be considered as having completed the entire course. So if all the students get 100 CUs, but only a few of them got selected for the Honours programme, the rest will dispute as to why they were not selected if they scored the same.

Which is why now although the CU system is still ongoing, ie undergraduates must still complete a certain number of modules and fulfil a certain number of credits, the GPA system has been adopted to rank the students in case of any dispute. The GPA counts the overall grades instead of the overall module units, so those who scored well will be reflected.

The GPA system goes like this :

A+ (85 – 100) – 5.0
A (80 – 84) – 5.0
A- (75 – 79) – 4.5
B+ (70 – 74 ) – 4.0
B (65 – 69) – 3.5
B- (60 – 64) – 3.0
C+ (55 – 59) – 2.5
C (50 – 54) – 2.0
D+ (45 – 49) – 1.5
D (40 – 44) – 1.0
Less than 40 (F) – 0.0

According to this, if one scores a C to B average means the results are really poor, considering it is just a border line pass and into the 60% grades. And if you score a D, that means you probably already failed that subject, although it is counted as a point. No wonder I could not progress further. :-(

The class of qualifications takes the total average GPA of all the modules. Which means if one takes twenty modules throughout the course, the final grade will be the average of all the twenty modules.

Thus, for a mere Pass, one needs a final average GPA of 2.0 – 3.49 (C to B average), second lower honours 3.5 – 3.99 (B to B+ average), second upper honours 4.0 – 4.49 (B+ to A- average), and a first class honours 4.5 – 5.0 (perfect score throughout). Hats off to those who are smart and good enough to take Honours then. I really wish to learn your skills of scoring well too!

My Style Guru ....

Chinese New Year is coming. An important occasion for my family and most of my friends. This is the period of time where shops have booming businesses whilst Chinese all over the world prepare for the coming of the “new” year by buying food products, new clothes, new shoes, and saving money to give away as red packets (for married folks).

My company is having a Chinese New Year cum Dinner and Dance. This year it will be at a grand restaurant, and the theme is oriental, so we have to wear oriental attire. Which means I have to decide whether to wear my long cheongsam dress, or the china doll attire, ie pants with the oriental top.

Chinese New Year is also the time for new clothes, so my mum bought me a new dress some weeks ago. It looks like a dance costume actually, so I told her I can wear that for any dance festivals or competitions if I ever take part. It is also suitable to wear for my male cousin’s upcoming wedding next month.

My friend raise their eyebrows when they found out that my mum still buys my clothes for me. She does not buy all my clothes, only on special occasions or once in a while when she saw something nice that may suit me. I buy most of my own clothes.

But my mum has been buying my clothes even until I was in my early twenties. She stopped only when I started working, except for a few occasions. I do not feel embarrassed letting people know she still buys clothes for me. Not just clothes, but accessories, shoes and jewellery as well.

Why would anyone be ashamed that your parents still buy things for you at times even when you are this age? Yet people are not ashamed to let others know that they still live off their parents at this age. I thought it will be more embarrassing to still live off one’s parents at such an age.

My friends said that they never let their parents buy their clothes ever since they were in their teens. They would prefer to go shopping on their own and get their own things. Not for me. My mum has very good taste, and the clothes she bought for me are really nice, fitting yet inexpensive. She can get the best bargains!

In fact, each time I wore something she bought, my relatives all commended and wanted to find out where she bought that! My sense of style was sort of influenced by her. I am definitely not a fashion queen or top stylist or whatever, but comparatively to how some people dress, I daresay I am not that bad a dresser.

My brothers disagree with me. They will never let my mum buy any of their clothes. In fact, last year, my youngest brother told my mum he wanted to go shopping for new clothes, but he wanted to buy his own. My first brother buys most of his clothes himself too.

No doubt my mum and I do not agree on some of the clothes I have. For instance, I cannot wear a tube top in front of her. Even a halter top is unacceptable in her eyes. No mini-skirts, no midriffs, no hipsters. The most she allows are tank tops, spaghetti tops and toga tops.

She is still very conservative who thinks decent girls must cover up all the time, whereas I just wear whatever catches my fancy or according to occasion. Other than that, I like all the things she buys for me. If only I know where she gets all the things, I can get some great bargains on my own too!

Effective Study Skills

I attended the first of the three pre-study workships today, on effective study skills. Interesting speaker, as she was able to capture our attention, but the session more or less covered almost everything I have done.

The first part was on Listening Skills. Listening to the keywords and the different stress on the various words uttered by the lecturer. Listen to change in tone, change in pitch, change in emotion. Most importantly, listen to whether the points fit the objectives being covered.

The second part was on Note-taking Skills. Often have people made the mistake of just scribbling everything and every word down vigorously. Actually, that is more ineffective as one concentrates so much on just scribbling down notes, but neglect to listen to the lecturer.

Note down keypoints during the lecture, and then go through the notes on your own. Take notes in a variety of ways - mind maps, summaries, tables, charts, equations, fishbone diagrams, concept maps, classifications, time lines, sequencing. I do believe I have taken notes in all of the above ways.

The next component was on Writing Skills, not just normal writing, but academic writing, ie how to write an academic paper effectively. This reminds me of the first day in university where we had to take a crash course on writing thesis statements, good bibliographing and footnotes.

Besides the usual parts on having the correct Grammar, using the correct Vocabulary, put in the correct Spelling and be careful of the Punctuation, Bibliography was also emphasised. Apparently, not many people know how to write a proper bibliography, or deem it unimportant.

I thought anyone who has gone through post-secondary education would be able to do it as they would be taught how to write an academic essay with referencing? The Bibliography is important as the reader / marker will want to know where we get our references from. Otherwise we can just "lift" a text from anywhere and pass it off as our own if there is no referencing.

I used to find it a chore writing Bibliographies, as after reading the book and taking down notes for my assignments, I still had to take the time to record down the exact title, author(s), editor(s), publisher, year of publishing, and location. In other words, the proper structure is something like this :

Thomson, Alfred L. (ed.), Randall, Robert S., A History Of The World, 2nd edition, Michelmas Publishing, 2002, London.

Note : This is just an example. The book does not exist. The names and title is my own creation. Any similarities to any real publication is entirely coincidental.

After the academic essays part, the speaker went through how to write proper examination answers. Many students made the mistake of writing too much but totally straying off the point. Thus, they may think that why they wrote so much but in the end scored so badly?

The trick is to read the question carefully, understand and focus on what the examiner is looking for, then answer accordingly. Structure your essay in such a way that it is well-organised and easy to read.

I know, easier said than done, especially during examination times. But I believe if the material is at the back of your hand, answering the question and writing the essay becomes so much easier. One only need to read the question and everything starts flowing. At least that was what I had experienced everytime when I needed to take examinations.

Answering examination questions also needed lots of time management. Answering three questions in a three-hour examination is not the easiest thing in the world, but instead of spending so long and scoring perfect grades for one question, but in the end skimmed through and did badly for the other questions simply because you have run out of time, it is better to just set aside a time limit for each question and then stick to it.

Better to score above average for all questions, then at least the overall grade is above average too, rather than so well on one question and so badly on the rest, pulling the overall grade down to below average.

Other things like self-discipline, time-management and not to achieve perfection all the time were also covered. The first two are self-explanatory, but the speaker said that since we are all working and studying and some of us have a young family as well, it is impossible to do everything so well.

Thus we should not be "super" by expecting all things to be perfect, but rather, just try our best and be happy with what we have. Makes a lot of sense, but on the other hand, some people will think what is the use of doing things if they do not seek perfection?

Overall, it is a pretty useful session, as it reinforces the things I have done before, plus a few more. It makes me feel a bit less stressed at least, knowing that I am not alone in this journey. Wonder how the next two seminars will go.

After the workshop, K invited me to his place to watch the DVD of "Memoirs Of A Geisha". My first movie of the year! Where the book is more tragic, the movie itself has a happier ending. The show did not give my friend good vibes as he said that it is "torturous" to hear non-native speakers speaking English.

Casting wise, not all of them are miscasted. Gong Li outshone herself as the bitch, Zhang Ziyi's Sayuri is strong and perseverant, exactly like the Sayuri in the book. Michelle Yeoh as the other geisha is a little odd though. Even though she acted well, but the role should be given to someone younger and more able to bring the character to life.

The show did justice to the book at least, but it paled in comparison to the book, as where the book has more drama, ie more intense bitching, backstabbing, cruelty and abuse, and the sad ending, the movie just skimmed through the main parts.

It is an easy to understand movie for someone who has not read the book, but for those who have, will feel that the movie has not reached their expectations.

Buying Lottery ....

Sometimes when I pass by provision shops especially on a weekend, I am always amused to see the long lines where people queue to buy numbers. And some people religiously spend hundreds and even thousands every month just to buy numbers, yet they never seem to win as the probability is just too low.

I have never bought any form of numbers, four-digit, six-digit, or whatever. I do not like to queue for long to get something which is totally useless to me, save for the small chance of making a windfall.

If it is so easy to make a windfall in the first place, there will be lots more rich people in the world. Besides, I think becoming rich by striving gives one a better perspective than becoming rich by being the lucky one to strike the first prize at a lottery.

My parents do not buy any numbers, except for the once in a blue moon indulgence where they feel like trying their luck. Needless to say they have never won any, and they do not believe in throwing their money away for things like these, so they have probably only bought lottery once or twice.

I am not against people buying numbers as it is all an individual’s choice. Personally I will not buy as I rather spend my money more productively on other things. But for those who complain about already struggling and trying to make ends meet, is it still a wise thing to do to buy numbers? Will it not make more sense to use whatever money they have to feed their family or save up more?

Of course everyone hopes to get rich by making a windfall. And no matter how small a chance, they are still willing to see if they can become the lucky one. But is it too addictive and wasteful if they buy every week, often spending hundreds per week? If the amount of money is accumulated in a year, they would have quite a hefty sum put away, and it will probably even be more than anything they have ever won.

It is definitely not illegal to buy lottery, otherwise there will not be so many Singapore Pools outlets around. It is illegal only if people buy from private or illegal bookies. In fact, buying lottery is so legalized that the evening papers and news radio (somehow why is it only the Chinese radio and newspapers, never the English ones?) will report the daily winning numbers. So during that time, people will tune in to the radio and either shriek with delight or tear their tickets in disgust.

I guess this is just the local heartlanders’ hobby. Which is probably why only the Chinese papers and radio shows report on the winning lottery tickets. People associate those who buy numbers as those uncouth uneducated people just out to make a windfall, and assume that those English-educated ones will have a bit more “class” to even be seen at any lottery outlets. Not really true actually.

Still, it is an addictive habit, like playing mahjong. As long as there is a teeny weeny chance of winning, people will keep buying, which is why Singapore Pools have such a tremendous amount of revenue per year. But for me, I will think the time and money spent can be put to better and more productive use.

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do ....

My brother told me that his classmate just got dumped by a girl online and now he (the classmate) is in a messed-up state. I told my brother to tell him to forget everything and focus on his studies.

I know it is easier said than done since I have been through that stage, and I was probably so much more messed-up, but this year happens to be their crucial year and if he does not focus, his bright future will be ruined. I do not wish for anyone to make the same mistake I did.

But judging from my friends’ and my own experiences of breaking up, different people chose to do it differently. Some break up through mobile messages, some through a third party, some online, some through the phone, and worse, some just totally disappeared without a word and left the poor dumpee feeling so bewildered and heart-broken, before he / she resurfaced with someone new.

I have broken up through the phone twice (“You are just a burden to me and my family, you are a good-for-nothing who can never make it in life. I want someone who can respect me enough to submit to me, and not someone who cannot even be honourable to stay home and look after the family” and “This is the way I am. You do not like then get lost!”), and through a third party once plus the disappearance without a trace (“He asked me to tell you he is no longer interested in the relationship. He wants out.”).

Hardly have I known people who broke up face to face, over coffee or a meal, and left on amicable terms. Perhaps people are all cowards in nature, thus chose the easier way out by just dropping the bombshell without needing to face the other party and incurring all kinds of emotional trauma.

But how can breaking up not be traumatic? How can breaking up not hurt? No matter how many times you break up, it still hurts. It really hurts. It really really hurts like hell. It hurts so much that you are so tempted to just prank call him / her then stop yourself on time. It hurts so much that you end up crying yourself to sleep and want to kill yourself at a certain stage. And it hurts so much that years down the road, you see him / her and think of how you were unjustly dumped, and wished for hell and fire to engulf the one who dumped you in the first place.

Couples find themselves asking this question : Is breaking up really necessary? Can things still be worked out? How do you determine when to move on and when to still stay together? And how do you know the person is really right for you even if you choose to stay together?

I guess it is time to move on when both cannot even talk to each other amicably without raising their voices, when every word was misunderstood by the other party, when it became more tiring and miserable in a relationship than out, and when one finally does not wish to do so much for the other party anymore. A real stable relationship will have no misery, no tiredness, and no signs of slowing down on affection and self-sacrifice.

I used to think I will never break up so the one I ended up with would be the one for life. Unfortunately this is not always the case in real life. You cannot control others and how they function. Even if you want to hold on, the other party may not want to.

Sometimes one wonders why is it that you fell for someone whom you deem as “right”, yet in the end things do not work out at all? But someone told me once that actually it is not a matter of finding the “right” one, but rather on how to make the relationships and ultimately the marriage right. Makes a lot of sense to me.

There are lucky ones who are each others’ first loves and stay together for life. There are those who go through a series of breakups before finally finding the right one. One thing I have learnt is that each breakup makes one stronger, and one is more prepared in the next relationship on what to do and what not to do after the lesson learnt.

So breaking up is not necessarily a bad thing, although it is hard to do. But at times it is better to let go than continue holding on and being more miserable. Every one deserves to be in a perfect relationship where both parties are happy and blessed, rather than continue being in a relationship that is going nowhere.

Should A Guy Carry His Girlfriend's Handbag?

A lot of girls and guys I know frown in disapproval whenever they see a guy carrying his girlfriend’s handbag, as in the small classy-looking ladies’ handbag which can probably only fit in her wallet, phone and lipstick, nothing else. Guys will say that is so unmanly, girls will say that the guy is such a wimp.

Actually I think guys who volunteer to carry their girlfriend’s handbags are rather gentlemanly and sweet. Notice I said volunteer, not being coerced by the girl to carry her bag for her. But of course, I know the controversy which will come about if the guy carries a girl’s small handbag for her.

At least in this case, chivalry is not totally dead. The guy is sweet and nice enough to offload the girl’s burden, so to speak, and if I get such a guy, I will hold on and never let go. But on the other hand, I am quite capable of carrying my own small bag, so I would prefer to carry it myself if it is just a small one without burdening the guy with it.

But does that mean the guy should not be chivalrous if the general public cannot stand the sight of a guy carrying a girl’s bag? Actually it all depends. If it is just a small handbag, of course the girl should carry it. She has both hands with her, and it is just a little thing, so why bother the boyfriend? No doubt the boyfriend can be gentlemanly enough to ask, but if it is only a small bag, the girl can just carry it on her own.

But of course, if the girl is carrying several big bags with her, be it her work assignments or grocery shopping or normal shopping, then the guy should help to carry a little, instead of just walking on and leaving the girl to carry everything by herself.

I am not being sexist here, but from experience, those bags can really be very heavy, and I would appreciate some help especially if I am carrying a lot of things with just two hands. Luckily two of my guys are gentlemanly enough to just help me carry without me even asking.

But what is the big fuss anyway even if a guy chooses to carry his girlfriend’s handbag for her? Maybe the guy is just being a SNAG, and most girls will want to snag a SNAG, especially a metrosexual and ubersexual one. However if guys carry a girl’s backpack or haversack for her, no one will say a thing. Why is the fuss only when the guy carries the handbag?

I can understand why guys will not approve of the sight, because they may think it is a disgrace to all mankind, but why would the females disapprove? Do they not like someone who can be nice enough to volunteer to carry their things for them? Or are they just green with envy that other girls manage to get guys that do not feel ashamed carrying their bags in public?

Or perhaps being brought up in the typical Singaporean society where guys are not taught to be gentlemanly and girls are taught to be equal with guys, this sight may disgust a lot of people. But is there anything wrong with a guy wanting to show how much he loves his girlfriend by just a simple act of carrying her handbag for her? Should he be judged as being a loser or a wimp or a disgrace?

It is rare to find local guys who are gentlemanly and chivalrous. I see that in a lot of guys from other countries, yet comparatively, local guys do not bother being a gentleman or being respectful to others. For example, a local guy will not bother holding the door open if he knows I am just behind him and about to go through the door. I hate it when doors slam in my face just because that guy in front of me closed it behind him when he knew I was about to enter as well.

But that aside, give that poor nice guy a break. If that is how he shows his love for his girlfriend by carrying her handbag for her, let him be. We are not ones to judge how people show their loves nor comment on the sweet things people do to show their affections.

How Shall Teachers Behave?

For the past few years, there would be reports once in a while on a certain teacher and her parents harassing their neighbours. Recently, there seem to be reports again, because my colleague’s son just entered the school where that teacher is teaching, and there were reporters interviewing the students.

If the teacher had been creating all these negative publicity to herself, why did her school tolerate it and she can still be retained? There are teachers who have had their services terminated for lesser reasons, as minor as not being able to manage a classroom and letting the students creating trouble all over (as if teachers are supposed to be twenty-four hours baby-sitters).

How shall teachers behave exactly? Parents and the general public still maintain the stand that teachers are supposed to be role models and set good examples for students. As a result, people have the impression that teachers are dowdy and boring.

The Ministry of Education still has a set of dress code for teachers. There cannot be any camisole tops, tank tops, jeans or T-shirts (unless it is Saturday), no slippers (anything without a strap is considered slippers, even for a pair of classy thongs), no colouring of hair.

However, schools nowadays are more relaxed over the dress code. It all depends on the Principal the extent he / she allows. There are teachers who highlight their hair, and wear thongs to school, and even tank tops or spaghetti tops on Saturdays or Sports Days.

But should being a role model includes the type of clothes worn as long as their behaviour is right? Judging from the type of clothes kids wear nowadays and the hairstyle they sport, teachers actually have no control or much influence over them. A teacher can wear the stuffiest and most dowdy clothes, and the students will laugh at her / him for being too “geeky” and “old-fashioned”.

Kids nowadays have a mind of their own. They look up to rock stars and idols, rather than parents or teachers. Still, teachers should try to behave in the best way to show the students what good behaviour is all about. Teachers should inculcate values like respect to elders and peers, courtesy and being considerate to each other. These can be taught in the classroom through various activities and actions.

What constitutes good conduct then? There are teachers who go clubbing, who drink, who smoke, who buy numbers, who gamble, who got involved in extra-marital affairs, who sleep around. I have teaching friends who do all these, and say that teaching is just a job, they are also humans who like to do things other people do.

Teaching may be just a job, but it also happens to be a job where the younger generation look up to you, so if teachers are to smoke or gamble or have affairs or sleep around, what are they teaching their students? That it is good to do all these too?

Then it will be contradictory what the schools are teaching – that it is bad to your health if you smoke, get into trouble if you gamble, and it is wrong to have affairs or sleep around. Clubbing, drinking and buying numbers is still alright provided it is done in moderation and they are of age.

But teachers can only do so much because kids see their parents and peers more. So if the kid comes from a messed-up family and mixes around with messed-up friends, chances are he may get equally messed-up. Which is very sad because to witness a good kid turning delinquent and you feel so helpless about it.

I was always fed up by those parents who dump their kids in school and expect teachers to perform miracles but they themselves do not want to monitor their own kids. If two parents cannot handle one or two kids, how can they expect one teacher to handle forty kids all at once?

But whatever it is, teachers should still uphold themselves in the best behaviour. No matter how little students they influence, it is still a satisfaction that they have influenced a few kids. Thus if the teacher is to go around creating negative publicity, I wonder how her students will feel and behave?

Indecent Exposure

Recently there was a report in the papers that a guy was charged with indecent exposure for strutting around naked in his house. His neighbour opposite happened to see and called the police. One wonders why his neighbour was looking out of the window at that time anyway?

Under the Penal Code, indecent exposure is a criminal offence as it is considered "Public Nuisance" since it causes "annoyance" to the public, and one can get fined or even jailed if charged. The ridiculous laws we have sometimes, that people actually get arrested for being naked in the privacy of one’s own home. Is the home not our own haven to do as we please?

The one who called the police to report him was a lady. She was disgusted as he was middle-aged with a pot belly, graying and totally naked. Now, if he happened to be a young, good-looking guy with six-packs and a hunky build, would she have called the police even if he was naked? And if she was really disgusted she could just look away, instead of resorting to getting people arrested and jailed.

That guy happened to just strut by his open window where unfortunately that busybody of a lady happened to see. Okay, granted that if he was to be totally naked, he should know better than to get so near the window, or at least close the curtains or something. But still, must it warrant a police report?

So he was too near the window, big deal. So it was not a pleasant sight, big deal. Does she have a perfect physique or a to-die-for body to speak of also? And anyway he has whatever a man has, not a freak or mutant or anything. Must she really make such a big deal out of it?

The thing is that he was doing it in the confines of his own home, albeit through an open window where there would be a risk that others could see. But it was not as if he was out in the open flashing away at the public.

So why must others really care what he does in his own home? Has anyone never walked around naked in their homes before? I know I have, from the bathroom to my bedroom, which is just adjacent to each other, whenever there was no one around. In fact, I have even slept naked a few times before, with all the curtains closed of course! I am not that brave or thick-skinned to do that with the risk of people seeing me through the open windows.

What is considered as indecent exposure then? Strutting around naked at one’s home? Going outside without any underwear on? Going out scantily clad? It all differs from individual to individual.

The guys in my family can go around the house topless. I go around the house without any underwear on at times, especially if I am in my sleeping gear. It is cooling and convenient, but I will never go commando when I step out of the house, although I will go braless depending on what I wear.

The point is that different people have different concepts of indecent exposure. For me I will never change in front of anyone, not even my boyfriend, nor will I expect him to change in front of me, unless I am married to him. No one but myself (and my future partner) can see me in the buff. There are others who have no qualms about changing in front of others, exposing their nakedness.

It is all subjective how people view indecent exposure. But nowadays in this century, are people still put off by others in the buff? These things are all so prevalent, in porn, in movies. If people can download porn and watch R(A) shows where naked bodies are so rampant, why is it such a big deal even if someone goes without clothes in his own home?

Pre-Study Stress

I went down to SIM University to collect my course materials for the semester. Can you imagine seven set books, plus one more main study text which I have to buy, ten audio CDs, one assignment booklet and one reference book?

Goodness...... for just one subject and half a year I need to do all these?! I think I am really going to be in way over my head. The worst thing is that the syllabus has been revamped a little, so where in the past there were no examinations, there will be an examination in May or June which will constitute 100%, whereas the other assignments will constitute the other 100%. I am starting to get really stressed.....

The course guide states the chapters and topics to study for the various week. The lectures and tutorial time-tables will be out next week, but we have to officially start self-studying next week. Four chapters for the first week! My friends are not kidding when they told me it is a very heavy-going course.

The assignment questions are already out. There will be three assignments this semester. The first one is due in February, second one in March and the third one in April. The assignments are mainly short essay questions of 400 words or so. How can anyone write an essay with just 400 words? When I used to have to write a 3000-word essay, I was already struggling to keep within the word limit.

The university also gave us a T-shirt together with the materials. The person-in-charge asked us to indicate our sizes. I wanted S but unfortunately they ran out of stock, so I was given M, which fits me like a night gown. Oh well.....

Hopefully all will be well this time. This is the last chance I ever have to score well and prove myself, I do not want to blow this chance!

Bad Voice Day ....

The weather seems to have changed for the better, which is a good thing! Now the climate is not too hot, not too cold, not too sunny, not too rainy. Just cool enough to sleep without the air-conditioning, yet warm enough to sleep without the blanket on. How I wish the climate can remain like this throughout the year!

Opera Choral sessions finally resumed after a hiatus of more than a month. Yesterday’s attendance was good. Besides the regular members, those who have performed for “Madame Butterfly” last year but later “disappeared” came back, and there were a few newcomers as well. As a result, our conductor had to re-audition everyone to hear the voice ranges.

It was just not my day. My voice was off last night due to all the cheering during the weekend, and so it was still a little strained and I was not able to project out. I could not even reach the high notes as before. I could reach about two octaves higher on a normal day but yesterday the conductor just stopped at the middle range for me.

Not that I am that good a singer in the first place, comparing to the rest of the members and some of my relatives, but yesterday was my worst performance ever. My vocals were so closed-up and tight that it was such a struggle even to pitch properly. :-(

When I heard the voices of the other members and the way they sing, I seriously wonder how in the world I passed the audition last year in the first place. But I sort of remembered the day of my audition last year happened to be a “good” day where I was able to project and pitch properly. Still, singers have no excuses for “good” or “bad” days, especially during rehearsals and performances. :-/

The purpose of the audition / re-audition was to spread out the different sections more evenly. I was so worried that due to my bad performance, I may be made to sing the Alto range, and my singing voice cannot go lower than a normal C note on the piano scale, otherwise it will be too much of a strain on my vocals. On the other hand, I have managed to go up to the highest F note before, so I am still more comfortable singing in higher scales.

When people hear my natural speaking voice now, they will assume I am an Alto, so most people are surprised when I said I am a Soprano. For those in the know, they understand that the speaking voice and singing voice is different. Some people may have lower voices but more comfortable singing higher pitches, and some may have higher voices but yet more comfortable singing lower pitches.

It all depends on the colour of your voice tone. Besides, my voice has gone down three octaves ever since I started teaching, and it has just never gone up again, How I wish my voice can go back to the original pitch!

In the end, our conductor said that there seems to be no real Altos, so those Sopranos with stronger voices and wider ranges may be asked to sing the Alto parts. Maybe I will be put as a Mezzo-Soprano this year. Anyway, I have always been switched between the first and second Soprano parts in all the choirs I have been in.

I really should take up regular voice lessons again. Ever since my teacher left for her studies half a year ago, I have not had any formal voice lessons, which probably led to the disintegration of my vocals. I find I can actually sing better that period of time when I was undergoing lessons. Only with proper training and technique can I be a full skilled Soprano.

Ever since I stopped the voice lessons, I thought regular choral sessions would be enough and these extra lessons are just a luxury, but after last night, I find it more a necessity especially if I plan to continue performing and taking care of my vocals. I want to take performing arts more seriously from now on, so my late teacher will be proud of me, wherever she is, as well as my former voice teacher. Time to call Mr Thomas Manhart for formal voice lessons!

Oh by the way, I may be starting Salsa classes in March. I signed up last year for the January class actually, but it was full so I was put on the waiting list for the March intake. Hopefully I will be able to start in March so I can at least get some things done in the first half of the year!

Movies To Look Out For

Halfway into January, and I have not watched a single show. The last movie I watched was “Narnia” on Christmas Day. Oscar season coming, so all the good shows are coming up! These are the movies which I think will be worth watching for the year. I wonder which will be my first movie of 2006?

1. Elizabethtown (Orlando Bloom. Enough said.)

2. In Her Shoes

3. Proof

4. A History Of Violence

5. Memoirs Of A Geisha (Despite the miscasting, I want to see how the story is brought to screen.)

6. Charlotte’s Web

7. X-3 (the third instalment of X-Men)

8. MI:3 (the third instalment of Mission Impossible – how come Tom Cruise still looks so good?)

9. Da Vinci Code (How can I leave this out?)

This about covers the shows for the first half of the year. Wonder what the summer blockbusters are for this year. Last year had been a good year for movies in general, hopefully this year will be just as good or even better!

Financial Independence ....

My mum gave me a big scolding the other day as she found out about the joint account which my ex and I had. Actually, my second ex and I opened that account when we were thinking of flat-hunting. The money is actually mine; he had never contributed as he just started working then. But when we ended things, he withdrew his “due” for the years together.

After a while, I removed his name since I was the one holding on to the passbook. But a joint account cannot be reverted back to a single account, especially since I already have another savings account in the same bank. This “joint” account is actually a chequing account where all my ad-hoc payment transactions are done.

Since to close it means it would render all my cheque payments invalid, and when that happens, I would have to take the trouble of opening another chequing account somewhere else, and the other banks do not open chequing accounts with a deposit of less than a few thousand dollars, my third ex agreed to help me out by just putting his name down so my account can remain active.

So he was only the account holder in name; all the money inside belongs to me. He has never contributed nor touched a single cent there. I am the one holding on to the passbook and chequebook. The person entitled to sign all the cheques is me, not anybody else.

It is useless explaining to my mum why this account is “joint” as she already has her own conclusions that my third ex was living off me. Which is not true, because of all my guys, he is the one that has never asked me to pay for anything nor taken a cent from me when we broke up.

But my mum kept scolding me for being so cheap and desperate that I had to use my money to hold on to a guy, so no wonder the guys I was with all lost respect for me. It is alright how she wants to think of me since she never really think of me as someone good anyway, but leave others out of this.

She said up to now my dad and her still holds separate accounts, so why did I want to do that in the first place? It is up to her how she and my father want to settle things, but must she bother about my finances? It is not as if I am living off her.

I have not taken a single cent from her ever since I entered NIE, unlike my brothers who still live off her for everything, from the clothes they wear to their school fees to their mobile bills to their transport expenses to their outings with friends. When did I ever have it so easy when I was their ages?

Whatever money I have in my accounts is solely mine! My own keep, my own income and savings through the years of working. Not a single cent belongs to her or anyone else for that matter. And I still give her red packets during Chinese New Year as well as a certain amount every month.

She always thinks I spend more than I earn, which is not really true. No doubt I used to spend a bit more when I first started working, but almost everyone I know is like that. After all, when one suddenly has disposable income at one’s own disposal, one tends to indulge a little. But not so now. How many things do you need anyway? There comes a stage when I do not even go shopping unless I really have things to buy.

Anyway my mum said she can save a few thousands every month and I cannot seem to do that. Of course! Compared to the amount she is earning and the amount I am earning, she can save a few thousands every month and still have more money to spend than me. From the amount I am earning, it is already a struggle to even save a couple of thousands per month.

But it does not matter. I am not using her money, so I need not explain how I manage my own finances. Everything from my course fees to my clothes to my bills and other activities are all my own moolah. It is good to be financially independent!

Taking Things For Granted ....

How often do we take the things and the people around us for granted? Our natural resources, our parents, our loves ones, our circumstances. Is it just human nature that we do not know a good thing until we lost it? Or that we never treasure what we have until it is gone?

For instance, someone manages to get a very good and understanding boyfriend / girlfriend who may be so into her / him. Yet these good people always finished last as they got dumped for someone more “exciting”. It is like the more obliging a person is, the more exploited he / she will be.

People also take their parents for granted and expect their parents to always be there for them. Nobody can always be there for anyone, not even parents. Some people think that because they are parents, so should support them financially, even well into their adulthood.

If it is just normal allowance here and there because the parents love the kids so much, it is still fine and I will love nice parents like these. But to just not work and live off the parents is another matter altogether.

Some also take their friends for granted, like expecting their friends to do this and that for them. No doubt as friends we all try to go all out and help each other, but it is irritating that some are just freeloaders, and always taking and taking yet not giving anything back. When situations like these crop up, I feel like telling that person nobody is obligated to help him / her.

People help each other out of their own free and good will. We can have a choice. Most people are nice, but when it comes to fair-weather friends, sometimes we have to let them know where we stand, otherwise they will forever take us for granted. Call me mean or whatever, but if one expects me to help only for his / her own benefits, yet stab me in the back, then I do not see why I need to put up with people like that.

Some people also take their qualifications for granted. For instance, those who entered university through the “normal“ route will tend to look down at those who entered university after a polytechnic education. Actually, not everyone who chose to do a diploma instead is academically-impaired. Some could be from the best schools with the best results, but just chose the diploma route instead of the ‘A’ level route.

A smarter choice actually, since three years in a polytechnic earns a diploma, then another two to three years for a degree after that. So the years they take are less than those who went through the normal ‘A’ levels then university.

But because the general opinion is that diploma-holders are those who could not enter a junior college in the first place, thus they would be forever labelled as “not as smart” or “academically-inclined” as the ‘A’ level holders.

But because diploma-holders know just how tough the world outside is if they have no degree, especially for those who have gone out to work before going back to school, they are normally the ones who really work hard and do their best to earn a good degree, whereas those ‘A’ level holders tend to take it for granted that they are already “smarter” in a way.

As a result, a lot of the first-class honours in some university courses used to be diploma-holders, whereas some ‘A’ level holders could not even make it to honours. I was guilty of that too. I thought I was studying subjects I like and rather proficient in, so although I did my tutorials and assignments, there was never an inclination to go out of the way to achieve better results. Which explains why I never made it.

It took me a few years and a tough working experience to realize just how valuable one is if one has a good degree, and how dispensable one is if one does not. Thus I have to make up for lost time now and achieve what I could have achieved in the past if I had not taken things for granted.

There are also some who took their religions for granted. My friends told me that those who converted are actually more pious than those who were born into the religion. I guess it may be because those who were born into the religion had it too easy, whereas those who converted knew it was what they wanted, all the more so if they went through disapprovals and difficulties before finally converting to the religion.

These will be the people who knows just how much they have gone through to believe in a certain faith, thus will really take their beliefs seriously. If I had been born into the religion, perhaps I would have backslided, given up or not deem it as important. But because I went through a few trials before finally able to have my upcoming baptism, I know this is what I want to belief in.

But the worst thing people take for granted is the environment and world they live in. People rig oil, waste petroleum, waste electricity and water, burn forests (granted some forests caught fire on their own due to the hot and dry weather), develop modern technology to make everyone’s lives comfortable but in the end became a threat to the environment.

Although more and more people have realised that the Earth is slowly dying, there are still many others who take things for granted. They let water run in the bath, do not bother turning off the electricity, drive everywhere even if it is a five-minute walk away.

Of course I am not saying we should stay off all these because people have to survive using these, but just not waste the precious resources, as the Earth can only be saved if everyone makes an effort to do something, instead of taking its natural resources for granted. One of these days all these will be gone, then how are we going to survive when that happens?

Demanding Favours?

There is this guy whom I am recently acquainted with. I do not have that good an impression because he is another one of those local jokers who are only out for flings. I keep telling people that if they think friendship equates to flings, then do not come look for me.

However there is this favour which I need, and he is the only one in the position to help me out. It is just a small favour, but it means a lot to me. Since I know his expertise, I asked him for help.

Given a choice, I would not have even talked to him, but in this case, I cannot be choosy as certain things need to be done. Besides, throughout one’s lifetimes, there will surely be some people we cannot get along with so we just have to take it as it is.

He managed to help me out, for which I am really grateful. I will help him out or pay him back a favour once an opportunity arises. But the thing is, he takes it that he has done me a favour, so I must establish a “close” friendship with him, ie he wants to hold my hand, hug me, kiss me, have sex with me.

He said that he finds me attractive, but he does not intend to have a serious girlfriend or get married, so can I just be his “close” friend? Does being attracted to someone means you have to touch the person or sleep with the person?!

And ever since I asked him for help until the deed is completed, he has been asking me everyday when I can go out with him. I do not take that as being a “close” friend but a sex buddy. There is a distinction, and I am not nor ever going to be anyone’s sex buddy.

Then he asked what if it is just touching, kissing, etc, but no sex? What does he take me for?! I told him straight off that if he thinks that, then do not ever ask me out or talk to me again. He kept saying that he is attracted to me, with which I told him whatever it is, show more respect to a lady. Do not assume everyone is so easy or loose or just allow anyone to do anything.

He maintained that he is already showing me enough respect by asking me in the first place. But honestly, does a guy ask a girl that type of question, especially since they do not know each other that well, they are not or about to become an item, and she has clearly indicated she is not interested in flings?

All favours aside, and I do not mean to sound ungrateful, but does it mean I have to bed him or have a fling just because he did me a favour? I always thought doing favours for people normally mean you help them out, and they help you out. But if you choose to help, then do it without expecting any favours back. In any case, you have a choice whether to help.

If I choose to help, I do it sincerely, and that person need not pay me back in any way as I take it as a good deed done and my friend is happy. My brother always said I am stupid to get taken advantage of, but I maintain that being nice to people is really a good feeling. What for be so calculative among friends?

If I really cannot help, I will send my apologies, and that is that. People will not blame me for not being able to help out, although there are some who think I am selfish, but there are times when I cannot even help myself. Times like these I need to take care of myself first, and I am sure anyone can relate to that.

The thing is, if you choose to help someone, then do it sincerely with a warm heart with no expectations that the person has to do something back for you in return, especially not in ways like that I mentioned above. I believe most people are grateful enough to try and return the favour, but do not demand on others how they shall pay you back.

I do not regret asking him for help because he really is the only one in the position who can help me, but I am just disgusted at the shallowness of some people, all the more so since he is almost middle age. If he cannot do it, I will prefer him to say he cannot, rather than rendering me the favour then expecting me to sleep around with him.

Public Displays Of Affection

What is it about exhibitionists that they like to show their love to the whole world? When one gets around, one tends to see couples actually making out in public, be it on the bus or train, or even walking around in shopping malls. And with some of the things they get up to, they really should just get a room!

I do not know about the rest of you, but normally those couples I see engaged in PDA are those younger ones, ie teenagers and young adults. I have not seen working adults doing that. Perhaps adults are mature enough to refrain themselves from making a fool in public; either that, or they know that love goes beyond physical actions, it is what is in the heart that counts.

I cannot justify whether it is the guys or the girls that are more pro-PDA. There are guys who cannot keep their hands to themselves; but there are also girls who cannot keep their hands to themselves, especially if they are with someone hunky-dory. Just like I see couples where the guys paw their girlfriends all over, I also see couples where the girls paw their boyfriends all over.

So why do some couples do that? To show how much they love each other? What are they trying to prove, that they are the most in-love and loving couple in the world? Do they even feel embarrassed at having everyone noticing them? Or perhaps they just crave for the attention.

The thing is do people even need to display all these affections for each other to tell the whole world they are a couple? You do not need to paw each other to show you are in love; if anything that only shows how lustful you are. And others will question if you really love or just lusting for each other. And there is a big difference there, between true love and mere lust.

I am not brought up in a family where love is shown so blatantly. In fact, I am already more bold as I will hold hands with my guy, sometimes even putting our arms around each other, or a simple peck on the cheeks or lips even in public. I hardly see my parents holding hands with each other, let alone hug or kiss.

But I do not go beyond that. No pawing, no putting hands all over, no French kissing, not anything even further, not in public, not in front of friends, and definitely not in front of parents and family members. Whatever he wants to do behind closed doors is alright, provided the modesty is still intact. Even my own friends do not really paw each other in public or in front of friends. They will hold hands, or put their arms around each other, but that is that.

I used to be rather disgusted at PDAs because I thought those couples were shameless. Until I entered a relationship of my own and all my guys have differing opinions on this issue, I started to become more tolerant. I still do not feel comfortable with couples exhibiting their love though. But where in the past I would turn away in disgust whenever I see PDAs, now I can just walk by nonchalantly.

If a couple is truly in love, do they really need to show so blatantly to everyone? It is the little things that count. Things like being there for each other, showing care and concern for each other, supporting each other, doing little meaningful things for each other. There are better and more meaningful ways to show your love, instead of just mere physical actions.

Religious Equality

The retreat really made me enlightened over certain religious issues which I am still confused about. Things like why Catholics and Protestants cannot get along, especially since we all believe in the same thing.

I found out that actually Catholics are allowed to go to the other Protestant churches and experience the Holy Spirit, but the Protestants have their own ideas that they are not allowed to enter a Catholic church, and always think that only being a Christian (not a Catholic as they never consider Catholics as “true” Christians) will people really be “saved”.

When my friend got married last month, the one solemnizing her marriage is a Catholic Brother. She is Buddhist and her husband is Christian. What a diversity of religions! But for both of them, as long as they were able to get someone to officiate their marriage it is all that matters.

She initially wanted a Christian friend to help her, since the friend’s husband is a pastor. However, her friend said she must convert to be a Christian, and she and the husband must attend a few of their church services and cell groups before the pastor can officiate her wedding.

My friend refused because her friend put demands on her. As far as she is concerned, every religion is equal; there is no religion that is better than the next. Thus she does not like it if people put demands on her to convert just so she can get married. If her husband respects the difference in religion and does not ask her to convert, she does not see why she needs to convert for anybody else.

I can relate to that to a certain extent. Years ago there was this guy whom I thought we could hit off together. We almost got together before I went with my first ex. He and I were so similar in a lot of ways, except for the religion part. At that point in time, I have not officially attended any church, and he is a staunch Christian. In fact, his dad is a pastor.

He wanted me to go to his church. In those days, the only church experience was the Catholic masses I have been attending, so when I went to his church, it was so different. The way they pray and worship is so different and intense, and I felt so uncomfortable in there. It was really overwhelming as everything was so joyous and charismatic, and it was something that I was not used to, although a different experience.

After that, I told him I still prefer the Catholic masses, simple, traditional and not as intense. I asked why not he attends church with me and experience it for himself? Then he said that Catholics are not true Christians as they worship Mary, who is a human, and we pray through priests who are humans too.

He told me that prayer and Confession should be directly to God and Jesus, and if priests really give their lives to serve God, they should marry and have a family as God will want His children to have children of their own.

That really got me riled as he did not even know how Catholic priests are like and how they pray, so who is he to just put down the faith? And since I already went with him to his church, the least he could do was to be less narrow-minded and follow me to church so he could see and experience for himself.

He said that his whole family is all pious, so his girlfriend and future wife must also be a Christian, not just a mere Christian, but someone of the same denomination, attends the same church, and just as pious.

In the end, he said that if I was willing to budge on the religion issue, we would have ended up together. Just as well we did not end up together. Sometimes I really wonder why the guys I deem as potential enough are all so mean and picky. Although what I really regret is losing a good friend, as we never spoke to each other again after I started off with my first ex.

But that is not the only time. I feel that some Christians think themselves too high and mighty and self-centered. They think only their religion and denomination is the best and everyone else must convert so they can be “saved”.

Some Christians stop you in the middle of the street and give you the flyers and start preaching to you. Some offer door-to-door service. Some sit down next to you while you are eating or just resting on a bench in a shopping mall, just to preach to you the Bible and its teachings.

In cases like these, I always tell them that they do not need to tell me anything since I believe in God too and have taken bible studies all through school. But when they found that I attend a Catholic church, they will start saying that Catholics are not true Christians and ask me to consider their denomination. Some even think that Catholic churches are just a farce, and Catholics are really a big cult group.

Now wherever did they get that idea? And whoever said Catholics are not true Christians? What do they determine as real Christians anyway? In fact, Catholics are the first Christians as after Jesus died, those Jews who converted to Christianity all became Roman Catholics.

Roman Catholicism was around for more than a thousand years before all the other denominations started coming up. So, although I am taking a big risk in offending a lot of people here, it can be said that Catholics are actually the truest Christians around!

But religion should not be imposed on others as it is everyone’s own free will what they want to believe in. I feel that religion is all equal, as no religion or denomination is better than the rest. I do not go around preaching my beliefs to everyone.

Just like I do not convert my guys, I do not like them to convert me too. I am entitled to my own beliefs, just like him. Initially I had two Catholic guys but both broke my heart badly, so when the next one came along, I thought it was alright if he has no religion. In the end, it turned out there were more problems as he wanted me to give up my religion.

Which was why after that I thought it best to find someone who is a Catholic. But now I guess religion really does not matter as long as both parties love and respect each other and can get along.

Most Christians I know will only find someone who is a Christian. So those who are not Christians have to convert in order to marry a Christian. I think it is the same for a Muslim as well. It is alright if one converts out of his / her own free will because of love, as that shows how much you love the person. But overall, to convert into a certain religion must be the individual’s own choice, not because it is imposed by someone else.

I am not condemning or looking down on all Christians per se, only stating my observations at those more fanatic or extreme ones who go around converting everyone. I am glad that I have a lot of Christian friends who respect my beliefs and the church I attend. They have never tried converting me or preaching that their denomination is the best. That is what being a Christian or any other faith is about – tolerance, respect and equality.