Feelings Of Betrayal

I have been trying to check if my suspicions are unfounded. And when I start to analyse evidence, have my suspicions and instincts thrown in, in most cases it turn out to be true. This always occurs in any of the "mock" criminal cases I had been doing, as well as those detective stories I read. I always have a feeling that I know who the criminal is, and often than not I turn out to be right.

But this is real life. And in reality, not everything happen the way we want to. So far, there is no concrete proof. However this person had been reading my blog frequently, would ask me to write more and expressed concern if I did not update my blog for a few days, said had been inspired and learnt from what I have written.

Now that I have changed my link for a week, there has been no word asking where my blog disappeared to. If people really do intend to check, I believe they would find a way somehow, but now that my blog has "shifted" again, and this time I did not disclose my new page to this person, my days seem more peaceful and no more trouble, or rather, I am keeping my fingers crossed that there will be no more trouble.

In this case, does it not show that this person could be guilty? Even if this person was not the nasty anonymous commentor, but the leak of my webpage could come from this source, whether by goodwill or not. Otherwise how would it explain that by some remarkable coincidence, people this person keeps in contact with got to know my webpage and personal particulars if it was only given to a few people whom I trust, and whom I pleaded for privacy?

Granted a leak may not be the case as well. Perhaps people happened to track my IP address, hacked into both my office and home computers and extracted my particulars from there. I am no IT expert, so I am not sure if that is even remotely possible, especially since I clear my cache quite frequently.

I have tried searching blogger and google for my blog previously, but seems like it could not be found, even if I typed in the exact address, the title and my nickname. Anyway, this article did mention that once a person marks the blog private from the host site, it will be removed from search engines and the hosting sites.

Of course, there is always a remote chance that anyone could have stumbled in. But then, why was it so coincidental this particular group of people happened to know not just my previous url (when I changed it and marked it private so they would have no access in the first place), but also my full name and the nick I used to sign in?

And only this particular person happened to keep in contact with some of them. So could I be justified in thinking that there might be a leak? Or is there a way to find out? Can people find out my personal particulars through searching, or site feed or IP addresses?

I am not openly accusing anyone. I am just stating my suspicions. I hope more than anything else that this person is innocent and not involved, as I still cannot believe that someone I know and trust and who knows me will ever resort to something like this. But if it really is this person, then I am really deeply hurt.

This person and I have chatted, exchanged messages and emails, gone out a few times, helped out each other. This person, of all people, would know exactly how I write, the way I write, my thoughts and views, the books and songs I like, how I feel towards love, relationships and others.

So how can this person gang up with others to slander me and the way I write? It may or may not be who I think it is, but whatever it is, I take it as a lesson learnt, not to place my misguided trust so readily in anyone ever again.