Quite a number of my female friends look for extrinsic factors when searching for a soul mate. They look for things like what job the guy does, whether he is alright to look at, how much money he earns, how willing he is to spend on her.
To me, I look for intrinsic factors, like how good the guy is in character and upbringing. What is the use of finding someone so rich and established when in the end the person puts everyone off? True, I have my own list of criteria, but at the end of it all, I just want someone whom I can be with, grow with, have a future with, even if he does not fit all of what I am looking for.
Having said that, my cousin was asking me some time last week on whether I am still looking for someone romantic. Someone who can give me flowers, shower me with gifts, give me a good time and do little gestures to make me happy.
Actually, romanticism is a very vague area. When I was young(er), like a lot of girls who grew up on fantasy stories and fairy tales, I used to dream of my own Prince Charming, how he would come galloping on a white horse and sweep me off my feet. As I grew up, I realised that fairy tales do not exist.
I have had a guy who was really romantic, would give me flowers and gifts every occasion like Christmas, Valentine's, Birthday, Anniversary. We would go to different places with romantic ambience for fine dining, and he would never fail to ensure I had a good time. He would write love letters and poems to me and made me cry from joy.
Of course, after being treated this way, I yearned for that kind of treatment. Afterall, which person does not like to be well-treated and feel on top of the world? However, not everyone believes in being romantic. Not everyone like to spend on giving flowers, or dates, or even writing letters, let alone poems.
Everyone is different, so different people have different ways of showing their love. I used to get very frustrated when I was the one who was always out to go places, who was the one writing love letters and poems with no response from the other party.
But now, somehow I feel that romanticism is more than just giving of gifts or flowers. Being romantic can also be spending time with the person you love, just being with each other without doing anything or saying anything. We can go to the beach for a picnic, or stay at home and talk, and that is still romantic.
Being romantic does not mean going out or dining out all the time. Cooking for someone is romantic too. Even if you are in your most casual wear, pottering around in the kitchen, looking a mess with oil and smoke around, that is still romantic because you are making the effort to please someone you care about.
Romantic also does not mean just giving gifts and behaving so nicely on special occasions, and yet act like a jerk the rest of the days. It is the little things in everyday life that matter, not just on special occasions.
At the end of the day, what we are looking for is someone who can be committed and willing to be with us and have a future with us. True, all those flowers and gift giving are good and nice, but it is no use doing that if you do not treat the relationship seriously and not willing to commit.
It is the commitment and determination to be with each other that matters, because if we are to stay with someone for the rest of our lives, it is more than just gift giving and celebrating of special occasions.
To answer my cousin's question? Yes, a romantic guy is nice and sweet. If I can still find a romantic guy who is willing to commit, then that is a bonus indeed. But even if he is not a romantic guy in the general sense, I will still be with him as long as he truly loves me (and vice versa) and willing to commit. Afterall, if the guy truly loves me, he will go all out to ensure I am happy. And that itself is already romantic.
To me, I look for intrinsic factors, like how good the guy is in character and upbringing. What is the use of finding someone so rich and established when in the end the person puts everyone off? True, I have my own list of criteria, but at the end of it all, I just want someone whom I can be with, grow with, have a future with, even if he does not fit all of what I am looking for.
Having said that, my cousin was asking me some time last week on whether I am still looking for someone romantic. Someone who can give me flowers, shower me with gifts, give me a good time and do little gestures to make me happy.
Actually, romanticism is a very vague area. When I was young(er), like a lot of girls who grew up on fantasy stories and fairy tales, I used to dream of my own Prince Charming, how he would come galloping on a white horse and sweep me off my feet. As I grew up, I realised that fairy tales do not exist.
I have had a guy who was really romantic, would give me flowers and gifts every occasion like Christmas, Valentine's, Birthday, Anniversary. We would go to different places with romantic ambience for fine dining, and he would never fail to ensure I had a good time. He would write love letters and poems to me and made me cry from joy.
Of course, after being treated this way, I yearned for that kind of treatment. Afterall, which person does not like to be well-treated and feel on top of the world? However, not everyone believes in being romantic. Not everyone like to spend on giving flowers, or dates, or even writing letters, let alone poems.
Everyone is different, so different people have different ways of showing their love. I used to get very frustrated when I was the one who was always out to go places, who was the one writing love letters and poems with no response from the other party.
But now, somehow I feel that romanticism is more than just giving of gifts or flowers. Being romantic can also be spending time with the person you love, just being with each other without doing anything or saying anything. We can go to the beach for a picnic, or stay at home and talk, and that is still romantic.
Being romantic does not mean going out or dining out all the time. Cooking for someone is romantic too. Even if you are in your most casual wear, pottering around in the kitchen, looking a mess with oil and smoke around, that is still romantic because you are making the effort to please someone you care about.
Romantic also does not mean just giving gifts and behaving so nicely on special occasions, and yet act like a jerk the rest of the days. It is the little things in everyday life that matter, not just on special occasions.
At the end of the day, what we are looking for is someone who can be committed and willing to be with us and have a future with us. True, all those flowers and gift giving are good and nice, but it is no use doing that if you do not treat the relationship seriously and not willing to commit.
It is the commitment and determination to be with each other that matters, because if we are to stay with someone for the rest of our lives, it is more than just gift giving and celebrating of special occasions.
To answer my cousin's question? Yes, a romantic guy is nice and sweet. If I can still find a romantic guy who is willing to commit, then that is a bonus indeed. But even if he is not a romantic guy in the general sense, I will still be with him as long as he truly loves me (and vice versa) and willing to commit. Afterall, if the guy truly loves me, he will go all out to ensure I am happy. And that itself is already romantic.
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