My friend was just remarking that when people ask me out, I turn them down, yet complain that I have no dates. Hmmm... quite an astute observation. The thing is that those who ask me out are those whom I do not feel comfortable enough meeting again, whereas those whom I view as potential are those who do not ask me out.
Yes, I wish I can get to know more decent people, and some can date me out, but that is not to say I just go out and meet anyone. There is a very big difference. Some guys view that once a girl agrees to go out with him, she is agreeing to get physical. Why can these guys not get into their narrow heads that a girl wants to be loved and respected for who she is, instead of what she can do in the bedroom (or out)?
In general, girls are looking for someone who respects her and love her more than he loves himself. Of course, that is not to say the girl should take for granted as well. She should also respect the guy and love him more than she loves herself.
Which reminds me of an article I read recently. Perhaps I should not be one to judge considering I have also made the same mistakes before, but since I have learnt my lesson I thought I could give some comments on a personal experience point of view.
The girl in question was complaining about how different she and her boyfriend is. He is not willing to do things with her. It seems so hard to find common activities to do together since their interests are so vast. Plus, she does not like the fact that he smokes.
Actually, if they are really so incompatible and she does not like certain aspects of him, why on earth did she agree to be with him in the first place? I know very well when a girl falls for a guy, she does not care about anything else, but then if she chose to fall for him and be with him, she should accept who he is. If she could not accept in the first place, then she should not have started anything.
The other day, my cousin was asking what if I meet someone who really fits who I am looking for, but that guy smokes and buys lottery? I told her buying lottery once in a while is still ok (although it will be best if he does not), but once he smokes, he is out. She says what if he does not smoke in front of me? I told her it is still not acceptable, because the smell will linger, and I absolutely loathe the smell of smoke.
Most people I know tell me they do not have a checklist when looking for the special someone, but I suppose there must be certain things they look out for, otherwise why do dating agencies tell their members to fill in a form and state the type of person they are looking for?
And why would others choose this person over another person? Perhaps they do not have a mental or fixed checklist like me, but I believe there must be certain things which they do not compromise when looking for a partner. It is one's lifetime happiness, one cannot just settle for any mere person.
Thus when I was filling in the form at Lunch Actually, I specifically stated which aspects I can tolerate (ie flexible) and which aspects I will never tolerate (not flexible). Which is why I am in this fix, hard to find someone totally matching. But I trust Ms Matchmaker that she will be able to find the best person for me!
So anyway, back to the question on why do I keep turning people down? I am the type that if I feel that someone is worth seeing again, I will make time for him, but if I feel that this person and I really have no chemistry, I will not even bother making time to meet him.
I do not wish to lead anyone on. I learnt from past mistakes that being too nice and friendly can turn out to have adverse effects instead. I feel a tinge of pity for a couple of guys, as they are really nice and caring, but if we do not have the chemistry, things cannot be forced too.
There are guys who are good-looking, have good jobs, drive fancy cars and are very generous, but all these are just on the surface, very superficial. I want someone who is real, who is just himself without trying too hard to impress. Sincerity and kindness goes a long way, much more than the high life and material assets.
Being eligible and good materially does not necessary mean I have to be with a person if my heart is not in it. So I just have to continue my "lonesome" life until the day that one special person enters my life.
Yes, I wish I can get to know more decent people, and some can date me out, but that is not to say I just go out and meet anyone. There is a very big difference. Some guys view that once a girl agrees to go out with him, she is agreeing to get physical. Why can these guys not get into their narrow heads that a girl wants to be loved and respected for who she is, instead of what she can do in the bedroom (or out)?
In general, girls are looking for someone who respects her and love her more than he loves himself. Of course, that is not to say the girl should take for granted as well. She should also respect the guy and love him more than she loves herself.
Which reminds me of an article I read recently. Perhaps I should not be one to judge considering I have also made the same mistakes before, but since I have learnt my lesson I thought I could give some comments on a personal experience point of view.
The girl in question was complaining about how different she and her boyfriend is. He is not willing to do things with her. It seems so hard to find common activities to do together since their interests are so vast. Plus, she does not like the fact that he smokes.
Actually, if they are really so incompatible and she does not like certain aspects of him, why on earth did she agree to be with him in the first place? I know very well when a girl falls for a guy, she does not care about anything else, but then if she chose to fall for him and be with him, she should accept who he is. If she could not accept in the first place, then she should not have started anything.
The other day, my cousin was asking what if I meet someone who really fits who I am looking for, but that guy smokes and buys lottery? I told her buying lottery once in a while is still ok (although it will be best if he does not), but once he smokes, he is out. She says what if he does not smoke in front of me? I told her it is still not acceptable, because the smell will linger, and I absolutely loathe the smell of smoke.
Most people I know tell me they do not have a checklist when looking for the special someone, but I suppose there must be certain things they look out for, otherwise why do dating agencies tell their members to fill in a form and state the type of person they are looking for?
And why would others choose this person over another person? Perhaps they do not have a mental or fixed checklist like me, but I believe there must be certain things which they do not compromise when looking for a partner. It is one's lifetime happiness, one cannot just settle for any mere person.
Thus when I was filling in the form at Lunch Actually, I specifically stated which aspects I can tolerate (ie flexible) and which aspects I will never tolerate (not flexible). Which is why I am in this fix, hard to find someone totally matching. But I trust Ms Matchmaker that she will be able to find the best person for me!
So anyway, back to the question on why do I keep turning people down? I am the type that if I feel that someone is worth seeing again, I will make time for him, but if I feel that this person and I really have no chemistry, I will not even bother making time to meet him.
I do not wish to lead anyone on. I learnt from past mistakes that being too nice and friendly can turn out to have adverse effects instead. I feel a tinge of pity for a couple of guys, as they are really nice and caring, but if we do not have the chemistry, things cannot be forced too.
There are guys who are good-looking, have good jobs, drive fancy cars and are very generous, but all these are just on the surface, very superficial. I want someone who is real, who is just himself without trying too hard to impress. Sincerity and kindness goes a long way, much more than the high life and material assets.
Being eligible and good materially does not necessary mean I have to be with a person if my heart is not in it. So I just have to continue my "lonesome" life until the day that one special person enters my life.
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