Looking Back On My Years ....

As I was thinking back on my life so far, especially the later part of this year, I realise I have changed, and grown. I am much less emotional now. Where in the past I would rave and rant about everything and anything (maybe now I still do), but I have become a calmer person.

My parents and friends are happy that I have finally mature, finally grown up, since I do not let many things affect me anymore. Perhaps it is true that once you have gone past certain things, you will become a stronger person.

This applies especially in love and relationships. When I thought back about the first time I broke up with someone, I was in such a big mess that I could hardly concentrate on anything else. If not for the support of good friends, I would never have picked myself up.

The next time I broke up was a messier affair. It was conveyed through a third party, and when I finally met him for the last time, I was at my best friend's cousin's chalet to celebrate her twenty-first birthday, and he dropped by for a while.

We went out to the swimming pool to talk, to give him the camera, and he took one last picture of me. Then before he left, he still gave me a final peck on the lips and a final hug. It is but a bittersweet memory, and still trigger tears in my eyes come to think of it.

Actually from then on, if I have made up my mind there and then on the type of person I wanted and not settle for anything off, I could have saved myself a lot of heartache. I guess I did not want the situation where I go for someone I do not like or who does not like me. So I ended up doing so much more and get disappointed in the end.

However, the next break up was less messy, because I made the decision that he was not the one I wanted to be with for life. So I made the decision to call the whole thing off, and even though tears were shed, I was in a much better state.

The one after that was equally calm and collected. I should have done that long ago, but kept holding on for whatever perverse reason. When the last straw finally came, I told him I wanted to stop seeing him, and then stopped all contact just like that.

This year, I suddenly realise that it is not that hard to find someone who fits what I look for. And I also realise that if the guy is really interested, he will do a lot without me doing much. I have already met two like this, and even though we dated briefly and things did not work out in the end, I had such a fantastic time with both of them because I could really feel their enthusiasm and interest.

So the only thing that is missing is feelings and a deeper connection. Once that is fulfilled, all will come into place. And that is what I yearn for in the new year - someone to see, someone who wants to continue seeing me and who is into me, and whom things will actually work out in the long run.

And I also realise one more thing. Breaking up or stop seeing someone is not necessarily a bad thing. There should be no tears or emotions; rather it just needs a handshake and a promise to remain friends.

Because breaking up is not just the end of a relationship that may not go anywhere; but rather the chance of the beginning of a new relationship that will actually go somewhere. When one door shuts, a new and better one will open.

At the same time, I look back on myself, and think if I have any qualities which men like. Feedback from the two brief dates I had was that they both think I am a talented person, someone with many interests (as affirmed by my best friend), and they felt I may find them too boring for my liking.

Well, I do not believe I am that bad a person. I do not smoke, drink (unless the occasion calls for it), cuss, swear, gamble, buy lottery. I can cook and bake, and like nothing better than cooking and baking for the people I love.

I can play the piano and electone, sing, dance (not that I am that expert), play tennis, squash, bowling and pool (again, not that I am that expert too). I read, write and indulge in stimulating games and activities. I like to travel and see the world.

I like eating, so will go out to find the best places for the best food. That does not need to be at posh restaurants all the time; I am equally happy with just mere simple hawker fare as long as it is nice. I enjoy simple things in life like a walk along the beach at night, or just a stroll in the park.

I am equally happy staying home reading, watching television or discs or just playing the piano and indulging in classical music or slow rock, as well as going for musicals and concerts to appreciate fine works of art, performance and literature.

I care deeply for others, especially those who are really worth it. I am willing to lend a helping hand and a listening ear. I enjoy family gatherings as much as friends gatherings. I give all to the person I really love. I am filial to my parents and respectful to my elders and peers.

The only quirks I have is that I can be moody and bad-tempered (although that has been cut down a lot lately), and I get highly excited over cute things and chocolate. So in essence, I believe I am a good girl, one who is a girl-next-door and does not fool around, one who is not as interesting as others but not as boring too.

So am I really that unlikeable or unlovable? Only God knows. Thus I have been praying for God's guidance the past few days. To find someone I want and whom He wants for me. And I am not going to be involved with anyone ever again unless that person is the right one.

New Year's Resolution

Now that it is the end of the year, I have to start putting my life back in perspective. Honestly, what have I done this year, or these two years in fact? It is time to be focused on what I want out of life, especially since the coming year brings about the end of one decade and the beginning of another, so I cannot afford to be wishy-washy and frivolous anymore.

So what do I want in the coming year (and the years ahead)? Besides my job which I am trying to cope with, the next thing is my studies. I will be taking more modules in the coming semester, so I have to be focused and manage my time better.

I also have to grow religiously, which means I have to get more involved in church and parish activities and talk more to church-going friends. Perhaps I can sound my friend out on helping him out with the church activities he is involved in.

There will also be the normal resolution of improving my relations with my family members and spending more time with them. Just like on New Year's Day itself, we will be attending the first birthday of my cousin's baby. Time really flies, he is one year old already!

Next, I hope to get my driving license before the end of the year, which means I must be more disciplined in my driving lessons and advance theory test, so as to pass hopefully at the first try. An Auto car should be easier than a Manual car I guess.

2008 will also be a music year. I resolve to spend more time on piano playing, something which I have done in only bits and pieces the past couple of years. Playing the piano is therapeutic, and a good way to unlease frustrations and vexations, especially when the song touches the inner core of one's emotions.

But the main thing I hope for more than anything else? Finding the one special person to know, to grow with, to settle down with. Someone whom I want and whom God wants for me. Someone who is into me and who fits my ideal criteria. I know he is definitely somewhere, out there, waiting for both of us to find each other.

Which means I must be more selective and choosy and discerning, instead of just trying out with anyone who deems potential. That person must be the only one I can actually foresee a future with, a soulmate and one whom I want to continue seeing and vice versa.

Thus, 2008 will be a year of focus, discipline, religion, family and hopefully love. Now that the end of the year has come and a new year is approaching, I have finally found my direction in life and will work towards it. This will be the first time I actually make a resolution and ensure I stick to it at all costs!

Relationship Feelings ....

I have been doing a lot of thinking the past couple of days. I had been both lucky and unlucky on the two brief occasions this year, that I got to meet really eligible and wonderful single guys who share my interests, attitudes and values and whom we can potentially go further with, but then either the feelings were not there or our characters just clash.

Come to think of it, when was the last time I was in a real relationship? Not that it is a good thing or that I am noting a memoir of how many relationships I have had and failed, but I really miss the feeling of being in a real relationship. Not counting the "fake" one where I was involved with a certain fellow whose status is ambiguous.

The only real relationship I consider would be the one where I almost married the guy. Because both of us gave a lot into the relationship, gave our time, our commitment, and time to our families. That was the relationship that was really set to go somewhere, but then ....

The thing is that I never had a guy who is into my family as well as into me, so I really yearn for that kind of relationship where the guy is nice to my family and extended members. He will join me in my family gatherings, help out my parents and family members, nice to my friends.

For instance, if we go travelling, he will drive us to the airport and see us off, and receive us when we return. If I am to have a family gathering, he will come along and help out in the food or other things. Or if a close friend has a housewarming or party, he and I will be there early to help out, with no questions asked.

This applies on my part too. I will blend in with his family members, offering to cook and help out during mealtimes, go out with them, clean the place for them. When they go travelling, I will see them off and receive them. I will help out at his family and friends' gatherings.

I miss the feeling of walking along the beach hand in hand, sitting on the breakwater just leaning against each other, or playing tennis and sweating together, or just holding hands in the cinema or theatre. I miss the feeling of a peck on the cheeks or lips, hugging and kissing someone whom I have very strong feelings for and vice versa.

Mostly, I relish the feeling of selecting and getting a place of our own, picking out furniture and decorating the place together, experiencing life together as a partnership in one. Someone I want to live with, cook for, keep the house for, go home to, sleep with (not in that sense in case your thoughts are running wild!) and bring up children with.

Yes, I miss and relish all those feelings. The last time I ever had feelings like these was way back in 2002. Since then, I have wasted enough time and energy meeting the wrong kinds of people, which is why I am now in this state.

I am not going to be in another futile relationship. When I say relationship, it is not a mere just seeing each other and trying out, but a confirmed relationship that will end up in marriage. I am getting tired of all the "wrong signals" I have received (and perhaps given).

I no longer have the energy to keep trying out and seeing how things go, because if things do not go anywhere, it is another tiring process altogether. Which is why I need to be very selective in meeting the right kinds of people.

No longer will I continue meeting people who may in the end not be potential. I will only agree to continue seeing someone if it is a mutual feeling that we can carve a beautiful future together. I am keeping my hopes high that the one right person will enter my life soon!

Trying To Find My Direction

It had been two sleepless nights. There were simply too many things on my mind. In fact at the time of this entry, my house is still dark as everyone else is still sleeping. To be really shallow, I never expected to be so lucky in every sense of the word, but on a more serious note, it is time I stop being frivolous and start being focused on what I really want out of life.

Yet all of a sudden, I seem to have lost my direction in life. Things were good and smooth sailing on Christmas, I thought for once I can make a resolution and stick to it, but now somehow I have lost my direction. My resolution was geared towards something, towards a better future, but that is now non-existent.

Come to think of it, am I really such a bad person? Someone so unlikeable or unlovable? Or perhaps I really am resigned to not being able to find the right person. The thing is that I know what I want and what I do not want.

I want a perfect fit, but I also know that there is no perfection, as nobody is perfect. So the only thing is to find the best there is and then adapt and resolve differences along the way via communication and tolerance.

I am looking for my ideal husband, but at the same time I know that I need not even set out any criteria because if the guy is really true to me, he will become the ideal person without even needing to fulfil anything.

People say I am not that old, but truth be told, I am not that young as well. Like what my best friend and I both agreed on, it is the time to be choosy and selective and not go with just any mere person, which is why I am discerning in what I want and look for. A pity in most cases the feeling is not mutual.

My mum, my cousin, my best friend, even my brothers especially, are so worried for me. They are worried I will be left on the shelf as age goes by. My mum said she hopes I can find a good match within these couple of years and settle down, then she can at least set her heart at ease.

I know perfectly well this is not something to crave for as when the time comes, things will happen naturally. The question is, do I have long to wait? Time is not really on my side anymore as I plan to settle down and have a family by the stipulated deadline I set myself.

Meanwhile, I have two more days until the end of the year to sort out my thoughts and see which direction to head, and to make a resolution to stick to it. It is time to be more focused indeed.

A Delusion (Yet Again!)

Just when I was in a happy mood on Christmas and looking forward to a wonderful new year, it is nothing but a delusion. For that, my Christmas wish which I thought came true did not materialise after all. Oh well....

And for that, I am taking a break, not from blogging, but from my social life per se. I am retreating into my shell and will not be emerging until things are all set and confirmed going somewhere. Meanwhile, I shall see how things go with some other people.

Breaking Down My Barrier

I hate myself, seriously really hate myself. I thought it was such a wonderful feeling being detoxed and purged of all negativity. In the end, I only created a barrier around myself to prevent myself from getting hurt, and that makes me emotionless, superficial and come across as being insincere.

Honestly, I never thought I will say this, but I prefer myself in my old emotional state. At least I was able to feel more, to care more, to be more in tuned with my deepest emotions. Now, all I come across as is superficial and unreal, without even realising it.

I never meant for things to be this way. I want to remain positive no matter what happens. I want to be guarded to protect myself and others from hurting me. But I never ever want to stop feeling, or stop caring. The last thing I ever want is for others to be hurt due to my actions.

Now that the year is coming to an end, I will resolve to be myself again, to be more in tuned with my deepest emotions, and start caring and feeling again, breaking down the barrier instead of remaining so emotionless. I have to improve and I will improve.

A Blessing In Jade

I was so cooped up about being happy that I totally forgot to mention that my parents are back. They have been back since last Thursday morning, and brought back a few very beautiful Chinese landscape paintings!

My mum gave my brothers and me a jade piece each, as an accessory to hang on our cellphones. Mine is in the shape of a human heart, with a bat on top. My mum said she specially got that for me as the heart represents love, the bat luck and the whole piece represents happiness. So she hopes I can have luck in finding true love and happiness.

Well.... little is she to know that jade piece really works! Or perhaps it is just a coincidence?

Have Yourself A Merry (Belated) Christmas!

Merry (belated) Christmas everyone! And a Happy Boxing Day! As one can probably tell, I am in an extremely good mood today. It had been a magical Christmas indeed, one of the happiest I ever had, and I have not had a happy Christmas for a while already.

Christmas Eve I went to a Christmas party / gathering of sorts, and had great food! There was turkey, ham, spaghetti, roast chicken and some of the other Christmas goodies. Then we went to midnight mass at the Cathedral.

I initially thought of going there to hear the choir, but I did not expect the crowd. We had to stand throughout. Christmas midnight mass is normally a little longer than normal masses, so we stood for about one and a half hours. Luckily I did not have any blackout spells this time round for standing so long. The choir was good as usual though.

After mass, we took a drive round Orchard area to see the lights. Somehow the decorations this year are not as nice as previous years. Even the lights are not as spectacular as those from previous years. Perhaps the budget has been cut?

Christmas Day, I re-watched "Love Actually". I never fail to cry after the show, especially the full-length edition. I still find it so heartwarming, despite watching it a few times now. And the song at the end "All I Want For Christmas Is You" reflected my exact sentiments!

Christmas Night, we had a magical time at the beach. It was a perfect night to go moon-gazing, because there was a real round moon on Christmas Night itself. Double blessing I think, to have a full moon on Christmas Day.

We sat by the jetty gazing up at the moon, watching the planes fly by and counting the stars. There were a few bright sparkling stars in the sky, and I could not help but recite the nursery rhyme :

Star Light, Star Bright
First Star I see tonight
I wish I may
I wish I might
Have the wish
I wish tonight.

And you know what? Wishes do come true after all! My Christmas wish came true for me! I am not going to divulge much at this time, all will be said in time to come, but I believe you can draw your own inference what transpired. :-p

It is going to be a wonderful year ahead! :-)

All I Want For Christmas .... Is You

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree

I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true ...
All I want for Christmas
Is you ..... yea yea

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
(and I) Don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree

I don't need to hang my stocking
There upon the fireplace
Santa Claus won't make me happy
With a toy on Christmas day

I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas ...
Is you... You baby

Oh I won't ask for much this Christmas
I won't even wish for snow
(and I) I'm just gonna keep on waiting
Underneath the mistletoe

I won't make a list and send it
To the North Pole for Saint Nick
I won't even stay awake to
Hear those magic reindeer click

'Cause I just want you here tonight
Holding on to me so tight
What more can I do
Baby all I want for Christmas is You
You baby

All the lights are shining
So brightly everywhere (so brightly yea)
And the sound of children's
Laughter fills the air

And everyone is singing (oh yea)
I hear those sleigh bells ringing
Santa won't you bring me the one I really need ....
Won't you please bring my baby to me

Oh I don't want a lot for Christmas
This is all I'm asking for
I just want to see baby
Standing right outside my door

Oh I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Baby all I want for Christmas is You
(You) baby

All I want for Christmas is you baby .... (repeat)

~ All I Want For Christmas Is You (Mariah Carey)

A Trip To The Dentist

Finally I went to the dentist today (yesterday actually), after procrastinating for the past couple of years. And my teeth seem to be in quite a bad state, as the dentist said I have been using the wrong techniques in brushing my teeth, resulting in weak gums and a not-so-polished inner teeth surface.

Apparently, the way which our primary school dental nurse taught us in brushing the teeth was wrong, as that would hurt the gums, after we switched from a smaller toothbrush to a bigger toothbrush.

The dentist told me to use only a quarter of the toothbrush instead of the full toothbrush while brushing the outer surface, and for the teeth on the inner surface, we have to hold the brush and brush in an upward motion for each individual tooth, instead of holding the brush in a horizontal way.

How to determine if the teeth are clean? It is the texture, not the colour. Teeth need not be sparkling pure white to be clean, but the texture should be smooth and shiny, and not matte and rough. After she had polished and scaled my teeth, I ran my tongue around them and they feel so smooth and look so shiny! A real big difference!

This dentist is really good. Unlike the previous dentists I saw where I felt pain whenever they tried to polish and scale my teeth, this dentist is gentle yet firm at the same time. The result? I felt a tingling sensation, but no pain at all.

At the end of the treatment, my lower molars felt numb, and the numbing sensation is still subsistent right now, but the numbing is due more to the sensitivity of the gums resulted from the wrong way I had been brushing my teeth than anything else.

So from now on, I have to monitor the way I brush my teeth, and not to grind my teeth whenever I feel stress and upset! Then perhaps I can finally have a sparkling smile for once!

A Good Cabbie, At Last!

After all the complaints about nasty cabbies, for once in a long while, I met a very nice cabbie on Wednesday night. I had to rush an urgent document to the DHL service centre near the airport, so I hitched a cab to go down.

When I reached there, I asked politely if the cabbie could wait for me. He said he had already registered the meter, so I would have to pay the fare. However, he offered to restart the meter and wait for me, since it was quite a deserted area and hard to get cabs there.

He even told me to pay him later and settled what I needed to do first! So I took the document right to the plane and let the customer service agent record it, then went back to the cab. I paid the original fare and got the receipt so I could claim from my company later. Then he restarted the meter and drove me home.

Now, why can other cabbies not be like that? At least this cabbie knows what is customer service! Now with the recent exorbitant fare hikes, I wish more cabbies can be as nice and good, because it really made my day after a long frustrating work day!

Work Frustrations!

It had been a mad rush the whole week. On Wednesday night, I had to personally rush down to the DHL service centre in order to courier out an urgent document. On Thursday (a public holiday), I had to go down to one of the hotels to meet a client together with my boss.

The meeting was a waste of time, in my opinion. What the client queried on were not legal questions, but general sales questions. So in this case, why could the sales team not handle them, instead of pushing the client to us and making us work extra on a public holiday, and a really wet day at that?

Initially, the client was so eager to sign the contract and get things done, so I promised to work on it the moment I returned to the office the following day (Friday). However, when I went into the office on Friday, I saw an email from the client saying that he would like to pull out. So irritating, made us waste our time for nothing!

The worst thing is that just when our massive overseas project was about to be completed, now there are more screw ups along the way, and even though my boss was on leave on Friday, I got thoroughly screwed by his usual crude remarks. Why do people keep blaming me whenever things go wrong when I was not kept in the loop for a lot of matters?

I am trying so hard to complete as many things as possible so we can settle as many things as possible by year end, yet if people on the other side are not being cooperative, why do I get arrowed then? At this rate, I may be jobless again on New Year. :-(

Spreading Some Christmas Cheer

It had been a busy week, with carolling and rushing of deadlines at work. I have been intending to update more on carolling, but it had been one hell of a week. Anyway the carolling is officially over after two days and one week (almost) of practices. I still prefer the one two years back when we really went to sing for the old folks door to door. That is more meaningful, in my opinion.

How did I get into the carolling this time? It was actually because of a last minute request. I do not know if it is a sign, but when I was at the Curry Favor restaurant last Sunday, my friend sent me a message. Before that he knew I was feeling a little unwell, so he sent me a message asking how I was.

We started chatting and he asked if I had gone to church, since he was thinking of going to the Novena Church that evening, then join his group's Music Ministry for carolling practice after that.

Since I had not been to church that day due to the Boys Brigade Charity event, and since I happened to be very near to Novena Church, I offered to join him for mass, and after that, he got me involved in the carolling.

My first practice was last Sunday itself. The keyboardist left halfway, and word got out that I could play, so I was asked to stand in, without any preparation. I was so nervous that my fingers were practically shaking! Luckily I am quite familiar with Christmas carols, so I played mostly by ear, without the scores.

Some of the songs were a little high-pitched, and it seemed that I was the only one who could reach anything beyond a high C, so I had to do some transposition before the rest of the singers could keep up.

Anyway, practice went well that day, and we had another practice on Monday. Then the carolling performance started on Friday (yesterday), where we sang for residents of a certain neighbourhood. A little balcony was set up in a field, and we performed there.

Today, we sang at a condominium to the residents, as there was a sort of Christmas party going on, but the singing was called off halfway due to the sudden downpour. We then proceeded to the clubhouse for drinks and food.

The Member of Parliament of that constituency came to join in the party and the singing, and we got to shake hands with him and took photos together! What an honour! And a very good-looking and charming man as well!

Before we left, one of the members of the Music Ministry said I performed very well, just like a natural on stage. She asked if I would like to join them full time, as they really need good performers. I said I would have to consider, as with school starting in January, I am not sure how committed I can be.

But the happy thing is that we managed to spread some cheer to the various residents. And I have not lost my touch after all!

Curry-ing Favo(u)r ....

Curry Favor is a Japanese fusion type restaurant, specialising in Japanese Green curry. We went there for lunch on Sunday after the charity event. The menus consist of meals with curries, bento sets and Japanese green tea.

I ordered a Cheese Fish Curry set, which consists of rice, chopped red chilli, and fish fillet fingers stuffed with cheese. The curry comes in a small jug which we pour over the dish. I ordered the regular curry, but later on I realise that I should have ordered the spicy one, since the regular curry is not spicy at all! It tastes more like the mashed potato sauce instead!

The food is good though, although the service is a little slow. I was so hungry that I ate everything on my plate! Then I felt so full that I need not eat anything else for the rest of the day!

Reaching Out To The Elderly

The charity event got off to a good start. We met at the Boys Brigade Headquarters around 11:00am, and Ms Violet paired us up randomly. Those who did not drive were paired up with those who drive. The drivers had to line their cars in a U-shaped, from outside the building to the inside, where the boys brought out plastic bags full of food stuff and told us where to go.

It seems to be a much-hyped event, since I saw a reporter and a cameraman interviewing some of the people. Apparently, the event was telecast on the news that night, but luckily I did not have any "few seconds of fame", so to speak.

My partner and I were assigned five places. Four were in the same block, with three on the same level, and one was in a nearby neighbourhood. The blocks we went to are one-room flats, seem to be catered for the elderly.

Which makes me wonder, what happened to their families? Or did they have no families? It is rather sad for an elderly to live on his / her own without anyone to take care of and vice versa. What if he / she suffers a fall and pass on just like that? It will be ages before anyone knows! It makes me more determined never to live my life like this - all alone without a companion in the world.

We had to ensure the person stipulated in the slip was home before we could deliver the food stuff. Each person is entitled to two packets. The packets are heavy indeed! Imagine the packets contain oil, rice, noodles and other foodstuff, which amounted to about ten kilograms per packet! I could hardly carry any, so the guy I paired up with carried all for me.

Some of the people were not in, thus we were unable to deliver the stuff. Those whom we managed to deliver the stuff successfully were grateful to us. I see the conditions which they are staying in and I feel really sad for them. The flats are one-roomed, so the living and bedroom is combined, with just a kitchen and bathroom at the back.

Facing one of the blocks are a row of houses, big, three-storey houses. What a mix! On one side, derelict one-roomed flats where the corridors are too dim to see properly, the other side, big houses with big balconies where we could see the residents enjoying themselves.

I wonder if those old folks staying in the flats ever gaze out of their windows and wonder what the lives of the residents in those houses are like? And I also wonder if those residents in those houses ever gaze out from their big balconies and wonder if they need to lend a helping hand to those folks in the one-room flats?

But knowing people, they just go about living their own lives, without really bothering about what goes on around them.

A Satisfying Sunday

It had been a busy yet fulfilling Sunday. In the morning, I joined a group of people to deliver food stuff to elderly. We met at the Boys Brigade Headquarters, as the event was organised by the Boys Brigade as part of a Christmas Charity event.

After making the rounds, we went to a Japanese fusion restaurant for lunch. Then I did some shopping before meeting my friend for church. After church, I went for a carolling session before going home.

In a nutshell, it had been one of the busiest and yet most satisfying Sundays I ever had!

A House Warming

It had been a great day! I spent the afternoon with my best friend and her new husband, attending a housewarming party at their new home. They have moved to a rather out of the way neighbourhood, but their place is nice!

The interior decoration is simple yet classic, cosy and homely. She is a real good housekeeper, considering their home is clean, neat and tidy. I praised her for being such a good homemaker, and she said that she is sure I can be one too once I get married (if I get married, that is).

I brought the cake I baked over to their home. They have catered food for about thirty, but since the gathering is only for close friends on both sides, it is not a big group, considering most of her friends are unable to make it.

Some of our friends whom she invited are overseas, my ex has a long flight, and the rest either have to spend time with their families or having company retreats. In the end, only his friends came and she called her parents and sisters down to help eat the food.

It had been really long since I last saw her family, so we started catching up a little. Her parents look older than I remember, but then the last time I actually saw them was way back in 2002 at her cousin's twenty-first birthday celebration!

I was the first to arrive there and the latest to go. I reached their place earlier so I could help out a bit as well as to chat and catch up. The food from the caterers are good too! The guests praised the food and my cake, which gave me a sense of achievement!

There was plenty of food left so she packed a few packets for me to bring home for my brothers. In this way, my maid does not need to cook since my parents are still away. I really envy them - able to create a warm cosy home together. I feel so happy for them! The housewarming is a house warming indeed!

Chalking Up Brownie Points ....

I received a Christmas card from my child! She drew and wrote it herself, wishing me and my family a merry Christmas and a happy New Year! Once again, I feel so warm and good. Makes me feel like doing more good things for others!

Just as well tomorrow I will be off to spread some Christmas cheer with a few others, bringing food and gifts to old folks. I have not done any form of community service ever since the carolling session two years back, and I do not want to have a quiet Christmas this year like last year.

Hopefully we can put smiles back to the elderly!

A Night At The Beach

It had been so long since I went to the beach, especially at night. There was a period of time when the school I attended is just next to the beach, so sometimes after school some friends and I would go wandering around the beach area.

I always wanted to stroll along the beach at dusk, seeing the sun setting in the sea, and looking at the twilights of the horizon. Somehow I have never seen the sun setting on the beach, at least not here. It will be such a warm feeling enjoying the sunset on the beach with a loved one.

Strolling along the beach at night is one of the most wonderful things in the world! It helps one to relax, gives a tranquil and peaceful feeling. Putting footprints in the sands of time, gazing at the sea on a breakwater, looking at the ships and planes flying by, enjoying the cool breeze, counting the stars, communing with nature, having good company .... the feeling is really out of this world!

The only thing missing is a round full moon to gaze at. Oh well, one cannot ask for perfection!

The Age Factor

A few weeks back, a friend was asking if I still look for the age factor to deem someone as potential. If she has asked me that a few years back, even last year, I would say yes. At that point in time, I saw many guys my age being rather childish and uncommitted. (That is not to say guys in their thirties are any way more mature or committed too.)

I come to realise that maturity is not in the age, but the mind and behaviour. One can be forty but still behave like a prick, whereas one can be twenty but already knowing what he wants and ready to settle down. It all depends on the person I guess.

Come to think of it, age is never really a factor for me. Of course, I do prefer older guys, but that is not to say I will never consider someone younger. If two persons get together and know each other well enough and develop feelings for each other to go on to the next stage, age should not be a factor, should it?

Like what my friend says, if she is really so inflexible over her criteria of an older and taller guy, then she would never be with her current boyfriend, who is shorter and younger. For me, as long as the guy is not shorter than me that is all that matters. Age wise there is really no preference as long as we can get along well, enjoy each other's company and spark off something beautiful.

Many girls I know always insist on guys being a certain age range, as girls always want someone older to look up to. There have been girls my age going out with a middle aged guy (those single and available ones, not the other types who cheat).

There are also girls who insist the guy must earn a certain income range, or work in a certain occupation. All these for me are really immaterial. What I look for is the character, brains and compatibility, yet people say my criteria is too high to meet. And one more - he must be single. I am never going to take that kind of risk again of going out with someone who is ambiguous about his status.

Hmmm... if I do not find age, occupation, income level and height a problem, why is it still too high to meet? This can be just anyone on the streets. Perhaps it just so happens many guys I come across are those I really cannot click with or else they are already attached or married? There are potential single ones of course, but I do not want to be the only one feeling this way yet again, so I shall see how things go.

Coping With Stress ....

Finally I am being offloaded! We just hired a new staff to take over some of my overseas projects, and she needs to travel to the respective country at times. Hmmm... maybe I should exchange so I can be the one travelling instead? Come to think of it, I have never once travelled for work. But then I much rather travel for leisure!

I am not sure if my boss is under a lot of stress right now, or he just does not mince his words. In just a week, he has said some rather crude things to me. It is not the first time he has been crude, but in recent weeks, the duration is more frequent. Perhaps that is how he copes with stress?

Everyone has a different way of coping with stress. When I was teaching, I was under a lot of stress. Maybe I was younger, just started work and plus the fact that we had to bring our work home all the time with no chance of relaxing, there were times I almost crumbled. I brought all the emotions and stress back home with me. I was in a bad mood all the time and lashed out at everyone.

Come to think of it, I was not very easy to live with in those days. No wonder everyone was irritated with me - my parents, my brothers, my ex. Could not blame him for leaving I guess. When I remember those days, I myself cannot even live with myself.

Now I am glad to say I am more able to cope. Perhaps now even though my working hours are not that short, at least I get most weekends off. When I go home, I really relax and not work. I go out and enjoy myself, be it my family or friends. I take part in interesting activities.

Different people have different ways of coping with stress, but one thing I learnt from the past is that I should not take everything so personally and blame myself for everything. There are things beyond my control at work. As long as I have done my best, so be it. I should not let my work take over my life and control me.

And that itself is the best way of coping with stress.

Planning A "Retirement"

The weather is making me feel a little under the weather. After the cool climate last week, the weather is becoming warmer. Today feels hot. The sun is shining again and everywhere is bright. Come to think of it, I can never imagine life without sunshine. It is sunshine that makes everything beautiful.

My parents are away touring the south of China, so it is up to me to take charge of the household again. Being a housekeeper is not all cut out to be, especially since one gets accused of being bossy when one is just following instructions.

Come to think of it, is it better to be the bad guy or the good guy? Good guy by following instructions yet incurring the dislike and unpopularity of others, or bad guy by not following instructions yet being popular.

I was reading some of my older entries, and realise that for the past couple of years, I have been an emotional wreck. It is mostly a question of being the good guy or the bad guy. How often have I been the good guy but gained unpopularity, yet at the same time, I believe in saying as it is instead of being hypocritical.

One can show all the good facade, portraying a beautiful and impressive image, but that is not real. On the other hand, I have been criticised, rather harshly sometimes, by saying what I did, but that is real. And the reality of life is like that - full of ups and downs, happiness and sadness.

I can choose to portray everything that is good and happy, but that will not be real. My life itself is full of ups and downs, happpiness and sadness. I know I am living a much better life than many others, but everyone has his / her own share of good times and bad times. I choose to portray the good and the bad together, because that is part of me.

While reading through my past entries, I realise that there are many things which I should have and should not have done. At that point in time, I was too emotionally-swayed to really think things through objectively. Now upon looking back and in a more objective frame of mind, I cannot believe I felt that way or done those things.

But one learns, is it not? How many people do not have a past? I have a clean enough record at least, never been in jail, never smoke or take drugs or gamble, never bought any lottery. At least I have learnt not to be too emotional and think with my head instead.

I have learnt that ever since getting cheated by a certain someone, and I have learnt that all the more ever since my Malta and United Kingdom trip. Now that it is almost the end of the year, I hope to start the new year on a clean slate, being able to have a simpler life without much troubles.

My friend who got me started on blogging has officially retired his blog. I wonder if it is because of his recent change in status? Many times I want to retire this blog too, because now that my life has stabilised and I am no longer that emotionally swayed, I think it is time to embark on a new journey.

However, somehow I cannot stop myself writing. So perhaps I will make it a new goal. The day I get married will be the day when I officially retire this blog. Because that will be the day when I really embark on a new phase in life.

At this rate, I guess I have to continue writing for a long while more. But one never knows, is it not? Never say never, who knows by this time next year I could be married? I am being very optimistic and hopeful here.

December Rain

If I remember correctly, I think there was a local Chinese musical by the same name. The story was set in the 60s, where the influence of Communism was rather rampant, especially amongst the students in Chinese-medium schools.

But this post is not on the musical. Rather, it is on how the weather seems so chilly lately. No doubt this time of the year is the monsoon season of heavy rains and constant storms, but this December, the weather seems extra chilly. Even if there is no rain, the winds are strong and cool enough.

It is so cool especially at night that I have to sleep with a blanket covering myself even though half my windows are closed and the air conditioner and fan are both off! Is it just me or is the weather nowadays really that cool?

Not only that, when I went to watch the musical today, I put on a V-necked cashmere top, complete with a cashmere pashmina in the theatre! This is practically unheard of, wearing cashmere in tropical weather!

Is it due to global warming that the world's climate is changing? Temperate countries have milder winters and hotter summers, and sub-tropical and tropical countries are having cooler temperatures. Perhaps in time to come, it may even snow here? Then that will be something indeed!

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang!

Finally I went to watch this much-hyped musical today, and it happened to be the last day, so it was just as well I managed to catch it. For once in a very long time, I actually had someone to go with (or rather, someone who does not mind going for musicals), so we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves! It is really more fun having a company for activities rather than all alone!

The musical is better than expected! I have not watched the movie, so I cannot make comparisons between the two, but for a stage musical, the special effects are amazing! Imagine a life-size car being able to be put on stage, and the car can float, fly, have wings, turn its headlights on and honk all on its own!

Even the special effects for the cast is good, the way the two children fly. The acoustics are good too, as for us sitting right on top, we were able to hear the sound and singing very well! Articulate pronunciation (but that should be the case considering where the cast is from) and great singing.

Overall, perfect! A light-hearted family type comedy musical, but perfect nevertheless. Catchy songs and great storyline, but what I really like is the stage effects! At the end when all the cast went on stage to take bows, the car was revealed at the very end, and it was the car that got the most applause! Of course, since it was the main star after all!

My friend and I will be going for the Jacky Cheung concert and the Beauty World musical in January. Let's hope it is just as enjoyable!

Inflexibility Or Just Rigidity?

Are some people just so quarrelsome? Or are they totally inflexible or just rigid? That they only know how to think straight and not able to adapt to situations accordingly, just because the situation is new to them?

After a rather frustating week and a tiring baking session, I just wanted to chill out and rest. Before that, I had to run a couple of errands, namely collecting tickets for "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" for tomorrow and buying lunch.

Since I was carrying a cake box with me, I called for a cab. I was lucky enough to get the credit card which gives me priority booking for cabs, so I used that service. When the cab came, I asked the driver politely if he could bring me to a couple of places first before dropping me home.

I will be paying full service, including booking fee and waiting time, so by right, I believe my request is pretty reasonable since I am not going to short-change him in anyway. I was even prepared to pay extra for any trouble caused.

Besides, the places I was going to are all rather near my place, probably the most two train stations away. It was not as if I was asking him to bring me from one end of the island to the other end and back again.

Yet when I told him my request, he started shouting at me, saying why did I not just say I was going to more than one place? Did I think people have so much time to bring me everywhere? Couldn't I see he was in a hurry? (Erh, actually there was no indication anywhere that he was in a hurry, and besides if he was really in a hurry, he should have just gone off and not answer my booking, right?)

So if he was able to answer my booking and came to pick me up, not knowing where I was going (since priority booking is machine-operated, so only the pick-up venue will be stated and not the destination), with the possibility that I could be going to the other end of the island from where I was, I did not see any reason why it was he could not just help me out and bring me to finish my errands when the places are all nearby and I would only take about a few minutes or so, especially since he would be earning extra if he did that. If anything, he would be the one having the good deal instead of me!

He said he has never come across anyone like me, asking a cab to pick him up and yet go a few places. Granted, but as a cab driver, is he not expected to bring the passenger to wherever he wants to go, even if it is out of the way? I am not being all high and mighty here, but is that not what a service provider is supposed to do, ie to serve the customer to the fullest? Otherwise why do we need to pay them?

So does that mean just because I am the first passenger who requested him to go a little further before dropping me home, he should not do it because he had never had a request like this before? Why could he not adapt to situations then? Afterall, as a service provider, one should be prepared for all kinds of situations, is it not?

Besides, I do not think I am a very unreasonable customer or passenger. At least I am not those type of customers who always think I am right. I make sure I am polite in my requests, and even willing to pay extra if needed.

Yet I get pissed a lot of times by the attitudes of some of these service providers (in whatever line), thinking that they should not do certain things even if a customer asked them to just because it is not stated in their job scopes. Well, if everything is to be stated in black and white, then what is the use of being a human, with his / her own mind to think and instincts to adapt?

In the end, I had no choice but to ask him to drop me back home, then had my brother drive me to wherever I needed to go and did whatever I needed to do. Which took about an hour more than originally planned as I had to store the cakes and waited for my brother to be ready. If the cab driver had obliged, it would have saved us both (okay, perhaps only me) at least forty-five minutes.

Nuttiness ....

I think I am really domestically-impaired when it comes to working in the kitchen. Just like the other day, when we had to shred carrots, I was the only one who created such a mess despite being slower than the rest.

Today, when we had to chop almond and hazelnuts for the cake fillings, I had no idea how to chop them at all. I see the rest of them taking out a handful of nuts, putting them onto a chopping board, then using the cleaver and just started chopping away into fine pieces, I wondered how they did that.

I tried to imitate them by doing the same thing, but my nuts started moving all around, making it hard for me to even chop them properly. I saw how they held on to the nuts to prevent them from moving around, but I was more concerned about getting my finger chopped off instead! :-p

Finally, I held on to the nuts as firm as I could and started chopping away. At least I succeeded to a certain extent, as the nuts were chopped into pieces, albeit bigger pieces and not fine ones as were instructed.

But it was such a relief for me being able to chop nuts properly in the first place that I just could not be bothered to continue chopping them into finer pieces!

Chocoholics, Reunited

I had another chocolate day today, baking specialised chocolate cakes! First up was the Rich Chocolate Truffle Cake. It is a normal sponge cake filled with mixed nuts and rich chocolate paste, topped with sticky gooey chocolate! A heavenly treat for me!

The cake has to be kept in the freezer for about six hours before it can harden and be ready to served. At the time I took the photo, the cake was only frozen for two hours, which explains why it was still messy and wet. But the chocolate is really delicious indeed! :-)

Completed Rich Chocolate Truffle Cake

The next cake we made was the Chocolate Cheesecake. We had to make a sponge cake from scratch, fill it with cream cheese batter, then cover it with the remaining cream cheese batter. Splatter almond bits at the side, whipped cream on top, chocolate decorations and mixed nuts, and it is ready to serve.

Chocolate Cheesecake with Decorations

I am going to try to create this for my best friend's housewarming this week. Hopefully she and her husband will like it!

More Work Woes ....

It had been another hell of a week. Just when I thought this was resolved, it happened again! We finally got the contracts amended and sent out, when our external lawyers informed me that the completion is due to delay again!

The worst thing was that my boss thought I did not inform the other party of anything and started screaming at me, when in the first place, nobody told me that the completion is due to delay and I only just heard it from our lawyers! Sometimes I seriously wonder how the channel of communication here is doing.

The thing is, it is not just a matter of having the contracts amended again, but the more serious issue is that if the completion date keeps delaying, we could not keep on asking the parties involved to keep holding on. Besides, our management is coming down on us to get things going by the end of the year as this project has been delayed for months already.

On one hand, we are under tremendous pressure to get the contracts signed, yet on the other hand, the other department keeps delaying and pushing back the completion dates. We are going to have serious legal repercussions if this goes on.

So finally I have to send out an urgent email requesting people to please stick to a completion schedule as we are going ahead to sign the contracts. We cannot keep delaying especially after we have already confirmed the terms of the agreements and they are about to be signed.

I just pray that the people involved are more cooperative this time and stop delaying so we can at least close some projects by this year.

Age-Character Calculation

My friend sent me this spreadsheet, where I key in my date of birth, and it will generate how many years, months, days, hours, seconds and milliseconds I have lived on this Earth, as well as an analysis on my character with regards to my birth date.

Pretty interesting actually, and this is what the report generated on my character :

Loves to take things at the centre
Attractive and suave
Inner and physical beauty
Does not lie or pretend
Sympathetic
Treats friends importantly
Always making friends
Easily hurt but recovers easily
Bad-tempered
Selfish
Seldom helps unless asked
Daydreamer
Very opinionated
Does not care of what others think
Emotional
Decisive
Strong clairvoyance
Loves to travel, the arts and literature
Soft-spoken, loving and caring
Romantic
Touchy and easily jealous
Spendthrift and easily influenced
Easily lose confidence

I shall remain silent on how true (or untrue) this is, in case I am accused of blowing my own trumpet. It is up to those in the know to judge for themselves! :-p

A Play With Words And Phrases

Currently, I am hooked on challenging and mind-stimulating quizzes. Here are a few which I absolutely love!

1. Intelligence Test Part 1

2. Intelligence Test Part 2

3. Intelligence Test Part 3

4. Intelligence Test Part 4

5. Intelligence Test Part 5

6. The Economist Style Quiz

Although the tests are so-called intelligence tests, they are more on word play and familiarisation of phrases and colloquialisms, as well as certain prior knowledge in sports, games, science, religion and politics.

So far, after numerous trial and errors, I managed to get all the answers right for Parts 1 to 4, but for Part 5, I could only get about eight right. The rest just totally eludes me. As for the Economist quiz, I only managed a score of eight. :-( Any of you managed to get all the answers, please let me know! :-p

Thanks For Your Time

Another inspiring article I came across.

YOU MADE THE DIFFERENCES

A young man learns what's most important in life from the guy next door.

It had been some time since Jack had seen the old man. College, girls, career, and life itself got in the way. In fact, Jack moved clear across the country in pursuit of his dreams. There, in the rush of his busy life, Jack had little time to think about the past and often no time to spend with his wife and son. He was working on his future, and nothing could stop him.

Over the phone, his mother told him, "Mr. Belser died last night. The funeral is Wednesday." Memories flashed through his mind like an old newsreel as he sat quietly remembering his childhood days.

"Jack, did you hear me?"

"Oh, sorry, Mom. Yes, I heard you. It's been so long since I thought of him. I'm sorry, but I honestly thought he died years ago," Jack said.

"Well, he didn't forget you. Every time I saw him he'd ask how you were doing. He'd reminisce about the many days you spent over 'his side of the fence' as he put it," Mom told him.

"I loved that old house he lived in," Jack said.

"You know, Jack, after your father died, Mr. Belser stepped in to make sure you had a man's influence in your life," she said

"He's the one who taught me carpentry," he said. "I wouldn't be in this business if it weren't for him. He spent a lot of time teaching me things he thought were important...Mom, I'll be there for the funeral," Jack said.

As busy as he was, he kept his word. Jack caught the next flight to his hometown. Mr. Belser's funeral was small and uneventful. He had no children of his own, and most of his relatives had passed away.

The night before he had to return home, Jack and his Mom stopped by to see the old house next door one more time.

Standing in the doorway, Jack paused for a moment. It was like crossing over into another dimension, a leap through space and time the house was exactly as he remembered. Every step held memories. Every picture, every piece of furniture....Jack stopped suddenly.

"What's wrong, Jack?" his Mom asked.

"The box is gone," he said

"What box?" Mom asked.

"There was a small gold box that he kept locked on top of his desk. I must have asked him a thousand times what was inside. All he'd ever tell me was 'the thing I value most,'" Jack said.

It was gone. Everything about the house was exactly how Jack remembered it, except for the box. He figured someone from the Belser family had taken it.

"Now I' ll never know what was so valuable to him," Jack said. "I better get some sleep! I have an early flight home, Mom."

It had been about two weeks since Mr. Belser died. Returning home from work one day Jack discovered a note in his mailbox. "Signature required on a package. No one at home. Please stop by the main post office within the next three days," the note read.

Early the next day Jack retrieved the package. The small box was old and looked like it had been mailed a hundred years ago. The handwriting was difficult to read, but the return address caught his attention. "Mr Harold Belser" it read. Jack took the box out to his car and ripped open the package. There inside was the gold box and an envelope. Jack's hands shook as he read the note inside.

"Upon my death, please forward this box and its contents to Jack Bennett. It's the thing I valued most in my life" A small key was taped to the letter. His heart racing, as tears filling his eyes, Jack carefully unlocked the box. There inside he found a beautiful gold pocket watch.

Running his fingers slowly over the finely etched casing, he unlatched the cover. Inside he found these words engraved:

"Jack, Thanks for your time! - Harold Belser."

"The thing he valued most was...my time"

Jack held the watch for a few minutes, then called his office and cleared his appointments for the next two days "Why?" Janet, his assistant asked.

"I need some time to spend with my son," he said.

"Oh, by the way, Janet, thanks for your time!"

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away."

Think about this. You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.

1. At least 2 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.

2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.

3. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.

4. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.

5. You mean the world to someone.

6. If not for you, someone may not be living.

7. You are special and unique.

8. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you trust God to do what's best, and wait on His time, sooner or later, you will get it or something better.

9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good can still come from it.

10. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.

11. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.

12. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.

13. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know and you'll both be happy.

14. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.

15. You will certainly brighten someone's day and might change their perspective on life...for the better.

To everyone who read this, "Thanks for your time!"

Habits Of Happy People

A rather good article I came across.

The Happiness Factor - Scientists know that positive people are happier, period. Tapping into your bright side is easier than you'd guess.

By Nancy Kalish, Prevention

Joie de vivre. We all know people whose engagement with life can only be described as joyful. Fittingly, nature rewards these happy-go-lucky types: Being optimistic in middle age increases life span by at least 7.5 years - even after accounting for age, gender, socioeconomic status, and physical health, according to a large Yale University survey. What's behind their hardiness: They minimize the destructive effects of stress.

"Of course, optimists get stressed," says David Snowdon, a professor of neurology at the University of Kentucky who studies aging. "But they automatically turn the response off much more quickly and return to a positive mental and physical state."

Here are four habits that longevity experts say are at the heart of a sunny disposition—and that you can adopt, too.

1. THEY WORK THEIR CELL PHONES

Perhaps your neighborhood gossip is on to something: All that chitchat keeps her plugged into a thriving social network - and people who socialize at least once a week are more likely to live longer, keep their brains sharp, and prevent heart attacks.

One reason: "Just talking on the phone to a friend has the immediate effect of lowering your blood pressure and cortisol levels," says Teresa Seeman, PhD, a professor of medicine and epidemiology at UCLA.

"Our research shows that having good long-term relationships provides as many physical benefits as being active or a non-smoker." Make the effort to connect with the friends you already have. Call now, and before you hang up, schedule a lunch date - personal contact is even better.

2. THEY EXPRESS GRATITUDE (WITHIN REASON)

Buoy your spirits by recording happy events on paper, your computer, or a PDA. People who write about all the things they are thankful for are optimistic about the upcoming week and more satisfied overall with their lives, according to a University of California, Davis, study. They also feel physically stronger.

"It's hard to be bitter and mad when you're feeling grateful," says Sonja Lyubomirsky, PhD, author of the upcoming book, "The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want."

But don't overdo it. Women who kept a gratitude journal only once a week got a bigger boost in happiness than those asked to record their good fortune three times a week. Find the frequency that works for you - giving thanks shouldn't feel like a chore.

3. THEY'RE RANDOMLY KIND

Do you perform five acts of kindness in any given day? That's the number of good deeds that boosts your sense of well-being and happiness, according to research by Lyubomirsky. Your karmic acts can be minor and unplanned - giving up your seat on the bus; buying an extra latte to give to a coworker. You'll find that the payback greatly exceeds the effort.

"You see how much you're appreciated and liked by others," she says. Be sure to keep up the good work: When Lyubomirsky asked her study subjects to space their five good deeds over the course of a week, the actions started to seem routine and lost some of their therapeutic effects. But don't fret if you can't make the quota daily. "Being spontaneously kind also delivers rewards," she says.

4. THEY REAPPRAISE THEIR LIVES

Yes, you can rewrite history- and feel better about yourself in the bargain. Set aside a little time each week to write about or record - or even just mentally revisit - an important event in your past.

Reflecting on the experience can reshape your perception of it, as well as your expectations for the future, says Robert N. Butler, MD, president of the International Longevity Center - USA in New York City.

When creating this "life review," you get to list all your accomplishments - an instant self-esteem booster. Organize your historical review by epochs: your postcollege years, early marriage, career, motherhood. Subdivide each section into triumphs, missteps, and lessons for the future.

It's helpful to look at the bad times as well as the good. Perhaps now that a few years have passed, you'll be able to see how that breakup or failed job opportunity opened other doors and finally forgive yourself - and your ex-boyfriend or would-be boss.

"Even if a memory is painful, it's good to work through it," says Butler. "If you can come to terms with past events, you'll be better able to handle tough times down the road." So be honest, but also go easy on yourself. Remember: You are the heroine in this tale.

The Best Kind of Pessimist

If you're an irritable sort who thinks of your eternally cheery neighbor as a delusional Pollyanna, are you doomed to poor health? Not if you're an active pessimist, a feisty spirit who loves to complain, criticize, and generally mix it up with others - but then takes action.

"Active pessimists do battle with life. Being that engaged is actually good for them and can provide some of the same benefits that optimists enjoy," says Toni Antonucci, PhD, director of the Life Course Development Program of the Institute for Social Research at the University of Michigan.

Passive pessimists, on the other hand, feel paralyzed by gloom, have given up on themselves and life, and will likely live fewer years because of their bummer attitude.

Here's wishing everyone lifelong happiness always! :-)

Rubik Sudoku, Anyone?

First, there was the Rubik Cube, which I have never been able to solve it.

Then, there was the Sudoku, which I could only solve some of it.

Now, there is the Rubik Sudoku - an infusion of two of the most challenging puzzles in one. Just a pity it is not out in the local market yet, I would so love to get it for myself!

My friends always think I am crazy, because when I have free time and nothing else to do, I will try out IQ games or puzzles. To them, free time is a bonus and having free time means relaxing and being free, instead of exercising one's mind.

To me, I enjoy stimulating my mind. It helps to keep me alert at all times. Solving puzzles is also a way to relieve stress (although many will differ, as challenging oneself will cause more stress instead). It helps me to be more whole-brained, as one needs both the left and right brains to see things clearly.

I do let my mind idle, when I am lounging on the sofa watching discs or the telly. That is the time when I can really relax, as one need not really think when one is glued to the boob tube.

But my mind cannot idle for too long, or else I will get really lazy and lax, which is why I always end up multi-tasking instead, ie watching television, playing computer games, surfing the net and talking on the phone. Or else I will be reading and listening to music and chatting at the same time.

Like what my boss always says, women are better at multi-tasking than men. Maybe it is in our biological makeup, since women have to take charge of so many details at the same time. And it is a good thing indeed, otherwise I can never get so many things done within so little time!

Making Up Into Something Stronger

In the past couple of years, I have known of at least three couples who split up then got back together. All in all, I have known six couples who split up then got back together. Some people may say they treat relationships as a joke, ie splitting up, then getting back together.

Actually it all boils down to fate, is it not? At least my parents will blame it on fate, that people who are meant to be will still be together, even if they have split up.

For me, I have never been that lucky (or unlucky, whichever way one sees it). The only person I ever thought of getting back with never gave me a second glance, and the people whom I never ever want to be involved with again somehow asked me if I would give a second chance.

I used to think that if a couple splits up, that is it. After all, it must have been the worst decision to make for a couple to split up. They must have really serious problems, otherwise, generally, people would choose to hold on and try to keep things going.

Some people do not even want to remain friends with their exs. For me, I do not mind remaining as friends. In fact, I am still very close friends with my third ex (whom I now consider as one of my best friends - we still confide in and tease each other), and still in touch with my second ex.

Most of my friends are of the opinion that once a couple split up, they should not even remain in contact. Why not actually? Not being together does not mean the end of a friendship. They must be really good friends to begin with before they became a couple, and it will be a pity to end a friendship just like that.

Yet there are those who split up, went back to friends, and got back together again. Some may view them as playing a relationship game (got together because both felt like it, then split up because they ran into problems, then got together again just because they felt like it again and so on).

But then who are we to say anything unless we are the couple in question? In a relationship, anything can happen. I believe most people enter a relationship because they want things to work out. Because they love the person enough to want to be committed to the person as a boy / girlfriend, as a future partner. So who wants to have a heartbreak and get into such a depressed state?

But because in a relationship, the level of closeness a couple shares is much more intense than what a mere friend, even a close friend, will share. For instance, there are things which I can only share with my boyfriend (if I have one) and not just a friend.

A friend can be one to share your interests, to hang out with, to talk about your dreams and visions with, but once the friend progresses to a boy / girlfriend stage, he / she then shares your life, and not just your interests and time. He / she accepts the entire package of you - your family, your friends, your religion, your values. Which is why similar goals and values are so important in a relationship.

But also because a couple is in a relationship, they get to see the negative traits in each other, sides which most friends will never be able to see. They get to see each other's tempers, quirks and peculiarities. And because of that, they may end up flaring up at each other more often.

In a relationship, the expectations of each other are higher. Each will expect the other to accommodate and compromise, and that often is the cause of conflicts, especially when a relationship is just starting, or a newly married couple. There have to be give and take on both sides in order to remain on amicable terms.

Maybe because of that, many couples end up quarrelling over trivial matters which can be resolved one way or other. And when the quarrels became more frequent, more conflicts ensue, and in the end, the couple breaks up just like that.

Yet at the end of the day, months or years later, when both have cooled down and time had healed all wounds, they may just look back and realise that many things can be compromised, and to lose a soulmate is really a big pity, and thus decide to give another chance to each other.

In most cases, when a couple gets back together, chances are the relationship is stronger than before. They learnt from their mistakes and ensure they never lose the chance again. A few of my friends who got back together with their exs end up marrying them.

Perhaps it is true that true love and a real deep relationship has to go through problems before it can survive? It is like only when one had lost someone, he / she then realised that the person meant a lot to him / her. Given another chance, they will cherish and never let go again.

After all, if the couple is able to survive and grow from this, their love may just be stronger than before. Perhaps then and only then, they are truly fit for each other and nothing can ever break them apart again.

Word Of The Day

Usufructuary. The new word I came across while looking through a document today. I have never seen this word before in my life and it was not recognised by Microsoft Word, so I did a search and apparently, this word does exist.

According to Mr Webster, "usufructuary" means having the use or enjoyment of something, or a usufruct of a property. I did a further search and found that "usufruct" means the legal right of using or enjoying the fruit or profits of something belonging to another.

In other words, it is the right to use and enjoy the profits and advantages of something belonging to another as long as the property is not destroyed or damaged or altered in any way.

So if I use someone's house as my own, enjoying all the facilities that come along with it, without making any alterations or damaging it, I will be deemed to own the house of an usufruct nature.

Well, one learns something new everyday. Language is interesting indeed.