Now is the time for the truth. Perhaps “truth” is not the right word, since I have never lied about this. I just chose not to disclose it, except to a chosen few. But now that everything is going well, it is time to say it. Yes, for those of you who are speculating, I am now happily attached.
Unexpected right? It came as a bigger surprise to me! Simply because he is not someone I would consider initially. I did not even have a good impression of him in the beginning – I thought he was another one of those sleaze balls! (Sorry dear, but you know that too! ;-p)
Furthermore, he is not of the same race. He does not even meet my height requirement, although he is taller than me. And he has flaws which I could not tolerate initially. In short, he was not someone I would even think of being with!
But then again, who does not have flaws? I am not perfect myself. And what Violet and Jamie said once is very true – “Happiness does not come in 1.75m, sometimes they come in the most unassuming of packages.” Happiness may not even come even if the person fulfils all your criteria, or that he is the most perfect person in your eyes. (By the way, Violet shared my note to her too!)
I have met my fair share of men. Some are total pricks. Some are almost perfect, almost everything I ask for. But in the end, they are too domineering and chauvinistic for my liking. The high-flying guys may be articulate, eloquent, confident and interesting, but they expect me to listen to them, do things their way, totally self-absorbed and think I am not as good as them.
The quiet ones then find me too loud and fast-paced for them, think they can never keep up with me in the “boring” things I do, or somehow get threatened by my job, education level, family background, etc.
Or else guys are very happy to spend happy times with me, but when I run into problems, they run away or chose not to be involved. Or they are too emotional and expect me to mother them and think I am devoid of emotions when I tell them to stop being so whiny.
So what is it about him that made me change my mind? Actually I never meant to change my mind, but somehow I simply could not help it. It is true what people always say about fate and destiny – when the time is right, even the most unlikely person will also get together. No reason or explanation necessary.
Yes, he is not of the same race (he is pure Eurasian descended from Portugese and Dutch, of the darker-skinned variety). Yes, he has flaws (like driving me crazy with his antics and impulsiveness). He does not even reach 1.70m!
But he is the one who has been there for me when I run into problems. He would send my favourite flowers to my office when I was down and stressed up. He would buy me a tiramisu and bring it to my house in the middle of the night when I was upset. He came along to meet my youngest brother when I had to meet him before he returns down under. He did not mind accompanying me when I had to do grocery shopping. (All these when we were still just good friends!)
He was the one who introduced me to CHOICE, made me start attending Novena regularly, got me involved in church and religious activities and brought me closer to God. He was the one who taught me what it is like to believe and have faith. And he even took the time to come down and help out at the recent CHOICE weekend when I was housekeeping, even though he was not involved.
He may not be the most eloquent person, but he is not totally quiet as well. He does talk to people. And between him and me, we can just talk and talk and talk non-stop, even on topics which most guys and girls would find awkward talking to the other gender about, we could jibe and make corny jokes and laugh at each other all the time.
Most importantly, he takes me for who I am. I can be as blunt as I can, as loud as I can, be totally bitchy, talkative, strong-willed and he is able to handle all those. I can speak my mind and be the way I am – weird, quirky, demanding, and still he never bats an eyelid and lets me have my way. Compared to other guys, I always have to be more reserved and cannot behave the way I am used to.
At the end of the day, looks, height, complexion and even race are the least of the concerns when it comes to making a relationship work. I just want someone who can be a partner and a companion, whom I genuinely enjoy being with and doing things with, someone with the same values and interests, and who can tolerate all my nonsense.
So how did things happen? Initially we just went for gatherings and religious activities together. Then somehow we started spending more time together. He enjoys the films I enjoy, musicals, partying, museum hopping, reading, social issues, movie marathons, charity, religion, volunteerism, things which are pretty close to my heart. In short, he does all the crazy things I love to do and cares about all the unorthodox issues I care about.
So I started enjoying his company more and more. We would talk to each other several times a day, from emailing at work to texting in the evening. One day he did not contact me at all and suddenly I got paranoid. That was when I realize he meant a lot to me. Then when I was preparing lunch at home, somehow I got the inkling that I only want to cook for him. I started looking through Eurasian cookbooks and familiarising myself with the recipes, like Devil's Curry.
Finally we talked things through and decided to give it a shot. Both of us are of the consensus that this will lead to commitment, and we will try our best to make things work. The thing is I thought it would be rather awkward because we were such good friends, that anything further may be weird, yet surprisingly I did not find it weird. In fact, I felt pretty natural and comfortable, as if we have been together a very long time now!
Is it real this time? I can safely say it is. When I was younger and more emotional, I never thought things through properly and just wanted a relationship. Then after being used to singlehood for quite a while and think I will never fall for anyone less again, all of a sudden my heart started aching when he was not around. And we do not even need to change our behaviours because we already know what each other is like, and still willing to take each other with our warts and all.
Relationship is a lot of hard work. I really want things to work out this time. I am so glad finally I found someone of the same consensus, who is willing to go through everything with me and make things work. I have been single for so long now that I wonder if I still know what to do? But I hope I am still doing well, despite being “out of practice” for some time!
Unexpected right? It came as a bigger surprise to me! Simply because he is not someone I would consider initially. I did not even have a good impression of him in the beginning – I thought he was another one of those sleaze balls! (Sorry dear, but you know that too! ;-p)
Furthermore, he is not of the same race. He does not even meet my height requirement, although he is taller than me. And he has flaws which I could not tolerate initially. In short, he was not someone I would even think of being with!
But then again, who does not have flaws? I am not perfect myself. And what Violet and Jamie said once is very true – “Happiness does not come in 1.75m, sometimes they come in the most unassuming of packages.” Happiness may not even come even if the person fulfils all your criteria, or that he is the most perfect person in your eyes. (By the way, Violet shared my note to her too!)
I have met my fair share of men. Some are total pricks. Some are almost perfect, almost everything I ask for. But in the end, they are too domineering and chauvinistic for my liking. The high-flying guys may be articulate, eloquent, confident and interesting, but they expect me to listen to them, do things their way, totally self-absorbed and think I am not as good as them.
The quiet ones then find me too loud and fast-paced for them, think they can never keep up with me in the “boring” things I do, or somehow get threatened by my job, education level, family background, etc.
Or else guys are very happy to spend happy times with me, but when I run into problems, they run away or chose not to be involved. Or they are too emotional and expect me to mother them and think I am devoid of emotions when I tell them to stop being so whiny.
So what is it about him that made me change my mind? Actually I never meant to change my mind, but somehow I simply could not help it. It is true what people always say about fate and destiny – when the time is right, even the most unlikely person will also get together. No reason or explanation necessary.
Yes, he is not of the same race (he is pure Eurasian descended from Portugese and Dutch, of the darker-skinned variety). Yes, he has flaws (like driving me crazy with his antics and impulsiveness). He does not even reach 1.70m!
But he is the one who has been there for me when I run into problems. He would send my favourite flowers to my office when I was down and stressed up. He would buy me a tiramisu and bring it to my house in the middle of the night when I was upset. He came along to meet my youngest brother when I had to meet him before he returns down under. He did not mind accompanying me when I had to do grocery shopping. (All these when we were still just good friends!)
He was the one who introduced me to CHOICE, made me start attending Novena regularly, got me involved in church and religious activities and brought me closer to God. He was the one who taught me what it is like to believe and have faith. And he even took the time to come down and help out at the recent CHOICE weekend when I was housekeeping, even though he was not involved.
He may not be the most eloquent person, but he is not totally quiet as well. He does talk to people. And between him and me, we can just talk and talk and talk non-stop, even on topics which most guys and girls would find awkward talking to the other gender about, we could jibe and make corny jokes and laugh at each other all the time.
Most importantly, he takes me for who I am. I can be as blunt as I can, as loud as I can, be totally bitchy, talkative, strong-willed and he is able to handle all those. I can speak my mind and be the way I am – weird, quirky, demanding, and still he never bats an eyelid and lets me have my way. Compared to other guys, I always have to be more reserved and cannot behave the way I am used to.
At the end of the day, looks, height, complexion and even race are the least of the concerns when it comes to making a relationship work. I just want someone who can be a partner and a companion, whom I genuinely enjoy being with and doing things with, someone with the same values and interests, and who can tolerate all my nonsense.
So how did things happen? Initially we just went for gatherings and religious activities together. Then somehow we started spending more time together. He enjoys the films I enjoy, musicals, partying, museum hopping, reading, social issues, movie marathons, charity, religion, volunteerism, things which are pretty close to my heart. In short, he does all the crazy things I love to do and cares about all the unorthodox issues I care about.
So I started enjoying his company more and more. We would talk to each other several times a day, from emailing at work to texting in the evening. One day he did not contact me at all and suddenly I got paranoid. That was when I realize he meant a lot to me. Then when I was preparing lunch at home, somehow I got the inkling that I only want to cook for him. I started looking through Eurasian cookbooks and familiarising myself with the recipes, like Devil's Curry.
Finally we talked things through and decided to give it a shot. Both of us are of the consensus that this will lead to commitment, and we will try our best to make things work. The thing is I thought it would be rather awkward because we were such good friends, that anything further may be weird, yet surprisingly I did not find it weird. In fact, I felt pretty natural and comfortable, as if we have been together a very long time now!
Is it real this time? I can safely say it is. When I was younger and more emotional, I never thought things through properly and just wanted a relationship. Then after being used to singlehood for quite a while and think I will never fall for anyone less again, all of a sudden my heart started aching when he was not around. And we do not even need to change our behaviours because we already know what each other is like, and still willing to take each other with our warts and all.
Relationship is a lot of hard work. I really want things to work out this time. I am so glad finally I found someone of the same consensus, who is willing to go through everything with me and make things work. I have been single for so long now that I wonder if I still know what to do? But I hope I am still doing well, despite being “out of practice” for some time!
5 comments:
hehehe ... so happy tat you found him. Can't help but to smile .. looks like we're having that special someone who's of another race
Just got back from supper with him and he gave me a longggg lecture (sounds like a nag to me) about how my dad should takes care of my mom :p
Haha... so happy for you too! Hope its your key to happiness this time!
Well, I hope you are right this time and have found someone who suits you.
I am glad to see you have modified your list of requirements (I never understood why women always had such detailed lists about how a guy should look, his social status, etc ... Of course, maybe guys are the same with women, but ... I certainly never was and don't know any who are).
I'm not sure about guys from other countries (USA, UK, Europe, Canada, etc), but here, the guys can be even more picky than the girls. Many guys I know like to have a girlfriend who is tall, good-looking, elegant, high-class, yet at the same time want her to be soft-spoken, demure, and sporty but cannot look tanned and sporty, must be well-dressed yet cannot spend on clothing and cosmetics, yet must be simple and eat only at hawker centres and not restaurants.
In short, the men want everything - a girl who is pretty and elegant, yet quiet and demure, yet indulge in sports, can do housework, yet lead a simple life. Even more impossible to find than a girl who wants a good looking well-established guy.
I think, deep down, most people, regardless of country, want the "perfect" person.
However, I think loneliness and desire for companionship win out and people end up settling for someone "interim" until the right person comes along. I think women are more prone to do this. Guys, I think are more honest in it only being about "fun".
Either way, those sorts of attitudes are foreign to me.
A Japanese friend once told me that in Japan a woman is a decoration for a man's arm. Officially, in the West, we are "more advanced". Practically, I think we really aren't that much different.
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