I will be going for the Engaged Encounter for the weekend. I have no idea what is going to transpire. Hopefully by the time we come back from the weekend, things will become better and not the other way round.
Many people will wonder, is this kind of preparation courses really essential? Afterall, in our parents' time, they just got married without anything. They met each other, dated, felt okay and so got married. There was no such thing as long dating years, swearing of undying love or having too many expectations. Yet the older generation were able to stay together much longer than the younger generation now.
With all the sparks and long dating years and being so dramatic over their love, in the end it is the younger generation who could not last a few years in marriage, some a few months even. Why so? Is it because many people nowadays is thinking more of the "I" and not the "we" when it comes to marriage?
I have met people who told me, getting married is just a piece of paper. You live together, have children, but that does not mean you give up what you love to do. Hence the wife still travels on her own, and the husband still plays golf on his own. I am not saying a married couple cannot have time away from each other, but it becomes unhealthy if both are focused on their own lives instead of each other's lives.
For instance, if I love shopping and my partner detest it, what do we do? Do I totally give up shopping just because he refuse to go with me? Well, we compromise. Instead of shopping every weekend, I would only shop half the weekend and he would accompany me for those few hours. Then if he loves golf yet the game bores me to tears, instead of letting him go on his own while I do my own thing, I will accompany him to a golf game. Or we can go to his golf game first and then he accompanies me shopping, and vice versa.
I guess that is how a relationship works. It is not so much of doing your own thing, but adapting to each other's lifestyles and compromising. Unfortunately, for many people, they think that in order to find a partner, they must have someone totally matching, ie someone who shares all their interests and passions.
How is that possible? Everyone is brought up differently so no two person is alike. Even if you can find someone who miraculously like everything you like, does it mean you two are compatible personality wise? Even if the person likes everything you like on the surface, that does not mean both of you will like the same thing at a deeper level.
For instance, let's say both love music. But the genre of music is so large, he may like heavy metal and she may like jazz. Even if both love movies, he may like horror films and she may like romantic comedies. Or they both like travelling and seeing the world, but the mode of travel may be different. She may like a more luxurious kind of travel whereas he prefers a more budget kind of backpacking. So again, all these things are different when you really come down to it.
In any case, a relationship is not about how similar or different both of you are; rather it is on how you celebrate the similarities but appreciate the differences. And I believe that is how to make a relationship work.
I hope I am still on the right track after this weekend!
Many people will wonder, is this kind of preparation courses really essential? Afterall, in our parents' time, they just got married without anything. They met each other, dated, felt okay and so got married. There was no such thing as long dating years, swearing of undying love or having too many expectations. Yet the older generation were able to stay together much longer than the younger generation now.
With all the sparks and long dating years and being so dramatic over their love, in the end it is the younger generation who could not last a few years in marriage, some a few months even. Why so? Is it because many people nowadays is thinking more of the "I" and not the "we" when it comes to marriage?
I have met people who told me, getting married is just a piece of paper. You live together, have children, but that does not mean you give up what you love to do. Hence the wife still travels on her own, and the husband still plays golf on his own. I am not saying a married couple cannot have time away from each other, but it becomes unhealthy if both are focused on their own lives instead of each other's lives.
For instance, if I love shopping and my partner detest it, what do we do? Do I totally give up shopping just because he refuse to go with me? Well, we compromise. Instead of shopping every weekend, I would only shop half the weekend and he would accompany me for those few hours. Then if he loves golf yet the game bores me to tears, instead of letting him go on his own while I do my own thing, I will accompany him to a golf game. Or we can go to his golf game first and then he accompanies me shopping, and vice versa.
I guess that is how a relationship works. It is not so much of doing your own thing, but adapting to each other's lifestyles and compromising. Unfortunately, for many people, they think that in order to find a partner, they must have someone totally matching, ie someone who shares all their interests and passions.
How is that possible? Everyone is brought up differently so no two person is alike. Even if you can find someone who miraculously like everything you like, does it mean you two are compatible personality wise? Even if the person likes everything you like on the surface, that does not mean both of you will like the same thing at a deeper level.
For instance, let's say both love music. But the genre of music is so large, he may like heavy metal and she may like jazz. Even if both love movies, he may like horror films and she may like romantic comedies. Or they both like travelling and seeing the world, but the mode of travel may be different. She may like a more luxurious kind of travel whereas he prefers a more budget kind of backpacking. So again, all these things are different when you really come down to it.
In any case, a relationship is not about how similar or different both of you are; rather it is on how you celebrate the similarities but appreciate the differences. And I believe that is how to make a relationship work.
I hope I am still on the right track after this weekend!
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