"Cheating" My Way Through Life

I wonder if old age plays a part for people to muse more. I feel as if I am at this threshold of life where I have to reflect on things for a while. Moving on is good, but it is from the past that one draws experiences and painful reminders.

Growing up, I am never close to my parents. Typical, conservative, over-protective Asian parents whose mentalities are that children are to be seen and not heard. Children have to listen to the parents no matter what circumstances, even if the children know they are doing the right things.

I never liked way my parents brought me up, but then I cannot choose my parents, so I have to just live with it. At times I reflect, if I never sort of "cheated" my way a bit, I wonder where I would be now? But I am obstinate, even now. What I like, really care about, I will go all out despite what anyone will say. Similarly what I do not like, I will not even be bothered with.

When I was in primary three, my mum trained me for the Gifted Education examinations held later that year. She made me do IQ tests, higher-level mathematical problems and creative-thinking problems. When I passed the first round, she was totally ecstatic.

But I refused to go for the second round. If I entered the Gifted Education programme, I would have to change schools. At that time, I could not bear to leave my teachers, the friends I have made and the school I grew to love. My mum forced me to go to school to take the examinations, but when I was in the exam hall, I deliberately answered the questions wrongly (those questions I knew at least, as I was not able to do about 80% of the paper anyway).

Needless to say I did not get in. During upper primary, we had to choose six secondary school choices, then the results from the national examinations will determine which choice (if any) we would end up in. So my mum filled in all the choices for me, the six top girls' schools.

It did not include my secondary school, even though my school was ranked thirty to forty every year out of the top fifty secondary schools, it was not a good school in her eyes. And she wanted me to be in the Special stream, to take double first languages, which means studying the Mother Tongue at a higher level.

On the day we were supposed to submit the choices, I changed the choices. It was during those days when everything was still manual, so just by erasing everything off with correction tape and writing over it again would suffice.

She was livid of course when she found I changed my choices, but accepted it in the end since the school was within walking distance to my old place, and if I had gone somewhere else, transportation wise would be a problem since she still did not allow me to take public transport on my own.

The same thing happened again when I was enrolling for tertiary studies. My parents wanted me to choose a course more practical and can earn me more money in the future, but I wanted something I am interested in. I could no longer do Medicine or Engineering since I switched to the Arts stream and did not study science subjects at a higher level.

So she chose Business as first choice, Accounting as second. But for someone who almost flunked Economics and tried her hand at Accounting subjects and failed them, how could I ever do Business or related subjects? I swore I would never study Economics again! But as usual, my parents refused to sign unless I put the choices they wanted.

And as usual, on the day of submission, I switched the choices. But since I was accepted into Law, they relented, although now I feel I should have gone for Mass Communications or Arts specialising in Literature instead from the very beginning. Perhaps my life would then have a different course.

There were some other incidents when I "cheated". Like when I was with my second ex, I went out with my childhood friend, even though that time he was so possessive that he never allowed me to even mention any guys in his presence, let alone go out with one. But it was so rare that my friend and I meet up, so I went out a day with him.

I told my ex I was out with my parents. Yes, I lied, and I did not feel good about it, but if I told him the truth, I would be courting trouble not just for myself but my friend as well.

And I sort of "cheated" in my resume too. I did not put down anything which I have not done, but those which I have done, I made them sound as if I did such good work, when actually it was really some simple work which anyone could do. So in a way, I felt as if I was lying to my prospective employer by making it seem as if I am that good when actually I am not.

As a person, one should not lie or cheat. But do I feel guilty? As bad as I sound, I do not. Perhaps a little, over the resume thing. But for the rest, I do not. I know if I did not "cheat", I would never have gotten what I wanted.

But am I too self-centred, to resort to this to get what I want? If I did not, I would not have done what I wanted, made my own choices. What if my choices were the wrong choices, and it was my parents who were making the right choices all along? In this case, am I really such a bad person that I changed what my parents wanted of me to what I wanted for myself?

Studies = Success?

The last week of August. Normally around this time I will start to count down, to the day where I get older. And now, almost done with my twenties, I start to wonder what have I achieved so far?

Some people have made their millions by the time they reach their mid-twenties. Some became academics and earned a PhD or a Postdoctoral Fellow. Some have gotten married and have a few kids. Some have achieved their dreams of being high-flyers. Some have gone on humanitarian trips to outreach.

What have I achieved exactly? I completed my normal studies, but almost everyone would have done so. I have a basic degree, but in today's context a degree does not count for much. Opportunity, capability and smarts count more. It is no longer true that if one does not study and achieves a high education, one will not be successful.

Not everyone can be like Adam Khoo, who is not just a first-class honours holder, an entrepreneur and motivational speaker, but also a self-made millionaire before the age of thirty. Neither can they be like Olivia Lum, ex-scholar.

Some like Ron Sim and Sim Wung Hoo, do not even have tertiary education, started off being salesmen, yet are now the heads of very established companies. (Incidentally, they are not related. Perhaps the surname plays a part in helping them make their millions?)

There are a few cases I have seen where the person is almost illiterate yet make millions. The Managing Director of my former company has the same surname as me, and is of the same dialect group as my mum. The company is in the shipping and petroleum business, and he built up the company from scratch, from his days selling tankers. He can hardly speak or read any English, yet I heard that the company is going to get public listed in a number of years.

And my dad's cousin, who built up his own company from scratch too, from his days repairing and selling watches. He started off as an apprentice in a watch shop after his secondary education. The company is now public-listed, with branches in Thailand and China, and soon to be in other parts of the world.

And my mum's side of the family too, judging from how well my granduncle built up the business my late grandfather set up. I do not know the Indonesian name of the company, but it seems to be a pretty well-established one in Jakarta, with my uncle heading the Singapore branch, and soon-to-be Dubai branch, where another one of my cousins is now based to spearhead the construction.

Sometimes I wonder if I am born in the wrong family. It will be good to have a family business to fall back on, at least you know for sure you will never be out of job.

But my point is that how many people who have high qualifications, really make it big? Most end up being employees and work till they retire. Of course if one is higher educated, the chances of rising to a senior executive or managerial or higher post is better than those who do not have as high qualifications.

Some said perhaps those without paper qualifications know they can never be successful if they continue working for others. Thus, with opportunity and capital, they set up their own companies, and quite a number of them flourished. He says one will not see a professional like a doctor setting up his own company as they already have highly-paid jobs.

Ron Sim appeared on the cover of Forbes magazine, which our client showed us today. My lawyer was remarking, what is the use of studying so much when his yearly pay equals to Ron Sim's quarterly pay?

If I did not pursue a higher education, perhaps I would have been unemployed. Then what would I have done? Set up a chocolatier perhaps. Or a cafe specialising in waffles, chocolate cake and chocolate fondue.

But I do not think I can ever make it as an entrepreneur. I do not have a business mind nor a vision to strategise. And I am not tough enough. To make it as a businessman (or woman), one must be very practical and merciless, and that is something I cannot achieve.

Nervous, Stress And Edgy

I had to wake up so early this morning just to go for a meeting first thing in the morning, and the venue is all the way at the far north, near to the Malaysian border. My boss specially instructed me to be there by 9:00 am and not be late.

So I had my parents drop me off around town, since it is on the way to my mum’s office, and then I took a train up to the far north, then I took a cab ride in. When I got off the cab, it was slightly past 8:40 am, and I saw my boss’ cab right behind mine.

What irritated me was not the timing and venue of the meeting; rather it was the clients were late! We had to go to the clients’ office so far away, and yet they were not even in office when we reached there. Neither were they there at 9:00 am.

The first client reached only at 9:15 am, so the meeting officially started only at 9:25 am or thereabouts. If I had known, I would have just arrived at 9 or so, and not rushed so much in the morning! Why do people, locals especially, have the habit of being late?

Luckily the meeting ended early, so I managed to go back to the office and get my work done without staying too late. And since I will be taking the morning off tomorrow for two interviews, I will need to work a bit more the rest of the week.

The interviews I will be going tomorrow will be for two big companies. The first one will be at a certain global telecommunications company that happens to be the rival of my mobile service provider. The interview is for a Legal Executive post.

I must say the Human Resource Manager for this company is efficient indeed! I sent in my resume at about 10 pm last night, and I got a call at 9:30 am this morning for the interview. That is fast, since other companies will take at least one day to revert!

The second interview will be for another big company who is in the spa and resort business around the world, for a Legal Assistant post. I must say I am pretty nervous over the two interviews!

I will so love to work in either one of them, but being such established companies, their criteria will be so much stricter, and a small fry like me may not have the luck to go in. Still, I am keeping my fingers crossed to see if I can have good luck! I am feeling so stressed up now!

A Counselling Session

I finally went to see a counsellor last night. After so many weeks of on-off depression, I sobbed my heart out at the counselling center. My counsellor could see I am really disturbed, thus he made another appointment with me two weeks later, when it normally needs a month to get an appointment.

I poured my heart out over everything, things I can have but others cannot, things I cannot have but others can, and things I had which I lost through special circumstances. This was the first time I cried my heart out so bitterly in front of a third party with no relation to myself, and even then, I still do not feel that much better.

The counsellor did not tell me what to do or impose his opinions on me. He just let me talk though everything I wanted to say, asked leading questions, let me dig into my own sub-conscience, but did not try to solve the problems his way.

So I told him everything – all that had happened, all I had gained and lost, all things good and bad I had experienced. I told him about my relationship with my parents, how hard I tried to fight for what I want, my relationship with my guy and how he can be so loving yet so distant at the same time.

Most of all, I told him the very thing on why I am so depressed, why I dared not tell anyone just how depressed I really am for fear of being condemned or looked down upon, because there are people who like to judge and jump to conclusions without knowing the full story and understanding how much certain things impacted me.

Having said that, I am grateful for everyone who gives their two cent’s worth, be it in a positive or negative light. I know there are people who care, and I truly appreciate it. My friends, my family, even people in cyberspace whom I do not know.

After the session, I emerged with a bit of a load off my mind. Although my problems are still not solved, but at least I told an objective person everything, without being judged or told what to do.

Even though I am still depressed, at least talking to someone helps ease my confusion and frustrations a bit. Incidentally my cousin asked if I wanted to see a counsellor earlier on, and I told her I went already. She asked when my next session will be and said she would accompany me for my next session.

Why is it my parents can never do this for me? I cannot even show I am depressed in front of them! There are so many things I want to tell them, I wish can share with them, like how other normal parents-child relationship, but I cannot tell them anything without them judging me or giving me their views from a subjective angle.

At times I wonder what is it I can do to make my parents happy with me?

Moving On .... Or Not

So I have been working for almost a month now, and I have seen certain things about this firm that makes me feel that staying long is not going to be very healthy for me. I shall not dwell too much on how the firm functions. Let's just say the firm seems to have the least structured system I have seen.

One thing I notice also is that the turnover rate is very high. My predecessor left in July, thus before I came in, there was a gap in between, which probably resulted in so much backlog. But from the time I joined till now, which has not been very long, three more staff have either left or leaving, and two new staff (both of whom have only worked a week) also left.

Perhaps there really is something wrong with the company since so many staff are leaving? One thing I like is that my boss is nice. He seems to be the most soft-spoken and gentle boss I have ever worked for. My precedessor once told me if it is not because of him, she would have left long ago too.

This big company I mentioned who was considering me for the Senior Legal Assistant post did not offer me the job in the end. But my job agent scheduled an interview with me at this other big company this Wednesday. The same company I went to interview for a Corporate Executive post a month back.

Now I will be interviewing for a Legal Assistant post, and the interview will be by the Legal Counsel himself. However, I will be seeing the same Human Resource Executive, so since I was not shortlisted for the previous post, do I even stand a high chance for this post now?

I really wish I can be accepted! It is a big company with plenty of prospects, learning opportunities, good benefits and welfare. And I will be doing in-house! I just wish I can get a job which I really enjoy doing!

I know I sound as if I job hop around. After my string of career bad luck, I did intend to settle down into a job. So when my current company called, I took it. And I would have stayed for a while if there were no better opportunities. But now that there is the possibility I can be at a better place, is it wrong if I want to move on?

And if I do land this job, I will stay. It is a prestigious company with plenty of development opportunities. From what I could see during the last time I went there for an interview, the environment and culture there is pretty good too. A good place for anyone to be in.

I am keeping my fingers crossed! Hopefully I will not mess up the interview and land the job!

Go Movie Date

My friend recommended this dating site that is absolutely free for ladies. The catch is that guys have to pay for membership, as well as for the date. :-p What to do, since being a lady can be entitled to priviledge treatment?

It looks like a fun and interesting concept. A pity she is too late. If she had told me this last year I would have signed up immediately. What better way to make friends than to watch movies together? Then I would not have gone to watch movies on my own already!

How this thing works is that when the girl signs up, she will state down her particulars. Then she will state down the type of guy she likes to meet, what criteria she has in mind. The system will then match and send emails to guys informing them of potential dates.

So the girl just sits back and waits for guys to drop her a mail. She will then see which guy she is interested to meet and reply back. Those that she feels no vibes for she does not need to reply. The guy will then set up a date with the girl, choose a movie and then purchase the tickets.

The tickets will be posted to the respective address. On date day, just turn up. It is a real blind date as in both do not get to meet each other before the date.

The best thing is that there are no obligations. If after the movie, both feel that they cannot progress, then they will just thank each other for the company and go their separate ways. If they feel they can go somewhere, then they will set up another date and so on.

You can even go for group dates, as long as you ask your friends to sign up as a member, and the whole lot of you fix the date with another group.

If you do not like watching movies, there are also other activities like golf, swimming and roller-blading. So any singletons out there like to sign up as a member?

In Memorium

My close friend from secondary school just informed me that our Phys Ed Departmental Head passed away earlier on. This is the second time I heard news of a former teacher of mine passing away. The first was a decade ago, when my former Home Economics teacher passed away. I had just left school then.

Our Phys Ed Head, whom we affectionately call "Cikgu", was a bubbly but strict Malay lady. She was a sportsperson in her youth, but by the time I entered secondary school, she was suffering from a glandular problem triggered about by chidbirth, and grew bigger and bigger until she could not even run around or exercise anymore.

Nevertheless, she used her loudspeaker of a voice to bark orders at everyone. Students would cower whenever they heard she would be taking their Phys Ed classes. Every year, I crossed my fingers and prayed she would not be taking us.

Come every Physical Fitness test, we always hoped to pass, as her regulation was that as long as we failed one item, we failed the whole test. Re-tests training would be exclusively under her. As a result, no one dared to fail, and all tried their bests to pass every item, be it sit-ups, standing broad jumps, shuttle runs, flex arm-hangs and the dreaded 2.4 km run.

The first two years went by, and by the time I reached upper secondary, we got her as our Phys Ed teacher for the remaining two years, and Phys Ed lessons then became hell for me. Every lesson was like an Outward Bound School activity; we had obstacle courses, long-distance running, gymnastics.

She expected us to keep up to her timing, and anyone who slowed down would be screamd at and made to do more vigorous exercises. I dreaded Phys Ed classes during those times. But whatever she was doing was effective, as for the first time in my life, I achieved a Gold for Physical Fitness test during the two years we were under her.

And for that period of time, my body had never looked better! My legs were so toned and shapely, my waist was twenty-three inches, my weight was an all-time low of 44 kg. So in a way, I was really grateful to her because she was one lady who really knew what she was doing.

And even though I was never close to her, I want to thank her from the bottom of my heart for everything she taught us. Farewell and rest in peace. You will always be remembered in your own special way.

What A List!

Since I am re-starting school in January, I thought of checking out the latest reading list so I can do some preparatory work. And I almost fainted when I saw the list. Just for set books alone, not counting reference and academic books, I have to read about ninety in order to fulfil the requirements of the entire course!

Since I will be taking sixteen modules, minus away four modules of English Language, that leaves twelve modules of English Literature, which makes an average of eight books per module. Now I think my previous tertiary course is more relaxed in comparison, since I only need to read an average of five books per module.

Just in case something happens to the hardcopy of the list, I may as well have a copy of the reading list so there will always be easy reference. And here goes... a time for stress and headaches....

1. Medea and Other Plays, Euripedes (trans. P. Vellacott) (Penguin)
2. Pygmalion, George Bernard Shaw (Penguin)
3. Wide Sargasso Sea, Jean Rhys (ed. Angela Smith) (Penguin)
4. The Canterbury Tales, Geoffrey Chaucer (Why not include Troilus and Criseyde instead?)
5. Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen (Oxford World's Classics)
6. Frankenstein, Mary Shelley, 1818 text (Oxford World's Classics)
7. Great Expectations, Charles Dickens (Oxford World's Classics)
8. Fathers and Sons, Ivan Turgenev (Oxford World's Classics)
9. A Doll's House, Henrik Ibsen (Dover - Constable)
10. Top Girls, Caryl Churchill (Methuen Student Edition)
11. Henry V
12. Othello
13. As You Like It
all by William Shakespeare (New Penguin Shakespeare)
14. The Colour Purple, Alice Walker (The Women's Press)
15. The Rover, Aphra Behn
16. A Misummer Night's Dream
17. Richard II
18. Macbeth
19. Antony and Cleopatra
20. Hamlet
21. Measure For Measure
22. Twelfth Night
23. King Lear
24. The Tempest
25. Cymbeline
26. The Sonnets
all by William Shakespare (Norton Shakespeare)

(WAIT A MINUTE! NO ROMEO AND JULIET?! WHY??????????????)

27. Mrs Dalloway, Virginia Woolf (Flamingo - an imprint of Harper Collins)
28. A Portrait Of An Artist As A Young Man, James Joyce (Flamingo)
29. Mansfield Park, Jane Austen (Penguin Books)
30. Cousin Bette, Honore de Balzac (Penguin Books)
31. On The Eve, Ivan Turgenev (Penguin Books)
32. Middlemarch, George Eliot (Penguin Books)
33. What Maisie Knew, Henry James (Penguin Books)
34. Tess Of The D'Ubervilles, Thomas Hardy (Penguin Books)
35. Huckleberry Finn, Mark Twain (Penguin Books)
36. Germinal, Emile Zola (Penguin Books)
37. Anna Karenin, Leo Tolstoy (Penguin Books)
38. Heart of Darkness, Joseph Conrad (Penguin Books)
39. Three Novellas, D H Lawrence (Penguin Books)
40. Wuthering Heights, Emily Bronte (Oxford University Press World Classics)
41. Metamorphosis, Franz Kafka (Minerva Books - an imprint of Reed International)
42. Northanger Abbey, Jane Austen (Oxford World's Classics)
43. The Awakening, Kate Chopin (Oxford World's Classics)
44. Jane Eyre, Charlotte Bronte (Oxford World's Classics)
45. The Woman In White, Wilkie Collins (Oxford World's Classics)
46. Dombey and Son, Charles Dickens (Oxford World's Classics)
47. Madam Bovary, Gustave Flaubert (Penguin)
48. Far From The Madding Crowd, Thomas Hardy (Oxford World's Classics)
49. Portrait Of A Lady, Henry James (Oxford World's Classics)
50. Dracula, Bram Stoker
51. Things Fall Apart, Chinua Achebe (Heinemann International)
52. Empire Of The Son, J. G. Ballard (Grafton)
53. Mother Courage, Bertolt Brecht (Methuen)
54. The Outsider, Albert Camus (Penguin)
55. The Waste Land and Other Poems, T. S. Eliot (Faber & Faber)
56. A Passage To India, E. M. Forster (Penguin)
57. England Made Me, Graham Greene (Penguin)
58. The Virgin And The Gypsy, D H Lawrence (Penguin)
59. Song of Solomon, Toni Morrison (Vintage)
60. In A Free State, V. S. Naipaul (Picador)
61. The Painter Of Signs, R. K. Narayan (Penguin)
62. Madmen and Specialists, Wole Soyinka (Methuen)
63. The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie, Muriel Spark (Penguin)
64. Officers and Gentlemen, Evelyn Waugh (Penguin)
65. Five Plays, Anton Chekhov (Oxford University Press)
66. Selected Stories, Katherine Mansfield (Oxford University Press)
67. Sunset Song, Lewis Grassic-Gibbon (Canongate)
68. Poetry of the Thirties, Robin Skelton (ed.) (Penguin)
69. Prufrock and Other Observations, T. S. Eliot (Faber & Faber)
70. Life of Galileo, Bertolt Brecht (Methuen Student Edition)
71. Orlando, Virginia Woolf (Oxford University Press)
72. Labyrinths With Path Of Thunder, Christopher Okigbo
73. Rebecca, Daphne du Maurier (Virago)
74. HOWL and Other Poems, Allen Ginsberg (City Lights)
75. Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep?, Phillip K. Dick (SF Masterworks)
76. Kiss Of The Spiderwoman, Manuel Puig (Vintage)
77. Waiting For Godot, Samuel Beckett (Samuel French Ltd)
78. New Selected Poems 1966 - 1987, Seamus Heaney (Faber & Faber)
79. Paradise, Abdulrazak Gurnah (Bloomsbury)
80. The Ghost Road, Pat Barker (Penguin)
81. The Conservationist, Nadine Gordimer (Penguin)
82. Hinterland : Afro Caribbean and Black British Poetry, E. A. Markham (ed.) (Bloodaxe Books)
83. Have You Seen Zandile?, G Mhlope, T. Mitshali, M. Vanrenen (Heinemann / Methuen)
84. Rich Like Us, Nayantara Sahgal (Sceptre)
85. The Port Elizabeth Plays, Athol Fugard, ed. D. Walder (Oxford University Press)
86. Burger's Daughter, Nadine Gordimer (Penguin)
87. The Lonely Londoners, Sal Selvon (Longman)
88. Selected Poems, Rabindranath Tagore, ed. and trans. W. Radice (Penguin)
89. Poems selected by Seamus Heaney, William Butler Yeats (Faber)
90. The Iliad, Homer, translated by R. Lattimore (University of Chicago Press)
91. The Odyssey of Homer, Homer, translated by R. Lattimore (Harper Perennial)

Whew! Is it any wonder why I used to be called a nerd and geek?

Uncertain Job Status

Time whizzed by so fast that it is almost a month since I started work. And I still have not received the letter of offer. It makes me wonder will I even be paid for the work done at all?

No one has asked about my bank account number or a copy of my bank book, so I fear I may not be paid. In this case, what am I going to live on for next month at least?

My expenditure account is running really low on funds. I try not to touch my savings account as that is for other purposes, like insurance payments, school fees and cheque withdrawals or online transactions for bills.

Having said that, my job agent, who recommended me the position at the big company few weeks back, called me today. She said the company has not gotten back to her so they are still in the midst of liaising with each other.

I wish I can receive news soon on whether I am offered the job or not. This situation I am in right now is really confusing, and I do not like any situation where it is not clean-cut.

The job agent also recommended me a couple other positions. There is one opening in a medium-sized law firm, but they reverted and said I am over-qualifed, since I have covered many areas whereas they are looking for someone quite junior.

Thus they rather not hold me back as they think I can go much further. Hmmm…. Since when am I ever “over-qualified” for any job? I can never get the jobs I really like as I am always under-qualified!

The other opening is from the other big firm I interviewed for a few weeks back. The one owned by a certain female Nominated (or ex-Nominated) Member of Parliament. The last time I went there for interview was for the opening in the Corporate department. This time, the opening is from the Legal Department.

Hopefully I have news soon, in whatever form. If it is a better opportunity and prospect, I may move on. If not, I will stay for a while at least, but hopefully I get the letter of offer settled and receive whatever salary due accordingly at the end of the month.

Charitable Organisations Should Be More Transparent

Just when the NKF saga last year was blown over, now Youth Challenge, another charitable outreach group, is under investigation.

Apparently, the chairman of the organization earns a salary of S$13,000.00 per month. Which is a fair amount for the chairman of any organization, but being a charitable organization, it is frowned upon for the chairman to be paid what the public will view as a ridiculous amount.

Somehow, I cannot relate charity to profit. If a person is to be in a charitable organization, then he has to go in with the full understanding that it is for charity and welfare to the less fortunate, not to earn any form of high salary for himself.

If the head of a charitable organization earns a ridiculously high salary, then it will definitely be open to public scrutiny. People who donate will wonder where their funds go to, ie is it really to charity or to the chairman’s own pocket?

With so much hype about the mismanagement of funds in charitable organizations, is it any wonder why nowadays donations are getting lesser and people are less willing to donate?

Of course, to me, if and when I donate, I will give and not question where the money goes. And the chairman giving himself such a high salary does not really bother me, although it definitely sparked off lots of anger from others.

But Youth Challenge is after all a youth group focusing on humanitarian activites. So whatever funds raised should be channelled to the humanitarian effort, not to anyone’s pocket.

According to this article, it seems like the volunteers paid everything in advance, and then when they go to the area to outreach, they stay in high class hotels and eat extravagant meals.

It makes one wonder exactly where all the money go to. Is it really to help the less fortunate, or to let their members and volunteers enjoy themselves?

I used to be a member of Youth Challenge as well. That was many years back, when I was still a school kid. I thought the activities they are involved in are interesting and meaningful, thus I signed up as a member.

However, I ended my membership within months due to a conflict with the chairman. The article stated that the chairman is prejudiced against those who raised lesser amounts as compared to those who could raise thousands.

But in raising funds, as long as people try their best and it is all for charity, whatever amount should suffice. Is there a difference for those who managed to raise more or those who raised less? Why must those who raised a lesser amount be put down?

I am not sure whether it is the same chairman, although from the description it sounds like the same. What happened was the chairman called me up and asked me to help out in some fund-raising event.

He called me at a very bad time, as I was working then during one of the school holidays. It was a school-based attachment, and I had to work for at least a month. So I politely told him that I was not able to help out that time, but I would be more than willing to help out another time if my schedule allowed.

He then started blasting at me. He said how sincere was I to join as a member, then refuse to help out? I was totally bewildered.

In the first place, me joining as a member and volunteer does not mean I have to take part in all the activities; it is my right to choose which activities I like to take part in.

I thought the concept of being a volunteer means you give your time to help out for a worthy cause, at your own time. Afterall if we are not going to be paid, we have no obligations to take part in every activity.

Of course, it is not for the money, but the thing is, we are willing to give our time to commit and help out, so does it really matter if we take part in all or just one of the activities? After all, I believe everyone has their own affairs to attend to as well.

So I told him that that period of time was really bad for me, since I had to work. He then said why did I choose to work and earn money for myself, when I could outreach and raise money to help the needy?

Of course I know that, but it was because of my school that I had to work, not on my own accord. If I miss my attachment, I could fail my course. And I have my own future to think of.

I know I sound mean and self-centred by saying that, but if I do not secure a good future, I will not be able to give more time and money to help out in the future.

That guy really riled me. He had no right to tell me what to do and what not to do. He sounded so propaganda, like as if he was promoting something. Like a pesky sales assistant who was trying to coerce one into buying something.

So I ended my membership, because if the organization is to function this way, then I do not believe in its policies and values. A charitable outreach organization should be one that really reaches out and care for others’ welfare, and not one that accumulates profits for its own benefit.

Perhaps charitable organizations should be more transparent in how they utilize the resources. It is not to nit-pick where our money go, but whether it is truly for charity and humanitarian efforts, instead of one’s own pockets.

Arts Events Not To Be Missed ....

I think SISTIC ought to give me VIP treatment; either that, or a discount or life membership to their events. I have been spending so much attending concerts and buying tickets through SISTIC, that at times, I wonder if I help to boost their sales and profits.

There are a number of concerts I am planning to go to the rest of the year. First one up is the Westlife concert, which later corresponds with the Robbie Williams concert. I like the songs from these singers, as their genres are similar.

The tunes are nice and the lyrics meaningful and touching. No doubt they sing mostly love songs, but then not many people can sing love songs with nice tunes and meaningful lyrics. At least not many modern singers. The older singers are better, which probably explains why their songs are now classics.

More on the music events will be Kit Chan’s Forbidden City. I brought my students to watch it a few years back as part of the Arts Programme in my school, and I love it! I cannot wait to watch it again! Whoever said local productions can never be good or better than imports?

I think the reason the arts industry here can never flourish can be due to lack of support from our own local citizens. We should give more support to our local productions, be it movies or plays or musicals or dance or choirs. There are many talented people around, they are just waiting to be recognized and supported!

If time and money allows, I may also want to catch the Vienna Boys’ Choir, one of the best choirs in the world, as well as the Singapore Symphony Orchestra’s rendition of movie songs and the annual Christmas Concert.

Another one I will not give it a miss is Russell Peters, my favourite stand-up comic. It is so rare that he comes and gives a one-man show, and it will be another long wait if I miss it this time.

Now I just have to see how far my budget and time allows. Hopefully I will be able to catch all the shows I wish to see!

Salsa! Salsa!

My slimming treatments are going very well. So far I have attended three sessions, two of which I was hooked onto the machine and had my fats being vibrated away, one of which I had a firming tummy mask.

The sessions seem effective though, since I have already lost two kilograms! My clothes are getting looser and my tummy bulge seems smaller. What a way to go! This is even better than natural dieting!

I finally started the beginners’ Salsa class yesterday evening, after postponing it a few times. The lesson is one hour long and will continue for eight weeks. My mum signed up together with me, and she was supposed to attend the lesson as well. Unfortunately she was sick so my first brother attended the lesson on her behalf.

It was a pretty interesting lesson. The instructor started off by letting us listen to a song, and we had to get the rhythm right and clap according to the rhythm. Then he introduced the feet movements.

Apparently, there are eight counts to the movements. We started off with the left foot. Tap to the front, back to position, then tap to the back, back to position. The right foot is of the same pattern, except it started from the back then proceed to the front.

We also learnt to bring our right foot to the right and back to position, turned a right full circle, and posed in whichever way we liked. The instructor first started out without music, then when the music was played, the movements had to be faster.

The next half of the lesson involved partner dances. We were told to put our arms at our waist position. So if the guy I partnered with was taller, he had to bring his arms down; if he was shorter, he had to bring his arms up.

The ladies just stood in position, waiting for the guys to rotate partners. I ended up partnering with five guys, including a 1.8 metre tall Caucasian! It was impossible for my arms to stay at my waist level when I partnered with him as his arms could not go any lower than my chest level!

The guys had to lead. We could not look down at our feet. We had to have eye contact with our partners, and then move accordingly to his actions. Some of the guys seemed to have taken lessons before, because they could tell me how to grasp their hands, and how to tap my feet. It makes one wonder why they are in the beginners class in the first place.

Needless to say, the number of ladies outnumber that of men. Thus, a few ladies ended up with no partners. And when my mum comes next week, the ratio will be more imbalanced. As a result, in the following weeks, some of the ladies have to learn how to dance the guy parts as well, as it seems that the men and ladies’ parts are different.

Overall, it was an enjoyable and fun lesson. But perhaps due to my lack of exercise and recent physical condition, I feel extra lethargic after the lesson, with my feet and waist being aching and sore.

Another Intuition ....

I had a sleepless night of tossing and turning, and all of a sudden everything became clear. Strange, I thought a sleepless night would cause one’s mind to become cloudy or hazy instead, yet to me, things are never as clear as before.

I was finding it hard to sleep because besides being depressed over someone’s wedding date, I was also worried about my guy because of certain things. I feel bad that everything bounced off him because of me, and I never like to cause anyone any trouble.

But I had a feeling. You know what people said about a woman’s intuition being mostly right? That I believe too, especially from events in the recent months, where I sort of knew before anything even happened.

This time round, I think my intuition is right again. I told my guy why I was feeling so depressed, and he told me that when someone get married, the date and venue is to their own preference, so it does not have any reference to me, thus I need not worry.

I guess so, but then if I am to get married and know I will be inviting my ex, especially one who almost married me, and one who is so sentimental, I will not choose a venue and date that has special significance exclusively to both of us.

A wedding is to be a very happy and beautiful event, a celebration of union, and not something to show off who the winner is, so I will never dream of making anyone feel uncomfortable or down.

But anyway, my intuition tells me he is not the one that chose the date and venue. Because from what I know of him, no matter how he has changed, I believe he still remembers. And because he is with someone who is the dominant party in the relationship, I believe he just went along with whatever she wants.

From a girl’s perspective, I can understand how easy it is to manipulate a guy. She can always say prove how much he loves her and wants to marry her, and prove that his ex really mean nothing to him anymore, thus chose the particular day and venue, and inviting the ex along.

I know I am being mean and jumping to conclusions. But somehow my instincts tell me so, and I have learnt to trust my intuition as it has proven itself to be true almost all the time. She has never failed to keep bugging me, and doing things to affect me.

But this time I am not going to be affected. Since they specially sent me an invitation, I will reply. I will give them my complete blessings, even send over a wedding gift. I will show that I am happy they are finally married.

But I will not be going, not because the date means anything to me, but because I already planned to go to my friend’s debut novel launch. :-D And besides, I will tell them that I prefer to attend their church wedding and banquet instead, since that is a more formal affair.

Now, I would like to see which date and venue they are going to pick for that.

Down In The Dumps .... Again

I received a wedding invitation today from someone. Finally, after all the talks of getting married, now the invitations are finally being sent out. And he did not ask my best friend to pass to me, he sent it to my postal address. I will at least award him for being sincere enough.

It is just a solemnisation ceremony. Coincidentally, it is at a certain hotel. The hotel we stayed in for a weekend when we celebrated our ex-engagement. I am not so affected by the venue since when it comes to weddings, one cannot always get the venues they like.

But why must it be on that day? 28 October. Coincidentally a friend's birthday. That day nine years back was the day we started. That day five years back was the day he proposed and our subsequent engagement. Now he chose that day to get married, with an invitation for me to attend his wedding on that day?!

If he is trying to make me feel insulted and depressed, he is on his way to succeeding big time. I seriously wonder just how much I really ever meant to him? Six years, one month, one day, I do not believe he does not even know me at all. In that case, he should know just how much that day means to me, even now. Come every twenty-eighth day of the month, I cannot help but feel a sense of nostalgia on memories long gone.

If he is getting married on any other twenty-eighth day on any other month, perhaps I would not feel so down in the dumps. But why must it be on that day itself?! Does the day mean any thing to him at all? Or am I the only one who still feels a special significance when that day arrives?

I am not upset because he is getting married. His wedding is a sooner or later thing anyway. I am also not upset that I am not the bride, because from how he has changed, I shall say the two of them deserves each other. Alright, getting really mean now, so I shall stop myself before I get out of hand.

What I am upset about is that am I the only one who still value the times we had? Then to him, was everything that happened between us totally zilch, that he could throw away in an instant? I never did forget, even after other relationships that come, even after other loved ones, even when right now I am so in love with someone else. And it is making me so miserable that I cannot forget the times we had nor forgive what he did to me.

Maybe I only have myself to blame. Maybe I give too much, that people take for granted. When I see my girlfriends who are the dominant ones in the relationships, I cannot help but envy them. Why is it they can meet guys so utterly devoted to them, so willing to do anything for them, yet they are giving the hot-cold treatment to the guys?

Why is it I never have a guy who can be like this? Even when I thought I found someone like that, things are never the same now and before. Why is it in all my relationships (excluding the current one), it was always the guy who called the shots and I had to do his bidding and be utterly devoted, only to get my heart broken again and again?

Each time my relationship ends, I tried to learn the lesson from it. After the first one, I thought he resented me for being ugly and stupid, so I tried to groom myself and look better, read much more and gained more knowledge, so I could at least hold a decent conversation with others without being told what to do.

Even though he was totally demanding, unreasonable and violent and made my life a living hell, still I thought it was my fault that he dumped me, that I was not good enough, that I could not reach up to his standard. Later I realised that if you really love someone, you would take the person as a whole and not impose any rules and regulations at all, so I thought perhaps the problem was on him after all.

When the second one ended, I thought it was because I was not good enough, again I was not pretty or young or sophisticated enough or well-travelled. I went to so many grooming, image and makeup courses just so I could improve in my appearance and look good for others.

I thought he changed because the flight attendants were all better-looking and more charismatic than me. I tried so hard to change, but from someone introverted, it was so hard for me to suddenly become extroverted. I admit I am lacking in public relation skills, but I am trying to improve.

I tried to do everything I could to win him back. I tried being more outspoken, have better grooming and fashion sense, used food and money to get his attention. The things I did to try to get back his affection totally sickens me now, as I never imagine myself ever going down to that level. In the end, I told myself if he is not going to cherish me, then it was his loss, not mine.

Then I found someone who saw beyond my physical self and appreciated my knowledge and character. But even he was not totally devoted to me, even he wanted me to do things his way, wanted me to lead the life he led, instead of going along with what I have in mind.

After some time, I was totally fed up. Why must I always be someone's puppet, someone's follower? Why can I not lead and others follow? Why can I not call the shots, so to speak? I always feel that a relationship should be equal, and even if one person does a bit more or a bit less, it does not really matter.

But to do everything for someone and not getting anything back, and still get ordered around and being taken for granted is more than I can bear. Even if he is someone I love. Every person's patience and tolerance level is limited.

Even then, I thought it was my problem. I thought maybe I just could not give enough, I should learn to give more. But why must I always be the one to give and give and make myself so miserable? And it is true that a girl's greatest blessing is to find a guy totally devoted to her.

I have learnt that too well, from my best friend, from my cousins, from my friends. If he is really into her, she will be a very happy and blessed lady because he will do everything he can to ensure he does not lose her.

At times I wonder, when the guys lost me, did they ever feel anything? Or was it just a relief that I was no longer with them? Did any guy ever treasure me enough to fear losing me?

I always thought it was my problem when my relationships ended, but my best friend and cousin both assured me it was not. They told me each time that I probably have not met someone who truly loves me. For a while, I did believe them.

But when I heard that when my friend's ex-boyfriend gave up his job and came back all the way from Shanghai to win her back as he could not lose her, I was so touched. Why was there never a guy who could do that to me? I am not even asking him to come running back from overseas, but yet why was I never cherished by anyone to warrant someone to win me back?

My exs had called me up years after the breakup and asked me to get back with them. And it was not because they cherished me. It was mainly because they wanted to see if I was still thinking of them, still had feelings for them. And this was from their own words, not because they still love me.

Is it not even more heart-breaking to hear that? It is like just when you are moving on with your life, someone from your past came back to haunt you when you never wanted to see that person ever again.

Perhaps I have not always done the right things, even in my relationships. But I daresay without any guilty conscience that when I fall in love, it is really, truly wholly deep, and I will do everything within my power to keep my love. And I also daresay that I have not mistreated or let down any of my guys because I am a one-man woman. My conscience is clear.

So why do I see girls who are more wilful and temperamental getting the red carpet treatment from their guys, yet no one ever gives a damn about me? No doubt I am with someone good, but things are not as rosy as before in the past, yet for people around me, their relationships are as rosy as when they first started, even after being married for years.

Perhaps I do have a problem. Maybe I am just not cherishable, just not love-able. Maybe I am just too unworthy for anyone to love me and be utterly devoted, with unwavering love and devotion even as time goes by. Perhaps I shall die a lonely old woman, with many loves in my life, yet never finding one that can love me enough to be totally committed and devoted.

Coursework Or Research?

I caught up with an old friend who is now a Masters research scholar back in NIE. She was telling me to apply for a Masters degree too, and if I do not wish to do it full-time, I can always take the part-time course.

I did apply for a Masters in Education before, but somehow I was rejected. This comes from results being too poor. :-( So I told her I will finish up my Honours degree first, then see how from there.

She is on scholarship, so doing the programme full-time. If she is to do it part-time, it will be coursework-based rather than research-based. I wonder what is the difference? Is having a postgraduate degree by research better than one by coursework?

From what I gather, the syllabus is the same. Only the structure of the course is different. A coursework programme probably takes a shorter time to complete than one that is research-based.

I guess only the smartest ones can study a degree through research, as it takes commitment, brains, comprehensive understanding and knowledge of the subject matter and intensive reports to generate thesis after thesis after thesis. This is something which I do not think I can ever do.

If I am to take a postgraduate degree in the future, I will rather it be full assessment or coursework. No research and no examinations. I am so scared of all the research work done during my university years, and scared of all the examinations I have to take even in my current Honours programme.

What to do? I am such a lazy person. I do not like things which will eat away my brain cells. Ironic as it sounds since I seem to be juggling with so many things, but it is true. I like something more laid-back and enjoyable, not something which requires me to think and analyse.

Which probably explains why I refuse to do anything mathematical or science related, that, plus the fact that I am more of a right-brainer, so my analytical and scientific prowess are practically non-existent.

But which is better? Research or coursework degrees? To me, I do not think it is much of a difference since the ultimate goal is still to achieve a degree. In the end, it is the degree and results that matter, not how you studied it.

And since it is going to be the same qualifications, why not make it enjoyable and stress-free instead of studying so much and incur more stress? But this is just a lazy person’s opinion. I am sure many people have achieved their post-graduate qualifications through sheer hard work.

And for that, I salute them for having the determination and commitment to carry through, no matter how difficult.

The New Supreme Court

I am so tired lately, after having kept late nights at work the past week. Some inconsiderate clients pushed forward the deadline, so instead of one month, we now only have one week or so to prepare all the due diligence and closing documentation.

I am dealing more on overseas stuff, so in a way, it is more interesting than what I had been doing, as my experience only covers local work. But because the matter is overseas, it is hard to get the clients to sign the required documents.

More channels have to be involved as approvals have to be sought from every level. Thus, there are lots more documentation than normal, which explains why I am always the last one left in the office.

Will I be marked down for being inefficient or will I be promoted due to hard work and good attitude? At times, it is such a dilemma. When one stays late to clear work, some companies may view the employee as being too slow and inefficient. But when one does not stay, some companies will view as being not committed enough in the work.

I finally went for a blood test. The results are out. Shall I deem it as good news or bad news? The good news is that there is no disorder or abnormalities in my blood for now.

The bad news? The blood pressure is all-time low, blood count low, and my resistance level is not as strong, thus it takes the cells slower to generate fresh cells to fight against bacteria or other virus. Which explains why I am prone to anaemia and sickness, and will probably continue this way for the rest of my life.

I went to the new Supreme Court on Friday for a meeting. I did not have the fortune to go into the court(s) itself, but we had to meet our clients at the coffee house on the ground floor of the building.

From the surface and interior, it definitely looks much better than the old court. But then the old court with the dome is an icon of City Hall, just like the Padang, so for heritage sake, I hope the building will not be demolished or renovated, since it is already so rare to find something worthy of nostalgia.

When was the last time I went to the old court? I think it was last year, when I had to go to the Academy of Law office for an interview. I have only gone there a few times though, mostly to do volunteer work.

My second ex got me involved in a lot of law activities. For instance, I helped to usher when the Supreme Court was having an open house for the public. I also helped to convert law reports and verdicts from Word format into the web format during one of the school holidays.

My first trip to the old court was almost a decade ago when my class went to visit the then-newly-opened Technology Court. Later, I had to sit in for a case and write a report on my court visit.

I remember the case I sat in for was a drug-trafficking case. A pity I could not sit in for any murder cases. The accused looked really scary. The entire place had a very solemn atmosphere.

Contrary to what one sees on television and the movies, a real court case is actually very boring. The lawyers presented the case to the judge(s), and some lawyers spoke so softly that those sitting in could hardly hear a word.

My second ex accompanied me for this assignment. I also pulled along my best friend, who brought along her sister, and I brought along my first brother. We had to keep very very quiet when entering the courtroom, and even though we sat in for just half an hour, the atmosphere in the courtroom felt like death.

That was my first and last time I ever sat in for a court case. I had visited the old court several times since then, once during an educational outing when I was one of the delegates for the ASEAN Law Students’ Conference when it was held here.

Another time was when a few of us lunched with the Vice-President of the Singapore Academy of Law at the café there as a thank you lunch for the work we did uploading the law reports online.

And another time when a few of us had tea at the main hall with the Chief Justice himself to thank us for volunteering our time and services during the Supreme Court Open House.

Somehow I find the old court better than the new one. Maybe because the new court is just another typical new building, with advanced technology and modern architecture and facilities. I have not gone into the courtroom so I have no idea how different or same it is from the old court.

The old court, on the other hand, is like a building on its own, with its own formal but unique architecture. Even the interior feels more formal but awesome. Somehow I never did have that feeling when I stepped into the new court.

Singing "Career" No More

The audition results are out …. and I am out! Not totally unexpected, but still disappointed at the same time. The management sent me an email thanking me for going for the audition, but they feel that I am not “ready” enough for the chorus, so give them a call again next time when I am “ready”.

What do they mean by “ready” anyway? I know my voice is not as polished yet, but I am about to continue my voice lessons. And in terms of commitment and passion and the love of performing, I believe I am more ready than a lot of others.

After more than a year of performing with them, incurring my own time, travelling and food expenses, being kicked around and scolded when we were not up to standard, with no complains and claims as I like to perform, now I feel so cheated. Just like someone stabbed a knife into my back.

If it is really because I am not good enough, which honestly, I am not on par to a lot of others, then I will not feel so down. But then if I am not up to a certain standard, then why did the former Artistic Director passed my first audition in the first place? And she is the one who is opera-trained.

I am not questioning their judgment as the management does have some voice specialists on their panel, but still, if they think me not good enough to be a soprano, then I do not mind going to a Mezzo or an Alto even. Why kick me out totally?

And anyway, my stint in the chorus is more of a learning experience than anything else. I join because I can improve my voice technique and projection, and try to push myself to the fullest. It is the learning experience that really matters to me (that, and hanging out with the cool friends I made).

But now I am not even given a chance to continue my learning experience. How many people’s voices are really that polished anyway? Most of my friends have some sort of training before they can reach a certain standard.

If the panel is looking for natural singers, then perhaps only one percent really qualify, and even then, they will not be part of the chorus but in more major roles. Besides, we are only singing backup and extras, not the main part.

Some of my friends are rather unhappy at their parts too. Sopranos being placed as Altos, Tenors being placed as Bass. The entire chorus is going to be revamped… but honestly, I miss the older days where everyone is happier. It seems like a change in management is making a lot unhappy, as we do not even know what is going on now.

My friend told me that it is their loss, not mine, if they do not give me my due recognition. Oh well… whatever it is, at least now I have some extra time to do other things. Perhaps I can polish up my vocals a bit, then audition again.

Otherwise there are always other choirs around, like Singapore Youth Choir, Singapore Symphony Chorus and The Philharmonic Chamber Choir. But all these are semi-professional choirs where the entrance requirements are even more stringent. So I just have to hope for the best and see where I end up next.

Nu Skin = New Skin?

My first brother is taking over my dad's business soon, at least the one in China. My brother has been in China for years, ever since he graduated from Australia. He is now helping in the translation of products for my dad's business associate.

My friends ask me what business is my family running? Hard to answer actually, considering they have different types of business, ranging from medicine to retail to electronics to beauty products. I shall not disclose the types of business my other relatives are running. The only thing I am willing to disclose is that my dad owns the China branch of the Nu Skin Company.

For those of you who have not heard of Nu Skin, it is a range of beauty products made of mostly natural ingredients. I asked my dad why, of all things, he ventured into marketing beauty products as he used to handle other types of goods.

He said earning women's money is the best, as this is one industry that will never go out of business. As long as there are women around, there will be beauty products in demand. Hmmmm......

But these products are good. Tried and tested, by me, my mum, my aunt, my cousin, my dad (of course!), my brothers and a few of my dad's friends. It is the best range I have tried so far. Other cleansers take days to show the results, but for the Nu Skin Milk Cleanser, just after one or two applications, my skin is smoother and brighter!

The exfoliating scrub makes my face anew, and the Glacier Marine Mud Mask (the best mask I have ever used) made my skin brighter and perkier after one application. My youngest brother had a pimple problem last year, and after using the cleanser for a week, his skin is now smooth with no trace of breaking out. My mum actually looks younger and her fine lines have disappeared!

A lot of my friends have heard about Nu Skin, and they asked me to order from my dad for them. I mostly oblige them, since they are giving my dad business too, except for one.

That cheapskate guy once asked me to ask my dad for the whole range - Cleanser, Toner, Moisturiser, Body Cream, Mask and Scrub, but he wanted all free. He says that surely my dad would not charge my friends. Yeah right, dream on!

But this product range really works, for whatever skin type. It is good for oily skin, combination skin, normal skin, dry skin, even sensitive skin! No wonder it is called Nu Skin, as it really makes skin new!

Multiple Intelligences ....

I was net surfing when I came across a biography on Education Psychologist Howard Gardner and his Multiple Intelligence Theory. I remember I studied this topic back in NIE on how to adapt lesson plans to cater to the various intelligences, but in a real-life local classroom setting, it is still impossible to achieve for now.

According to Professor Gardner, there are eight types of intelligences – Linguistic Intelligence, Logical-Mathematical Intelligence, Musical Intelligence, Bodily-Kinesthetic Intelligence, Spatial Intelligence, Naturalist Intelligence, Interpersonal Intelligence and Intrapersonal Intelligence.

No one person will have all eight types of intelligences, not even a genius. However, it is a possibility for someone to have a few varieties out of the eight, although he / she will always have a dominant intelligence.

Linguistic Intelligence is essentially being word smart. People who are linguistically intelligent normally have a good flair of languages, and are able to write poems, articles, etc, very well. They normally end up as journalists, lawyers or translators. William Shakespeare was someone with linguistic intelligence.

Logical-Mathematical Intelligence is being number smart. People who are logical-mathematically intelligent are those who can analyse problems logically, investigate issues scientifically and carry out mathematical operations easily. They normally end up doing something scientific related, like Albert Einstein.

Musical Intelligence is being music smart. People who are musically intelligent are able to compose songs, appreciate musical patterns, and give great performances. They normally end up in the performing arts, like some great composers like Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.

According to Professor Gardner, apparently musical intelligence mostly exists together with those who are linguistically intelligent. I guess maybe in writing songs one must be both musically and linguistically intelligent before it can be a good piece in the first place.

Bodily-Kinesthetic Intelligence is being body smart, ie able to twist and turn their bodies in such a flexible way. People who are bodily-kinesthetic intelligent make excellent dancers, gymnasts and sportspeople. This intelligence does not exist in clumsy people, as every part of the body have to move in such graceful ways.

Spatial Intelligence is being pattern smart. People who are spatially intelligent are able to recognize patterns and pictures. They will be the first to pick up a different pattern in anything. These people normally end up in the visual arts, and become artists, sculptors, painters, etc, like Leonardo Da Vinci.

Naturalist Intelligence is being nature smart. People who are naturalists are able to recognize and draw upon different aspects of the natural environment. These people make good environmentalists or naturalists, like Charles Darwin with his evolution theory.

Interpersonal Intelligence is being social smart. These are the people who will shine in any social gathering. They have charisma, and able to sway people to their words. They have natural leadership abilities to bring people forward according to their visions. These people usually make good world leaders or politicians, like Adolf Hitler.

Intrapersonal Intelligence is being self smart. People who are intrapersonally intelligent are normally those who do a lot of self-reflection. They will write a lot in their journals, and often think aloud to themselves. These are those who make good philosophers, like Socrates, the father of western philosophy, or his student Plato, or his student Aristotle.

Although these are the right intelligences, Professor Gardner feels that there should be more. So he included three more intelligences in, but they are not officially in the list. They are Spiritual Intelligence, Existential Intelligence and Moral Intelligence.

Interesting theory indeed. Judging from the different people around excelling in the different areas, Professor Gardner is a genius indeed to develop this theory. Hmmm… I really like to find out which intelligence(s) do I have?

Point. Click.

I am not feeling well again. Dizziness, headaches, followed by nose bleed and excessive blood loss…. I always wonder why people can have nose bleed? Some attribute it to weather conditions, some sensitive nose, but for me, I never get a nose bleed.

My dad and brothers are the ones who get constant nose bleed, especially when the weather changes. Yet my nose had bled four times in a week. The blood just flows vigorously. If this continues, I may just bleed to death! I feel so sick that I cannot even focus on my work today, and there are lots of urgent matters this week.

I am seriously considering going for the blood test as the doctor suggested. Except I absolutely loath being pricked by a needle! My recent hospital stay where so many needles were poked into me is already more than I can bear. Besides, ignorance is bliss. If it is bad news, I rather not know and continue living my life the way I like.

How will life be like if there is a universal remote control to help us go forward, backward or freeze in time? A universal remote control that can literally controls our universe?

For me, I will want to rewind back to those days when I was going around with guys who did not care for me. I wish I could erase them out of oblivion with a click of a button. And I also wish I could erase all the bad memories from my mind.

If I had such a remote, I would want to freeze in time to the happy memories, moments where I felt good and fulfilled. And I would also want to freeze time in the future where a certain someone and I can spend our lives together, happily ever after.

I would like time to stand still, or at least have fifty hours a day, so I can have more time to do all the things I like without compromising on anything else. Mostly I will have more time to help out others more, especially those in real need of help.

But in the end, the remote may end up running my life. I will be a slave to it, rather than it being a slave to me. That is what happens in “Click”, where Adam Sandler discovered that family love and warmth is more important than anything else.

An important lesson to learn from there. One can do all the pointing and clicking to make technology work for us, but ultimately we should not become such a slave to technology that we end up losing everything else in the process.

Appreciate Everything You Have - Life Is Too Short!

I find this a very nice story.

One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live.

They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.

On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, “How was the trip?”

“It was great, Dad.”

“Did you see how poor people live?” the father asked.

“Oh yeah,” said the son.

“So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?” asked the father.

The son answered:

“I saw that we have one dog and they had four.
We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end.

We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night.

Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.

We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight.

We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.

We buy our food, but they grow theirs.

We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them.”

The boy’s father was speechless.

Then his son added, “Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are.”

Isn’t perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don’t have.

Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!

“Life is too short and friends are too few.”

A Book Of Passion?

So here I am, working late on a Friday night. I need to rush documents for the Indonesian clients tomorrow who are flying in in the evening. My boss has yet to confirm with me whether I need to be around, but from the looks of it, it seems I have to.

And if I do need to be in, it will be at 7:00pm in the evening. What an hour! I am so looking for an outing tomorrow after not seeing someone for a week, and now this has to happen!

I sincerely hope the clients will not take me for one of them (which always happens) and start speaking to me in their Native language, which, up to now, I can only speak a few sparse words here and there.

Ole Wolvie recommended me this book, and I must say it seems really useful from the look of it! Thank you very much! So much appreciated! :-)

I did the quiz, and realize I am a combination of quite a few, the Prophet and Lover being the dominant ones, followed by the Warrior and Creator, and lastly the Visionary. So it probably means I have no vision?

But this psychoanalysis test seems pretty accurate for once. At least it made me really dig into myself and realize what it is I thrive on and how I function.

Time to get the book soon! I cannot wait to read and follow the tips to be a better person and making things better, not just for me, but for everyone else.

Righting My Wrongs

I used to think people do not understand me enough, and I get rather offended if they try to do things which I do not like. I would flare up if people irritate me, despite knowing my likes and dislikes.

But upon realization, I start to think : perhaps I am the one who is not understanding enough. Perhaps I am the one who does not understand others, so I cannot ask of others to understand me.

If I truly understand a person, I will not feel so offended or hurt by his / her actions. I used to think why are some people so petty, that they can stay angry over a minor thing for weeks. But a minor thing to me can be a major thing to them.

I used to think that once I apologise all will be well. But sometimes even after I apologise, the person still remains angry. In this case, is it a case of misunderstanding or the person is really just petty?

I start to reflect on myself as a person, as a girlfriend, as a daughter, as a friend. Often I have felt frustrated over how my parents treated me, how I felt neglected by others. Perhaps I am the one not putting in enough effort.

Maybe I am the one not being flexible enough, not being understanding and reasonable enough. Perhaps I want others to follow the way I do things, which will be a big nightmare as in this case, I will morph into someone I hate.

Hence from now on, I will stop being so judgmental and inflexible. I will let others function the way they do instead of imposing my way on others. I will try to be more accepting of others’ differences.

Hopefully in this way, others can also accept me more as a person, instead of focusing on the wrongs I have done or not done.

Questions, Questions, Questions ....

Is it a habit of guys that they treat a girl so nicely during courtship, and once they confirm she is their girlfriend, they will stop being nice to her and start being hot and cold as and when? In that case, is it still worth it for a girl to put in so much in a relationship if the guy is probably only waiting for her to leave?

If the guy wants to leave in the first place, why does he not do so? Why must he give the girl undue misery and make her give up on him? So he can then say she left him instead of the other way round?

Shall a good guy cause his girl to shed tears over him? Shall he leave her emotionally detached and alone when she needs him around the most? Does he really love her deeply enough as he claims if he does not even want to let her know his whereabouts and his actions for the day, despite the numerous times she asked?

Shall a guy trust his girlfriend wholly, fully, implicitly and explcitly and not cause her undue worry by not contacting her for a day despite her numerous attempts to contact him? Shall he tell her everything, so she will not misunderstand and think of unnecessary things?

People may say the girl thinks too much, but honestly, if she does not treasure the love and relationship, does not love the guy and is totally and wholeheartedly in love with him, will she even bother having any reaction?

Is she too demanding then? Too unreasonable? Shall she be more understanding, and not ask any questions at all even if he never contacts her for a day? Is she justified to flare up then? Is it too much to ask for the guy to even be there for her and to share his happiness and problems with her so she can share in his feelings and emotions too?

A Failed Audition?

Another year has gone by, and my country is now forty-one years old. Not as old as the almost thousand-year history of England, and not as old as the more than two hundred years of American Independence, but at least we are an independent small country that tries its best in nation building.

No doubt lots of things have to be improved on, especially where the people are concerned, but in just a matter of forty years, it is already good enough to have been able to build up in such a short period of time.

I went for the choral audition yesterday, after postponing from last week. As expected, I think I botched it. :-( When I went in, there were a panel of judges, and I had to stand facing them with an accompanist on the piano.

I had to sing my first song "Think Of Me" together with the piano, then they tested my voice range, then sing my second song "On My Own" and finally the judges gave me a musical piece to sight-read.

The sight-reading was without accompaniment, which means I could only glance through the line for a minute, then sing the line according to the pitch, rhythm and tone. Not an easy feat!

With the judges all being trained in vocal performance and specialising in this area, I was so nervous when I went in! My hands were practically shaking, resulting in the paper vibrating!

When they tested my voice range, I managed to hit the highest E note. However my voice started cracking after the C, so when I tried hitting D and E, they were not projected very well. Darn! Just one more note to the F, the highest of the Soprano scale, yet I was not able to make it this critical moment!

What surprised me was that I could actually go very low. I managed to reach the lowerst D-minor note, something I have never done before! I always thought I could never go lower than a middle C, and anything lower was a struggle to me, thus I could never sing any song in low pitch. Yet somehow I managed to go so low yesterday.

It was not the highest I ever reached, since I had reached the highest F note before, but it was definitely the lowest I have reached. Almost one octave lower than normal. In this case, will they make me sing Alto then? I am not comfortable singing in low range, having been "trained" to sing higher range.

I was the first to be auditioned, since I was the leftover from last week. But when I went in, I never expected it to be this way. I thought it was just singing to the pianist and choral director, as was in other voice placement tests. But the scenario was worse than musical examinations and Singapore Idol!

At least in music examinations, you just go to the piano and start playing, you do not need to face the examiners. In Singapore Idol, you just need to sing a ca pella any pop song, not any of those harder musical songs!

Somehow I am not that hopeful this time round, since there are much stronger singers than me. Some of my choral mates are involved in other choirs as well. The Lyric Opera Chorus is not the only chorus they are in.

Besides, their voices are more polished, since a lot of them receive formal voice training, and there are stronger soprano voices as well. WIth competition like this, I sure do not stand a chance!

After the audition, my friends and I went to eat dinner, and enjoyed the sound of the fireworks at the same time. It had been quite some time since I last hung out with them. Really miss their company. It was good to go out and enjoy again with this cool group. Being around artistic people is really different!

What Are My Values?

Got this from Angie's post. Tried to do it for fun, and the result is amazingly accurate. Once again, I feel as if she and I are so much alike!

Your Values Profile

Loyalty: You value loyalty highly. You're completely devoted to your friends and family. Even if they totally screw up, you're still there for them. Just make sure they're equally loyal to you! Honesty: You value honesty highly. You're unflinchingly honest, even when it's not easy. For you, integrity is very important - in yourself and others. People may not always like what you say, but they know they can trust it. Generosity: You value generosity highly. So much so that you often put your own needs last. There's nothing wrong with having a caring heart... But you may want to rethink your "open wallet" policy. Humility: You value humility highly. You have the self-confidence to be happy with who you are. And you don't need to seek praise to make yourself feel better. You're very modest, and you're keep the drama factor low. Tolerance: You value tolerance highly. Not only do you enjoy the company of those very different from you... You do all that you can to seek it out interesting and unique friends. You think there are many truths in life, and you're open to many of them.

The Five Factor Values Test

Of Good Company Culture

I thought my company would have a half day today, but that is not the case. We still have to work a full day. Come to think of it, the government teaches us to be patriotic and love our country, yet we are not even given full or half a day off on the eve of our country’s birthday?! :-(

Once again, the big flag is hanging over my driveway, in spite of all the renovation and scaffolding around my house. Is it my imagination or do I see lesser flags this year? It used to be when flags decorated the windows of flats and apartments, but somehow the feeling of patriotism is no longer there.

After the various interviews I have attended, in big companies, medium companies, small companies, established companies, and “obscure” companies, I have thought of the “perfect” type of company culture from my observations.

Generally, bigger and more established companies will have a better culture, more structured system and prospects for growth and development. Obviously, the pay package and benefits are better.

Employees can get a better starting salary, with bigger bonuses, more annual leave, medical and dental benefits, training and upgrading opportunities, and wider gain in knowledge and enrichment. Employees are more specialized in their area of work.

Which is why I like to work in a big company. Most of them function on five-day work weeks, and they really believe in balancing work and family life, instead of selling your life to your work alone. Besides, if I ever leave, it will look good on my resume and other employers will have a better impression if I have worked in an established firm.

The only downside to working in a big established company is that employees must perform beyond expectations, and the bosses normally have very high expectations.

Besides, being in a big company may face more politics and bureaucracy, so there will be lots of red tape to go through to get anything done, which ultimately takes a long time and the level of efficiency may drop. That probably explains why the big company has not gotten back to me regarding my job offer.

Small companies, on the other hand, are messier. Some do not have a proper system or structure. Due to this, everyone multi-tasks. One may need to take on the role of a manager, human resource executive, accountant, financial controller, supervisor, etc. One ends up doing everything.

Employees may get to learn more, but they do not become really specialized. Besides, working in a small company may not have as much annual leave, salary, bonus and benefits. There may also not be much welfare and prospects as well.

But the environment may be cosier and more homely, since small companies consist of a handful of people the most. And there may not be as much politics and bureaucracy as compared to a bigger company.

Medium companies seem to be in between, not as bureaucratic and political as a big company, but not as laid-back as a small company. I have worked in all – big, medium and small companies, and I still like it best in a big or medium company.

Whatever the culture, I guess it all depends on the companies themselves how they want to adapt the culture and policies. And it also depends on how adaptable employees can be.

A good and successful company, in my opinion, is one that gives the employees a sense of security, belonging and happiness, that employees are willing to stay and passionate about the work.

A Lucky Day?

Today is the 8th of August. 88. In Chinese context, it is a lucky number, a lucky day, But then today it happens to be the fifteenth day of the Hungry Ghost month, so maybe it is not that lucky after all.

Today could have been my youngest brother’s birthday. Since he was by caesarian birth, my mum chose the 8th of August 1988 for his date of birth. Being born in the Dragon year, with a birth date like 8888, he will be a lucky shining star, which incidentally seems to be just the case.

My brothers’ birth dates were all chosen, ever since my mum’s gynaecologist had to do an emergency caesarian on her in order to remove me from her womb. I was three weeks overdue. I was supposed to be born on 1st October, but came out only about three weeks later.

Just as well, since I like my date of birth. Very nice number! And incidentally corresponded with the day in the lunar calendar when the Goddess of Mercy found enlightenment. So to my parents, it was a special day on the day I was born.

My first brother was chosen to be born on Vesak Day – the day of Buddha’s birthday. So my parents made all our birth dates special. My mum hoped that one day I could be “chosen by Kuan Yin” to, well, not sure for what actually, but then I chose to convert.

If I can choose next time, I will also like my kids to be born on special days. Hopefully one during Christmas, one during Good Friday or Easter, one during the Feast of the Virgin Mary. But as what always happens, things do not go my way always.

My First Slimming Treatment

I went for my first slimming treatment last week. It was only a twenty-minute session, where I was hooked onto a machine and could feel my fats being drained away. The consultant was really systematic.

Before the start of the session, I had to take my weight. After a week of cutting down on food, I have not shed a single kilo! :-( Then the consultant used a measuring tape and measured the part of the body going to be treated, made markings and indicated the length (or circumference?).

Then I was hooked onto the machine and feel electricity currents being charged into my body. I felt like vibrating all over. Even after the session, my entire body felt like vibrating!

When the machine was unhooked, my measurements were taken again, and apparently, I had decreased by one to two centimeters all around. Wonder if that is true?

However, I still need to drop 6% body fat before I can be deemed normal. After supposedly cutting down by one to two centimeters, I have only shed 0.3% body fat? Then how long can I take to shed 6%?

I am cutting down a lot on rice, soft drinks and candy. And to me, it is a rather big sacrifice. Hopefully I can shed off more soon, then I can really be slim and svelte by Christmas or even earlier!