Effects Of Blogging ....

My younger cousin told me some time ago that she thinks her sisters and I are very brave in the sense that we have blogs and express our feelings in public. She will never feel comfortable expressing her thoughts in public, so she still sticks to the old-fashioned diary.

I still keep a diary too, and believe me, whatever is in my blog is only half of what was in my diary. If people think my blog is harsh, my diary is worse, because my diary is for my eyes only, thus the language and words I use can be more blatant and "colourful".

The thing is when I started a blog, I am fully prepared to face whatever consequences that come my way. I believe in being transparent, so if I like something I will state, and if I cannot stand something, I will state too. I am not comfortable with the idea of being a hypocrite and state only the good things but doing all the bad things. Life is such that you have to take the good and the bad.

I know that what I post can warrant hate mail, which I have been receiving. I have been accused of a whole lot of things, like being a slut (now where did that come from?), a bitch, a whiner, a know-all, a vain pot, a racist, a sexist, a feminist, even the type of friends I hang out with and my tastes in movies and music.

Now, if people want to say things about me, it is fine with me. People can either love me or hate me, agree or disagree with what I write, judge me according to their impressions, state their own opinions. It is all freedom of speech here and everyone is different, so liable to his / her own opinions. I do not expect everyone to love me or agree with what I say.

Much as I appreciate all your feedback, whether positive or negative, but if anyone is to leave me nasty comments or hate mail, then have the guts to leave your identity. If you have the guts to express how you feel about me, then jolly well have the guts to tell me who you are. We can thrash it out face to face or name to name. Do not leave me nasty remarks then "shun the limelight" so to speak.

It is my blog, and I can write anything I like. Even if I want to slam others, be a bitch and whine too much, be embittered and talk bad about others, that is my business. This is not English Composition or General Paper where I have to seek people's permissions on what to write about. This is my own webpage to do as I like, and I do not need any spineless nameless numbskulls to give me their two cents worth.

So if anyone is to attack me, do it to me personally. Do not say anything about my friends. Yes, no doubt I am in no position to advise my friends on what to do, but with all due respect, my friends deem me as a good and sensible enough friend to come ask me for advise in the first place, so the least I can do is to lend a listening ear even if I cannot help to solve their problems. Is that not what being a friend is all about?

So what if all my friends do are to bitch about their lives? I bitch about my own life too. So what if my friends only whine to me? I whine too. Nobody has any right to say that I hang out with losers who only complain about things. And so what if I am a vain pot who is so self-conscious of her appearance? Give me a lady who is not like that. Heck, give me a girl who does not whine and bitch to their girlfriends.

Yes, I am a slut, a bitch, a whiner, a sexist, a feminist, a know-all, but if I am all these, then pray tell me how I gave people these impressions. I believe I have enough friends who like me enough to give me the confidence that I am almost none of the above.

Yes, I am a shameless slut by declaring my feelings of someone so publicly, therefore it serves me right for not being accepted by that person. But there are people who are much bolder in their actions, and will do anything, even something unscrupulous, just to get the one they like. If I am slutty, then what are they?

Yes, I do bitch, but which girl (or guy even) does not, especially if things are not going well or if they are feeling frustrated or annoyed?

Yes, I like Chinese guys as a partner, so? There are girls who like only Caucasian guys. Does that make them racist too? I do not go around putting down others' races or religions despite my preference of a certain race for a partner. I do have close friends of all races and religions.

Yes, I slam a lot of guys, but they are deserving to say the least. I do not appreciate people who come on too strong, or think I am dying to jump into bed with them, or do not get the message even after telling them to leave me alone so many times.

I believe in equality of the sexes, but I have no qualms letting guys run the show. I do not go around declaring that women are all better and smarter than men, and men all have to bow down and kiss their feet.

Yes, I may share what I know, hence the accusation of being a "know-all", but I did confess that I do not know everything under the sun, moon and stars. I am still learning things along the way. Besides, what is the use of knowledge if one does not share? I believe in lifelong learning where people exchange their knowledge and learn from others.

Yes, I have my own tastes in movies and music, but does not everyone? Just like I do not go around criticising people who have different musical tastes, what right do people have to slam my musical taste, saying that just because I put a certain song on my blog, my musical tastes and my "claims on being a musician" (which I have never once claiimed myself as a good musician) are "something to be desired"?

If anyone is to do that, you are indirectly slamming my late teacher, because she was the one that influenced me the greatest in my music taste. The song on my blog now is "Canon in D" by Johann Pachelbel, one of my favourite pieces, but the one before this was an Italian folk song called "O Sole Mio".

That song happened to be one of those I made for my friend's wedding recently, and I thought it was lively enough to welcome the New Year in. Some of my opera chorus friends like the song too, and the song also happened to be one of my teacher's favourites. I only intended to put it up for the New Year, but when I received news of her death, I told myself to keep the song for a week as a tribute to her.

Thus, no one has any right to speak about any song I put up on my blog, especially since they do not know the full background on why certain songs are used. And many people access my blog, so if one person thinks the song is crap, then everyone else is listening to the same s*** as well. But does it really matter as long as I like the song or the song has meanings for me?

Someone said I should change my content, by making things more sexual or posing topless like some bloggers as sex sells after all. My blog is not going to be involved in any nudity, so if that is what people want, then feel free to go surf porn. This same person also said it is my blog that drives suitors away.

I do not need any dictator telling me what I can post or cannot post. I do not go around telling others what they can or cannot write in their blogs, because it is their blogs so they are the ones who have the ultimate right to decide what to write and what not to write.

I express directly and frankly how I feel, however blunt I may be, and however much I want to lash out, however much of my memory I want to unlock. Even if I want to unlock every nitty-gritty detail of my memory, that is my own problem. Even if I want to pour out my entire life story and slam everyone else, that is my problem too. Even if I want to pour my entire heart and soul out, that, too, is my problem as well.

I am a human, with emotions, with feelings, not an artifical intelligence robot who does according to people's instructions. So what if I get too emotional at times? So what if I have my own moods? So what if I like and dislike at will? Does not everyone?

I created this blog due to the inspiration of a good friend, to lash out my frustrations and feelings, thoughts and emotions, things I do not feel comfortable telling my parents or friends face to face. Paper (or in this case, cyberspace) is more patient than man, which is why a lot of people keep diaries to pen down their thoughts. Writing things down gives one a better perspective as speech sometimes gets tangled up in a web of emotions.

Sometimes I do write things on the spur of the moment which I later regret. Which is why I deleted a few entries and edited a few posts due to this "what was I thinking of" moment. But do people not do silly things sometimes at the spur of the moment?

And whoever gave people the idea that I set up a blog to attract guys? I do not need a blog to attract anyone. Guys have been attracted to me without even any blog. When I started this blog, I was still in a relationship, except the relationship ended soon after. I just find it interesting and exciting to observe the different aspects of life from the outside, looking in, and share all the hiffs and jiffs, ups and downs of society, human nature and life in general.

The bottom line is, most people do not know me personally. Who are they to judge that type of person I am just based on the things I write? Yes, those are all my feelings and thoughts on issues closest to me, but if you do not know me or my friends in person, then please refrain from thinking you know so much about me and dictate how I should lead my life. You do not need to attack my character for your own benefits, and I do not need to explain my actions to anyone as long as my conscience is clear.

There are many aspects to a person, which may not necessary be shown to everyone. Most people only see certain aspects of a person. Just like me. What I write in my blog is only certain aspects of me. What my friends see in person is some other aspects, what my exs see of me is some other aspects, and what my family see of me is yet other aspects. There is never a possibility that a person shows all aspects of him / herself to everyone all the time.

I am happy to know that I do have friends and regular readers who like what I write and agree with certain issues I brought up. Your nice comments and continuous support are the ones that keep me going, and for this, I really thank you from the bottom of my heart. I do hope to meet up with more of you though.

And I do not need to adopt or change my writing style to suit anyone, especially for those who enjoy putting me down but yet too chicken to leave their identities. This is my own blog to do anything I like, and no one has the right to tell me what I should or should not do with it.