Yesterday was my maternal grandma's birthday. We brought her to eat Peranakan food and bought her a cake. She looked happy, of course, with her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren celebrating with her.
Last year during her ninetieth birthday, everyone from all over came back for a family portrait and gave her a massive celebration. So we had a big family portrait. Everyone brought their other halves and families, except me. Four generations managed to squeeze into a family portrait together. I was the only one of age still single then (not counting those twenty-five and younger). We then had a lunch at a fancy place where I saw more of my relatives with their other halves and family.
I remember feeling so left out. My cousins whom I grow up with and where we used to play together, suddenly started talking about topics like wedding preparations, pregnancy, childbirth, kids and in-laws. Yet most of those who are already married or engaged are younger than me. Their other halves are not only capable and intellectual, they hold good jobs and love them and their families so much too.
In short, I have never experienced a relationship as what my cousins had. The guys I were in relationships with only hurt me and despised my family for whatever reason. It was really depressing being the only one still single. I looked on in envy and despaired over being able to find someone just as good and eligible.
One year later, it was my grandma's birthday again. This year, it was not on such a massive scale but still, all her children and grandchildren made it a point to celebrate with her. This time I am no longer single.
Yet why do I still have to pretend as if I am single and not bring anyone to her birthday celebration? Again I had to look on in envy when the other halves were there.
Last year I was not in a relationship. Even if I was envious, I could not do anything about it as I could not just create a boyfriend out of thin air.
This year I am truly attached. I have a boyfriend who honors my family more than his. I finally found someone who wants to mingle and be with my family.
Yet I was told not to bring him, simply because my mum was afraid my grandma would be unhappy upon seeing that he is not of the same race, and she wanted her to have a happy and peaceful birthday.
How long more can I hide? Beginning of the year, my grandma was unwell and even though my cousin invited Uncle DC to her son's birthday party, my mum told me not to bring him so as not to aggravate my grandma.
That point in time, even though I was disappointed, still I accepted it because it was a new relationship and my grandma would be flying off after the party to Australia to witness my cousin's solemnisation. Then she would be staying there with my uncle for a while.
In the interim, Uncle DC was invited to other family gatherings in my grandma's absence, so all my other relatives know about him.
This time round, we have been together almost a year. He is someone who has put up with me through all my quirks and short temper. Even my mum approves of him, saying he is a nice guy with a good temper and that I should not keep "bullying" him. He is someone I can contemplate being with for life.
So is it not time I let my grandma know? As I have mentioned before, yes, my grandma did kick up a fuss when my cousins married their Caucasian wives. But my cousins are her grandsons who bear my grandpa's name. Their children will carry on the family line. But now they gave her great-grandchildren and she is no longer as grumpy as before.
I do not even bear my mother's name. My children will not even bear my name. So will she really be that affected no matter what kind of guy I brought home? It is not as if I have never been with Chinese guys before, but look what happened? The local Chinese guys here (as in born and bred), if still single, always have something that turn girls off.
How long more do I have to hide? After this is my cousin's wedding, then I cannot tell her because my mum would want my grandma to enjoy the wedding in peace, even though my cousin extended an invitation to him as well. After that my mum is bringing my grandma back to China to visit her relatives and making her stay a while there, so again we will not tell her so as to let her enjoy her visit.
Which makes me wonder, if I ever get married, shall I even invite my grandma? If we are not to tell her and she only found out about it when I get married, would it not be worse? Now that my paternal grandma is wheelchair-bound and an invalid, I really love to have my maternal grandma attend my wedding when she is still able to move around on her own.
It was supposed to be a happy occasion, but I really could not help feeling upset due to this!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Last year during her ninetieth birthday, everyone from all over came back for a family portrait and gave her a massive celebration. So we had a big family portrait. Everyone brought their other halves and families, except me. Four generations managed to squeeze into a family portrait together. I was the only one of age still single then (not counting those twenty-five and younger). We then had a lunch at a fancy place where I saw more of my relatives with their other halves and family.
I remember feeling so left out. My cousins whom I grow up with and where we used to play together, suddenly started talking about topics like wedding preparations, pregnancy, childbirth, kids and in-laws. Yet most of those who are already married or engaged are younger than me. Their other halves are not only capable and intellectual, they hold good jobs and love them and their families so much too.
In short, I have never experienced a relationship as what my cousins had. The guys I were in relationships with only hurt me and despised my family for whatever reason. It was really depressing being the only one still single. I looked on in envy and despaired over being able to find someone just as good and eligible.
One year later, it was my grandma's birthday again. This year, it was not on such a massive scale but still, all her children and grandchildren made it a point to celebrate with her. This time I am no longer single.
Yet why do I still have to pretend as if I am single and not bring anyone to her birthday celebration? Again I had to look on in envy when the other halves were there.
Last year I was not in a relationship. Even if I was envious, I could not do anything about it as I could not just create a boyfriend out of thin air.
This year I am truly attached. I have a boyfriend who honors my family more than his. I finally found someone who wants to mingle and be with my family.
Yet I was told not to bring him, simply because my mum was afraid my grandma would be unhappy upon seeing that he is not of the same race, and she wanted her to have a happy and peaceful birthday.
How long more can I hide? Beginning of the year, my grandma was unwell and even though my cousin invited Uncle DC to her son's birthday party, my mum told me not to bring him so as not to aggravate my grandma.
That point in time, even though I was disappointed, still I accepted it because it was a new relationship and my grandma would be flying off after the party to Australia to witness my cousin's solemnisation. Then she would be staying there with my uncle for a while.
In the interim, Uncle DC was invited to other family gatherings in my grandma's absence, so all my other relatives know about him.
This time round, we have been together almost a year. He is someone who has put up with me through all my quirks and short temper. Even my mum approves of him, saying he is a nice guy with a good temper and that I should not keep "bullying" him. He is someone I can contemplate being with for life.
So is it not time I let my grandma know? As I have mentioned before, yes, my grandma did kick up a fuss when my cousins married their Caucasian wives. But my cousins are her grandsons who bear my grandpa's name. Their children will carry on the family line. But now they gave her great-grandchildren and she is no longer as grumpy as before.
I do not even bear my mother's name. My children will not even bear my name. So will she really be that affected no matter what kind of guy I brought home? It is not as if I have never been with Chinese guys before, but look what happened? The local Chinese guys here (as in born and bred), if still single, always have something that turn girls off.
How long more do I have to hide? After this is my cousin's wedding, then I cannot tell her because my mum would want my grandma to enjoy the wedding in peace, even though my cousin extended an invitation to him as well. After that my mum is bringing my grandma back to China to visit her relatives and making her stay a while there, so again we will not tell her so as to let her enjoy her visit.
Which makes me wonder, if I ever get married, shall I even invite my grandma? If we are not to tell her and she only found out about it when I get married, would it not be worse? Now that my paternal grandma is wheelchair-bound and an invalid, I really love to have my maternal grandma attend my wedding when she is still able to move around on her own.
It was supposed to be a happy occasion, but I really could not help feeling upset due to this!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
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