A friend is getting married in January. I know both his wife and him. She and her family are Christians whereas he and his family are not. Nevertheless, he does not mind getting married in her church. Nice guy! :-) Yet, in the end, they can only have a simple solemnisation and a banquet, with the traditional tea ceremony, as her pastor does not allow them to marry in church since he is not a Christian.
I know religion is a rather sensitive issue to many people, but honestly, should a couple be turned away from getting married in a church simply because one of them is not of the same religion? No doubt a wedding is but a ceremony, what matters is the marriage and the companionship of a lifetime, but still, as a Christian, it is like a sin not getting married in a church under God's eyes.
I comforted my friend, saying that it does not really matter as long as both of them are fine with it, and in any case, both of them will be legally married once they have said their vows in front of a qualified person with two witnesses and signed on the piece of paper.
Which got me thinking - more and more people I know are not for the idea of marriage since it is just a piece of paper and cohabiting is just fine. Well, if it is just but a piece of paper, why not just get it? It is not much trouble for a simple solemnisation.
And being married under law reflects the status of any children the couple may have, because even if the couple is cohabiting for a long time, the children (if any) will not be entitled to the father's name and estate if the parents are not legally married.
Here, people can get married anywhere anytime as long as they follow the right procedure. The marriage will then be legally valid and binding. In some countries, couples have to marry in a religious setting before the marriage is considered valid.
Which comes back to the point that if it is just a wedding ceremony, why would my friend's pastor not allow them to get married in church? All it needs is the wedding vows and signing of the paper with witnesses. Maybe he feels that a non-Christian should not get married in the house of the Lord, but then (I may be wrong) I thought all are welcome to partake in church ceremonies as the house of the Lord is open to all?
Luckily for Catholics this will not be the case. As long as one party is a Catholic, both have to get married in church. For Catholics, the wedding vows have to be adhered strictly. No divorce is allowed. Even if a couple divorces on paper, they are still married in God's eyes. Just as well I always want a church wedding to be joined in matrimony!
I know religion is a rather sensitive issue to many people, but honestly, should a couple be turned away from getting married in a church simply because one of them is not of the same religion? No doubt a wedding is but a ceremony, what matters is the marriage and the companionship of a lifetime, but still, as a Christian, it is like a sin not getting married in a church under God's eyes.
I comforted my friend, saying that it does not really matter as long as both of them are fine with it, and in any case, both of them will be legally married once they have said their vows in front of a qualified person with two witnesses and signed on the piece of paper.
Which got me thinking - more and more people I know are not for the idea of marriage since it is just a piece of paper and cohabiting is just fine. Well, if it is just but a piece of paper, why not just get it? It is not much trouble for a simple solemnisation.
And being married under law reflects the status of any children the couple may have, because even if the couple is cohabiting for a long time, the children (if any) will not be entitled to the father's name and estate if the parents are not legally married.
Here, people can get married anywhere anytime as long as they follow the right procedure. The marriage will then be legally valid and binding. In some countries, couples have to marry in a religious setting before the marriage is considered valid.
Which comes back to the point that if it is just a wedding ceremony, why would my friend's pastor not allow them to get married in church? All it needs is the wedding vows and signing of the paper with witnesses. Maybe he feels that a non-Christian should not get married in the house of the Lord, but then (I may be wrong) I thought all are welcome to partake in church ceremonies as the house of the Lord is open to all?
Luckily for Catholics this will not be the case. As long as one party is a Catholic, both have to get married in church. For Catholics, the wedding vows have to be adhered strictly. No divorce is allowed. Even if a couple divorces on paper, they are still married in God's eyes. Just as well I always want a church wedding to be joined in matrimony!
5 comments:
I don't consider a non-religious marriage a marriage. Neither does the Catholic Church.
If both parties are not Catholic, tehn there will a simple wedding ceremony. If both are Catholic, then it will be a full service with a mass. My brother's wedding was a simple service, mine included a mass. Although, both of us married non-Catholics. In my case, I insisted on it (and got it). We were married by a Filipino priest in a French church (Paroisse Sainte Famille)
My Muslin friend remarked after the service, "Too long man! In Sudan, the man and the father go and sign the papers and then the party begins."
Having a spouse of a different faith makes faith education of the kids a little tricky. Fortunately, I am the one with the stronger faith life (notwithstanding Sofia worshipped many years in the Evangelical tradition).
Interestingly enough, the Catholic Church does not recognize all marriages. For example, my friend Megumi, who is Buddhist and married, I would have been perfectly free to marry her in the Church because her marriage is not recognized (not that I would do so)
Well, not everyone is Christian or Catholic though, especially for people of different race and culture.
In an Asian culture, the traditional Chinese wedding ceremony of serving tea to the elders and the dinner banquet is what is normally considered as a "real" wedding, just like a church wedding for Christians.
I am not sure about other countries, but under the law here, it does not matter which venue the wedding ceremony is held as long as both parties sign the paper with two witnesses and solemnised by a qualified person.
The marriage will not be legal and valid if it is not solemnised, even if the ceremony can take place in a church or a traditional setting. And any kids of that marriage will be illegitimate as the couple is not considered married under law, even if they are married in religion and tradition.
I am trying to make the distinction between "legal" marriage and "genuine" marriage. For me, a non-religious marriage is not a genuine one. I am aware of other marriage customs and traditions.
In many countries, Catholics must have two marriage ceremonies - the civil one (which is recognized by the state) and the religious one (which is recognized by the Church). For me, I do not recognize the authority of th state over me (i merely accept it has the ability to exercise considerable power over me).
I am in the opinion that a marriage is an affair between 2 people. Nothing to do with the state, religion, or even parents.
However, while one may believe that a non-catholic marriage is not a "genuine" marriage, I am pretty sure that the millions of Chinese out there would feel quite insulted that at your insinuation that they were all "born out of wedlock". (After all, their parents did not marry, did they?)
The Catholic Church teaches that marriage is a sacrament. A sacrament is an external sign of Gods grace. In a legitimate Catholic marriage ceremony, the husband and wife are joined spiritually by God. This spiritual connection cannot be broken, except when one spouse passes away. This is why the Catholic church places such great emphasis on correctly performing the marrige ceremony. The Catholic church does recognize the legitimate marriages of almost all other Christian churches (e.g. Lutheran, Baptist, etc.) and therefore a Catholic should not marry a divorced person of any Christian faith. It is possible for a Catholic to legitimately marry a person of any faith in a Catholic church, so long as they discuss it with the priest first and get something called a "dispensation". As far as non-Christians not being married, such as the example you provided of Chinese marriages, I cannot speak for God as to the legitimacy of these marriages, but I would assume that they are legitimate until proven otherwise, provided that they follow some of the basic rules of marriage (i.e. life-long monogamy, mutual respect between spouses, etc.).
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