My Legal Counsel has tendered and is now serving her notice. Our boss is away serving the country these couple of weeks, so it leaves me to "clean up the mess" so to speak. Okay, it is a too drastic term to use, but the fact is that after the weekend launch, we are under a lot of pressure to get things going by the end of the year.
There have been lots of hiccups along the way and even till now which I shall not go into detail with lest I be sued or fired, but the onus is on my department to ensure everything runs smoothly from hereon. I am never one to play hero(ine) in any aspect, so I am really feeling the stress and depression before anything ever started.
It also does not help matters that I had a little argument with a friend last night. Perhaps I was not kind enough not to mince my words instead of just lending a listening ear and not saying anything, but whatever it was, both of us ended up being pissed at each other.
He was down as his ex just got married. They broke up last year, and she went with another guy soon after, and decided to marry him just after half a year or so. My friend and her had been together for the past seven or eight years before breaking up, so he was really down.
I did not mean to be nasty, but I really could not stand his attitude. Small wonder she left. He blamed her for being unfaithful, for not wanting to wait, for insisting on getting married. Well, if a girl was willing to be with a guy for so long, what makes him think she had no intention of marrying him? If she wanted to be unfaithful, she would not have waited till now, would she?
She probably got so tired of waiting for him to commit that in the end, she just gave up and decided to settle down with someone who is willing to settle down with her. And I will not say she is wrong in doing that (provided she loves her husband and not using him as just a backup).
Afterall, if a girl is willing to be with a guy for so long, she must have really loved him and wanted to be with him. But as the years go by and they both get on in years, there must come a stage where the relationship has to go somewhere instead of just being stuck in a rut.
To guys, they may not think it is a big deal, and will have no qualms just being in the "boyfriend-girlfriend" stage for years, but have they ever consider if the girl feels the same? If both feel the same then there will be no conflict and everyone will be happy.
However, chances are in many instances, the girl may feel the need and the yearning to be more than just girlfriend-boyfriend. There will come a time when she wants a home, a family, a husband, especially when she has reached her late twenties and early thirties.
It will come a time when the girl will wonder exactly just how long the guy expects her to wait? Is she to wait until she is old and gray before he pops the question, if he ever pops the question? Does she have to wait another seven, eight years, only to be disappointed again that things will never go somewhere?
I was getting irritated with my friend's whining, which was why I told him off that it was his own fault in the first place. If he really loved her, as he claimed, he would not have made her wait for so long and still be uncommitted.
And now that she made the decision and moved on, instead of giving her blessings, he accused her of being unfaithful, when he should think about who was the one who let her down in the first place. Which was why he ended up being irritated with me as clearly that was not the answer he expected to hear from me.
Yes, I can always lend a listening ear, can always give advice, but at the end of the day, I have to be true to myself and true to my friend. I can always give him the answer he wanted to hear, but it would not help matters because he would not have realised his mistake(s) in this respect.
If people trust me enough to talk to me, I take it upon myself to be responsible for the best well-being of the person. Which is why even though the truth may hurt, I will still tell it like it is, as ultimately, after all the emotional trauma, the person may start to view things in an objective way and appreciate more of what his / her friend(s) said.
Come to think of it, he is not the only guy with this problem. A lot of my girl friends left their exs simply because the guys were not committed enough. Some were close to marriage, it would take just the guy to go the extra step of proposing, yet they never did. Thus the girls moved on. The love dies and they went with others who were more willing to commit.
Of course, some may view them as unfaithful. If they are in a healthy relationship and love each other deeply, then it is wrong and unfaithful to suddenly two-time. But if a girl (or guy) chose to break up and then be with someone else, perhaps it was because he / she feels the latter is more suitable to have a future with?
Human nature is always the same. When you have something, you take for granted and never treasure or appreciate. When that something is gone, you start to panic and realise that is the most important thing in your life, but it is too late. So why not cherish when the thing is with you instead when it is gone? It will be too late for regrets if you lose the most important thing in your life.
There have been lots of hiccups along the way and even till now which I shall not go into detail with lest I be sued or fired, but the onus is on my department to ensure everything runs smoothly from hereon. I am never one to play hero(ine) in any aspect, so I am really feeling the stress and depression before anything ever started.
It also does not help matters that I had a little argument with a friend last night. Perhaps I was not kind enough not to mince my words instead of just lending a listening ear and not saying anything, but whatever it was, both of us ended up being pissed at each other.
He was down as his ex just got married. They broke up last year, and she went with another guy soon after, and decided to marry him just after half a year or so. My friend and her had been together for the past seven or eight years before breaking up, so he was really down.
I did not mean to be nasty, but I really could not stand his attitude. Small wonder she left. He blamed her for being unfaithful, for not wanting to wait, for insisting on getting married. Well, if a girl was willing to be with a guy for so long, what makes him think she had no intention of marrying him? If she wanted to be unfaithful, she would not have waited till now, would she?
She probably got so tired of waiting for him to commit that in the end, she just gave up and decided to settle down with someone who is willing to settle down with her. And I will not say she is wrong in doing that (provided she loves her husband and not using him as just a backup).
Afterall, if a girl is willing to be with a guy for so long, she must have really loved him and wanted to be with him. But as the years go by and they both get on in years, there must come a stage where the relationship has to go somewhere instead of just being stuck in a rut.
To guys, they may not think it is a big deal, and will have no qualms just being in the "boyfriend-girlfriend" stage for years, but have they ever consider if the girl feels the same? If both feel the same then there will be no conflict and everyone will be happy.
However, chances are in many instances, the girl may feel the need and the yearning to be more than just girlfriend-boyfriend. There will come a time when she wants a home, a family, a husband, especially when she has reached her late twenties and early thirties.
It will come a time when the girl will wonder exactly just how long the guy expects her to wait? Is she to wait until she is old and gray before he pops the question, if he ever pops the question? Does she have to wait another seven, eight years, only to be disappointed again that things will never go somewhere?
I was getting irritated with my friend's whining, which was why I told him off that it was his own fault in the first place. If he really loved her, as he claimed, he would not have made her wait for so long and still be uncommitted.
And now that she made the decision and moved on, instead of giving her blessings, he accused her of being unfaithful, when he should think about who was the one who let her down in the first place. Which was why he ended up being irritated with me as clearly that was not the answer he expected to hear from me.
Yes, I can always lend a listening ear, can always give advice, but at the end of the day, I have to be true to myself and true to my friend. I can always give him the answer he wanted to hear, but it would not help matters because he would not have realised his mistake(s) in this respect.
If people trust me enough to talk to me, I take it upon myself to be responsible for the best well-being of the person. Which is why even though the truth may hurt, I will still tell it like it is, as ultimately, after all the emotional trauma, the person may start to view things in an objective way and appreciate more of what his / her friend(s) said.
Come to think of it, he is not the only guy with this problem. A lot of my girl friends left their exs simply because the guys were not committed enough. Some were close to marriage, it would take just the guy to go the extra step of proposing, yet they never did. Thus the girls moved on. The love dies and they went with others who were more willing to commit.
Of course, some may view them as unfaithful. If they are in a healthy relationship and love each other deeply, then it is wrong and unfaithful to suddenly two-time. But if a girl (or guy) chose to break up and then be with someone else, perhaps it was because he / she feels the latter is more suitable to have a future with?
Human nature is always the same. When you have something, you take for granted and never treasure or appreciate. When that something is gone, you start to panic and realise that is the most important thing in your life, but it is too late. So why not cherish when the thing is with you instead when it is gone? It will be too late for regrets if you lose the most important thing in your life.
6 comments:
As you know, for me there is friendship and there is a relationship. I do not approve of bf/gf relationships just for fun - they must have a purpose. It certainly should not take 7 - years for someone to decide if they want to commit or not - that should have been the objective from the outset.
Most people don't think like me (I learned late in life). Each relationship, is to me, like an act of infidelity if not consumated by marriage. Now, I accept that sometimes things don't work out. I am more sympathetic to those who were truly in love and had their heart broken, than those who just wanted to have fun.
How you do anything is how you do everything. If you are not serious with your relationships, then I have no reason to believe you will be serious in love.
Not everyone is so lucky to be able to find someone, have a relationship with and then marry the person at the end, ending up with the first person you are with.
In many cases, people start relationship because they loved each other. The problem occurs when one party is more serious than the other party. One may want the relationship to end up in marriage, but the other party may not for various reasons. He / she may think it is still not the time, or may think they are still young so can afford to settle down later.
Whatever it is, not everyone is kind enough to tell the other party the truth about being non-committal. It usually takes years until one gives up on the other and move on. Which is why it is best to tell from the outset if you want the relationship to go somewhere, otherwise let the other person go.
For me, I always feel that a relationship should end up in marriage, and told the guys from the start. Initially they agreed, but along the way they felt I was pushing them into commitment, so in the end things did not work out. Which is why I am now looking for someone just as committed, then I won't need to waste anymore time in another futile relationship.
Hi Juphelia,
I just happened to stumble upon your blog when Violet accidentally made the wrong link to your blog on Wai Kea, and so I have been reading all your enteries on Love and Relationship, I must say, i am so happy to find a lady who shares the same thoughts and views as me in most cases on relationships. Sometimes, I just do not understand guys, it just seems that they have the commitment phobia. I agree with you that not everyone is just as lucky to have a relationship fully developed into a marriage. Guys might afford to wait, but not a gal in my opinion.
baby pooh : Hi and welcome! Its good to see that you feel the same way too, so it shows I'm not really that odd after all! :-) Hope to see more of you!
Hi,
No, i do not think that you are weird or odd. On the contrary, i feel that your views are logical and frank . More than often, your thoughts are very true, and I agree with you. For at least, you are willingly to share your opinions/views on your blog, for some or most of us, we just do not have the time or energy to put forth all our thoughts online. I begin to enjoy reading your blog, especially on relationships. :-) Anyway to make friend with you? Do you have any e-mail acct or MSN?
baby pooh : You can reach me on MSN at shakespeareheroines, under hotmail. I will give you my email address once we touch base. Hope to hear from you soon!
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