What is a woman's greatest fear? That was the question my colleagues and I were discussing during lunch just now. One of them said to grow old, another one said to be without any money, yet another said to die young. As for me, I said the greatest fear for a woman is to marry the wrong man.
Is that not true? Afterall, with modern technology, a woman in her forties can look twentish, so there is no longer any fear of growing old. As for money, it does not make much of a difference if I die rich or poor materially, as when I am in the coffin and got burnt into ashes, I will not be able to bring any of the material things with me. As for dying young, well, when the time comes to die, all have to die, be it young or old.
These are things which we do not have a choice over. Okay, we do have a choice how much money we can have, but then it is just money. Having too much or too little does not mean anything if we lead a happy life.
However, if a woman marries the wrong man, she will suffer for life. People may scoff at this because divorce is so common nowadays, but then who gets married to divorce? If people get married thinking that they can always divorce if things do not work out, then what is the purpose of marriage?
Marriage is for life. It is a lifelong commitment, to each other, to the children, to the family. It is not so easy as to just say we get married, but I do not love you anymore, therefore please split. It is not like finding a job where one can change anytime they are not happy. Marriage comes with everything - happiness, sadness, sickness, health.
So if a woman marries the wrong man, there will only be more sadness and heartache than anything else, and she will have to live with it for the rest of her life. Which is why I am never going to enter into another relationship unless I am absolutely sure he is one I want to marry, AND who wants to marry me, because now that I am at this age, I cannot afford to still "trial-and-error" to see if he is the right one. The next one who comes along must be the right one before I will even consider going further.
Is that not true? Afterall, with modern technology, a woman in her forties can look twentish, so there is no longer any fear of growing old. As for money, it does not make much of a difference if I die rich or poor materially, as when I am in the coffin and got burnt into ashes, I will not be able to bring any of the material things with me. As for dying young, well, when the time comes to die, all have to die, be it young or old.
These are things which we do not have a choice over. Okay, we do have a choice how much money we can have, but then it is just money. Having too much or too little does not mean anything if we lead a happy life.
However, if a woman marries the wrong man, she will suffer for life. People may scoff at this because divorce is so common nowadays, but then who gets married to divorce? If people get married thinking that they can always divorce if things do not work out, then what is the purpose of marriage?
Marriage is for life. It is a lifelong commitment, to each other, to the children, to the family. It is not so easy as to just say we get married, but I do not love you anymore, therefore please split. It is not like finding a job where one can change anytime they are not happy. Marriage comes with everything - happiness, sadness, sickness, health.
So if a woman marries the wrong man, there will only be more sadness and heartache than anything else, and she will have to live with it for the rest of her life. Which is why I am never going to enter into another relationship unless I am absolutely sure he is one I want to marry, AND who wants to marry me, because now that I am at this age, I cannot afford to still "trial-and-error" to see if he is the right one. The next one who comes along must be the right one before I will even consider going further.
3 comments:
For marriage, it really depends on a person's personal view and the legislative effects that apply to said marriage.
But in general, I think the better description of that fear would be:
"To marry the wrong person, and not being able to do anything about it."
Like an Indonesian acquaintance that I met in Japan. Her husband (a Japanese) changed a lot after they moved to Japan. She has since determined that she'll stick it out till her son is in college, and then she'll go back to Indonesia regardless of what her husband wants. (Under the new Japanese law, she may even be entitled to a portion of his pension.)
She felt a lot better once she had a plan in place. Of course, if things have gotten better by then, it would be nice.
Hopefully things will get better then. It is hard for a woman in a chauvinistic country to have her say, she will be even more miserable if she is educated and outspoken, as it may be hard for her to just submit to her husband without her own point of view. Of course, I am not saying this is what happened to your friend, but I know in many cases, a lot of educated women no longer want to be submissive, thus they do not like it if their husbands expect them to do their biddings all the time.
That's exactly what happened and even worse, she's expected to submit to her hubby's family.
(Her hubby was pretty ok when they were in Indonesia, but it seems that family influence back home is too strong)
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