Feeling Violated ....

I cannot believe what happened to me yesterday! I was on the bus on the way to claim the kit for the upcoming Standard Chartered Marathon, when I felt someone's fingers stroking my hair from behind. I quickly sat forward, but those fingers moved to my neck and started stroking my neck.

Since it was quitting time, the bus was very crowded hence I could not stand up nor change places. I could only lean forward, feeling uncomfortable since I was sitting at the edge of the seat. The person behind then clasped a piece of paper in his fingers, but his hand never once retracted. I was moving sideways to prevent him from touching me again, and yet every chance he had, he would stroke my hair and neck.

I could scream of course, but the problem was that he was doing it so subtly that there was no proof whatsoever he ever violated or took advantage of me in any way. Yet I felt violated. It was clearly an outrage of modesty, the way his fingers were moving around. There is no reason why he could not put his hands on his lap or on the seat of the bus, instead of putting his hand over to my seat!

Finally he reached his stop, thank goodness! I thought I could finally sit properly again, when he threw that piece of paper he was holding onto my seat before he alighted. Out of curiosity and as proof in case anything happened, I opened the paper and saw his name and his number written on it.

Smart! Very smart! By doing this, I can easily lodge a report since I have his name and number, except in any court of law, there is no proof of any outrage of modesty. It was a crowded bus, people would lean forward and the hand could just slip out in a more comfortable position. I could not even sue!

This is one reason why I hate taking public transport! But what to do, it is the only means of transport I can have, since I am too poor to get my own car, and the guy I am with is not rich enough to get a car too. Unless I stay home everyday and not go out at all, otherwise this is my only mode of moving around for a long time yet.

I really hate men! Why do they think they can just touch a girl and get away with it?! The worst thing is, the guy I am with just laughed it off and kept teasing me about being "attractive to old men" when I told him my ordeal, when all I needed was some comfort and him sticking up for me! What is the use of being with someone if he cannot even protect me?

My Last Week

This is my last week in my current workplace. There is hardly anything much to do already. I just need to hand over stuff that is still pending, other than that, there is hardly anything much anymore.

I have already started preparing for my new job. First, I have gotten two new dresses to wear, one on the first day of my new job. Second, I have prepared the shoes to wear, and the bag to carry. Third, I will be getting a hair cut this weekend, after my paper on Friday, just before I enter the new office. Fourth, I have prepared the makeup and skincare products I would need.

A new place normally marks a new start, just like when I joined this company more than one and a half years ago. That time, I went back to the Central Business District, rushing together with the yuppies and white collars, enjoying life with food aplenty. Then when we moved out of the Business District to an industrial park, life is still quite enjoyable as we would then carpool and drive out to find food every lunch hour.

Now I will be moving to Orchard Road, where the office is smacked in the middle of Orchard Road, across the street from the hip drinking holes and chill-out places, a stone's throw away from condominium developments inhibited by expatriates, and right in the midst of the shopping belt.

I know some of my colleagues envy me for being able to find work there, but actually to me, I find it no big deal. As long as the company pays me well, I am able to find nice people to work with and there are lots of cheap, good and nice eating places where I will not need to worry where to lunch, that is good enough for me.

Meanwhile, I look forward to finishing my last week at my current place, hopefully without any glitches!

What Constitutes Proper Upbringing?

Lately there seems to be an influx of problems involving youths. Just when five youths hacked another youth to death on Halloween night, in a matter of weeks, there have been more youth slashing incidents in two parts of the country. When interviewed, there are youths who said they bring knives out "just in case". Just in case of what? In case they do need to kill someone?

Last week there was another incident involving a scholar. Due to his outstanding grades and curricular activities, he won a Ministry of Education scholarship to England to further his studies. But he was caught on campus surfing pornography involving children as young as six, indicating pedophilia tendencies. A background search indicated that he was caught peeping at girls in his school's toilet before, but because he had been punished, the school never put it on record, hoping he would change.

Now because of this, his scholarship would be terminated. His future is as good as gone. I am not sure if he would be charged since in general, the world frowns heavily upon pedophiles. One can commit murder but once one molests or rapes a little kid, he would be ostracised by everyone, even the hardcore prisoners themselves.

All these incidents made me rather sad indeed. What are the kids coming to that they think it right to do as they please? I wonder is it because of the lack of discipline, or the lack of control? Or is it the parents themselves simply have no time to monitor the kids, and as long as the kids do okay in school that is all that matters?

It makes me wonder, will I be able to cope if I ever do have kids in the future? How will my own children turn out to be? What is the success of a parent? People always say the success of a child is on how he turns out in life, but would that not be the success of a parent if he / she is able to bring a child up properly?

What, then, constitutes a proper upbringing? Why would two kids from exactly the same family and upbringing turn out different? Is it really to do with the parents or just the character and personality of the child?

Deferring An Exam

I was supposed to be taking my first paper last night, but because I am still suffering the after effects of the illness, ie feeling lethargic, lack of energy, loss of appetite and still a tad weak, that in the end I decided to defer the paper. I have not had the energy to study for it at all, and if I take the paper, I will probably fail.

Hence it is better that I defer than I fail, because if I defer, the grade will just be reflected as "Withdrawn" and I just need to resit the next time round, whereas if I fail, the grade will be reflected as "F" and that will pull my entire Grade Point Average down.

So all I need now is to focus on my next paper next week. It will be a Shakespeare paper, thus I am more confident as more familiar with the subject matter. Hopefully I can do better for this paper so at least my grades will be pulled up a bit!

Appeal For Prayers ....

My prayers never really come true. Nevertheless, I would still like to pray and appeal for prayers for all the disaster-prone areas of the region : Indonesia, Myanmar, Philippines, Cambodia, Vietnam, Thailand.

There have been volcanoes, earthquakes, floods, typhoons, forest fires. The elements that work for you can work against you too. There have been many people dead, dying and left homeless. We come from such a priviledged society, perhaps it is time to give back to the community what we have.

So please pray for a miracle and that these victims of disasters will be able to see the light and move on in their lives again!

Cathechist Thanksgiving Mass

Two Saturdays ago, we had the Thanksgiving Mass and dinner for the Cathechists in the church. I had to attend the sunset mass for this. It was a normal mass, except there was a section thanking the cathechists and appealing for more cathechists.

Around the end, the cathechists were asked to stand up and be prayed over. The priest also asked the congregation to recognise our efforts in guiding the children and forming their faith. No one knows just how thankless the job is, especially when we face kids who are not receptive and parents who are not bothered enough.

Nevertheless, despite the number of cathechists who have dropped out, I have decided to continue. I will still be taking Primary Five next year, perhaps I will try out another year and see if I want to switch to another level after that.

I hope next year will go by more smoothly than this year and the next batch of children will be better than this!

Simple Pleasures ....

I remember back in my school days, I used to crave for the simple pleasures in life - just being with the guy I loved, accompanying him on his gym and track routines, staying by his side while he did his own things. As long as I could accompany him, it did not matter where we went or what we did, even if it was an activity that bored me to tears.

As we grow up and as each of us become more affluent in our own ways, as we make our way in life, life experiences change us. Situations change us. Jobs change us. Our characters get moulded. Some of us become more aggressive. Some of us become stronger. Some of us crumble and become weaker. Some of us, the lucky ones, are simply unaffected.

Hence, the simple pleasures in life may no longer just be waiting for your loved one to come home. It may become a night of degustation to some. It may become a car ride into unchartered territory. It may become an overseas trip to a lone resort island somewhere in the Indian Ocean to some.

That is the price of growing up. The so-called "simple pleasures" in life suddenly become much bigger-scaled. It is not enough to just watch a movie and have a hawker meal anymore. It is the trend to go for fine dining. It is not enough to just have a picnic to celebrate your birthday or anniversary anymore. It is the trend to go overseas for that occasion. It is not enough to just receive flowers for Valentine's Day anymore. It is the trend to receive Louis Vuitton handbags and platinum jewellery. It is not enough to go on long bus or train rides to go anywhere anymore. It is the trend to have a car and be driven around.

As people become more affluent, these became the "simple pleasures". Anything below that is what teenagers or kids do. Anyone who is a grown up is more sophisticated than that. Hence, the simple pleasures in life is no longer just accompanying your loved one everywhere and anywhere. It is to ensure my time is also fulfilled and not a total waste.

I guess everyone goes through these phases. I used to think the simple pleasures in life is to just accompany my man, and I still do think the simple pleasures in life is to accompany my man. Except the mode is now different.

Unfortunately, he has not quite grown out of his teenage ways on what he views as the simple pleasures in life, hence his way of accompanying and my way of accompanying are very different. His is the teenage way, while mine is the supposedly grown up sophisticated way.

Who is right, who is wrong? Neither, it is just a matter of preference. Although I really prefer he starts growing up and starts indulging in the simple pleasures in life - the sophisticated way, and not the teenage way anymore.

River View ...

Two weeks ago, I went for a family lunch with a magnificent view over the Central Business District and Singapore River. I managed to take some photos of the skyline, which is not something we can see everyday, unless one happens to be working in one of those skyscrapers around the business district.

The Singapore River, flanked by the bridge, conserved shophouses and City Hall

The Padang in the background

City Hall area

The City Hall area with Benjamin Sheares Bridge and the Esplanade on the right

The Singapore Art Museum at Empress Place

The new Supreme Court

City Hall Building with the old Supreme Court (and St Andrew's Cathedral in the background)

The famous "durians" - Esplanade Theatre and Concert Hall

Suntec City and Convention Centre

Cavenagh Bridge (front) and Benjamin Sheares Bridge (back)

The Marina Bay floating platform

The building with the colourful windows is the Ministry of Communication and the Arts (the former National Police Headquarters)

The Padang with the Singapore Recreation Club

Time To Revise

I really got sick at the wrong time, just when I am in the midst of studying for a paper this week. In fact, this Thursday is my first paper, and I have no idea if I can pass. I have already passed the coursework section by the skin of my teeth, and all I need to do is to focus and do well on the examination.

But as all things go, sometimes the best laid plans often come to nought. I finished my last project only on 3rd November. I thought of giving myself the weekend off to unwind and recharge before studying. No one should begrudge me this priviledge right, especially after such a hard semester.

I thought of starting my revision last week. Then I got so sick that I could not do anything at all. And now by the time I am almost recovered and well enough to actually study, the examination starts this Thursday.

Now I am really panicking! Just when I got well, I have to get stressed up again! It should be a time for rest because I just got well, yet I have to do this battle. I really wonder how long more my body can take rushing like this, not to mention the CGPA being pulled down if I do not do well!

O God, please please please grant me a miracle!

I Lost Four Kilograms!

I cannot believe I actually lost four kilograms after last week! It must have been all the non-eating, soft diet and perspiration I have had! No wonder people tend to look slimmer after a bad illness. Now my pants do not feel that tight anymore and my dear said I do have a slimmer silhouette.

Unfortunately, my tummy bulge is still there and I have still yet to fit into some more of my pants. At least it gives me the motivation to try to shed off the rest in a shorter time! Looks like I have to live on more soupy diet and not eating much from now on!

What An Ordeal!

I had the biggest scare of my life last week. Last Tuesday (9 November), I woke up feeling chilly. I thought it was due to the weather as there was a storm brewing for the night and it was a very rainy morning. I went to work as usual, feeling sleepier than before, but again, it was the kind of weather that would put people back to sleep in an instant.

Around the middle part of the morning, I went to the bathroom. All of a sudden I blacked out. I did not know what transpired, but by the time I opened my eyes, I was sitting on the floor of the cubicle, leaning against the wall. I could barely move, and could not stand at all! Luckily at that moment, a colleague came in and I asked for help. She happened to be sitting at my side, so she asked me to wait and she asked a few more colleagues to help. So the office manager, one of the legal personnel and her came in, and my boss asked permission to go in too.

They helped me out of the bathroom and called a cab for me. They packed my bag and escorted me downstairs where the cab was waiting and sent me home. When I reached home, I plonked on the bed and slept until the afternoon. Then I went to see a doctor. I was running a fever, body ache, muscle ache, cold chills, giddy, loss of appetite and weak. I had a fever of thirty-nine degree celsius.

The doctor gave me sick leave all the way to Thursday, and he said if my fever had not subsided by then, I would have to go back and do a dengue test. That really freaked me out! When I reached home, the next couple of days, I was flat out in bed! I could not do anything at all, except to sleep and lie down. I could not eat, could not read, could not even walk about. I could only lie in bed, lapsing in and out of consciousness. I lived on half a bowl of oatmeal, half a bowl of porridge and half a bowl of soup everyday, together with lots of medication and water.

On Friday, I thought I recovered enough to go to work, but I was still feeling weak, and in the end, I had to leave early and go back to sleep again. Saturday again I was sleeping throughout. But the fever had shown signs of subsiding by then, although I started having gastric reflux from not eating much.

Sunday (yesterday) I was again in bed. By the time Sunday afternoon came around, I was well enough to at least move about the house without collapsing. My fever had by then subsided and I managed to get my appetite back a bit, that I was able to go to my dear's mum's birthday party on Sunday (last) night.

Today, I am back at work. Although still feeling a bit groggy and weak from lack of food, at least I am finally up and about again! What an ordeal! Thank goodness, I never ever want to go through that in my life again!

Black Strap Shoes ....

After a couple of weeks of searching for the perfect pair of shoes, I finally found four pairs of shoes that I can wear to work and other occasions too!

We went shopping for a while after dinner last night. I was still on the prowl for shoes to wear to work. I went by a few shoe shops but again, it was either the design did not fit or the price was not right.

Then we stepped into Hush Puppies. I saw a very elegant pair of shoes. But it cost a bomb! I can easily buy a few pairs elsewhere for the price of that one! Hush Puppies have doubled the price of their shoes!

Finally we stepped into D & C. It is not the usual brand where I would get my shoes, but there are some pretty shoes on display at very good prices.

I tried on a few that caught my eye. They are really comfortable and fitting! Even though the heels are three inches on one pair, I did not feel the slightest discomfort when I tried to walk in them.

In the end, I bought four pairs of shoes - one three-inch ankle strap heels, one platform ankle straps, one ballet pumps, and one flat wedges. Coincidentally all black in colour as somehow the other colours did not look as striking!

D & C stands for Design & Comfort and the shoes are really comfortable indeed! Besides the four pairs together cost even less than a pair of Hush Puppies, and I still got a further fifteen percent discount off the other three pairs, so it is a very good deal indeed!

Now I have no more worries on what kind of shoes to wear to my new office anymore! These shoes will probably last me for quite a long time at least!

Serving Notice

I just bade farewell to my Chief Finance Officer as he will be away for the next two weeks, which means I would have probably left before he returns. He said he is sad to see me go but he knows it is a better offer so wishes me all the best and to let him know where I end up in.

I am now officially serving notice. My last official day is 27 November, but that will be a Saturday, so by right, my last day in the office will be 26 November, a Friday.

I still have seven days of leave to clear. If I am allowed to clear the remaining leave, then my last day in the office will be 15 November (after deducting weekends and public holidays). So if all goes well, I only need to stay for another week or so!

Hopefully by next week I will know when my last official day is and last working day, then I can start making preparations to handover everything!

A Wrong Baby?

Today's newspaper reported on how a couple who went for IVF ended up with the wrong baby because the hospital injected the wrong sperm into the woman.

How is this thing ever possible? The couple in question is a mixed couple so it seems that the baby turned out a different colour. When they took the blood test, the baby has a different blood type from both parents. A DNA test indicates the mother's DNA but not the father's.

In other words, no one knows who the father is. If I am the couple in question, I will feel so pissed! Imagine if you are the couple who spent the time, money and effort in trying to have a child. The pregnancy is finally successful and you spend a happy nine months preparing and awaiting the birth of your child, only to find out it is the wrong baby at birth, how would you feel?

Luckily the couple in question has a kind heart. They have fallen in love with the baby and both husband and wife are willing to raise the child as their own. Of course the mother will want since she is the one who gave birth to the baby, but I like the father for being able to accept a child that is not his too. Afterall, it is not the baby's fault in the first place.

If this ever happened to me, I wonder what I would do? It is my child after all, but yet not from my husband. So what can I do about it? What will my husband do about it? Give the baby up, or raise him like his own?

I know if this happens to any other man, they will get so angry that they will sue the clinic in question. One does not spend the money, time and effort only to end up fathering another man's child. I think it will be very hard for any other man to accept it.

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What Is Happening To Youngsters Nowadays?

The past few days, the news going around is these few kids hacking another kid to death at an amusement park on Halloween night. What happened was that there were two kids (actually they are about nineteen years old) who happened to cross eyes with a group of four kids around the same age, so the group went after them with choppers, hacking one to death due to a staring incident.

In the first place, why would anyone go out with choppers? By doing that, were they not already have the intention to look for trouble?

The kid that was hacked died upon arrival in hospital. A young life gone just like that. It makes me really upset to think about this and I pity the poor parents who had to cope with the loss.

When the police caught up with the four youths who hacked the poor boy to death, one of them tried to escape, fell, hit his head and now undergoing surgery for brain damage in the hospital. Shall this be retribution?

Apparently all would be sentenced to death since they are past the age of being charged in a juvenile court. This is first degree murder. They can never argue that they have no intention because they brought choppers out and all four hacked one person. Even the defense of self-defense and provocation will not be valid. Furthermore, when they were arrested, they did not even feel remorseful.

Now five kids would die. Due to what? Just because they were not happy at being looked at? Five sets of parents are going to be heartbroken.

Which makes me wonder, what is happening to the kids nowadays? How are they being brought up now? Psychologists will say it is because their parents were violent and caned them often, hence they became like this.

That is so ridiculous! How many of us were not punished or even caned by our parents when young? Does that mean we all grow up being violent and going around being mass murderers?

In my opinion, it is precisely because the parents leave them alone to do as they please, did not punish and cane them nor supervise them in any violent games, hence they become like this.

Kids nowadays have some violent streak in them, probably due to the kind of computer games they play. Even for my own Cathechism kids, at the age of ten or eleven, some are already talking about killing those who offend them, assassinate someone, murdering someone in whatever way. I shudder to think what they will do when they grow up.

So is the upbringing at fault? I really do not know. But if the youths nowadays think they can feel belonged and empowered only by going around killing others, then I seriously worry for the younger generation.

It makes me worry for my future kids too, if I ever have any. At times no matter how we try our best to bring up the children, they may still end up doing the wrong things. Whose fault is it then, in this case?

Culminating Into Examination

Finally I am done with my project! I feel so relieved yet so brain dead now! Having to rush through ten assignments in total every two weeks or so is no easy feat. I do not have the energy to keep going anymore.

At least now it is all done. As to how much I can score, I will have to leave it in God's hands. For now, I only need to concentrate on the upcoming examinations.

At least this time round due to the number of assignments I had, I only need to sit for two papers. So now that the semester has officially ended, I just need to focus on studying for the two modules and hope for the best!

Feasibility Of Natural Family Planning

After refreshing on the materials given during the Engaged Encounter, I came across the section on Natural Family Planning. We were supposed to register for this course and would be called once a class starts.

As Catholics, we were told not to use any form of contraceptives as we are not supposed to be stopping life. Which means if God wants us to have a child, He will give us one. We should not stop any possible life form.

To many people, they scoff at this. Natural Family Planning means trying for a child only during a woman's fertile period. Hence if you do not wish to have a child, then either abstain or make love during her non-fertile period. That is why many will feel this is actually the most ineffective way because there will still be a chance of conception.

The thing is, not every woman has a very regular period. Of course it will be wonderful if the cycle comes on time, then it will be easy to plot which days to abstain and which days are safe.

But what about those whose cycles are not regular? How do they chart when they have no idea when the cycle may start or if there will even be any in the following month?

The rationale of using Natural Family Planning is to foster better communication and respect for each other. In other words, if the couple is not yet ready to have a child, the wife can tell her husband which days to abstain. Which means if he wears a condom or asks her to pop a pill just to have sex and not have a child, then he is not showing respect towards her since he expects her to satisfy him whenever he desires and not willing to abstain for her.

I understand the rationale completely. I do agree with it too. With the concept of Natural Family Planning, the man will not be able to do as he pleases with the woman since both the husband and wife have to practice it. Hence there will be no side effects from the pill or patch, nor reduced stimulation from wearing a condom. Both can enjoy their sexual experience to the fullest.

But just how feasible is this? As I have mentioned, not every woman have such regular cycles that they can plot exactly. For those with irregular cycles, how would they know they are safe or fertile? So there is always a risk there.

Having children is one of the most wonderful things in the world, but still, that does not mean we continue producing year after year. I love kids, but one too many is a headache too. So if we really do practice Natural Family Planning, there may always be a risk of having too many kids. Afterall, no matter how regular a woman's cycle is, there will be times when she plots wrongly too.

We have not been called for the classes yet as that will be when we learn much more about this method. Right now, I am for Natural Family Planning, not just because I am a Catholic but also because of the rationale behind it. Perhaps after going through the class, I may be more affirmed.

But whichever it is, I just leave it in the hands of God. If He desires for me to have children in the future, then I believe He will give me accordingly in His time.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Being Intimate In Every Sense

For Catholics, there is not supposed to be pre-marital sex. Personally I do think no matter what religion, it is better not to indulge in pre-marital sex. But face it, how many people actually adhere to this? I am not referring to this who blatantly sleep around with just anyone, but for people who are already adults and gone through at least a couple of relationships. I am sure there would be quite a bit of "rolling around in the haystacks".

Having said that, I am still a strong advocate of not having pre-marital sex. It is worth the wait and knowing your partner respects you fully instead of viewing you in a lewd manner is a pretty good feeling.

There are many forms of intimacy. Normally when people talk about "intimacy", most will co-relate that with sex. But intimacy is a wide term. It can range anything from hand-holding, being loving and affectionate, hugging, cuddling, kissing, and even in non-verbal ways like being soft and loving in the tone of voice and in gestures.

Afterall, I do not think one needs actual sex to show love nor to be convinced that the partner loves you. If someone needs sex to feel love, then I would say this person is very insecure, mighty inconsiderate and disrespectful and definitely barking up the wrong tree. I do not take kindly to men who ask for sex the moment they meet a woman, nor to women who think sex is the only way to keep a man.

Still, one must be aware that people are much less conservative in this day and age. Hence it is their own free will what they want to do. I am not one to judge. I just feel if a couple wants to indulge in sexual intimacy, then it should be with someone they truly love and not just any mere person. Sex itself should not be viewed so casually after all.

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Lessons From The Engaged Encounter

I am feeling so stressed now! I have one more major project to submit this week before the semester is finally done and I can focus on my examinations, but for some reason I have no idea what to do and how to start the project at all. I am already not doing well this semester as compared to the last, hence I really need to be able to score a decent grade in this project.

To kill stress, I decided to look through again the booklet I got from the recent Engaged Encounter weekend. As I have mentioned, what I am really happy about is that both of us are so in sync with each other, despite answering the discussion questions separately. At least this proves that we are just right for each other.

The Engaged Encounter weekend also clears any doubts about the relationship. I must admit that after what I have been through, I get a tad more cynical about men and relationships in general. At the back of my mind, there is still a voice telling me why would he be different from all the other jerks I have come across? Men are all the same essentially. How different can they function?

From my experience and observations, I kind of concluded that men :

1. Care only about themselves. They make the decision and expect the woman to go along, no questions asked, be it in where to eat, what movie to watch, where to go, what to do. The woman cannot protest.

2. Only believe in themselves and always think a woman's opinion will never be good. In other words, even if the man is wrong, he still thinks he is right and the woman cannot speak her mind or disagree with him.

3. Are mummy's boys. Their mother takes first priority (which is good) but they expect the woman they are with to listen to their mothers too. In other words, between the girlfriend and the mother, the man chooses to listen to the mother and do what the mother does and expect the girlfriend to do the same thing without question.

But to me, I always thought in a relationship or marriage, you put each other first. If the man is so stuck on his mum, he may as well not leave her side and find someone and just spend the rest of his life with his mother. There is a difference between showing respect and filial piety and listening to the mother for every little thing.

4. Are inconsiderate and rude creatures. They just grab the remote and channel surf even when the woman is in the middle of watching the television. Yet when the man reaches his favorite channel, he will continue watching it despite the woman wanting to watch another show. He plays games and throws a tantrum when he loses and expects the woman to serve him food while he is playing.

5. Are chavinistic. They expect the women to serve them, do the housework, cook and clean, takes care of the baby while they just laze around without lifting a finger. Yes they had a tired day, but have they ever considered the woman also had a tired day?

6. Are irresponsible cowards. They can say they like you, want to be with you, but in the end can disappear without a trace without caring for how the woman feels. Why can men just not talk things through and reach a consensus instead of leaving the woman hanging? Why do they think running away resolves everything and still put the blame on the woman for not talking through things with him when the woman herself had no idea why the man disappeared in the first place?

As can be seen, I have developed a negative image of men. Hence when I started this relationship, I did not put in my all. When I put in my all in previous relationships, I got badly hurt, so much so that I ever underwent depression, became suicidal and had to seek counselling.

Even though this may not seem fair to the guy in question, I wanted to observe him. I wanted to see if he is any different from the other guys I have met. So when problems started, especially with his parents, I wanted so much to call it quits a few times.

But something told me to hang on to him. Something told me he is the one, despite the number of times I try to convince myself that he is not the one, that I deserve better. Yet upon observation, despite all his irritating ways and quirks, he is a much better man than the others I have come across.

He cares more for me, for instance. He puts up with my quirks and tantrums. He puts my family first and treats my dog as his most precious. He supports and follows me in the activities I want to do. He even watches chick flicks and read chick lit!

He never lets me feel bad or insulted in front of his parents despite their tirade on how a proper woman should behave, ie she must be submissive, demure, endearing, put the guy and his family first, should not be better than the man, should not be too career-minded, should cook and clean. Other men will tell me to just do what his parents say, but not him. He tells his parents he likes me the way I am and he is not about to change me just because I do not fit into their mould of the type they like.

Despite all these, I still had doubts. It has been very hard to convince me to trust another man completely again. But at the Engaged Encounter, all my doubts are cleared. It is as if this couples retreat reaffirm that there is no one else but him. I can never foresee being with anyone else.

And that is the most important lesson I learnt from the whole weekend. Now after looking through the booklet and the certificate, I have been reaffirmed again that there is no one else for me but him.

Incidentally, the certificate which we got from the weekend as proof of our attendance and participation, he wanted it laminated and preserved. When I asked him why, he said it is such an important piece of paper, of course have to take care of it properly. When I remarked that it is not even a marriage certificate, he said if it is the marriage certificate, it will not just be laminated; it will be framed up to last a lifetime.

Now do I need anymore convincing?

Finding The Perfect Pair Of Shoes

Now that I am moving on to a more chic, classy and swanky office in a more hip area, I need a wardrobe to coordinate the move to a regional role. I have enough clothes that are suitable for work, but what I am lacking of is the shoes department.

Because I tend to walk a lot (from my house to the train station and back, up and down the hill to my office, across the overhead bridge), I tend to wear out shoes easily, especially ankle strap heels. Goodness knows how I have survived wearing just one pair of heels day in day out!

Currently I have three pairs of heels for formal occasions and fast wearing out my pair of work shoes. Hence for the past week, I have been looking for shoes to wear to work.

I have come across some inexpensive ones but the design do not catch my fancy. I have also come across shoes that I fall in love with at first sight, but the price is not right.

Why is it so hard to find a perfect pair of shoes? All I need is just one pair that cost thirty dollars the most! So many shoes around, yet why can I not find the perfect pair?

This is really depressing. If this goes on, I may have to go barefooted already!