To All Parents ....

I realise I have never really appreciated my parents all these years. No doubt we have differing opinions on most things, and I am a useless good-for-nothing in their eyes, but I feel I should take the time to do something for them.

Like bringing my mum out during her birthday and on Mother's Day. Father's Day is coming soon, and hopefully my dad will be back in town, then perhaps I can bring him out too.

My relationship with my parents have more downs than ups. I always used to think they are asking for the impossible when it comes to me, but the moment I put myself in a parental mode and understand their frame of minds, I know now that they just want me to be someone they can be proud of.

The reason they ask so much of me probably because my mum has the hardest time expecting me. It was a difficult pregnancy, she was in labour for more than twenty-four hours, and in the end she had to have an emergency caesarian to bring me into this world.

Because of me, my mum lost her figure, and had never gone back to her pre-pregnancy slimness. Because of me, she developed certain complications, making her hard to conceive after that, resulting in two miscarriages.

Which is why my first brother was a miracle. My parents were resigned to the fact that they probably would only have one child, so they started grooming me to be the best since young. But my mum's subsequent pregnancies were much easier, compared to the time when she had me.

This is why my first brother and I have a six-year difference. Now he is in China being trained to take over my dad's business over there. I really miss him around. Now that I have my own problems, I wish more than anything for him to be around. He is the only one who can lend me a listening ear and be totally supportive of my decision.

However, my mum never did manage to give birth naturally. Her cervix was damaged while trying to push me out, and since then, she had to always give birth through caesarian. So when my youngest brother was born ten years after me, it was the same process.

We were never breast-fed as my mum is lactose-intolerant. I was trained to take milk from a bottle since I was an infant. My brothers too. Somehow, my parents never invested as much time, money and effort on my brothers as compared to me.

Piano classes, organ classes, ballet classes, speech and drama, computer classes, holiday study camps, whatever there was, I was sent for the course. Within a week, I had to shuttle from school to home to whatever class I was taking for that day.

My mum used to draw up a timetable for me, blocking away study times, acitvity times, practising music times. Television-watching and socialising were never included in the timetable.

She would bring me shopping and pick out the best dresses for me, tie my hair in all kinds of styles, doll me up into a little princess. Comparatively, my brothers were left alone most of the time with my maid. They never have the type of enrichment classes I had.

Honestly speaking, my mum had done a lot for me, as compared to my brothers. My dad would also used to bring me out for dinner at whichever place I fancied each time he picked me up from whatever enrichment class I was attending.

I used to gripe that why my mum controls everything I do even now, but never do the same to my brothers. Now I truly understand why. Because she loves me the most. Because she treasures me the most. Because she finds it hardest to let me go.

And I have been an ingrate. I have not really appreciated her for everything she has done for me. And now that I am facing problems, I have no idea how to even tell her.

All these made me wonder just how a parent I will be. I start to wonder if I am only to have one child, how will I treat him / her? My guy says he bets I can be a good parent, but the thought of parenthood scares me.

Will I gain my child's respect? Will I gain my child's love? How will I treat my child? Will I give him / her the best things to the best of my ability? Will I be able to be a responsible parent and ensure my child grows up into a good and responsible person?

I really salute all parents out there, especially all mothers. They can endure difficulty and sufferings throughout pregnancy and childbirth and then spend their lives giving their children the best. Having a kid is really a lifetime commitment.

And to my parents : I love you, both of you! I never say it much but I do! I thank you for everything, for giving me life, for exposing me to all kinds of things, for gaining my knowledge. I will always be your child, no matter what happens, no matter which course of life I take, no matter what path I choose. I only hope I can have your support for whatever I do.