Lilypie

Friday, June 23, 2006

A Dad Or No Dad?

My youngest brother asked me yesterday should he fake some family emergency so my dad could come home, otherwise we may have no father left?

I told him I am not sure if that will work. Afterall, when my first brother was hospitalised for three weeks last year due to dengue fever, my dad did not come home. When I had my operation, he did not come home.

When our walls were crumbling, my mum's bathroom was leaking (still leaking actually, so still out of function), my air-conditioner broke down, my dad was not around. My mum had to be the handyman.

Somehow I wonder, if he did not happen to be around when my mum was having her ambigram a few months back, would he have come back for her?

I saw my mum taking leave just to take care of my brother in the hospital last year. He had to be in intensive care for two weeks. My mum put her work aside just to do that. My aunts and uncles and cousins came to see him. My mum's colleagues dropped by after work. My ex came with me to see him. Where was my dad throughout?

When I had my surgery done, my mum took a day off for me. My aunt was there too. And so was someone, although right now it was better he did not appear since I never wanted to have anything to do with him again. Even my uncle, now that he knew, asked about me.

Where was my dad? Does he think just a few messages saying he cares for me is enough? What is the use of merely paying lip service if he does not show it in action? Even my friends ask about me more often. Do other people care more for me than my own father?

Sometimes I wish I never have a father. He is never around anyway. And whenever he is around, he will be so laid-back. He never really talks to me nowadays. And he causes my mum so much grief and heartache from his actions.

Does he even care for the family? He fathered me, and yet he does not even care what happens to me? If it is not for my mum, our whole family would have been living on the streets. We would have starved to death long ago. At least my mum is proactive.

My parents are still together, yet somehow they are not together. Perhaps if my parents are separated or divorced, I may still get to see my dad more often than now. Only thing is if my parents divorce now, I will probably not want to see him again because he is the cause of it.

1 comments:

Anonymous said...

Your story is quite sad, and yet there is always hope. Where there is doubt, there is hope. I have a mother who lost the ability to walk, but its not just that, shes changed. My mom had perfect penmanship, but thats changed. Her white blood cells are attacking her central nervous system, and the only way to keep her from from losing all function at all is a constant barage of kemo therapy and harsh drugs. My mother was one of the nicest people in the world, but my experience with her has taught me something. Stuff happens, and all you can do is lift your chin and remeber, the worst is not yet come, and so hope always remains, without a doubt.

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