Humans are very interesting creatures. They can do all kinds of things to people they claim they love or care about. How often have people achieved something in life by cheating or lying the way through, and hurting those closest to them in the process?
The worst form is blackmail. I am not talking about monetary blackmail, where in a lot of crime stories, the blackmailer happened to dig out an unpleasant past about someone where the person involved would like to forget, and the blackmailer asked for a huge sum just to keep his mouth shut.
I am talking about emotional blackmail, where someone uses emotions and secrets to make another person do another thing. Typically, this person may say, "You want me to keep a secret right? Then do this for me, otherwise I will splash your problem to the whole world."
But as friends, should one even do this to another friend? Let's say A goes to B in confidence. A takes B as a good friend, someone trustworthy. A is confused and depressed and needs someone to talk to, and since B knows A pretty well, A goes to him.
The thing is if B agrees to help A and gives him advice, then do it as a real friend with no strings attached. A's problem may be something major, and he does not like others to know for fear of implicating some other person.
So he told B to keep a secret. B did all he could to give advise and lend a listening ear. However, some time later, B needed A to do something. The thing may not be within A's power to solve, so A, although grateful to B and wanted to do everything to help him, was not able to do what B asked.
Thus, B used A's problem to threaten A, saying that if A did not do what he asked, he would tell everyone what A had told him. How would A feel? If I am in A's position, I would feel really cheated and betrayed. Why would my good friend do this to me, since I went to him in confidence and trust?
Then even if A did everything he could but still not able to solve B's problem, B then went to tell C what happened to A, with a bit more exaggeration, and then both B and C started boycotting A and A wondered what he did to lose two friends just like that.
Now why would B do something like that when all along he had acted as a true friend to A, which gave A the confidence to confide in him in the first place? Is B a hypocrite all along? What caused his sudden change in attitude?
Or is it because A's problem is too much for him to handle, and he thinks A is someone bad and irresponsible? But then that is A's problem, so as a friend, should B not just advice and support instead of blackmail and boycott, and worse, turn others against A?
Emotional blackmail does not happen to friends alone. Even family members do the same thing, even for minor things. Just like my youngest brother happened to know something about me which I did not want to get into trouble by letting my parents know.
So he promised to keep a secret. And for him, he will keep his promise, but he will make me do a lot of things for him, like being at his beck and call, dropping everything else just to entertain or run errands for him, all so that my parents would not know what I did.
That was years back already, and I am glad to say he does not do that anymore, at least not that much nowadays, and I hope never again. But if even siblings can do this to each other, let alone just mere close friends who have no blood relations whatsoever.
Even couples do that as well. How often have I heard my friends telling their girl / boyfriends, "If you love me enough, you will do this for me", or "How come other girls / guys can do that for their loved ones, yet you will not do it for me."
Then the poor guy / girl in question will have to complete an impossible task just to show true love. This happened to me a lot of times already, in my past relationships. I had been told things like if I did not do something, it would mean I did not love him enough, or do this to show how much I loved him.
Is that the way to love a person? Loving someone comes from one's whole heart, and loving someone means being good and true to the person, and not using the person as comparison or showing off how much better he / she treats me than yours.
In some countries, even parents do that to their own children. In the poorer countries, some parents sell their children off to be slaves, but yet always tell the children if they love the family, they will do it willingly. The poor children will then never have good lives after that.
To me, I will never dream of doing something like that, whether to my own family or friends. If someone comes to me, I will do my best to listen or help. Helping someone is through one's goodwill, is not through expecting something else in return.
Whether the person appreciates my help after that is another matter altogether. If I can help, I will try my utmost best, if not then too bad. If helping someone means expecting something else in return, then that is not real help.
The worst form is blackmail. I am not talking about monetary blackmail, where in a lot of crime stories, the blackmailer happened to dig out an unpleasant past about someone where the person involved would like to forget, and the blackmailer asked for a huge sum just to keep his mouth shut.
I am talking about emotional blackmail, where someone uses emotions and secrets to make another person do another thing. Typically, this person may say, "You want me to keep a secret right? Then do this for me, otherwise I will splash your problem to the whole world."
But as friends, should one even do this to another friend? Let's say A goes to B in confidence. A takes B as a good friend, someone trustworthy. A is confused and depressed and needs someone to talk to, and since B knows A pretty well, A goes to him.
The thing is if B agrees to help A and gives him advice, then do it as a real friend with no strings attached. A's problem may be something major, and he does not like others to know for fear of implicating some other person.
So he told B to keep a secret. B did all he could to give advise and lend a listening ear. However, some time later, B needed A to do something. The thing may not be within A's power to solve, so A, although grateful to B and wanted to do everything to help him, was not able to do what B asked.
Thus, B used A's problem to threaten A, saying that if A did not do what he asked, he would tell everyone what A had told him. How would A feel? If I am in A's position, I would feel really cheated and betrayed. Why would my good friend do this to me, since I went to him in confidence and trust?
Then even if A did everything he could but still not able to solve B's problem, B then went to tell C what happened to A, with a bit more exaggeration, and then both B and C started boycotting A and A wondered what he did to lose two friends just like that.
Now why would B do something like that when all along he had acted as a true friend to A, which gave A the confidence to confide in him in the first place? Is B a hypocrite all along? What caused his sudden change in attitude?
Or is it because A's problem is too much for him to handle, and he thinks A is someone bad and irresponsible? But then that is A's problem, so as a friend, should B not just advice and support instead of blackmail and boycott, and worse, turn others against A?
Emotional blackmail does not happen to friends alone. Even family members do the same thing, even for minor things. Just like my youngest brother happened to know something about me which I did not want to get into trouble by letting my parents know.
So he promised to keep a secret. And for him, he will keep his promise, but he will make me do a lot of things for him, like being at his beck and call, dropping everything else just to entertain or run errands for him, all so that my parents would not know what I did.
That was years back already, and I am glad to say he does not do that anymore, at least not that much nowadays, and I hope never again. But if even siblings can do this to each other, let alone just mere close friends who have no blood relations whatsoever.
Even couples do that as well. How often have I heard my friends telling their girl / boyfriends, "If you love me enough, you will do this for me", or "How come other girls / guys can do that for their loved ones, yet you will not do it for me."
Then the poor guy / girl in question will have to complete an impossible task just to show true love. This happened to me a lot of times already, in my past relationships. I had been told things like if I did not do something, it would mean I did not love him enough, or do this to show how much I loved him.
Is that the way to love a person? Loving someone comes from one's whole heart, and loving someone means being good and true to the person, and not using the person as comparison or showing off how much better he / she treats me than yours.
In some countries, even parents do that to their own children. In the poorer countries, some parents sell their children off to be slaves, but yet always tell the children if they love the family, they will do it willingly. The poor children will then never have good lives after that.
To me, I will never dream of doing something like that, whether to my own family or friends. If someone comes to me, I will do my best to listen or help. Helping someone is through one's goodwill, is not through expecting something else in return.
Whether the person appreciates my help after that is another matter altogether. If I can help, I will try my utmost best, if not then too bad. If helping someone means expecting something else in return, then that is not real help.
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