060606. 666. The Devil's number. Perhaps I can easily be the devil's advocate, or the devil reincarnated, since no amount of purification can cleanse my soul from damnation. I am fully prepared to burn in Hell after I am gone.
I have more flurry of messages asking if I am alright. I turned down an invitation to a chocolate buffet, an invitation to indulge in the Great Singapore Sale, my mum bought some Sinfully Chocolate cake from Awfully Chocolate and I refused even one piece (you should see how high her eyebrows were raised), and even my brother took a look at me and asked if I am really okay.
So I gave up chocolates. Big deal. So I gave up shopping. Big deal. Why must everyone assume there is something wrong with me just because they think I am doing things which are very unlike me?
Besides all these, the past couple of days went by in a blur. I was so out of focus at everything. Work wise I committed more errors than before and my colleague got so irritated as a result. My boss asked me to carry a few cartons up and down and I could hardly achieve that without stopping to catch breaths.
I went for my friend's wedding dinner, which was a disaster. Not the dinner, I was the disaster. My body chose to act up at the wrong time, so as a result, I lost my appetite and could hardly eat anything. In the end, I had to give a sincere apology to my friend and left the dinner early.
Then I called my choral conductor and told her I am officially pulling out of the performance due to personal reasons, only to get a reprimand since rehearsals have already started. What to do when everything chose to happen at the same time?
My dear also remarked he would like the original moi back. I told him I am still the same person, what does he mean by "original"? He says the chatty, cheerful, bubbly version, not the quiet, solemn, serious one I have become the past week.
Yes, everyone remark about the change in me. Of course I am happy that I have people who are concerned about me, although I wonder if they know the true extent of what I am going through, will they still be my friends? Will they still show as much concern? Or will they just totally "tsk tsk" me and start treating me as some sort of sicko?
I really envy Angie. After what she has gone through, getting involved with a guy who cannot be hers, calling off her wedding to someone who truly loves her, and now lying sick somewhere, and I am hoping and praying that she can get better, she still has so many people - old friends and new - who are so concerned about her, who love her so much.
At times I feel so alone. I start reflecting whether do I even have true friends? It always seems like I am always there for others, but when I am in real trouble, nobody is there for me. Alright, I have not really told people my exact situation, so I guess it is unfair to say that.
But if I start to tell others, how will they react? Will they stand by me? Will they blame and say it is all my fault in the first place? Or will they completely stop being my friend?
My best friend and I have been through better and worse times. She was there for me each time I was dumped, each time I got into trouble with my family members, each time when we were in school and some guy pestered me.
I was also there for her, through her relationships, through the time she cried on my shoulder when her ex got married, through the time she had to get "stitched up" because ..... But now, I cannot bring myself to even tell her what I am going through right now.
The thing is this issue is not so easy to be resolved. More and more people will be involved, which mean more people will need to know. And when that happens, I have no idea what will happen to me.
It is hard to continue being so happy-go-lucky when you realise that many things in life are not fixed. All of a sudden one's life can change due to some unforeseen events. When that happens, it is up to the individual what he / she chooses to do.
I made my choice and have to face all consequences. I only hope I have strong enough willpower to withstand whatever that comes my way, and not crumble halfway.
P/S. This song is dedicated to dear Angie. From one "sister" to another. It is one of my favourite songs too! I will pray for you, if my prayers can get answered. May you recover very soon. My offer to sing you the original version is still valid! :-)
I have more flurry of messages asking if I am alright. I turned down an invitation to a chocolate buffet, an invitation to indulge in the Great Singapore Sale, my mum bought some Sinfully Chocolate cake from Awfully Chocolate and I refused even one piece (you should see how high her eyebrows were raised), and even my brother took a look at me and asked if I am really okay.
So I gave up chocolates. Big deal. So I gave up shopping. Big deal. Why must everyone assume there is something wrong with me just because they think I am doing things which are very unlike me?
Besides all these, the past couple of days went by in a blur. I was so out of focus at everything. Work wise I committed more errors than before and my colleague got so irritated as a result. My boss asked me to carry a few cartons up and down and I could hardly achieve that without stopping to catch breaths.
I went for my friend's wedding dinner, which was a disaster. Not the dinner, I was the disaster. My body chose to act up at the wrong time, so as a result, I lost my appetite and could hardly eat anything. In the end, I had to give a sincere apology to my friend and left the dinner early.
Then I called my choral conductor and told her I am officially pulling out of the performance due to personal reasons, only to get a reprimand since rehearsals have already started. What to do when everything chose to happen at the same time?
My dear also remarked he would like the original moi back. I told him I am still the same person, what does he mean by "original"? He says the chatty, cheerful, bubbly version, not the quiet, solemn, serious one I have become the past week.
Yes, everyone remark about the change in me. Of course I am happy that I have people who are concerned about me, although I wonder if they know the true extent of what I am going through, will they still be my friends? Will they still show as much concern? Or will they just totally "tsk tsk" me and start treating me as some sort of sicko?
I really envy Angie. After what she has gone through, getting involved with a guy who cannot be hers, calling off her wedding to someone who truly loves her, and now lying sick somewhere, and I am hoping and praying that she can get better, she still has so many people - old friends and new - who are so concerned about her, who love her so much.
At times I feel so alone. I start reflecting whether do I even have true friends? It always seems like I am always there for others, but when I am in real trouble, nobody is there for me. Alright, I have not really told people my exact situation, so I guess it is unfair to say that.
But if I start to tell others, how will they react? Will they stand by me? Will they blame and say it is all my fault in the first place? Or will they completely stop being my friend?
My best friend and I have been through better and worse times. She was there for me each time I was dumped, each time I got into trouble with my family members, each time when we were in school and some guy pestered me.
I was also there for her, through her relationships, through the time she cried on my shoulder when her ex got married, through the time she had to get "stitched up" because ..... But now, I cannot bring myself to even tell her what I am going through right now.
The thing is this issue is not so easy to be resolved. More and more people will be involved, which mean more people will need to know. And when that happens, I have no idea what will happen to me.
It is hard to continue being so happy-go-lucky when you realise that many things in life are not fixed. All of a sudden one's life can change due to some unforeseen events. When that happens, it is up to the individual what he / she chooses to do.
I made my choice and have to face all consequences. I only hope I have strong enough willpower to withstand whatever that comes my way, and not crumble halfway.
P/S. This song is dedicated to dear Angie. From one "sister" to another. It is one of my favourite songs too! I will pray for you, if my prayers can get answered. May you recover very soon. My offer to sing you the original version is still valid! :-)
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