What is selfishness and what is self-centeredness? Are these two the same? Selfishness is defined as being “concerned chiefly or only with oneself”, whereas self-centeredness is defined as being “engrossed in oneself and one’s own affairs”. So are these two not essentially the same, since from my understanding, both mean just thinking for oneself without caring for others. As long as one gets to benefit, it does not matter what happens to the rest.
But is everyone not like that? Each of us ultimately looks out for our own benefits. Who does not want to be the best or have the best things or be looked upon as the best? So does that mean everyone of us is selfish and self-centered? How to draw the line in that case?
My mum once told me that single people tend to be more self-centered. Being married and raising a family teaches one how to be more patient, tolerant, less demanding (yeah, right, then why is she still demanding so much from me?), caring and sharing and being responsible for others, whereas someone who is not married only has to be responsible for himself / herself. Thus in a way, singles tend to just think of their own benefits without needing to care so much about others, because they are only responsible to themselves.
But is protective over one’s interests and loved ones constitute as being selfish or self-centered? Is it not contradictory if one claims to care for others yet do things that may ultimately benefit oneself?
For instance, people reach out to help the poor, but want the glory of being recognised in print. People call in to donation helplines because the prizes are very attractive and hope to be able to win any of them. Is this really being caring for others, or is this just for the sake of one’s benefit?
Like the recent NKF case. No doubt the former Chief and Board mismanaged all the funds and public donations, and people do have every right to be angry at the misuse of their money and stop all their donations. But now that the organisation is under a new management and Board, should they not be given a chance to make amends and start anew?
Everyone’s anger is channeled at how the old management misappropriated the money, but no one gives credit to the new management for trying to “clear up the mess” so to speak. Now the organisation under the new management is going to lose so much donations as compared to the past.
If people really do want to help the poor and needy, should they not give without any strings attached, instead of turning their backs the moment they think that they do not receive any benefits?
Is this selfishness and self-centeredness, ie people just looking out for themselves as number one? Not saying that looking out for oneself is bad; in fact, people naturally look out for themselves first, but the question is where to draw the line between being selfish and being caring?
Do married people become less selfish? Actually I do not think so. If anything, they are probably more self-centered, especially where their children are concerned. Every parent thinks his / her kid is an angel, and refuses to believe that the kid may get up to mischief. So whenever the kid got into trouble in school, it will always be other kids who get up to the mischief first and “influenced” their kid to do the same. It will never be the own kid’s fault.
What are these parents teaching their children? That they will always be the best and to always be absolved from blame? No wonder these kids grow up thinking the world of themselves and that they can never do any wrong. And also little wonder the kids nowadays are so self-centered, thinking only of themselves and not caring how others may feel as long as they benefit.
On the other hand, parents are naturally and have every right to be protective over their own children. But should it be done in such a way that others get affected? Like a former boss of mine, she is so autocratic and wants everything to be done her way.
She cares only about her children and herself. Whenever during examination times and holidays, she must be the first to go on leave. Which means it is impossible for me to take leave during these times. And she goes on leave for an average of two days per month. There are times I really needed to take leave, but she does not seem to care as long as she gets to go on leave. No doubt her children are number one to her, but is this not being too selfish and self-centered?
There was another ex-colleague who cares only about her baby. She complaint about the humongous workload she had, never wanted to work overtime as she said she missed her baby and wanted to rush home to see her kid, leaving me to always work late and covered her work for her.
No doubt she loves her kid, and I did not mind helping her out, but was it fair for me to always be the one to work late while she could just got off on time just because she needed to rush home to see her baby?
Does it mean I do not have a life or rush off just because I am single, so does not matter even if I always work late? And since she found it such a struggle to work and take care of her kid at the same time, why not just stay home and take care of her kid, instead of forever bitching about how come she needed to work so much for such miserable pay and spent the whole day away from her baby?
But I guess everyone looks out for his / her benefits first. Which means everyone is selfish and self-centered in nature. I know I am too. I will go ballistic if I find any of my chocolates missing or any of my things being moved. But perhaps at times, being selfish is justifiable, especially when it comes to one’s own happiness. Maybe the test is where to draw the line, between caring for oneself and caring for others, caring too much and not caring at all.
But is everyone not like that? Each of us ultimately looks out for our own benefits. Who does not want to be the best or have the best things or be looked upon as the best? So does that mean everyone of us is selfish and self-centered? How to draw the line in that case?
My mum once told me that single people tend to be more self-centered. Being married and raising a family teaches one how to be more patient, tolerant, less demanding (yeah, right, then why is she still demanding so much from me?), caring and sharing and being responsible for others, whereas someone who is not married only has to be responsible for himself / herself. Thus in a way, singles tend to just think of their own benefits without needing to care so much about others, because they are only responsible to themselves.
But is protective over one’s interests and loved ones constitute as being selfish or self-centered? Is it not contradictory if one claims to care for others yet do things that may ultimately benefit oneself?
For instance, people reach out to help the poor, but want the glory of being recognised in print. People call in to donation helplines because the prizes are very attractive and hope to be able to win any of them. Is this really being caring for others, or is this just for the sake of one’s benefit?
Like the recent NKF case. No doubt the former Chief and Board mismanaged all the funds and public donations, and people do have every right to be angry at the misuse of their money and stop all their donations. But now that the organisation is under a new management and Board, should they not be given a chance to make amends and start anew?
Everyone’s anger is channeled at how the old management misappropriated the money, but no one gives credit to the new management for trying to “clear up the mess” so to speak. Now the organisation under the new management is going to lose so much donations as compared to the past.
If people really do want to help the poor and needy, should they not give without any strings attached, instead of turning their backs the moment they think that they do not receive any benefits?
Is this selfishness and self-centeredness, ie people just looking out for themselves as number one? Not saying that looking out for oneself is bad; in fact, people naturally look out for themselves first, but the question is where to draw the line between being selfish and being caring?
Do married people become less selfish? Actually I do not think so. If anything, they are probably more self-centered, especially where their children are concerned. Every parent thinks his / her kid is an angel, and refuses to believe that the kid may get up to mischief. So whenever the kid got into trouble in school, it will always be other kids who get up to the mischief first and “influenced” their kid to do the same. It will never be the own kid’s fault.
What are these parents teaching their children? That they will always be the best and to always be absolved from blame? No wonder these kids grow up thinking the world of themselves and that they can never do any wrong. And also little wonder the kids nowadays are so self-centered, thinking only of themselves and not caring how others may feel as long as they benefit.
On the other hand, parents are naturally and have every right to be protective over their own children. But should it be done in such a way that others get affected? Like a former boss of mine, she is so autocratic and wants everything to be done her way.
She cares only about her children and herself. Whenever during examination times and holidays, she must be the first to go on leave. Which means it is impossible for me to take leave during these times. And she goes on leave for an average of two days per month. There are times I really needed to take leave, but she does not seem to care as long as she gets to go on leave. No doubt her children are number one to her, but is this not being too selfish and self-centered?
There was another ex-colleague who cares only about her baby. She complaint about the humongous workload she had, never wanted to work overtime as she said she missed her baby and wanted to rush home to see her kid, leaving me to always work late and covered her work for her.
No doubt she loves her kid, and I did not mind helping her out, but was it fair for me to always be the one to work late while she could just got off on time just because she needed to rush home to see her baby?
Does it mean I do not have a life or rush off just because I am single, so does not matter even if I always work late? And since she found it such a struggle to work and take care of her kid at the same time, why not just stay home and take care of her kid, instead of forever bitching about how come she needed to work so much for such miserable pay and spent the whole day away from her baby?
But I guess everyone looks out for his / her benefits first. Which means everyone is selfish and self-centered in nature. I know I am too. I will go ballistic if I find any of my chocolates missing or any of my things being moved. But perhaps at times, being selfish is justifiable, especially when it comes to one’s own happiness. Maybe the test is where to draw the line, between caring for oneself and caring for others, caring too much and not caring at all.
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