The past couple of weeks were good learning experiences, by coming across people from different statures in life, be it through work or socially. There are all kinds of people around, which make the world so colourful! There are people who are extroverted and outgoing, have a real zest and passion for life.
There are those who are totally boring, as when you talk to them, you feel like falling asleep. There are those who cannot even pronounce the words properly, and when you talk to them, you start cringing. Then there are those who scrutinise you up and down, as well as those who just want someone to eat with without really being interested in you as a person.
Scenario Number One : I met up with this guy who came really prepared. So prepared that he took out a list of questions, and before I even sat down and ordered anything, he ran through the questions, asking about my family background, work, employment history, education level, relationship history, background and things I do.
Hmmmm.... I felt as if I was in a job interview! Is he trying to make a new friend, or screening for ... erh, some ancient Nazi experiment or something? He was telling me that he needs to have a girlfriend by this year, because next year he plans to change his job and branch out into something new.
Okay, so do I take it that he is focused and knows what he wants out of life? Or shall I just say he is totally weird? Does he think love or relationship is the same as a business transaction of sorts? It just does not work that way! If anything, he will scare off a lot of people! I have been saying I hope to find someone and settle down too, but that does not mean I go around with a checklist whenever I meet people!
Love can only be developed and nurtured if both parties have some kind of chemistry with each other, and a relationship can only be developed through time, effort and trials, not a quick checklist or screening of sorts! Even for me, I hardly have any expectations nowadays, just hope to find someone I can at least converse with without any reservations, and who will not be put off by my blatant outspokenness at times.
Scenario Number Two : I was chatting online with someone who wanted to add me into Facebook. So he asked me about my email address, and I gave him the current one I am using. He then asked if I am Chinese. So I said, yes, full-blooded Chinese, to which he said, in that case, why do I have a French name?
I was too stunned to react. Well, I took that id as my email address simply because it sounds nice and reflects me! It does not mean I am of another race! And besides, that is just an email address, not my real name! Does my own name sound even remotely French?
Scenario Number Three : Someone asked me out for dinner this week, and I happen to be unavailable for the week. Alright, I know I have been unavailable for the past few weeks, but at times, last minute things do crop up. For instance, I did not foresee the Johor trip, just when I thought I can finally have a free weekend to rest and relax!
Anyway, he kept asking me out for dinner and I told him to try next week, so he said if I could not do dinner, why not lunch this week since he is not working? Since he sounded so enthusiastic about meeting me, so I said I will be working, but lunch is fine as well. So he said he would go down to the business district to meet me.
Now, why would he assume I am working in the business district? I told him my office is away from the business district, and when he found out where I am working, he said it is too inconvenient, so could I go to his area (up north) to meet him instead? Hmmm.... if he was really so enthusiastic about meeting up with me, is distance even a factor, and why should I be the one going to meet him instead?
Okay, I know I am being very very picky here, but then, if you ask people for lunch, you go meet others and not the other way round. Just like if I asked to meet for lunch, I will be the one going to meet those people at their areas, not the other way round. When my friends ask to meet for lunch, they will come down to my office area to meet me and not the other way round.
If he is not working this week, he will be the one who has the time to spare, whereas I only have about an hour or so lunch hour before I need to go back to work, so it makes more sense if he comes to my area to meet me for lunch instead of the other way round! Maybe I am really making a fuss, but if he is really that enthusiastic, he will meet me no matter where I am. If he asks me to go meet him instead, chances are the interest is not that strong, and he is probably more self-centred.
Scenario Number Four : I happened to share my photo with an online acquaintance, and the next thing I knew, he said he was interested in me. So I said, thanks, but I am not interested in you. I cannot believe I could say that with a straight face! He then asked is it because he is of another race?
So I said no, just that I feel we are not of the same frequency. He said how could that be, since we have all the same interests? To which I said same interests do not mean anything. How can he say he is interested in me when he has never even met me? Besides, he does not even seem to understand what I mean, so how can he say we are of the same frequency?
I cannot believe I actually said that! Just a while back, I always thought it would be good to be with someone who shares my interests, but I have come to realise that having similar interests is not the all and foremost of a good foundation to a friendship. Some people can have all the same interests, but for some reason, just cannot talk to each other.
I had been reflecting a lot lately. I was thinking back on guys I had been with. How many of them really have similar interests with me? None play the piano, that is for sure. Two of them play the guitar, but even then, they were just dabbling for fun. Only one likes to sing. Only one reads and writes and enjoys oldies. None like musicals, but two were willing to accompany me. None play tennis or squash, they are all more gym or running freaks than anything else.
Yet how did we survive those period(s)? Through communication, commitment and compromise, stuck together until we really could not foresee ourselves together anymore. It is true what people said after all, compatibility in character and lifestyle is more important than just having similar interests.
Scenario Number Five : A guy asked me to meet him at a buffet restaurant. I went in and before I even sat down, he got up and went to find food. I was like, huh? What happened to small talk or ice-breaking? Was he more interested in the food than actually knowing me? In that case, why meet up at all?
Even throughout the course of the meal, he was more concerned about eating than actually talking to me. He took dish after dish, got up so many times to take the food, and totally ignored me. We hardly talked at all as he was gorging all the time. And even though he kept remarking about how nice the food was, he did not even offer to take any for me or offer me any of the food he was partaking! Not that I did not or could not get the food on my own, but at least that is basic courtesy, is it not?
What happened to good table manners and dining etiquette? If you are dining with someone, at least pay attention to your partner instead of the food! In this way, you may as well eat on your own and not ask anyone out! If it was not because he happened to have the voucher and got us a free meal for two, I would have gotten up and left immediately!
At least I was still courteous enough to stay until the end of the meal and gracious enough to thank him for the meal. But come to think of it, I should have just left, since the food was not that great anyway, and left him to pay the bill!
It is interesting indeed the kinds of people we come across. Although I wish I can come across more like-minded people than "interesting" characters. Still, it is enriching indeed and after a while, one just looks back on amusement the kinds of antics people come up with.
There are those who are totally boring, as when you talk to them, you feel like falling asleep. There are those who cannot even pronounce the words properly, and when you talk to them, you start cringing. Then there are those who scrutinise you up and down, as well as those who just want someone to eat with without really being interested in you as a person.
Scenario Number One : I met up with this guy who came really prepared. So prepared that he took out a list of questions, and before I even sat down and ordered anything, he ran through the questions, asking about my family background, work, employment history, education level, relationship history, background and things I do.
Hmmmm.... I felt as if I was in a job interview! Is he trying to make a new friend, or screening for ... erh, some ancient Nazi experiment or something? He was telling me that he needs to have a girlfriend by this year, because next year he plans to change his job and branch out into something new.
Okay, so do I take it that he is focused and knows what he wants out of life? Or shall I just say he is totally weird? Does he think love or relationship is the same as a business transaction of sorts? It just does not work that way! If anything, he will scare off a lot of people! I have been saying I hope to find someone and settle down too, but that does not mean I go around with a checklist whenever I meet people!
Love can only be developed and nurtured if both parties have some kind of chemistry with each other, and a relationship can only be developed through time, effort and trials, not a quick checklist or screening of sorts! Even for me, I hardly have any expectations nowadays, just hope to find someone I can at least converse with without any reservations, and who will not be put off by my blatant outspokenness at times.
Scenario Number Two : I was chatting online with someone who wanted to add me into Facebook. So he asked me about my email address, and I gave him the current one I am using. He then asked if I am Chinese. So I said, yes, full-blooded Chinese, to which he said, in that case, why do I have a French name?
I was too stunned to react. Well, I took that id as my email address simply because it sounds nice and reflects me! It does not mean I am of another race! And besides, that is just an email address, not my real name! Does my own name sound even remotely French?
Scenario Number Three : Someone asked me out for dinner this week, and I happen to be unavailable for the week. Alright, I know I have been unavailable for the past few weeks, but at times, last minute things do crop up. For instance, I did not foresee the Johor trip, just when I thought I can finally have a free weekend to rest and relax!
Anyway, he kept asking me out for dinner and I told him to try next week, so he said if I could not do dinner, why not lunch this week since he is not working? Since he sounded so enthusiastic about meeting me, so I said I will be working, but lunch is fine as well. So he said he would go down to the business district to meet me.
Now, why would he assume I am working in the business district? I told him my office is away from the business district, and when he found out where I am working, he said it is too inconvenient, so could I go to his area (up north) to meet him instead? Hmmm.... if he was really so enthusiastic about meeting up with me, is distance even a factor, and why should I be the one going to meet him instead?
Okay, I know I am being very very picky here, but then, if you ask people for lunch, you go meet others and not the other way round. Just like if I asked to meet for lunch, I will be the one going to meet those people at their areas, not the other way round. When my friends ask to meet for lunch, they will come down to my office area to meet me and not the other way round.
If he is not working this week, he will be the one who has the time to spare, whereas I only have about an hour or so lunch hour before I need to go back to work, so it makes more sense if he comes to my area to meet me for lunch instead of the other way round! Maybe I am really making a fuss, but if he is really that enthusiastic, he will meet me no matter where I am. If he asks me to go meet him instead, chances are the interest is not that strong, and he is probably more self-centred.
Scenario Number Four : I happened to share my photo with an online acquaintance, and the next thing I knew, he said he was interested in me. So I said, thanks, but I am not interested in you. I cannot believe I could say that with a straight face! He then asked is it because he is of another race?
So I said no, just that I feel we are not of the same frequency. He said how could that be, since we have all the same interests? To which I said same interests do not mean anything. How can he say he is interested in me when he has never even met me? Besides, he does not even seem to understand what I mean, so how can he say we are of the same frequency?
I cannot believe I actually said that! Just a while back, I always thought it would be good to be with someone who shares my interests, but I have come to realise that having similar interests is not the all and foremost of a good foundation to a friendship. Some people can have all the same interests, but for some reason, just cannot talk to each other.
I had been reflecting a lot lately. I was thinking back on guys I had been with. How many of them really have similar interests with me? None play the piano, that is for sure. Two of them play the guitar, but even then, they were just dabbling for fun. Only one likes to sing. Only one reads and writes and enjoys oldies. None like musicals, but two were willing to accompany me. None play tennis or squash, they are all more gym or running freaks than anything else.
Yet how did we survive those period(s)? Through communication, commitment and compromise, stuck together until we really could not foresee ourselves together anymore. It is true what people said after all, compatibility in character and lifestyle is more important than just having similar interests.
Scenario Number Five : A guy asked me to meet him at a buffet restaurant. I went in and before I even sat down, he got up and went to find food. I was like, huh? What happened to small talk or ice-breaking? Was he more interested in the food than actually knowing me? In that case, why meet up at all?
Even throughout the course of the meal, he was more concerned about eating than actually talking to me. He took dish after dish, got up so many times to take the food, and totally ignored me. We hardly talked at all as he was gorging all the time. And even though he kept remarking about how nice the food was, he did not even offer to take any for me or offer me any of the food he was partaking! Not that I did not or could not get the food on my own, but at least that is basic courtesy, is it not?
What happened to good table manners and dining etiquette? If you are dining with someone, at least pay attention to your partner instead of the food! In this way, you may as well eat on your own and not ask anyone out! If it was not because he happened to have the voucher and got us a free meal for two, I would have gotten up and left immediately!
At least I was still courteous enough to stay until the end of the meal and gracious enough to thank him for the meal. But come to think of it, I should have just left, since the food was not that great anyway, and left him to pay the bill!
It is interesting indeed the kinds of people we come across. Although I wish I can come across more like-minded people than "interesting" characters. Still, it is enriching indeed and after a while, one just looks back on amusement the kinds of antics people come up with.
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