Can anyone really know pain until you have something to be really painful about? Somehow I think the worst pain is that of losing one's own child. Like what happened to my aunts, who lost a daughter each. Like what happened to two of my cousins whose first pregnancies both failed.
Painful as a failed pregnancy is, I wonder if it can be compared to the pain of losing the child at birth? If the foetus died in the tummy when it was only a few weeks old, will the pain be the same as when the poor mother struggled to give birth to the child, only to have the child die at birth?
Or the pain of losing a child when the parents have taken care of the child for a few years, or several years? Or even when the child is already an adult?
Maybe that is why parents always wish they will go before their children, so they will not suffer the pain of losing a child. Unless the child is really ill and living on is worse than dying, than perhaps they may just wish the child may go so as not to see him / her suffering any longer, because they get more painful seeing the child suffer. Perhaps that is the extent of a parent's love.
My aunts told me the other day at dinner that they admire my mum. She is such a career woman, yet she takes the pain to nurture her children properly. Most career women will concentrate on their work and neglect the family.
When my late cousin was struck down with leukaemia, my mum was the first to take action. She got most people in her company to go to the hospital and see if any one of them could be a suitable bone marrow donor.
When my other late cousin died of an asthmatic attack on the way to the hospital, my mum drove down immediately to keep my aunt company and settled all the proceedings. That is why my aunts are so willing to do everything for her.
Come to think of it, I do not seem to have even done a fraction of what she has done. She tried so hard to save others' lives, yet ..... But I guess I should not blame her for that, since now she is doing everything she can to get me out of my situation.
I am not being cruel or heartless here, but I wish my parents can go before me, so that they will not have the grieve and pain of losing me. Let me suffer the pain and grieve when they are gone, of losing such good and kind parents.
Meanwhile I just tendered my resignation today. My boss wanted to reprimand me for quitting at this time, but she was so busy that she had no time to talk to me. I put the last day as Friday, although I was supposed to give two weeks' notice.
My mum says that if I need to pay the company back the remaining time, she will write a cheque for me there and then. With luck, I can probably go off tomorrow and not stay until Friday.
My Human Resource Manager was not happy that I quit without notice. But I will not be able to work even if I stay on for two weeks, because come next week, I will officially be on long-term medical leave.
Next week will be really crucial for me. I will either pull through unscathed, or lapse into greater depression. Whatever it is, I hope I can be strong enough to go through everything. Like what Angie says, I Will Survive!
Painful as a failed pregnancy is, I wonder if it can be compared to the pain of losing the child at birth? If the foetus died in the tummy when it was only a few weeks old, will the pain be the same as when the poor mother struggled to give birth to the child, only to have the child die at birth?
Or the pain of losing a child when the parents have taken care of the child for a few years, or several years? Or even when the child is already an adult?
Maybe that is why parents always wish they will go before their children, so they will not suffer the pain of losing a child. Unless the child is really ill and living on is worse than dying, than perhaps they may just wish the child may go so as not to see him / her suffering any longer, because they get more painful seeing the child suffer. Perhaps that is the extent of a parent's love.
My aunts told me the other day at dinner that they admire my mum. She is such a career woman, yet she takes the pain to nurture her children properly. Most career women will concentrate on their work and neglect the family.
When my late cousin was struck down with leukaemia, my mum was the first to take action. She got most people in her company to go to the hospital and see if any one of them could be a suitable bone marrow donor.
When my other late cousin died of an asthmatic attack on the way to the hospital, my mum drove down immediately to keep my aunt company and settled all the proceedings. That is why my aunts are so willing to do everything for her.
Come to think of it, I do not seem to have even done a fraction of what she has done. She tried so hard to save others' lives, yet ..... But I guess I should not blame her for that, since now she is doing everything she can to get me out of my situation.
I am not being cruel or heartless here, but I wish my parents can go before me, so that they will not have the grieve and pain of losing me. Let me suffer the pain and grieve when they are gone, of losing such good and kind parents.
Meanwhile I just tendered my resignation today. My boss wanted to reprimand me for quitting at this time, but she was so busy that she had no time to talk to me. I put the last day as Friday, although I was supposed to give two weeks' notice.
My mum says that if I need to pay the company back the remaining time, she will write a cheque for me there and then. With luck, I can probably go off tomorrow and not stay until Friday.
My Human Resource Manager was not happy that I quit without notice. But I will not be able to work even if I stay on for two weeks, because come next week, I will officially be on long-term medical leave.
Next week will be really crucial for me. I will either pull through unscathed, or lapse into greater depression. Whatever it is, I hope I can be strong enough to go through everything. Like what Angie says, I Will Survive!
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