Some time back, there was a case where the son sued the parents over some monetary issues. The son claimed the money should be his as his parents were entitled to give the money to him. If I am ever the judge, I will throw the case out immediately and order the son to be imprisoned for lack of respect and impiety.
But should the blame be totally on the son, that despite almost being middle-aged he still wanted to live off his parents? I think the parents are more to blame, as they were the ones who spoilt him and let him get away with things, thus indirectly causing the trouble. But being parents, should they give their son whatever they have? Or should they just leave him alone and let him fend for himself?
How long exactly shall parents support their children financially anyway? When the children come of age, or earlier or later? There are some kids who have to work part-time while studying so as to get their own allowance, yet there are others who still depend on their parents financially even though they are of marriageable age.
But how far should parents support their children? Through tertiary education and beyond? Or stop at secondary or post-secondary education, and leave the children to handle their own tertiary education finances? Are parents even obligated to support the children for life, if the children have no physical or mental disabilities, and can jolly well work using their own hands and feet?
A lot of children think that it is a given that the parents have to support them financially simply because of their relationship. Thus they take things for granted and become very self-centered.
I remember years ago during a Property Law tutorial, we were analysing property prices and the type of property we would like to buy. The assignment was to find out how to finance a certain property, whether freehold, leasehold or escrow.
There was a certain classmate of mine who chose a freehold property in District 10. The house had three storeys, with a swimming pool and Jacuzzi, a big driveway and garden with a koi pond. There were balconies and bathrooms attached to every bedroom. Nice house!
When asked how she was going to finance the property, she said her mother would pay one-third, her father would pay one-third, and her younger sister would pay the remaining one-third, so she would not need to pay a single cent. The rest of us were shocked by her answer, and even our tutor did not know how best to react.
This same classmate later wanted to go to England for her post-graduate studies. She was sourcing for English universities, and finally found one right in the heart of London, near to major shopping and entertainment areas.
When she told her parents, her mum was remarking that the fees would be a bit too high, with which she then retorted to her mum that her parents should have stayed in a landed property instead of a flat, otherwise they could have mortgaged the house and sent her overseas to study. Then what is to become of her sister?
And once she showed us a blouse which her mum bought her, but she did not like the colour so made her mum change it into something she liked. How come her parents let her have her way? I will never be able to tolerate a daughter like that. If it is my mum, she will be slapped left right and centre for being downright selfish and disrespectful.
My mother has a colleague whose daughter is a very smart girl who always tops her class and always in the top schools. She wanted to study Medicine, because she thinks that doctors make the most money. However somehow she failed the aptitude test, and was hopping mad when others who scored lesser than her managed to get into Medicine. She was offered scholarships for other courses, but refused as she only wanted Medicine.
In the end, she insisted on going abroad to study. Her parents are normal wage-earners, and although she lives in a landed property, it is just a small house left to her father by her grandfather. Her parents were not able to raise the money for her overseas education since she still has a younger brother. Yet in order to finance her education overseas, she actually told her parents to sell away the house and downgrade to a flat.
How do some children end up like this? Is it the parents’ fault? Or is it the society’s fault? Or is the fault of the education system, that emphasises so much on academic excellence, that anybody who can score well end up so arrogant and think only the best of themselves without caring for anyone else?
But how old should the child be before the parents cut off all financial support? Will too much financial support from the parents cause the child to be a bum, with no inclination to earn his own keep and just keep expecting the parents to take care of him and taking things for granted?
But should the blame be totally on the son, that despite almost being middle-aged he still wanted to live off his parents? I think the parents are more to blame, as they were the ones who spoilt him and let him get away with things, thus indirectly causing the trouble. But being parents, should they give their son whatever they have? Or should they just leave him alone and let him fend for himself?
How long exactly shall parents support their children financially anyway? When the children come of age, or earlier or later? There are some kids who have to work part-time while studying so as to get their own allowance, yet there are others who still depend on their parents financially even though they are of marriageable age.
But how far should parents support their children? Through tertiary education and beyond? Or stop at secondary or post-secondary education, and leave the children to handle their own tertiary education finances? Are parents even obligated to support the children for life, if the children have no physical or mental disabilities, and can jolly well work using their own hands and feet?
A lot of children think that it is a given that the parents have to support them financially simply because of their relationship. Thus they take things for granted and become very self-centered.
I remember years ago during a Property Law tutorial, we were analysing property prices and the type of property we would like to buy. The assignment was to find out how to finance a certain property, whether freehold, leasehold or escrow.
There was a certain classmate of mine who chose a freehold property in District 10. The house had three storeys, with a swimming pool and Jacuzzi, a big driveway and garden with a koi pond. There were balconies and bathrooms attached to every bedroom. Nice house!
When asked how she was going to finance the property, she said her mother would pay one-third, her father would pay one-third, and her younger sister would pay the remaining one-third, so she would not need to pay a single cent. The rest of us were shocked by her answer, and even our tutor did not know how best to react.
This same classmate later wanted to go to England for her post-graduate studies. She was sourcing for English universities, and finally found one right in the heart of London, near to major shopping and entertainment areas.
When she told her parents, her mum was remarking that the fees would be a bit too high, with which she then retorted to her mum that her parents should have stayed in a landed property instead of a flat, otherwise they could have mortgaged the house and sent her overseas to study. Then what is to become of her sister?
And once she showed us a blouse which her mum bought her, but she did not like the colour so made her mum change it into something she liked. How come her parents let her have her way? I will never be able to tolerate a daughter like that. If it is my mum, she will be slapped left right and centre for being downright selfish and disrespectful.
My mother has a colleague whose daughter is a very smart girl who always tops her class and always in the top schools. She wanted to study Medicine, because she thinks that doctors make the most money. However somehow she failed the aptitude test, and was hopping mad when others who scored lesser than her managed to get into Medicine. She was offered scholarships for other courses, but refused as she only wanted Medicine.
In the end, she insisted on going abroad to study. Her parents are normal wage-earners, and although she lives in a landed property, it is just a small house left to her father by her grandfather. Her parents were not able to raise the money for her overseas education since she still has a younger brother. Yet in order to finance her education overseas, she actually told her parents to sell away the house and downgrade to a flat.
How do some children end up like this? Is it the parents’ fault? Or is it the society’s fault? Or is the fault of the education system, that emphasises so much on academic excellence, that anybody who can score well end up so arrogant and think only the best of themselves without caring for anyone else?
But how old should the child be before the parents cut off all financial support? Will too much financial support from the parents cause the child to be a bum, with no inclination to earn his own keep and just keep expecting the parents to take care of him and taking things for granted?
5 comments:
"How do some children end up like this? Is it the parents’ fault? Or is it the society’s fault? Or is the fault of the education system, that emphasises so much on academic excellence, that anybody who can score well end up so arrogant and think only the best of themselves without caring for anyone else?"
I feel it is a melting point of what you have mentioned. Some children's character are moulded by external influences which expound on self centredness. Basically, there is a lack of morals these days.
I admit that I am also guilty of it. There was a time when my friend mentioned that it is irresponsible for a parent to bring up a child if he doesn't even plan for his university fees. Worse of all, I blindly follow suit and told my mother in some heated argument. Obviously things didn't go well and I realized that I was slapped right in the face. We are being so self-centred that we expect things to be done for us.
Hmm... Classic "Economic Outpatient" case as described in "Millionaire Next Door" book. This is definitely a "no no" for me at least. That's why we'd try to instill "delay gratification" lesson for our kids since very young. I'd let u know in 20 years time heh whether this approach works :P
Goy : Technically parents should see their children up to when they complete university. But on the other hand, one must see the circumstances. If you have younger siblings and your parents still have to support them, the university fees are too expensive,and your parents are only average income-earners, do you really want to let your parents suffer so much?
Besides, children who are in university are more or less old enough to know what to do, so in circumstances like this, there are some kids who decide to be a bit more independent and work part-time to supplement their own allowance and fees. And these are those kids who become more mature than their own peers because they do not take things for granted.
Gus : Hmmm.. we're see about it then. :-p
i guess it's really a matter of how parents instill into their children the concept of money and finances.
and somehow, as a family, a method will be worked out through the years and there'll be less heartache.
my family is very specific where money's concerned. a loan is a loan, meant to be repaid. a gift is a gift.
my dad's still giving me an allowance at this age of 27. but that is a gift, no an expectation, not a demand. but most certainly appreciated.
YOur dad still gives you allowance? Wow.... that's great of your parents!
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