I received this from a close friend. Very true on how relationships should be like! My own comments are in brackets at the end.
1. Be realistic about each other.
Do not try to turn your partner into something he / she is not. Guys - There is only one Pamela Anderson in this world, and even she has had her implants removed! Give your girl a break and understand that her physical appearance is NOT going to change overnight with the help of a few facials or treatments. Ladies - Brad Pitt is already taken, so have to do with what your guy is like. Chill out, love each other for what you are rather than for what meets the eye. There is more to your partner than just physical appearance.
(Very well-said! A pity a lot of guys still go for eye candy instead of what is inside.)
2. Always talk things out.
I know for guys, they shy away from talking things out and rather just keep quiet. But this works with girls. Do not make assumptions about each others' feelings. Learn to express yourself better so that your partner knows and understand what you are angry or hurt or happy about. When you stop talking to each other, it is the beginning of the end.
(Precisely! Why do the guy always expects the girl to understand him when he does not want to tell her anything? How is she going to understand if she does not even know what it is she needs to understand about?)
3. Do stuff together.
Make an effort to do things together. Do some sports or involve yourselves in some shared activities - something both of you enjoy or are interested in. It can be as simple as watching movies together, or just strolling along the street hand-in-hand. Watch sports with him on television even though the game puts you to sleep in just three seconds. And guys, do give in and accompany the girl if she asks for another day of shopping, rather than grumble and suggest she go out with her girlfriends for "that sort of activities" instead. If you are spending more time with other people than with each other, it is a warning sign that you are drifting apart!
(The problem is that a lot of people do not understand that in a relationship, it is no longer doing what you like and not doing what you do not like. Being in a relationship involves both parties - one cannot say "I do not like to do this, so you go ahead" because a relationship is more than that. It is not what you do, but who you are with. Doing things with a loved one is always sweet and nice, even if it is something you have never done before.)
4. Meet each other halfway.
If he agrees to throw out that rotten T-shirt with the "The Rock" print, you should not kick up a big fuss if he asks you to keep the room clean and tidy. There has to be a little giving and taking in the relationship, so learn to meet each other halfway.
(There is not a little giving and taking; there is A LOT OF giving and taking just to meet each other, and not all times are halfway, sometimes less than half.)
5. Show your love.
Buy her flowers or candy or perfume (or whatever she likes) every now and then, even if you have been together for a long time. It is wonderful to continue showing someone that you love and care for him / her. Cook him a special meal, make him a Valentine's Day or Birthday card. Knit him mini-socks he cannot wear (for decoration purposes), buy him a packet of milk (or coffee or tea) for breakfast, or pack his wardrobe for him .... so he knows you can still be romantic and loving despite having been together for quite a while.
(Very true! One tends to take the partner for granted after a while, so one must always keep in mind to keep the love and relationship flaming.)
6. Respect each other.
Stop making jokes about his / her hair or skin, or whatever it is you like to laugh at. Ask yourself if you think he / she thinks if it is funny. And if the partner has an inferiority complex about the height, stop ogling at taller girls / guys and make the partner feel worse! Love is about respecting each other's feelings and being sensitive to each other at all times.
(I told off my third ex once for always making fun of me, and he said I am too sensitive and cannot take a joke, should learn to have more humour. But I told him that what he deemed as funny, I do not share the same view. He should read this - about how love and relationship is about respecting each other, and this applies to all couples too.)
7. Bury the past.
Stop bringing up the past. Do not bring up the unhappy or happy times you had with your ex(es) to your partner. It will only make the partner feel jealous and unhappy, and he / she will think that you are saying all these because you want to get back at your ex, or he / she is not good enough for you.
(Actually, this depends. Burying the past is fine, but there are certain things which are hard to forget. Of course, bringing up what you did in the past in a conversation as a general topic is fine, but deliberately comparing how good the ex is and then say he / she would or would not have done this or that when your current partner is doing his / her best to make you happy is another matter altogether.)
8. Sit on your jealousy.
Everyone goes through spells of insecurity at the begining of the relationship, but do not translate that insecurity into jealousy. If you are going to go through your partner's mail, messages and cupboard, eavesdropping on conversations, you know there is something wrong - with you! Jealousy is like a poison that slowly spreads through the relationship before finally killing it. Trust your partner, love has to have trust in it.
(True, but then too much trust also kills a relationship. People tend to take advantage of the trust and do some monkey business behind their partners' backs. But then again, if you trust your partner only to have your trust betrayed, then he / she is probably not worth it in the first place.)
9. Keep your commitments to each other.
If your partner is standing you up all the time and cancelling dates and breaking promises, you need to talk! If you are in a relationship, make your partner your priority and do not disappoint him / her if you can help it. It is really terrible when someone says to meet you, or take you out to dinner, then calls to cancel it, or worse, not even confirm with you whether meeting or not, then disappears and not contact you the whole day. Do not make promises you cannot keep. If your partner starts to feel he / she is not important enough to you, you will end up losing him / her.
(Very true! In a relationship, your partner is your top priority, not yourself. It is okay if you say you need to do something urgent for your parents, also okay if your friend is involved in an accident and is hospitalised, but it is NOT OKAY if you cancel out just to play a soccer game with your friends or prefer to stay at home and watch videos when you already promised to meet up.)
10. Be honest.
Honesty does not mean scowling at how each other looks in the morning, or comment on how flabby each other has become. Honesty is expressing your feelings clearly, not being bitingly cruel. When you are hurt, say so. When you are angry, tell him / her without getting hysterical or worrying he / she may be angry. If you cannot be honest with your partner, who can you be honest with? Love is also about honesty, and a relationship where no honesty exists is not worth it!
(Yes, so if there are any problems in the relationship, say it out, instead of keeping everything inside you. If the partner refuses to accept, then you are better off without him / her.)
Very good tips indeed! Really epitomising what being in love and a relationship is like. I also came across this meaning of love by Anne Frank in her diary entry of Thursday, 2nd March 1944. She was not yet fifteen when she wrote this particular phrase, and I think it very apt indeed!
"Love, what is love? I believe love is something that cannot really be put into words. Love is understanding someone, caring for someone, sharing their ups and downs. And in the long run that also means physical love, you have shared something, given something away and received something, no matter whether you are married or unmarried, or whether you are with child or not. It does not matter in the least if you have lost your honour, as long as you know that someone will stand by you, will understand you for the rest of your life, someone you will not have to share with anyone else!"
1. Be realistic about each other.
Do not try to turn your partner into something he / she is not. Guys - There is only one Pamela Anderson in this world, and even she has had her implants removed! Give your girl a break and understand that her physical appearance is NOT going to change overnight with the help of a few facials or treatments. Ladies - Brad Pitt is already taken, so have to do with what your guy is like. Chill out, love each other for what you are rather than for what meets the eye. There is more to your partner than just physical appearance.
(Very well-said! A pity a lot of guys still go for eye candy instead of what is inside.)
2. Always talk things out.
I know for guys, they shy away from talking things out and rather just keep quiet. But this works with girls. Do not make assumptions about each others' feelings. Learn to express yourself better so that your partner knows and understand what you are angry or hurt or happy about. When you stop talking to each other, it is the beginning of the end.
(Precisely! Why do the guy always expects the girl to understand him when he does not want to tell her anything? How is she going to understand if she does not even know what it is she needs to understand about?)
3. Do stuff together.
Make an effort to do things together. Do some sports or involve yourselves in some shared activities - something both of you enjoy or are interested in. It can be as simple as watching movies together, or just strolling along the street hand-in-hand. Watch sports with him on television even though the game puts you to sleep in just three seconds. And guys, do give in and accompany the girl if she asks for another day of shopping, rather than grumble and suggest she go out with her girlfriends for "that sort of activities" instead. If you are spending more time with other people than with each other, it is a warning sign that you are drifting apart!
(The problem is that a lot of people do not understand that in a relationship, it is no longer doing what you like and not doing what you do not like. Being in a relationship involves both parties - one cannot say "I do not like to do this, so you go ahead" because a relationship is more than that. It is not what you do, but who you are with. Doing things with a loved one is always sweet and nice, even if it is something you have never done before.)
4. Meet each other halfway.
If he agrees to throw out that rotten T-shirt with the "The Rock" print, you should not kick up a big fuss if he asks you to keep the room clean and tidy. There has to be a little giving and taking in the relationship, so learn to meet each other halfway.
(There is not a little giving and taking; there is A LOT OF giving and taking just to meet each other, and not all times are halfway, sometimes less than half.)
5. Show your love.
Buy her flowers or candy or perfume (or whatever she likes) every now and then, even if you have been together for a long time. It is wonderful to continue showing someone that you love and care for him / her. Cook him a special meal, make him a Valentine's Day or Birthday card. Knit him mini-socks he cannot wear (for decoration purposes), buy him a packet of milk (or coffee or tea) for breakfast, or pack his wardrobe for him .... so he knows you can still be romantic and loving despite having been together for quite a while.
(Very true! One tends to take the partner for granted after a while, so one must always keep in mind to keep the love and relationship flaming.)
6. Respect each other.
Stop making jokes about his / her hair or skin, or whatever it is you like to laugh at. Ask yourself if you think he / she thinks if it is funny. And if the partner has an inferiority complex about the height, stop ogling at taller girls / guys and make the partner feel worse! Love is about respecting each other's feelings and being sensitive to each other at all times.
(I told off my third ex once for always making fun of me, and he said I am too sensitive and cannot take a joke, should learn to have more humour. But I told him that what he deemed as funny, I do not share the same view. He should read this - about how love and relationship is about respecting each other, and this applies to all couples too.)
7. Bury the past.
Stop bringing up the past. Do not bring up the unhappy or happy times you had with your ex(es) to your partner. It will only make the partner feel jealous and unhappy, and he / she will think that you are saying all these because you want to get back at your ex, or he / she is not good enough for you.
(Actually, this depends. Burying the past is fine, but there are certain things which are hard to forget. Of course, bringing up what you did in the past in a conversation as a general topic is fine, but deliberately comparing how good the ex is and then say he / she would or would not have done this or that when your current partner is doing his / her best to make you happy is another matter altogether.)
8. Sit on your jealousy.
Everyone goes through spells of insecurity at the begining of the relationship, but do not translate that insecurity into jealousy. If you are going to go through your partner's mail, messages and cupboard, eavesdropping on conversations, you know there is something wrong - with you! Jealousy is like a poison that slowly spreads through the relationship before finally killing it. Trust your partner, love has to have trust in it.
(True, but then too much trust also kills a relationship. People tend to take advantage of the trust and do some monkey business behind their partners' backs. But then again, if you trust your partner only to have your trust betrayed, then he / she is probably not worth it in the first place.)
9. Keep your commitments to each other.
If your partner is standing you up all the time and cancelling dates and breaking promises, you need to talk! If you are in a relationship, make your partner your priority and do not disappoint him / her if you can help it. It is really terrible when someone says to meet you, or take you out to dinner, then calls to cancel it, or worse, not even confirm with you whether meeting or not, then disappears and not contact you the whole day. Do not make promises you cannot keep. If your partner starts to feel he / she is not important enough to you, you will end up losing him / her.
(Very true! In a relationship, your partner is your top priority, not yourself. It is okay if you say you need to do something urgent for your parents, also okay if your friend is involved in an accident and is hospitalised, but it is NOT OKAY if you cancel out just to play a soccer game with your friends or prefer to stay at home and watch videos when you already promised to meet up.)
10. Be honest.
Honesty does not mean scowling at how each other looks in the morning, or comment on how flabby each other has become. Honesty is expressing your feelings clearly, not being bitingly cruel. When you are hurt, say so. When you are angry, tell him / her without getting hysterical or worrying he / she may be angry. If you cannot be honest with your partner, who can you be honest with? Love is also about honesty, and a relationship where no honesty exists is not worth it!
(Yes, so if there are any problems in the relationship, say it out, instead of keeping everything inside you. If the partner refuses to accept, then you are better off without him / her.)
Very good tips indeed! Really epitomising what being in love and a relationship is like. I also came across this meaning of love by Anne Frank in her diary entry of Thursday, 2nd March 1944. She was not yet fifteen when she wrote this particular phrase, and I think it very apt indeed!
"Love, what is love? I believe love is something that cannot really be put into words. Love is understanding someone, caring for someone, sharing their ups and downs. And in the long run that also means physical love, you have shared something, given something away and received something, no matter whether you are married or unmarried, or whether you are with child or not. It does not matter in the least if you have lost your honour, as long as you know that someone will stand by you, will understand you for the rest of your life, someone you will not have to share with anyone else!"
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