I am all for marrige. I want to get married, only once. I know I want to get married ever since I was fifteen hence the first relationship (and subsequent ones) I always tried my best to make things work. That is also why my relationships are normally relatively long - the shortest one was about a year, the longest six years.
I am not like some who treat relationships lightly. If I make the choice to be with someone, I stick to it no matter what happens. If I do not believe in marriage, I would not have taken my relationships seriously.
Similarly I do not believe in divorce. Marriage to me is sacred. If I ever take the step to get married, it means I know what it entails and am prepared for everything that comes along with it, "for better or worse".
So since young, I already have an idea what I want out of a relationship and marriage. But when I was young I often let my emotions rule all which resulted in heartbreaks, tears and unhappiness.
Through the years I start sticking to what I want. I start looking for the best. I always have this vision that in my own relationship and marriage, I am on the best of terms with my partner's family. They treat me like their own daughter, we can go shopping, eating and travelling together as a family or even with just each other. I will have two reunions during festive occasions. It is just like having another family.
And that was what happened through the years. Half of what I wanted came true - the other half would be my partner doing the same thing - being part of my family, mingling with them, treating them as buddies.
Now the other half came true. I believe my parents really like him. In fact, the red packet my mum gave him is half the amount she gave me. First time she is so generous to my boyfriend! And my aunt and cousin gave him a red packet each too, even though he did not go visiting with us. They asked me to pass the red packet to him, and were equally generous to him.
This is a very good sign. Tonight he is invited to a reunion at my place with my dad's family. He has seen my dad's brother and a couple of my cousins and they have no issues with him. Tonight he would be seeing the rest. I believe there should not be any problem.
If only I can say the same for myself. The parents I have come across have always been warm and hospitable to me. They would bring me out for meals, shopping, call me to invite me to their place whenever they cooked too much or bought too much food, gave me nice things like snacks, bags, jewellery and clothing.
Of course whenever I visited them, I always brought something over, like fruit, food item or snacks. I really felt as if I was part of the family. When the relationship(s) ended, I felt bad for the parents that I would call them and thanked them for all they had done for me.
Which is why I do not quite relish the kind of situation I am in. I feel as if I am not in a whole relationship, only half. I was talking to my cousin last night and she told me how she first met her fiance's parents.
My cousin was here, he was in Sydney. When his parents knew about her, they specially made a trip down here to meet her. So she met them without him. They then brought her and her parents out for a meal.
His parents treat her very well. They cannot wait for them to get married, especially since the guy is the only son. They specially called her and invited her to Sydney, which was why she packed up and moved down under for a while.
Another cousin when her boyfriend was based in Hong Kong for a while, his parents met up with her and brought her out every week. During her wedding speech, she gave her immense gratitude to her in-laws who had been so kind and nice to her even when their only son was not around.
When I heard these accounts I could not help but wonder, have I done anything wrong to warrant this kind of treatment? I understand his parents can be protective, he being the only child and his parents revolve their lives around him.
Still must his parents blame me for everything - from him upgrading himself to getting more involved in religion to wanting to change job to aspiring for a better quality of life. Any normal person would want a better quality of life instead of being stuck where they are! Everyone should plan and predict the future!
Even when I offer to bring them out for a meal, or buy them food or cook for them, they refuse and do not like it. I offered to spend more time at his place and make a point to visit them, they said it is not necessary.
Then they say I must listen to them, give in to what they want before they can consider that I would bring them out and whatnot.
Give in to what? Listen to what? If it is going to their place and having a meal with them, did I not offer? Did I not set a day and time, said I would go over every Friday and Sunday? They are the ones who said not necessary!
I already have so many things on throughout the week. Only Fridays to Sundays I am free. Yet I offered to go to his place on Fridays and Sundays. If we go out on Saturdays, then I hardly have time to spend with my own parents.
But they still think if I am really sincere, I would go over everyday instead of fixing a day. They said if I do not go over it means I do not love him enough and will dump him one day.
How ridiculous can that be?! Do they expect me to stop work and everything else and go to his place everyday and not do anything just to show my sincerity?
Besides, I do not see how bringing them out for a meal and spending time hanging out with them relates to not giving in or listening to them. I am offering to do that! Why? Simply because they are my boyfriend's parents and I want to be nice to them!
Other parents will bring me out before I even offered or invite me to their house personally! They always make sure I am well fed! That is how my ex's parents treated me, how my cousins' and friends' in-laws treated them.
Whereas for me, I do not even get to have a meal with his parents even when I go to his place as his parents do not cook my share and they do not like to buy food back. They just stay in their room all the time and do not talk to me. It is already a brick wall to invite them out, to talk to them, let alone them offering anything!
I seriously wonder is it because I am of another race? But he has cousins who married Chinese too! Or is it because I am not a cradle Catholic like them? If it is then I will really be disappointed because a relationship is hard enough as it is without the race and religion issue coming into the picture.
During the usual family visiting this year, my relatives say since I have found someone I ought to settle down soon, do not drag on anymore. Other parents will say if you are with a girl and find her nice, then plan the next step since you are not getting any younger.
His parents? They told him why must he get married? Spend so much time with the girlfriend, may as well not go out and stay home and focus on the affairs at home.
I never have any qualms staying with my in-laws in the future. In fact I was brought up in a family where three generations live under one roof. Hence I am all for staying with the in-laws. That is why a lot of parents like me as they think it so rare for a girl to want to stay with the in-laws in this day and age.
So I would really want to improve my relations with his parents. In case we really get to stay together next time, I like us to be amicable and really part of the family, instead of strangers under the same roof. But I am now at my wit's end what else I can do to improve the relations since traditional methods do not work!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
I am not like some who treat relationships lightly. If I make the choice to be with someone, I stick to it no matter what happens. If I do not believe in marriage, I would not have taken my relationships seriously.
Similarly I do not believe in divorce. Marriage to me is sacred. If I ever take the step to get married, it means I know what it entails and am prepared for everything that comes along with it, "for better or worse".
So since young, I already have an idea what I want out of a relationship and marriage. But when I was young I often let my emotions rule all which resulted in heartbreaks, tears and unhappiness.
Through the years I start sticking to what I want. I start looking for the best. I always have this vision that in my own relationship and marriage, I am on the best of terms with my partner's family. They treat me like their own daughter, we can go shopping, eating and travelling together as a family or even with just each other. I will have two reunions during festive occasions. It is just like having another family.
And that was what happened through the years. Half of what I wanted came true - the other half would be my partner doing the same thing - being part of my family, mingling with them, treating them as buddies.
Now the other half came true. I believe my parents really like him. In fact, the red packet my mum gave him is half the amount she gave me. First time she is so generous to my boyfriend! And my aunt and cousin gave him a red packet each too, even though he did not go visiting with us. They asked me to pass the red packet to him, and were equally generous to him.
This is a very good sign. Tonight he is invited to a reunion at my place with my dad's family. He has seen my dad's brother and a couple of my cousins and they have no issues with him. Tonight he would be seeing the rest. I believe there should not be any problem.
If only I can say the same for myself. The parents I have come across have always been warm and hospitable to me. They would bring me out for meals, shopping, call me to invite me to their place whenever they cooked too much or bought too much food, gave me nice things like snacks, bags, jewellery and clothing.
Of course whenever I visited them, I always brought something over, like fruit, food item or snacks. I really felt as if I was part of the family. When the relationship(s) ended, I felt bad for the parents that I would call them and thanked them for all they had done for me.
Which is why I do not quite relish the kind of situation I am in. I feel as if I am not in a whole relationship, only half. I was talking to my cousin last night and she told me how she first met her fiance's parents.
My cousin was here, he was in Sydney. When his parents knew about her, they specially made a trip down here to meet her. So she met them without him. They then brought her and her parents out for a meal.
His parents treat her very well. They cannot wait for them to get married, especially since the guy is the only son. They specially called her and invited her to Sydney, which was why she packed up and moved down under for a while.
Another cousin when her boyfriend was based in Hong Kong for a while, his parents met up with her and brought her out every week. During her wedding speech, she gave her immense gratitude to her in-laws who had been so kind and nice to her even when their only son was not around.
When I heard these accounts I could not help but wonder, have I done anything wrong to warrant this kind of treatment? I understand his parents can be protective, he being the only child and his parents revolve their lives around him.
Still must his parents blame me for everything - from him upgrading himself to getting more involved in religion to wanting to change job to aspiring for a better quality of life. Any normal person would want a better quality of life instead of being stuck where they are! Everyone should plan and predict the future!
Even when I offer to bring them out for a meal, or buy them food or cook for them, they refuse and do not like it. I offered to spend more time at his place and make a point to visit them, they said it is not necessary.
Then they say I must listen to them, give in to what they want before they can consider that I would bring them out and whatnot.
Give in to what? Listen to what? If it is going to their place and having a meal with them, did I not offer? Did I not set a day and time, said I would go over every Friday and Sunday? They are the ones who said not necessary!
I already have so many things on throughout the week. Only Fridays to Sundays I am free. Yet I offered to go to his place on Fridays and Sundays. If we go out on Saturdays, then I hardly have time to spend with my own parents.
But they still think if I am really sincere, I would go over everyday instead of fixing a day. They said if I do not go over it means I do not love him enough and will dump him one day.
How ridiculous can that be?! Do they expect me to stop work and everything else and go to his place everyday and not do anything just to show my sincerity?
Besides, I do not see how bringing them out for a meal and spending time hanging out with them relates to not giving in or listening to them. I am offering to do that! Why? Simply because they are my boyfriend's parents and I want to be nice to them!
Other parents will bring me out before I even offered or invite me to their house personally! They always make sure I am well fed! That is how my ex's parents treated me, how my cousins' and friends' in-laws treated them.
Whereas for me, I do not even get to have a meal with his parents even when I go to his place as his parents do not cook my share and they do not like to buy food back. They just stay in their room all the time and do not talk to me. It is already a brick wall to invite them out, to talk to them, let alone them offering anything!
I seriously wonder is it because I am of another race? But he has cousins who married Chinese too! Or is it because I am not a cradle Catholic like them? If it is then I will really be disappointed because a relationship is hard enough as it is without the race and religion issue coming into the picture.
During the usual family visiting this year, my relatives say since I have found someone I ought to settle down soon, do not drag on anymore. Other parents will say if you are with a girl and find her nice, then plan the next step since you are not getting any younger.
His parents? They told him why must he get married? Spend so much time with the girlfriend, may as well not go out and stay home and focus on the affairs at home.
I never have any qualms staying with my in-laws in the future. In fact I was brought up in a family where three generations live under one roof. Hence I am all for staying with the in-laws. That is why a lot of parents like me as they think it so rare for a girl to want to stay with the in-laws in this day and age.
So I would really want to improve my relations with his parents. In case we really get to stay together next time, I like us to be amicable and really part of the family, instead of strangers under the same roof. But I am now at my wit's end what else I can do to improve the relations since traditional methods do not work!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
1 comments:
There is only one thing better than shopping in Hong Kong, and that's eating. From small noodle joints to upscale French restaurant, you will locate all sorts of restaurant, eating hall and snack stall on earth in Hong Kong. Here I found small amount of Hong-Kong-styled snacks online (yummiexpress.freetzi.com). This is definitely a good choice before I have $ for another trip.
Post a Comment