Of Men And Their Egos

What is it about men and their egos? Honestly, why do they have to keep emphasising they are men so they cannot do this or that, or because they are men, so they should do this or that, and because I am a woman, so it is ok for me to do this or that? Does it make a difference nowadays which gender you are to do anything, most of all God's work? Must one even calculate what you want to do as long as it is for God? In the first place, if one does not contribute for God and for oneself, then the whole mentality and priority is wrong, and people like these should really re-examine themselves what their value systems are in the first place.

What I really, absolutely, truly, cannot tolerate is men who think they lord over the women, and just because they are upset, the whole world have to be upset with them, and because they are angry with this and that, the partner (woman) also have to cut off all ties and contact too. Who does he think he is? The woman has her own life and decision too! If what she is doing is right, why must she give up just to pander to a man's whims and fancies? If he is so insecure, it is his own problem! Do not blame the whole world for your own insecurities!

Sometimes when things do not go one's way, maybe it is not the time yet, or maybe something better is coming, or maybe some tests have to be put through first. But do men consider these? NOOOOOOOO..... They think as long as things do not go their way, it means the whole world has gone against them, which means the woman herself should also be angry with the whole world just because the men think the whole world is against him. Why do I always come across men like that? And people say older men are more mature? What nonsense!

Sometimes you thought you found someone right for you, only to realise he may not be the one. But then, is there someone totally right in the first place? Everyone has their own shortcomings, it only depends on how much you can tolerate and what you can stand. I totally cannot stand a guy who is so whiny and egotistical. Yet I cannot change him because this is who he is. Despite everything, it is my choice whether to continue or to let go.

Letting go because of small issues is not worth it. But letting go because he is so downright scummy and jerky is justifiable. So which decision shall I make now? He can flare up now, and he promised me this would never happen again. But who is to know whether it would happen again? He could shout and scream and demand his way now, who is to say he will not turn violent and hit me the next time round? Do I really want to stick around for that to happen?

People say a relationship and ultimately a marriage is a lifetime of commitment. I always thought commitment means sticking with the person through thick and thin. And I have always adhered to that. Unfortunately, none of the guys I went out with adhered to that. They would come along at the thick, but disappeared at the thin, leaving me to fend for myself.

Since then, I have built a shell around myself, because that is the best defense against heartache. It is not healthy, I know, but what if I meet another scummy man? What then? Do I give the whole of myself only to have my heart broken again? Each time I have my heart broken, I always feel as if a part of myself was torn apart, never to recover. I fear the next time I get my heart broken, I shall never ever recover and go around like a living zombie.

And that is what is happening right now. I cannot believe I still feel heartache and loss. It is supposed to be such a simple decision, yet why am I in two minds about it? Why is this decision so hard to make? Am I still not strong enough, not dedicated enough, not committed enough? Is it not enough that I know what kind of person I want and the kind of person I absolutely cannot tolerate? So what shall I do, really?

Yet Another Inspiring Weekend!

It was truly another inspiring weekend, except something happened earlier on which spoilt my entire mood. But these two things are separate, so I shall just mention the weekend first. The participants are generally a better bunch than the previous weekend I sat in. This group is more open, more willing to share and more committed. With the exception of one, all stayed throughout, and really participated openly and sincerely.

What got me really happy is that despite all my fears about sharing what I shared, no one judged me. No one criticised. In fact, I got a number of encouraging feedback, which made me feel warm all over. And some truly did get inspired by my sharing, which is the fundamental reason why I agreed to present in the first place - to help and inspire others and hopefully to make a difference in their lives.

Hence, I am more inspired by them than they by me. Because despite all the time and intensity of the weekend, they went away inspired, which made me inspire to want to do more to help others. And by others, I mean the community, the lives of others and the general public, and not just one person alone.

Which is why I intend to continue, despite what ultimatum a particular person gave me! If that person chose to throw tantrums and start being difficult, I will still stand my ground because I am doing this for God, for the bigger picture, and not for myself, and least of all, not for anyone else!

First CHOICE Weekend Of The Year

The first CHOICE Weekend of the year starts tonight. I am rather nervous. I always get nervous when speaking in public, because I never know if I sound right or got the message across. Besides, this time round, I will be sharing some of my deeper secrets which not many people actually know. I wonder how others will view me after that?

Actually for the past few years ever since something happened, I have been trying to forget my past. I finally built up my confidence, improved relations with the people around me, and generally have a better life than before. Do I really want to spoil it all by dwelling on the past?

But after attending CHOICE and being asked to present, I got so inspired by all the life stories of the other presenters. They shared so openly and honestly. It got me thinking that perhaps only be facing the past can I truly overcome my issues and live life anew.

And the sermon I heard on Christmas kind of became an affirmation - we are all sinners, which is why Jesus was born to cleanse us of our sins. Hence no sin is too big to be forgiven. That made me have the courage to face up to everything and to share with the new batch.

I hope no one got too turned off or started judging me too harshly! Well... I just have to wait until the end of the weekend to find out!

Final Workshopping And Mass

Tonight was the final workshopping and pre-weekend mass for the first CHOICE Weekend of the year. We cleaned up all our talks and decided on the sequencing. After that we had a mass for the whole team.

This is my first official presenting weekend, so I am really looking forward to it! I only hope the participants are nice and open people, instead of the shallow and close-minded ones I have seen in some of the weekends!

The Asians' Way Of Upbringing

I seem to be facing lots of parental and upbringing issues these few days. Just when I raved about my parents still thinking I do not know how to run my life, and how my tutoring assignment got terminated simply because the parents blamed me for their child not reading, today I read news about a "tiger mother" in America, about an Asian parent's way of bringing up her children.

The article and the book (incidentally I have not come across a copy in our local bookstores) shocked many people. Many parents will protest on how can she treat her children this way, on how can she bring down her own children?

But to me, I am not surprised. I am brought up in a conservative Asian family too. My mum also ruled the family with an iron fist. It is to be her way or the highway. Since young, I, too, had to be the best. If I got even nine out of ten on a spelling quiz, she would cane me. Nine out of ten equates to ninety out of hundred, so I got ten strokes of the cane - for the ten points which I supposedly lost.

Whenever she gave me a spelling quiz, the words had to be perfect. If I so much as misspelt one word, she would scream into my ear, calling me stupid, idiot, a loser. If she gave me Mathematics problems (my worst subject), and I did not know how to do, again she would call me stupid, idiot, a loser, and a whole lot of other names.

I was not allowed to do anything else except study and the series of enrichment courses she sent me to. She would schedule my time for me - how long to set aside for study, how long to set aside for music practice. The way she scheduled my time everyday left me no time to even watch any television, read a book or just generally take a break.

Even during school vacations were the same. I had to complete assessment books which she would check when she returned home from work. I could not go out with my friends. Where my friends had CDs and went for movies, I was kept at home with no radio, no Walkman and no tapes even. I could not go for any parties or even go with my friends shopping after school.

I had to go straight home, as when two o'clock came along, she would call my house and ensured I was home. If I was so much as late as one minute, she would interrogate me on my whereabouts, even though sometimes it was because my lessons were let off late. She even made me stop extra-curricular activities just because my results dipped a little.

I absolutely hated this life. I was so envious of my friends who could go for tea dances, parties, hanging out, go for movies, got in touch with the latest songs, watched the latest drama serials, everything a typical teenager during my time did. I was so cut off from the rest of the world! I could not even watch television even for one hour a week, my mum removed the television wire so no one could watch, and she never failed to remind me that because of this, everyone else suffered as they too were cut off from everything.

It did not help that whatever I did was never enough. No matter how well I did in school, how good my music playing was, my mum was never satisfied. It was as if getting praised and an encouragement would suddenly make me turn bad.

What got me really angry was she tore away my favourite book. I was studying for a test for the whole day. I complied with everything my mum had said. I did whatever she wanted - no going out with friends, no watching television, no listening to music, no reading. But that day, I was already studying for the whole day. It was around four in the afternoon when I felt so tired and wanted to take a break. So I took up a book to read for a while.

My mum happened to check on me then, saw me reading, and without even listening to my explanation, yanked the book out of my hands and tore it into pieces, cover to cover. She then shouted and screamed at me, saying if she did not check on me, I would not have been studying, and would have been wasting my time doing other things. And then she kept saying I was useless, etc, etc.

There was another incident when I was a little older, already almost twenty. That was when I started going to church. I was quite involved in the youth group then, and there was once I was asked to usher because a guest preacher was in the church. The event ended late. I was asked to be more well-dressed because it was quite a formal event, and one of the parishioners drove me back after that. He was driving his whole family back too and was going my way. He happened to drive a Mercedes Benz.

My parents saw the Mercedes dropping me off at night and saw me coming into the house with a nice dress and some makeup, and threw a fit. My mum accused me of going to be a social escort, otherwise why would I come home in a Mercedes and be all dressed up? I was so angry and at the same time felt that was the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard!

Another time was when I have ended my first relationship. It was not my choice to end, but he was two-timing me and called it off. It was a year later when I entered into my next relationship. My mum said something nasty about me being a bus stop, just waiting there for bus after bus to come to me, indicating I was a loose girl who changed boyfriend after boyfriend.

So when I read that "tiger mum" article, I could totally relate to that! Because of this, I battled with my own self-esteem for a very long time. It took me a long time to realise that it is not because my mum does not love me, but it is just that the Asians' way of upbringing is to be strict and not let the children do what they like. But Asians also feel that giving out praise and encouragement will only make the children complacent and not do as well, hence by scolding and putting down will only spur them on to do better.

Hence in order to let the children be the best, they only believe in scolding, criticising, controlling and will never ever show their love, affection, praise and encouragement. Because this is how my parents have been brought up, and they survived. They did very well. But they did not realise not everyone took kindly to this kind of treatment. They did not realise the adverse effects it could have on a child.

I did not turn out that bad, but I believe if my parents had been more encouraging, understanding and affectionate, I could have done much better. If took me a long time and many issues later to finally get close to my parents and understand them from their point of view. My only regret that it took many regrettable incidents to come to that stage. I only wish we could have come to that stage much earlier then perhaps a lot of things would not have happened.

Cultivating Readers ...

Just two weeks into my new tutoring assignment, I got an email that really made my blood boil. In case I have not mentioned, in this new assignment, I was to tutor a four-year-old Russian girl, who is in kindergarten. Each session is one hour, which is nothing much I can really do during that time. Further more, she could not sit still, like any other child her age.

But instead of ensuring the girl got all the discipline, the parents blamed me for not teaching her how to read after two lessons and wanted to terminate the class. In the first place, can any child learn to read in just two hours? In the second place, the parents speak rather good English themselves, so instead of relying on external help, why could they not start off on their home?

But this is not the only family. During my own days in the education industry, I have come across many instances where parents rely on teachers and tutors to ensure the kids do well, without the parents themselves chipping in. Teachers and tutors can only do so much, but the very people whom the kids take after and look up to are the parents. Hence the foremost educator of the children are actually their own parents.

Now in this day of outsourcing, many parents conveniently outsource their children's education and upbringing to external parties. But humans are not like a job or a machine. One can outsource a job, a machine, any other technological gadgets, but one simply cannot outsource education and upbringing of the children. Despite teachers, tutors, domestic helpers and whatnot, parents still play the most fundamental role in the cultivating of the children.

I know everyone is busy. Nowadays everyone work late. Many travel frequently for work. Everyone is struggling making ends meet. We do not even have time for ourselves, let alone for other people. I can understand a little. Which is why many prefer not to have children or have just one just so they do not get more emotionally taxed than usual.

But still, if a couple chooses to have children, then it is their responsibility to bring up the child, is it not? A parent's love is not just bringing in money and buying the best things for the child, it is also the time spent to cultivate, nurture, communicate and educate the child. What is the use of having a child only to neglect or place him in the care of someone else?

I cannot profess I am that well-brought up, but I believe my mum did a good enough job. Even though she still thinks she can control my life, but still, without her, I can never be who I am. She was the one who cultivated my love for reading, who tried to bring me up bilingually, who tried to inculcate the right values in me, who tried to bring me up as a good person.

And I think she has succeeded somewhat. I am not flawless, but at least I have no vices and I am pretty grounded in my values, because they have been inculcated since young. Even though I always wish she can be more open-minded and not the ultra conservative typical kind of Asian parent, still I think I am not a bad person per se.

Hence the parents play the most part. If they do not spend time with the kids, who can they blame if the kids grow up not being close to them? Similarly, if parents themselves do not read, how are they going to cultivate readers? I am lucky in the sense that both my parents love to read, so since young, I have been surrounded by books, but I know most of my friends do not read. As in do not read for leisure, they only read on how to make more money or how to make their investment grow instead of real fiction leisure reading, and the heavy literature I read.

And I feel sad for their own kids, because if both the parents do not read, they will not introduce books to the kids since young, and the kids grow up not knowing the joy of flipping page after page digesting a good book, and spend the time playing violent computer games, where they may grow up becoming mass murderers or shallow in their thinking.

Thus cultivating readers start from parents themselves, and have to start from young. Even if I cannot remember everything else my parents ever did for me, the only thing I can really remember is they cultivated my love for reading. I mean reading books and not reading from the internet or a computer screen. And that is something I intend to pass on, and hopefully my own future children will pass on too.

More Generation Gap?

Do you not just hate it if your parents try to run and control your life? I mean, how old am I already, does my mum think I do not know what to do with my life? I spent so long building up a career, which I can say the level of success I wanted in this area is almost there. I spent so long searching for a soulmate, which I think I have found but sometimes I do have my doubts. I spent so long battling with self-esteem issues, which to me this has already been over and done with, or at least I hope so.

So why would my parents still think I do not know how to run my life and want to interject and plan my future for me? What I do now and in the future is my own business, is it not? It is my life, not theirs. It is my own preference, not theirs. So what if I follow my own way and not go according to theirs?

Just like this morning, my mum asked when do I intend to settle down. Erh.... I will settle down when I feel like settling down, and not because anyone ask me to. In any case, it is not as if I am going to drag on for life. I have my own plan too.

But she said, if he does not intend to do anything, then break up and move on. Does not intend to do what? No doubt there is no time limit on when to settle down, but still, I am the girl after all. Should I be so desperate to ask him to marry me and scare him away? In any case it is not as if he does not want to get married, but just because he is not as quick or proactive does not mean we do not have our own plans, although not in fruition yet.

Worst thing is that, my mum says better get married this year, then I can have a kid next year, then another kid two years after, and that is it. Stop at two. Okay... since when did my parents get into the habit of not only planning my life, but my entire family too? Should this not be done of my own preference? Even if I get married and not have kids or have whatever number of kids, it is my business, and not anyone else's.

And then she says I need to solve my housing issue. I said I have some areas which I am looking into, but the flats are not built yet, so until then, I am still treading and looking around. She says if they are not built, then go rent a place or get a second hand place! Why do I have to spend years waiting for a new place?

I am the one who is going to get my own place in the near future! Should I not have the right to decide where to live and what type of property to live in? Why should she even decide that for me? I cannot stand renting, as one have to put up with the landlord's terms and conditions. Even if the whole place is being sublet, I am still not the legal owner, hence there will somehow be restrictions.

As for second hand, how would I know what kind of people stayed in there before? What if someone was ever murdered or committed suicide in the place before? What if the place used to be a prostitution den? What if the place used to be occupied by foreign workers who did nothing but smoke, drink and copulate?

At least in getting a brand new place, I know what I am getting, and I can relish the feeling of owning my own place, somewhere where I can stay for a long while yet, somewhere I feel proud to raise my kids in, instead of some dodgy place where one has no idea of the background.

I told my mum, if I am to get married, it will be done properly because it will only be once in my lifetime. Hence I intend to have a church wedding. That is something that cannot be compromised. And I want to choose the church to marry in, and not just any mere church. Unfortunately, churches are normally fully booked, so even if I do want to get married this year (which is not the case), it is too late to book the church for this year, so even if I want to, I have to book for next year.

Then she said, why must I marry in church? Why not just go to the office of the marriage registry, sign the legal papers and that is it? Arrrrghhhh! Why must she even control how and when I intend to get married? It is my life, my decision, do I not have the right to do it my way, just for once?

Sometimes I really cannot fathom parents! Why do they have to control everything, even when it is the biggest decision of your own life and not theirs?

Carmen ...

I just came back from a rendition of the opera "Carmen" by Georges Bizet. I have always loved the songs and when I saw the Lyric Opera putting up the show, I went to get the tickets immediately. Finally I got to watch the full opera!

It was an opera in three acts. The story focused on gypsies and the decadence of a gypsy woman who did not believe in true love and felt she could have plenty of lovers. Bear in mind that this story supposedly occurred in the eighteenth century, hence in those days, this is considered decadent, unlike modern times.

It was a tragic story at the end, but the songs and dance were really good! The opera consisted of a few groups of performers, whom I thought could have done better, but still, it was a pretty good rendition. How I love the flamenco dance and the tapping and swaying of the bodies, as well as the long flowing skirts and costumes!

I have not watched any other rendition hence cannot really compare, although I heard there are better renditions out there. Hopefully I will have the chance to see that in this lifetime!

Uncovering Pompeii ...

I have wanted to go to the Pompeii Exhibition ever since I heard my colleague mentioning it. However since I started my new job, I have not had the time to do lots of things.

Today, being Sunday, we decided to go since it was the last day of the exhibition. And just as well we did because today happened to be the museum open house, so anyone can walk in and go to any exhibition for free! How lucky!

It was quite an experience seeing the exhibition and watching a small clip on how the volcano erupted and the whole town got buried. I also got to learn more about the Roman empire and the history behind it.

The best way to describe the whole thing is through pictures, so here they are! The ash-covered people, animals and household items evacuated from the soil, throwing light that Pompeii did ever once exist!

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Third Chingay Rehearsal

I went for the third Chingay rehearsal earlier on. This would be the last rehearsal before the Lunar New Year holidays before the actual performance.

This time round, I helped the participants with their makeup. After the makeup class last week, we had to re-create the look. Hence, the participants applied lots of powder to their faces and drew the lines where the makeup was to go on.

After helping out and almost making a disaster, I realise that I still have lots to learn where my makeup skills are concerned. I am not able to do other's makeup properly and effectively. Seems that I need to enroll and refresh my makeup skills again!

The next rehearsal will be after the Lunar New Year. Looking forward to this long "break"!

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Year Two, First Semester

My timetable for the next semester is up! I will be taking four modules - Learning English, Redesigning English, The Realist Novel and Romantic Writings. I will be taking written examinations for two modules while the other two will be solely coursework.

"Learning English" is on the acquisition of language as a baby to tertiary level. "Redesigning English" is on the evolution of the English language through the years. "The Realist Novel" is on Victorian texts like Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice, Charles Dickens' Great Expectations, Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, and Ivan Turgenev's Fathers and Sons. "Romantic Writings" is on poems and essays during the Romantic period. So interesting!

My classes will commence on the last week of January (next week actually) and be on every Thursday and Friday. Due to the Lunar New Year holidays, there will be makeup lessons on the first week, which means I will have classes next Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday! Unfortunately I will have to miss all since I will be involved in the CHOICE weekend.

My first assignments are due on 10 and 11 February respectively. Come to think of it, the deadlines are not far off. I better start preparing and reading in advance!

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Third Workshopping

Tonight was the third workshopping session of the upcoming CHOICE weekend. I managed to finish all my talks and read to the facilitators. Save for some minor comments, my talks are just about ready to go.

Next week will be the final workshopping and pre-weekend mass. Now that the weekend is approaching, I am waiting in anticipation to how the weekend will be like. Will I inspire the participants, or will they think me a loser for things I have experienced?

This is probably the only weekend I will be presenting in a while, so I really hope I can make a difference, no matter how small, to the lives of others!

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What Contributes To Declining Birth Rates?

The government here is getting pretty worried, because 2010 has one of the lowest birth rates. Now the higher-ups are worried that people are not producing enough to replace the aging population.

Our government is really good. First they play matchmakers, without success. Then they plan people's family lives for them, again without success. Then they give money to those who give birth, but to the couple in question, they will think it is not enough to raise one child.

No longer is it during our parents' or grandparents' times where families have ten children or so. I have many cousins and relatives because my extended family is very big. But come to my generation, I believe the pyramid will only taper downwards as families are getting smaller and smaller.

The government can do all they can to organise single events and encourage others to give birth, but what are they doing about it? Firstly, many people do not know how to mingle. Yes, they go for single events and whatnot, but what is the use if people go and then just stare at each other? The purpose of going to a singles event is to talk and mingle and make friends right? So if they just end up staring at each other or into space, then it defeats the whole purpose, and that is why there are still so many singles out there.

Secondly, even for people who meet, fall in love and start dating, many I know are unwilling to settle down. They do not see the need nor the urgency. They can have long relationships of nine years or so, but still do not feel the need to settle down. This applies more to guys who like to drag the girls on and waste their time.

When are guys ever going to get that it does not matter to them, but matters a lot to the girl because a woman's youth is limited and if she wants to settle down, it means she wants to do it before she gets too old to conceive? Hence if the guys are not serious, then please be responsible and stop dragging a girl down!

Thirdly, even for people who do intend to settle down, there are so many issues invovled. Housing, for one. What one pays for a flat here is able to buy a mansion, two luxury cars and a big piece of land in say Canada or Australia. With the amount used to pay for a flat, plus household expenses, plus bills, even in a duo-income family, there is hardly any left to spend on child-bearing. And no insurance, company or even the government is going to reimburse the amount spent on gynaecology checkups, actual hospitalisation for giving birth and any complications after that.

Fourthly, people are getting married later. This should not be the case, but it just happens to be. No longer are those days where people meet each other, settle down after university and raise a family. Life is no longer that simple. Nowadays often do we meet people at the wrong times. So by the time someone actually settle down, they can be well in their thirties or fourties, which for women, are biologically hard to conceive anymore.

Fifthly, last year, being the year of the Tiger, many Chinese still tend to avoid having kids during this period of time. Most will wait until the Rabbit or Dragon year to plan for a child.

Sixthly, in this fast-paced society where everyone is busy and stressed, it is also hard to conceive. When people are stressed and busy and they start having hormonal imbalance, the body does not have the proper environment to breed a child.

Hence, all these contribute to declining birth rates. But personally, I feel having children and how many one intends to have is a matter of personal preference. I always say I like to have four or five kids, but that was when I was younger. Now at my age, I wonder if I can still conceive even? Maybe I will stop at two, the most three if still possible, as lesser kids mean more time to cultivate and nurture them.

Perhaps I am not doing my part because the ideal number now is at least three kids per couple. But with the high cost of living, the lack of support and the amount it takes to raise even one child, can one really blame the couple if they do not intend to have kids or have only one?

Maybe if more benefits or welfare, or support is given (not just to the mother but also to the father), then perhaps it is feasible to have more children. But until then, having children is one's free will. No one, not even the highest authority, has the right to plan one's family for them.

Manly Woman Or Girly Girl?

Earlier on, my dear remarked that I should have taken Technical in school instead of Home Economics. When I asked him why, he said the subject would suit me since it is a "manly" subject.

When I was in school, the girls would take Home Economics where we would learn cooking, baking, nutrition, sewing, embroidery, fabrics and running a household. The guys would take Technical where they would learn woodwork and metalwork. This went on until the mid-nineties where the new system required both girls and guys to learn Home Economics and Technical.

In any case, he made that remark due to the "manly" traits which he think I have. But I told him I hate doing woodwork and metalwork. Do not ask me to change a lightbulb or repair the stove. I still prefer cooking, baking and sewing - more "feminine" hobbies.

I guess sometimes impressions do stick to others. Maybe I have given the impression of being a super perfectionist, control freak and strong-willed - traits typical of many men, whereas the typical female traits like gentleness, accommodating to others, being demure are lost to others.

But that does not mean I indulge in "guy" stuff and hate "girl" stuff. I like to dress up and makeup like any other girl. I like to shop, even though the way I shop is different from the way most women shop. I love babies and children, and love to make my man feel good too (despite his irritating ways).

So how can anyone judge by the cover? First impressions may count, but I still believe if you do not go into the core of the person, you will never know how the person is like, and sometimes, the core may surprise you much more than mere first impressions.

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A Surprise Winner

The Golden Globes results are out, and "The Social Network" swept almost all categories, or rather, quite a number of categories. What really took me by surprise was that I did not find it a really fantastic show. I mean, the show is good, and the actors played their parts well, but comparatively, there are better shows out there which I think are more deserving to win. So how can "The Social Network" even be winning the Best Picture?

My dear says this can be due to propaganda. Afterall, it is a show on the story behind Facebook, and now probably half the entire world's population are on Facebook. Due to this, the show probably won due to the popularity and media hype.

But still, personally I would think if that is the basis of winning, then it is unfair. Many shows I come across are very good, but because they are not broadcasted or advertised widely, no one bothered to watch these shows, but these are the shows that are better than many of the mainstream, highly hyped-about shows around.

The Golden Globes is the precursor to the Academy Awards. I am rather disappointed. Aside from the show having good actors, I seriously do not think it deserves a Best Picture win. I believe there are better shows around, in terms of storyline, plot, and the message behind the show.

Hence I am hoping that during the Oscars, a more deserving show gets the Best Picture win. I have no idea what the nominees are, but hopefully this year's selection will be better!

A Kiddy Party

Last night I attended the first birthday party of the son of a very good friend. I had no impression of my own first birthday party, but then again, would anyone remember their own first birthday party?

When we reached there, the baby was napping. So we sat down, ate and chatted with friends.

Then the host carried the baby out. Everyone was going goo ga over him! It has been so long since I attended any first birthday party that I cannot even remember how the excitement and pleasure over the newer generation is!

But I absolutely love the cake! The number one cake, signifying the baby turned one, but to me I think it also signifies the baby is number one in the parents' hearts and lives, and what they hope for him to be - Number One!

Doesn't the cake look good?

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Start Of A New Cathechism Class

Cathechism has started, and I went for class today. The first lesson was just to get to know the kids, administration stuff, introduction of ourselves and laying down the ground rules.

There are mire girls than boys this time round. Hopefully this will mean the class will be quieter and better behaved. The girls are quiet whereas the boys are the chatty and mischievous kinds, as always!

It will be the first official lesson next week. We have been told to prepare the topic "Letting God Into Our Lives". Interesting, but hard to bring across to the kids what is required.

I only hope this year will go better than last year and that there are fewer troublesome kids in the class for this year!

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Lipstick Or Lipgloss?

Going to the makeup class brings back memories. I used to go for a series of makeup classes when I was younger. I wanted to learn how to put on eye tape, create the double eye lids effect, make my nose bridge higher, and affix fake eyelashes. I even bought a whole series of books on how to groom and makeup!



Besides moisturizer, two things I can never do without - mascara and lip colour. Even if my face is totally bare and I have no mascara, I still will apply lip colour. Somehow that just makes me feel better.



I have a variety of lipsticks and lipglosses. I have those that flick on your lips with a stick, those that come in little pots and you need a brush to apply, and also those that come in little tubes where you squeeze the cream out.



Unlike some girls I know, I never have a preference over lipsticks or lipglosses. I use whichever that suits the occasion.



A few years back, when I started having cracking lips, I stopped using lipsticks. Some petroleum jelly and lipgloss did the trick, so I continued using lipgloss.



However, or maybe it is the kind I use, I find that applying lipgloss is just like applying lip balm - there is no colour and your lips do not look that great either. I have yet to achieve the ultra shiny glossy look that the actresses always seem to have - even after swimming or eating a big meal. I can never get that kind of effect.



Besides lipglosses have to be squeezed out of a tube and then either apply with my finger (not recommended) or a lip brush. The lazy bum in me simply does not bother anymore and hence switched back to lipsticks where just by removing the cap, the colour can be slicked on so easily.



Unfortunately, lipsticks have a more drying effect, especially those matte kinds. Lipglosses are more moisturisung because they are more runny and creamy. There are now glossy lipsticks but between that and gloss, I still prefer gloss to achieve that ultra glossy look which I am still trying to achieve. After a few applications, my lips start drying up again so I have to be careful whenever I use lipsticks.



I guess for a female, she will never be able to have enough lipsticks and lipglosses. I have not come across a typical girl who wears solely lipstick or one who wears solely lipgloss. In most cases, it is always a combination of the two. Afterall, beauty magazines have taught that the best way to achieve a sexy pout is to apply lipstick, then apply gloss to the middle of the lips. That will create a kind of 3D effect on the lips, making them seem curvier and sexier.



At the end of the day, I cannot pinpoint which I prefer too, so I have to continue using both or interchanging. A sexy pout is not that easy, we dress up well to make our man happy too!



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A Makeup Class

Today was the makeup class for the Chingay performers and volunteers. As in, we were taught how to make up, not a class which we missed.

The instructor showed us a picture of Natalie Portman in her latest movie, where she had on black eye shadow from her lids all the way to her brows and to the temples of her head.

The instructor taught us how to catch the light, the lighting effect, contouring and blending. No wonder young girls are so desirable. Whatever they wear looks good on them, whichever makeup they use simply soaks into their skins.

Whereas I have to spend time, money and effort just to look relatively well-maintained. Even then I have to constantly watch myself as I cannot pull off some looks anymore. Makeup looks that make me look elegant when young now looks garish on me.

A woman's youth is really that limited. Yet why do men get better looking when they age? Life is just so unfair!

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Second Workshopping Of The Year

I went for the second workshopping session last night. This time round, I presented the new talk I wrote and edited one which I presented last week. So far there have been favorable comments to the talks I wrote.

I am soon getting to have the complete set! Last year, I presented two talks, this time round, I will be presenting three talks. All in all, there are nine talks and I have five now, still four more to go.

I love CHOICE because most of the people there really practice what they preach. I feel belonged, welcomed and at ease. Best of all, I can relate my experiences and what I have gone through without any reservations and not be judged.

This is the kind of Christian I yearn to be. Despite the little disagreements with some people, in general the people there are all very staunch, giving and obliging. They give of their time, home and resources without complaints.

This is the kind of family I have always wanted and one I will want my children to grow up in and be a part of.

Another Tutoring Job

Recently I took up another tutoring job. The one I took up last month is still ongoing, and the mother of the child has commented the boy has improved. This new job is for a kindergarten girl whose parents are from Russia, so my job is to teach her how to speak and read in English.

I realise she did not quite know her ABCs, so I spent the session revising the alphabet and reading her books to her. From what I can see, her parents are quite supportive. It is good to have supportive parents as that makes the job easier. On the other hand it also makes the job harder because the parents will then pick on the little things more.

Today's session was rather fruitful. At least the girl got to know her ABCs and pronunciation. I only hope she can remember all these when I go over again next week!

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An Overdue Orientation

Today I had the New Hire Orientation, after one and half months of joining the company. Seems like for the higher ranking staff, they would have a personal orientation and tour on the first day, whereas for small fries like us, the Human Resource would gather a group and then conduct the orientation.

It was just a normal Human Resource introduction, on the company policies, procedures, benefits and compliance. Nothing which I already do not know. But at least in attending this, I got to know more clearly what is required and what I can or cannot do.

The only thing is I hope the company does live up to its promise where the welfare and benefits are concerned! I do not wish to be played out again!

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Cathechical Sunday And Meeting

Today was Cathechical Sunday. Has it been a year already when I got inducted as a Cathechist? Today was the day when all the Cathechists got together. Our coordinators talked about the programs lined up for this year. Looks like it is going to be another busy year ahead!

After the meeting, we were put into different groups to discuss the levels we would be teaching. I will be taking the same level and time again, with the same partners, whereas Mr DC is lucky to follow his class up to Confirmation Two.

The whole meeting was followed by a mass, then lunch after that. Next week will be the official start of the Cathechism term. I hope and pray that this year's class will be a better lot than last year's!

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First Chingay Volunteer Meeting

I just came back from the first volunteer session for the Chingay parade. Apparently this is the first time the school is involved in Chingay, so the coordinators had no idea what to do or what went on as well.

When we went for the briefing, we were given a T-shirt and the group we would be taking charge of. Then we boarded the bus to take us to the venue.

Dinner was catered, and the dancers were called to practice the steps and procession. Since there was nothing much for us volunteers to do, we just sat around chit-chatting or watching the procession trying to get together.

The dancers came back after an hour or so, but only for a short break, before going off to practice again. Around nine at night, the coordinators told us volunteers to go off as it did not make any sense to stay on since we were only there to help look after the belongings, which were all huddled in a circle and one person was enough to keep an eye on them.

Just as well we went off when we did as it had been a tiring day and we had to attend a Cathechists' meeting first thing tomorrow morning to kickstart the new term.

Next week will be a makeup class where we will be taught how to apply performance makeup, as we would need to help the performers do makeup as well. Looking forward to that!

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ASEAN Women's Rights And Child Protection

Today we went for a talk given by AWARE (a female rights group) on the role and treatment of women in Asia. Initially I thought the talk would touch on how women were discriminated around the ASEAN region, but it turned out that the talk was more on the various (or lack of) support groups that are helping the women who were discriminated.

I am not really a feminist, although some may disagree. I go for events like these for information sake, but I do not go all out to fight for equality of the sexes.

All I am saying is that, with the evolution of society, the roles of men and women are now less defined. There is no longer things like an exclusively man's job or an exclusively woman's job anymore. In this case, there should be less gender discrimination and more equality in terms of pay packages.

In any case, it was a rather interesting talk. It is good to know that women around the region can find help and support too, that they are not alone in their sufferings.

There are more interesting talks coming up, but I am so tied up until February that I do not think I have the time to attend any of those. Hopefully more of these interesting talks will come along throughout the year!

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Working While Training

In the past when I went for training conducted by my employers, I was always able to go with a peace of mind. However this Sharepoint training was different.

The previous trainings I have been to, when it was during office hours, I was always able to go off after that. But this time round, I had to stay back to finish up my work after the training day.

I wonder why when I am away for training and not at my desk, all of a sudden there are urgent things needing attention? And it was not as if the deadline is the next hour or so, everything will only be finalized in two weeks' time.

Plus now is the New Year period, many people will be on vacation. How can anyone give me something on Monday and expect me to get everything done instantly? So many people are away, I cannot even get all the approving officers together!

By right when I am on course, I would normally not think about work. But this is the first time I have to run back and forth doing work and attending a course at the same time.

Now I truly appreciate how those higher ranking people really feel - that they have do much things to do that they are not able to even go for their course or vacation in peace!

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SharePoint Training

For the past three days, I have been having a three full day training on Sharepoint. This is the portal for my company's intranet, where all the information, documents, policies and templates from the various departments are found.

Apparently, Sharepoint evolved from FrontPage. I remember when I was still in school, we had to go through a series of computer lessons. So I took FrontPage, Flash, Photoshop, even Dreamweaver, yet I have not had the chance to use a single one of those programs as yet.

Hence when I was trying out the Sharepoint program during the training, it was quite hard to maneuvre. When the instructor taught us how to upload files and documents, there were many steps involved.

Initially the steps got rather confusing. But as I continued playing around with the portal, I find that it is quite easy to use. One only needs to get used to playing around with the site.

This Sharepoint training is for me to familiarize with the portal so as to start uploading documents and templates for my department.

Hopefully after this training I can start clearing all the backlog that was accumulated before I came on board!

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First Workshopping Of The Year

I will be presenting for the CHOICE weekend which will be held at the end of January. After my observation last year, this will be the first time I am actually presenting and I must say, I am really excited and looking forward to it!

We had the first workshopping session last night. I drafted out a couple of talks which the other presenters said were good and I just had to tweak a bit. I was also told to write a new talk, which I find challenging as I had no idea how to start.

There will be three single presenters. Since there are a total of nine talks, each of us singles will take three each. We would be taking the ones which we have not written or presented, so now I will have three addition talks together with the two which I presented last year.

It was an enjoyable workshopping. Again I must say I am really inspired by the people in CHOICE and the presenters because they give and share so much willingly with no strings attached. And they do not judge or label but just listen and empathize with one's experiences.

Many people I know always think Catholics are not true "Christians" but what is a true "Christian"? If a true "Christian" is one that behaves in a kind way and not spread rumors or get judgmental, warm and friendly and giving to all, respect other's religion and behaviour and practice the ways of the religion, then the Catholics I know are indeed true "Christians". I have had benefitted from their kindness and hospitality many a times.

Much better than some of those other Christians I know who claim to be so active in their own church yet go around asking for free sex from people, claiming that God says must love everyone so he is "loving" everyone, or forever trying to covert others to their one "true" religion without thinking that others have their own beliefs too.

The Catholic church has everything. We have prayer meets, similar to the Christian cell groups. We have youth groups, charismatic prayer groups, Cathechism (like the Christian Sunday School). We have church choirs, ensembles and bands. We have drama groups.

We have a variety of programs and retreats. There is CHOICE for singles, Engaged Encounter and Marriage Preparation for couples intending to get married, Marriage Encounter and Couple Empowerment for married couples, Ratravouille for troubled marriages, and even Beginning Experience for those who have been divorced and widowed.

Not to mention the humanitarian and social mission groups which the Archdiocese set up. So Catholics have a very comprehensive support group for people of all levels and walks of life! What more need I ask for in a religion?

In any case, it was a fruitful session. Now I have been challenged to write a new talk for the next workshopping next week. Hopefully I will be able to churn out one by then!

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An Even Better Tomorrow

On New Year's Day, we went to watch the Korean version of the classic show "A Better Tomorrow". While the plot of both is about the same, I prefer the Korean version because the actors are much more dashing, cool and suave.

The action scenes were the best! When the guy took out the gun to shoot in just his trench coat and sunglasses, that was just so cool! Why can my guy not look as cool as that?

The ending of this version was changed though. While in the Hong Kong version, the bad guy was killed, and one of the good guys died, leaving the other two alive, but in the Korean version, all died in the end.

What a pity! All the handsome guys died! But I still think the Korean version is an even "Better Tomorrow" than the Hong Kong version!

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The Barbecue Business

How many of us had gone barbecuing in our younger days, particularly when we were students? I still remember in secondary and university, we would celebrate the end of examinations by booking a chalet to stay for three days and a barbecue would always be held on the second night.
When I finished school, when work and other things took priority, I seldom had the chance to go barbecuing anymore especially since my friends are all busy with their own lives too.

Which is why I have not gone for any barbecue get-togethers for five years. Gosh, has it been that long? I guess my friends probably have the same sentiments as me as when a friend wanted to organize a New Year get-together at her place and she gave the option of a barbecue or a pot luck, most chose the former.

So barbecue it was. And it was a really fun gathering, where the guys started the fire and barbecued the food and we girls just sat down, chatted and waited for the food.

The barbecue business has evolved such that where we had to prepare lots of food in advance, now everything is at the tip of the finger. I remember days where I had to cook noodles, marinate chicken and buy disposable utensils, nowadays there are quite a number of barbecue wholesalers delivering food direct to your doorstep.

For instance, my friend ordered a package online from this website called Hungry BBQ. There were eleven of us so she ordered a package for ten. The package includes chicken wings (already marinated), black pepper fillet, sambal chilli sting ray, buttered corn, sweet potato, fish balls, fried rice, packet drinks, ice, disposable utensils like plates, knives, forks and spoons, skewers, tongs, brush, charcoal and starters.

You name it, you have it. The whole package cost about S$135, and if we order S$150 worth, there would be free delivery, so we topped up with a platter of fresh fruit. Hence we need not even do anything! Just one click of the mouse, everything is settled! And the food is good too!

Due to the popularity of barbecue gatherings amongst kids and students, the barbecue business is booming. Very good idea! Someone should have come up with this concept a long time ago!

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An Amazing Woman ...

Yesterday I met an amazing woman for lunch. It was a group lunch so I did not really manage to speak with her, and she is more his friend than mine.

Still, it was a great pleasure meeting her. She is pretty, tall, elegant, smart and she was from my school too, several batches my senior.

She was a former Miss Singapore Universe, has both a Masters in Arts in General Linguistics and a Masters in Science in Information Systems (and she was pursuing the two Masters concurrently while juggling a full-time job and preparing for the Miss Singapore and Universe pageants), and a PhD in General Linguistics. She married and is now exchanging discourse and discussions with all the great academics around the world.

Which is why I say she is an amazing woman! Who says women cannot have it all - beauty, elegance, sophistication, brains, family, education and friends? She is such an inspiration that I yearn so much to be like her!

Unfortunately men (at least in local context) get put off by smart, successful and educated women. Many men here still want trophy girlfriends - a woman who is seen but not heard, someone pretty whom he can show off to others, yet someone who is not that smart so he can still control her. Hence the more educated and sophisticated women here tend to remain single because the men do not seem to be able to have the confidence to date better-quality women.

Which is why she is my inspiration because here is one woman who truly has it all! And no, her husband is not local, hence not feel overwhelmed or put off by her elegance and intelligence.

How I wish I can be like her too! Perhaps one day I can also add a couple of Masters and even a PhD to my name! And I will also still have a partner and a few kids in tow too at the same time!

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End Of Partying

Today is the day when all partying ends and back to work begins. Since Christmas Eve, I had been partying almost non-stop. In fact, even before Christmas I had been eating and partying. Is it any wonder my weight remains constant instead of decreasing?

Starting with a pre-Christmas party at his cousin's place, followed by dinner at Forlino, then Christmas countdown at his aunt's place, a series of Christmas visitings, New Year countdown at a friend's place, and finally a lunch gathering at La Braceria and a barbecue dinner gathering at another friend's place last night.

It had been a great Christmas and New Year with good meet-ups with friends and loved ones. Now it is back to the normal grind of daily life, hoping that the year will go by smoothly without much glitches.

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Resolutions For 2011

I have stopped making resolutions as I always thought they never get fulfilled. However I realise that when one does not have a resolution, one tends to then get too comfortable and stop doing things. So this year, I decided to make a few resolutions of my own and to be determined to stick with them.

So what will be my resolutions for 2011? There are a few areas I am focusing on, namely slimming and health and fitness, religion, studies, and relationship, in no particular order as they are all important to me :

1. Slim down back to 45kg and make a point to exercise a few times a week, be it jogging or cycling or other forms of exercise

2. Go to church, not just on Sundays but every day of obligation, attend Novena regularly and the weekly Cathechism and singing

3. Work harder and achieve straight As in my studies

4. Save up more money

5. Be more patient and tolerant and decrease my frequency of throwing tantrums so as to curb my temper and have a better disposition

So there, my resolutions for 2011! How many will be fulfilled? I hope all. Then when another 365 days come around, I can do another reflection on the things I have achieved and the resolutions I have fulfilled for this year.

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Tentative Plans For 2011

Happy New Year! Happy 2011!

Last year had been really fruitful and I am hoping this year will be just as fruitful. Already the first quarter I have some things planned.

First up in January and February I will he involved in the Chingay procession. There will be a series of meetings and rehearsals before the actual event.

I will also take on another tutoring job addition to the current one I already have and will start on the first Friday of January.

End of January I will be presenting for the first CHOICE weekend of the year. This time round I will be presenting more talks so I hope my experiences can still inspire and benefit others in whichever way.

Come March, I will be participating in the Cycling Challenge again. This time round I hope to be able to cycle ten kilometres without falling off the bike.

In May I will be going for a business trip. I have had leisure trips and some minor leisure-cum-business trip but this will be the first time I will go on a full fledged business trip.

Seems like it will be another fruitful year ahead!

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