I have no idea what came over me lately. I feel so restless! I am not inclined to do anything at all! I managed to dig out my Japanese-English dictionary last night so had to practice a bit before I fly off. This trip to Japan should be a very exciting one for me to look forward to, yet I am not in the mood to do anything at all!
It is not as if I am unhappy or upset. In fact, I have not felt anything for ages. I just feel like lounging on my bed, lying down and not do anything. What a waste of time, I know! Yet I cannot help it. Somehow I just do not feel like doing anything!
Is it possible I am going through a dry spell? I thought I have taken enough time off to think about what I need to do, where I need to go, in certain aspects of my life. The truth is, I have thought about things yet I have not found any solutions whatsoever on what is needed to be done!
Maybe it is almost the end of another year, and I feel my age catching up. Seriously. To some people they may view me as still young, but to many others, I am not that young. Most people my age are already highly successful in many aspects, be it career, love, family, education, finances. For me, almost every aspect seems to be in a mess!
The thing is when in the past my mum would compare me to people who are always smarter and with much better grades, I used to hate it. I used to ask her why could she not just accept perhaps I am just not that smart, and besides, there are many others who scored worse than me. She then retorted that why must I compare myself to those worse than me instead of those better than me, then I will never strive to improve?
I used to turn a deaf ear, but now I finally know what she is talking about. Now I strive to be better, to achieve like those who are better than me, instead of comparing to those who are worse off. There are many others who are worst off, just like there are many others who are better, but it is the attitude and mentality that counts. If I do not aim to be better, then I will only be stuck where I am, never to improve, and perhaps those who are not as good may then catch up with me one day.
I have said many times about love (or the lack of) in my life, so it is best not to repeat myself. Still, I cannot help but feel sometimes whether is it really my own problem that I am not able to find someone? The thing is I have seen how "bitchier" girls get a very loving guy who is willing to do everything for her, and how she orders the guy around, I feel so bad for the guy! For instance, someone I know will insist on her boyfriend carrying her handbag for her. And when he refused, she just threw the bag down and walked off, and the poor guy immediately picked up her bag and ran after her.
Plus when she did not respond to his messages or calls, he would panic and call her and ask if she was angry with him, otherwise why not answer his calls? No one has ever placed me in such high esteem before, neither do I expect it of anyone. And I for one will definitely not even dream of doing that to a guy, because he is a human too, so if I like someone to respect me, I will treat him with the proper respect as well.
So why is the timing always so bad for me? Why is it when I finally meet single, intellectual, decent and highly eligible men who actually show me the proper respect and give me the proper recognition and not treat me as some sex object, it is always the wrong timing, ie either he does not have that kind of feelings or I do not have that kind of feelings, even though we will settle down once that one special person comes along, except the person is not either of us on either part?
I know I have to be patient and wait, but honestly at times, I really feel my patience wearing thin. All my prayers seem to be unanswered. In moments of frustration, I wonder at times if God has forsaken me, whether is He fair, because if He is, then why do all kinds of things happen to me and all kinds of good things happen to others?
It is not as if I am unhappy or upset. In fact, I have not felt anything for ages. I just feel like lounging on my bed, lying down and not do anything. What a waste of time, I know! Yet I cannot help it. Somehow I just do not feel like doing anything!
Is it possible I am going through a dry spell? I thought I have taken enough time off to think about what I need to do, where I need to go, in certain aspects of my life. The truth is, I have thought about things yet I have not found any solutions whatsoever on what is needed to be done!
Maybe it is almost the end of another year, and I feel my age catching up. Seriously. To some people they may view me as still young, but to many others, I am not that young. Most people my age are already highly successful in many aspects, be it career, love, family, education, finances. For me, almost every aspect seems to be in a mess!
The thing is when in the past my mum would compare me to people who are always smarter and with much better grades, I used to hate it. I used to ask her why could she not just accept perhaps I am just not that smart, and besides, there are many others who scored worse than me. She then retorted that why must I compare myself to those worse than me instead of those better than me, then I will never strive to improve?
I used to turn a deaf ear, but now I finally know what she is talking about. Now I strive to be better, to achieve like those who are better than me, instead of comparing to those who are worse off. There are many others who are worst off, just like there are many others who are better, but it is the attitude and mentality that counts. If I do not aim to be better, then I will only be stuck where I am, never to improve, and perhaps those who are not as good may then catch up with me one day.
I have said many times about love (or the lack of) in my life, so it is best not to repeat myself. Still, I cannot help but feel sometimes whether is it really my own problem that I am not able to find someone? The thing is I have seen how "bitchier" girls get a very loving guy who is willing to do everything for her, and how she orders the guy around, I feel so bad for the guy! For instance, someone I know will insist on her boyfriend carrying her handbag for her. And when he refused, she just threw the bag down and walked off, and the poor guy immediately picked up her bag and ran after her.
Plus when she did not respond to his messages or calls, he would panic and call her and ask if she was angry with him, otherwise why not answer his calls? No one has ever placed me in such high esteem before, neither do I expect it of anyone. And I for one will definitely not even dream of doing that to a guy, because he is a human too, so if I like someone to respect me, I will treat him with the proper respect as well.
So why is the timing always so bad for me? Why is it when I finally meet single, intellectual, decent and highly eligible men who actually show me the proper respect and give me the proper recognition and not treat me as some sex object, it is always the wrong timing, ie either he does not have that kind of feelings or I do not have that kind of feelings, even though we will settle down once that one special person comes along, except the person is not either of us on either part?
I know I have to be patient and wait, but honestly at times, I really feel my patience wearing thin. All my prayers seem to be unanswered. In moments of frustration, I wonder at times if God has forsaken me, whether is He fair, because if He is, then why do all kinds of things happen to me and all kinds of good things happen to others?
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