Trying To Be Positive ....

This post is a special favour for someone who challenged me to write something positive, for another someone who is recuperating in the hospital.

I must say it is a hard challenge because I am still having fever, and with all the depression I am feeling, plus the cold war my parents are having (my dad came back on Saturday night but my mum has yet to speak a single word to him), it is hard to maintain postive at this period.

But I guess all the negativity will build up and it will only cause me to be more depressed, more sick, and make me feel weaker when I am supposed to be recovering well. I owe it to my mum at least for getting back in shape.

I think to myself : if I am going to be so depressed, what good is it? I will get more sick, I will not be able to go out this weekend, I will again have to miss Mass and not be able to go for Confession to find peace, and my mum may just cancel the trip altogether. I cannot let that happen, not when I am getting so perked up over the vacation.

But I also ask myself : at times like this when I am on the verge of death (okay, a little exaggeration), what things can I be positive about? Perhaps that I am still alive. That I did not breathe my last at the operating table.

That I have people who are concerned about me. That my mum is willing to take time off to get me away so I can cheer up. That my dad specially brought back high-quality alpine chocolates for me in a bid to make me feel better.

And I owe it to them, and to myself, to recover, to recuperate, to be cheerful again. I cannot let my family and my friends down by giving up on myself. Like what my mum told me, there is only so much she can do. The rest depends on myself, whether I want to make the effort to recover, physically, mentally, emotionally.

And do I want to recover? Of course I do! I want to recuperate in the shortest time possible, to get my life back on track, to have things back to normal, to enjoy myself again, and not have people worry about me all the time.

Besides, I still have dreams. I still have goals. I still want to get my Honours, then Masters, and if can, a PhD too. I still want to travel around the world. There are so many more areas left unexplored, namely Stonehenge, Stratford-upon-Avon, Louvre Museum, Vatican City, Gold Coast, Cape of Good Hope, Table Mountain, to name a few.

And I still want to get married, to have children, to nurture them, to see them outshine me. I still have so many things not fulfilled and not done. How can I just give up on life like this?

Thus I must recover. Fast. Hopefully when I go back for the check-up next week, the doctor will be surprised at the speed and rate I am recovering and can discharge me altogether.