As what a friend has told me and what I believe, the concept of a relationship is the giving and taking of two people. Afterall one cannot be in a relationship with oneself. It takes two hands to clap.
What I have learnt through the years is that there will tend to be an imbalance. One will always be of the stronger character and the other more passive. But this somehow works perfectly well because if both are strong, both will clash. If both are passive, no one will take charge and nothing will get done.
Hence one will always be the giving kind and the other taking. I have mentioned before that there should not be any calculation who gives more or who takes more as long as things work out.
However when is it too giving? I think a line has to be drawn somewhere. One should not give until one loses the ideals, principles and characters that make him him and make her her.
Take my parents for example. My mum's the neurotic, anxious, obsessive-compulsive and perfectionist kind. She is meticulous and so detailed down to everything that it is hard to keep up with her.
My dad is the oppsite. He is passive and laid-back, so laid-back that he can be downright lazy at times. Needless to say my mum is the one running the family.
But this works pretty well for my parents. If my dad is just as strong, we would have been a broken family long ago.
Similarly, if my mum is just as laid-back, then we would probably not have led the life we have been leading. So all these traits complement.
My dad is one of the few rare guys I have come across that has no qualms with a smarter, more capable and stronger wife. He lets his wife runs the show, makes the decisions, leads, and he just follows and goes along. In this respect, I really respect him. Most guys I know are too egotistical to be with a lady better than them.
Maybe because I was brought up in this kind of family, which somehow gave me a warped idea of what a guy should do. Through the years and a few heartaches later, I guess my expectations are now more realistic.
But I know myself. I take after my mum, hence I am just as strong-willed, stubborn, no-nonsense as she is. No matter how much I give in, at the end of the day I will always be unhappy if my happiness and needs are compromised.
Hence I need someone like my dad - passive, laid-back and let me run the show. Only by this will I be happy.
The someone came, not with loud gongs and fantasy music, but by silently creeping into my life and heart. Ironically I found him too soft for me in the beginning, but now I appreciate that.
By soft, I mean easy-going. He goes along with everything and gets along with everyone. He is not quarrelsome or insist he is always right. For someone born in the year of the Tiger, he is as gentle as a lamb.
Perhaps that is why we can get along so well. Precisely because my character is like this, that is why I need someone like that! That is not to say he is a pushover. He does tell people off and stand up for himself when need be.
Some people have complained I am too controlling because they think he is living my life. They think he is giving too much. They feel I should be the one giving and he should be the one taking.
But I have never asked nor imposed anything of him. He says he is happy doing what he is doing because he wants to. Anyway how would people know I am not doing my part? Do I have to deliberately show I am doing my part in front of them before they are satisfied?
Which makes me wonder, why is it when girls give in and submit to guys, and guys take for granted and do not treat her as she deserved, no one will utter a word? Is it because they think women are supposed to be subjected to the whims and fancies of men?
Yet when a man gives in to a woman simply because he wants to and just so she can be happy, everyone will label her as a bitch, that she is controlling, that she is making him a slave?
How come no one will ever take pity on the girl who gets mistreated by the guy, yet everyone labels the guy as a wimp and the girl as a bitch if the guy is the one giving in?
Relationship itself is a mystery. If this can be explained, life will be so much easier. To me I think most importantly is whatever that works. Afterall it is the couple who is happy, not anyone else for that matter.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
What I have learnt through the years is that there will tend to be an imbalance. One will always be of the stronger character and the other more passive. But this somehow works perfectly well because if both are strong, both will clash. If both are passive, no one will take charge and nothing will get done.
Hence one will always be the giving kind and the other taking. I have mentioned before that there should not be any calculation who gives more or who takes more as long as things work out.
However when is it too giving? I think a line has to be drawn somewhere. One should not give until one loses the ideals, principles and characters that make him him and make her her.
Take my parents for example. My mum's the neurotic, anxious, obsessive-compulsive and perfectionist kind. She is meticulous and so detailed down to everything that it is hard to keep up with her.
My dad is the oppsite. He is passive and laid-back, so laid-back that he can be downright lazy at times. Needless to say my mum is the one running the family.
But this works pretty well for my parents. If my dad is just as strong, we would have been a broken family long ago.
Similarly, if my mum is just as laid-back, then we would probably not have led the life we have been leading. So all these traits complement.
My dad is one of the few rare guys I have come across that has no qualms with a smarter, more capable and stronger wife. He lets his wife runs the show, makes the decisions, leads, and he just follows and goes along. In this respect, I really respect him. Most guys I know are too egotistical to be with a lady better than them.
Maybe because I was brought up in this kind of family, which somehow gave me a warped idea of what a guy should do. Through the years and a few heartaches later, I guess my expectations are now more realistic.
But I know myself. I take after my mum, hence I am just as strong-willed, stubborn, no-nonsense as she is. No matter how much I give in, at the end of the day I will always be unhappy if my happiness and needs are compromised.
Hence I need someone like my dad - passive, laid-back and let me run the show. Only by this will I be happy.
The someone came, not with loud gongs and fantasy music, but by silently creeping into my life and heart. Ironically I found him too soft for me in the beginning, but now I appreciate that.
By soft, I mean easy-going. He goes along with everything and gets along with everyone. He is not quarrelsome or insist he is always right. For someone born in the year of the Tiger, he is as gentle as a lamb.
Perhaps that is why we can get along so well. Precisely because my character is like this, that is why I need someone like that! That is not to say he is a pushover. He does tell people off and stand up for himself when need be.
Some people have complained I am too controlling because they think he is living my life. They think he is giving too much. They feel I should be the one giving and he should be the one taking.
But I have never asked nor imposed anything of him. He says he is happy doing what he is doing because he wants to. Anyway how would people know I am not doing my part? Do I have to deliberately show I am doing my part in front of them before they are satisfied?
Which makes me wonder, why is it when girls give in and submit to guys, and guys take for granted and do not treat her as she deserved, no one will utter a word? Is it because they think women are supposed to be subjected to the whims and fancies of men?
Yet when a man gives in to a woman simply because he wants to and just so she can be happy, everyone will label her as a bitch, that she is controlling, that she is making him a slave?
How come no one will ever take pity on the girl who gets mistreated by the guy, yet everyone labels the guy as a wimp and the girl as a bitch if the guy is the one giving in?
Relationship itself is a mystery. If this can be explained, life will be so much easier. To me I think most importantly is whatever that works. Afterall it is the couple who is happy, not anyone else for that matter.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
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