Thoughts On My New Relationship

After having flitted around the last couple of years (more actually), I thought the next time I actually enter a relationship, it will be full of excitement. Heart aflutter, passionate kind of love, lots and lots of romance and sweet nothings. But come to think of it, I have never really had much heart aflutter; at least I did not love until the ends of the world or whatnot, or pull a Juliet and Romeo, like what the media always depicts.

Still, I thought if I fall in love again, it will be mindblowing, that all my senses will start flying out of the window, that I can think of nothing else but him, that we give each other video calls, interact via webcams and want to spend all the time with each other. In short, once emotions are triggered, I will start losing my senses and focus on no one else but him.

However, that is not the case. I still go to work as normal. I still indulge in church and my own activities. I still do the things I have to do. I still spend time with my family and friends. If I am tired and need to sleep, I will not entertain his calls or text messages. If I am busy, I do not reply his emails. I do not even crave for his calls or text messages every minute and second.

I no longer revolve all my life and my time on the guy in question, unlike before when each time the guy asked, I would cancel everything and drop everything just to cater to him. Each time he called or texted, I made sure I replied immediately, no matter how tired or busy I was. Hence it was always a big blow whenever I did not feel the kind of intense love from the guy as I had shown him.

Perhaps I had lived on my feelings too long. Which is why each time when the relationship did not meet up to my ideal, I would start being unhappy but still clung on for goodness knows what reason. Perhaps it was due to all those idealistic fantasy notions of love, which was why I set unrealistic expectations and got myself even more disappointed in the past.

But this time round, things seem different. No passionate romance, no walking on a secluded beach hand in hand at sunset, not much sweet nothings, no undying declarations of love, no expectations to meet up, no smooching or calling each other every minute of the day, no mushy things every minute.

We, or rather, he, was not even my type in the first place, so there was no stress that we had to try to build a relationship, then separate when things did not happen, unlike some of the other guys I had met, who claimed they wanted to be with me, wanted to develop a relationship, but when things did not happen instantaneously, they just pulled out and disappeared without a trace.

We were just good friends who genuinely enjoyed each other's company and doing things together. We started off on a pure platonic friendship basis without the inkling that we would ever progress, but before we knew it, despite how we controlled it, somehow we became very attached to each other.

To him, it started when I was housekeeping at the August CHOICE weekend, and he felt lost without my company. To me, it started when he did not contact me after all these while of always talking to each other, and I suddenly realise I missed him terribly.

Which is why this time round, everything feel so right, simply because both my head and my heart is in sync. There is no passionate mindblowing emotions, but yet at the same time, there is a kind of stability, reliability and peacefulness that make me determined that I really want to be with him, that we both know we will always be there for each other no matter what.

There is no lovey dovey kind of attraction at first sight or chemistry at first instant. But what we have is close and strong friendship. We already know each other's flaws and shortcomings. And it is not because he happens to be there, happens to be the only one around, which is why I went for him. If that is the case I would not have waited until now.

I already know his weaknesses. I used to keep criticising him on the things he did. I always get irritated that he cannot do things fast enough, or talk too much without making sense of what he is saying, or get so impulsive and expressive without considering the repercussions his actions may have on others.

Yet despite all these, I know I can rely on him when I am unhappy. I know he will be there if I need someone. I know I can depend on him to get things done. Just need some pushing. As for the rest of his shortcomings, those are not major flaws. Sometimes we just need to shut our eyes to things that do not really matter.

Which is why I do not even feel weird or awkward going to the next stage. Somehow everything just fall in place - none of that passionate romance or excitement like a hero sweeping me off my feet, no fireworks and red roses and marquee in the sky, yet I feel as if we have been together forever despite only officially starting not too long ago. I just know he is one I can actually live with and carve a future with, and I do want this to work out and last.

Afterall, being with someone for life is more than just excitement, adventure, romance and fireworks. Shorn of the romance, what is left behind is stability, responsibility, commitment, communication, growth, respect and understanding. And that is far more important than just a short term romance. At the end of the day, we are looking for a life companion and not a short term mate, hence long-term qualities are more important than short-term ones.