Is Capturing A Man's Heart Really Through His Stomach?

I just received a call that I have been offered a job! It will be the post of a Corporate Executive at DBS Bank. I will be working at the headquarters at DBS Building in Shenton Way. The job scope is similar to what I have been doing in the law firms, except this would be more intense and specialised since I am directly under a financial institution. If I want to take up the job, I can start work on Friday as they need people urgently. Sounds appealing actually. Maybe I see how my interviews tomorrow go before deciding whether to confirm the offer.

My youngest brother told me that his friend just got attached. Apparently this friend had been eyeing two girls - a pretty and rich Eurasian girl and a simple but homely girl. He asked me which one do I think his friend chose? I said he probably chose the pretty one. Guess what? I guessed wrongly!

The guy actually chose the homely girl as she is a very good cook, having been the Chairman of the Home Economics Club in her secondary school. He said this friend likes to eat so he chose the one who can cook. Good choice actually, to see beyond a girl's looks and go right into her abilities. Seems like the young men out there are not that hopeless afterall! My brother himself said that he will prefer a girl who can cook to get his taste buds satisfied. (Yes, he is a bigger food guru than me.) Afterall, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

Is it really true? Do guys really look for girls who can cook and clean for them? If it is, then perhaps that is why I am always out of love? Incidentally, I can cook and clean, albeit not very well. Simple tasks like sweeping the floor, mopping the floor, cleaning the windows, dusting the house, washing the dishes, doing the laundry (machine only, I still do not know how to handwash clothes) and ironing are all I can handle.

For cooking? Simple dishes like noodles, fried rice, fried chicken, chicken curry and sandwiches are about all I can handle. I can bake better than I cook though. My future home must have an oven so that I can bake every weekend. I profess I am domestically-impaired compared to some of my friends who can really be a full-time housewife, but I believe I am not that bad. For someone who grows up with a maid, the fact that I can even do some form of housework is considered pretty good already actually.

I have never tried cooking for any of my guys before, although all of them wanted me to learn how to cook. I never really bothered learning actually as I used to think that women should not stay at home just to cook and clean for the family. The only time I tried cooking for people was the bee hoon I fried for the pool party with my friends. The only person I ever thought of cooking for was the particular someone I was crazy about. Now that he has no chance to taste my cooking, perhaps I should hone up my skills and save it for someone else.

The reason I am always rather reluctant to cook is my fear of fire and heat. Even in secondary school, whenever there was any Chemistry experiements, I always took such a long time to turn on and off the bunsen burner as I always fear the thing would explode in my face. Same goes to cooking. Now that we have an automatic stove, things are better and I am more willing to cook.

But in the past when we still had to use the lighter, I refused to go near the stove as I was so afraid of getting myself burnt. But I guess I must start learning to cook more dishes, isn't it, seeing that guys still go for the homely type of girls who can cook and clean for them. Actually I would also like a guy who can cook too then we can exchange recipes, especially chocolate recipes!

Oh no, I am late for my vocal class. I better skoot off quick!

Helping Others Through My Words

My interviews today have been postponed to tomorrow, which means I have to go for another six interviews tomorrow. When can I get any news?! Luckily tomorrow's interviews will be mostly around Raffles Place area, so I do not need to move around too much. I can probably call some of my ex-colleagues out for lunch if they are available.

I am receiving more comments, which means my readership is expanding. I received feedback last night to keep writing as my writing can inspire people from the other end of the world. That is the best comment I have ever received. (You know who you are, thanks!) I am totally touched and flattered after that. I am getting closer and closer to my goal - to inspire others through my words. It is because of these people that I have the inspiration and passion to keep going on.

I wrote an essay on writing during one of the General Paper assignments back in junior college. If I vaguely remember, I think my essay was something on the joys of writing as it could be a channel for frustrations, forum for public opinion, and general interest and inspiration to others. I probably wrote much more as that was the period of time when I could write 52 pages without stopping. I once submitted a 20-page report on William Shakespeare : His Life and Works for an English assignment back in JC1. What happened to those days?! My writing skills seemed to have gone down so much. :-(

After such a long siesta, I still find writing joyful. It helps me sort out my thoughts and ideas, gives me new ideas for creativity, and allows me to vent out my anger, frustrations and emotions so as to be a much calmer and peaceful person. The period of time when I gave up writing, I found I was an angrier and less pleasant person, as I was stressed, frustrated and worked up with no channel to release. I lashed out at everyone I knew and whined and complained too much. (OK, probably I still whine and complain a lot, but it is much lesser than before already.) Maybe it was partly my fault my relationship did not work out after all. But once I started writing again, particularly this blog, I found I was able to adjust my emotions accordingly. I became more patient and even-tempered. Not that my temper was that bad in the first place, but at least I became less irritable at things.

Thus I would strongly encourage all of you to start writing. You never know how much joy it can bring. What used to be a personal journal for just my eyes only has developed into something which can interest and inspire others. I always feel a sense of achievement whenever I know I have helped others through my words and actions. So any of you feel inspired to start blogging yet?

Divorce : Harder Than Getting Married?

There have been more and more cases of divorce recently. My godbrother just told me that 2 of his cousins are divorcing. Luckily they have no children. A close cousin of mine went through a divorce last year. She has two young sons, and now she and her ex-husband are under joint custody of the children, with him taking them during the weekends. I was with her throughout the ordeal, and I could see the ugliness of the whole process. What used to be such a sweet, romantic and homely guy became someone so unreasonable and difficult. He was fighting with her over the flat, the car, the children and the bank account. I wondered why actually, since he is based in China to work, and only comes back once a month or so. This was what triggered off the divorce - he found a mistress in China.

He seriously did not know what is good for him. My cousin is such a good catch - Masters degree, high-ranking civil servant, filial to parents, good to siblings and family, respectful to in-laws, and generous and nice to all her relatives. She is the only one I always talk to whenever I run into any problems as she will never fail to encourage and comfort me. I take her like my own "big sister" since I do not have any elder siblings. Something like this should not happen to such a great person like her! Anyway the court granted joint custody of the children to both of them, the flat and car to her since he would be away most of the time. The bank account is split between both of them. My cousin sold off the car just to get more money to raise her young children. Very sad case indeed. :-(

I am rather surprised that there have been an increase in divorce cases in the first place judging from the strict laws relating to marriage and divorce as stated in the Women's Charter. Nowadays it seems as if just anyone can file a divorce. As far as I can remember, it is not so easy to get a decree nisi in the first place for anyone filing for divorce. The couple must at least fulfil one of the requirements.

Firstly, there must be proof of adultery. The proof comes not from the spouse's lips, but from actual photographs showing the act of adultery. Maybe that is why Private Investigators' businesses are booming right now. Once there is this proof, the divorce will be granted instantly.

Secondly, there must be proof of non-consummation. In this case, the marriage can be anulled, which means both parties retain their single status. But how does one go about proving non-consummation? One way is for the wife to go for a checkup to prove her virginal status. What if she is already not a virgin? Hard to prove then. But cases of non-consummation of marriage can be when the couple has already registered but one of them is somehow reluctant to hold a customary wedding ceremony as planned. One of the firms I worked in actually had a case like this - the young couple registered for 4 years, but after that the guy refused to hold the wedding ceremony. The marriage was then annulled on the basis of non-consummation.

Thirdly, there must be proof of living apart. Living apart does not mean literally living apart. The couple can still stay in the same house, but function differently, lead different lives. In other words, they are staying together like strangers. This is a little harder to prove, as even the act of cooking for each other or washing each other's clothes already do not constitute living apart. Both parties must not talk to each other, give things to each other, or sleep with each other. Honestly if things reach this stage, wouldn't it be easier for just one of them to move out?

If divorce is not feasible, ie does not fulfil any of the above requirements or not enough proof, then the couple can always file for judicial separation first. This normally refers to marriages less than three years. For marriages less than three years, the couple can separate for two years with mutual consent, and the divorce will be finalised after two years. If not, then four years without mutual consent, and the divorce will be automatic after four years. For marriages after three years, normally the court will try to prove any of the above scenarios, then the divorce can be granted automatically.

But why must people divorce in the first place? Getting married is already hard enough. Under the law, there are already so many requirements to fulfil and so many procedures to go through before the couple can be considered legally married. After all the process and planning that goes into a wedding, is it not worth it to try to make the marriage work out?

A wedding is but one day, but a marriage is for a lifetime. That is why it is so important to find the right one to share your life with. No doubt breaking up and letting go of a relationship is hard, but getting married and then going through a divorce is even harder and will cause even more distress and heartache not just to yourselves but to all the people around you.

The most innocent victims will be the children of the marriage. Spare them the agony, grief and trauma of growing up in a broken family. That is why I am still searching for the right one. Once I get married, I will never divorce as I always believe a marriage is a lifetime commitment. I want to be able to grow old with the person I ultimately spend my life with.

Spring-Autumn (Or May-September) Romance : Is It Feasible?

During my random blog scanning earlier on, I came across one of my close girl friend's entry on a new era of love that shows a wedding between a young-looking guy with an old-looking woman. It could be that the guy happened to look young and the lady happened to look old with all the layers of makeup and hairdo in a wedding gown. Anyway, she and her husband both felt that why would the groom, with all his good looks, marry a woman who looks middle-aged?

There have been many debates over this May-September romance. Strangely, no one will make a big deal if it is a much older guy with a much younger woman, yet everyone makes a big fuss if it is a much older woman with a much younger man. Does age really plays a part in love and relationships? Especially love between an older woman and a younger man?

There are many examples how love can survive between an older woman and a younger man. Take Courtney Cox and David Arquette, or Madonna and Guy Ritchie for example. The two wives are at least 8 years older than the husbands. Earlier this year, my cousin who is my age got married to his girlfriend of 5 years, who is two and half years older than him. My ex-colleague married a guy 2 years her junior. Victoria is 2 years older than David (I am referring to the Beckhams, in case any of you are wondering.)

I guess in a conservative Asian society like ours, people still frown upon romance between an older woman with a younger man. All my guys are my age. I have not dated anyone younger than me. Even then, my mum was not happy. She kept on asking me why must I stick with young men, why couldn't I find someone older and more established? I always told her it's my choice who I want to be with. I go with guys who are gentlemanly and can stimulate me intellectually, not guys who are too boring and stiffy.

Younger men do not necessarily mean they are less mature than older men. In fact, my godbrother is 3 years younger than me. But I can carry on intellectual debates and conversations with him better than most other guys my age or older. My closest guy friends whom I have known from young are all younger than me (my age actually, but younger in terms of months). I can talk to them and get along better with them than guys older. Somehow I find older men more stiffy and boring. Or is it because I have not met many older guys?

Just like in recent weeks, I have met quite a number of guys. The one I can actually click with is younger than me. The ones I have rejected are all older than me. I find the younger guy more mature and interesting than the older ones, as all they do were to come on too strong and wanted a fling. This is speaking a lot on maturity level and shallowness. Ironically someone much younger can actually be more mature and sensible. So who says older men are better and younger men are more childish? Not necessarily true in my opinion.

So the question is : will I ever be involved with a younger man? Rather hard to answer actually. I can just imagine my mum having a fit if I bring home a younger man. Come to think of it, I am very tempted to do that, just to see how she will react. :-p But I suppose as long as the maturity level is there and we are compatible, think alike and able to communicate with each other, I seriously do not see that age matters. Afterall, I am choosing my partner for myself, not for my parents or anybody else.

Is Letting Go The Ultimate Test Of True Love?

How many of you have heard the saying, "If you love someone, set him / her free. If he / she comes back, then you can start over. If not, then perhaps it is not meant to be." A very meaningful and truthful adage. One wonders how many actually follows the saying. Gee, I am getting more and more philosophical by day. Must be due to age. x-p

I was pondering on this issue during whatever spare time I had today. I am sure my friends will ask, "Why are you thinking so much again?" I cannot help it. I have been like this since young. Every time my mind is not fully occupied, I will start thinking of issues of the world or issues affecting me.

What triggered off this thought was that recently, I realised that my thoughts of a certain someone had been getting lesser and lesser. What used to be the daily pining and excitement of running into him online, now became just mere "bumping into a friend online" scenario. I do not even get upset anymore when he takes a long time to reply me. I no longer miss him as much and even when we get to go out together, there was no longer as much excitement and anticipation as before.

Is this a good sign? (Good sign of what?!) Am I finally learning how to let go completely? Then in that case, why were his messages to me (and my messages to him) still stored in my phone, and our online chatting log still saved in my computer? I had been reluctant to delete all these away. Does it mean I still feel strongly for him?

But the fact that I no longer think of him as much and no longer look forward so excitedly to seeing him probably means that my feelings for him are starting to be buried. And it is easier to bury these feelings since we were never involved with each other in the first place. So instead of holding on, it is best to let go completely so he can seek his own happiness elsewhere. Seeing him being happy will be the best thing I can do for him right now.

If you really love a person, you will want him / her to be happy, no matter who he / she is with. True love is selfless and unconditional. Meanwhile, I believe I can also slowly set my heart free so as to look for other options, provided people are willing to take the challenge!

Always The Interviewee, Never The Employee

I went for a record-breaking six interviews today. I shuttled from recruitment agencies to corporate firms to accounting firms to banks to law firms. I foresee another four more tomorrow. It is getting to be so tiring. I do not mind going for job interviews provided I can secure a job, but right now, I am going for so many interviews with no news. :-(

I had some time in between the interviews today, so I did a bit of shopping. I initially wanted to replace my face mask, but I went crazy and bought the new Sally Hansen's "Advanced Formula" nail polish and the new Maybelline and Loreal's lip glosses. Gosh, it has been half a year since I bought any new cosmetics. One tip for myself : never ever find a job around a retail building, I will shop everyday and become broke by the middle of the month.

It had been a relatively unlucky day for me. When my first interview at 9:30 am was cancelled, I was relieved as I thought I could sleep a little more as my next interview was at 11:00 am. When I was about to leave my house at 10:00 am, another prospective employee called and asked me various questions. As a result, I left my house late and had to take a cab to Outram Park.

Luckily I was not late. After that, I realised that because I changed my handbag, I left my ezlink card in my other bag. I had not withdrawn any cash so I could not buy a single trip ticket, and the Passenger Service Centre that sells spare ezlink cards was not able to accept card payment. I was literally stranded at the train station. But since I had time to kill, I decided to walk from Chinatown all the way to International Plaza at Tanjong Pagar.

When I reached International Plaza, torrents of rain came down. At first I thought I was lucky the rain started pouring after I reached, but when I realised my next interview was at DBS Tower across the street without a shelter, I panicked. So in the end I braved the rain and went for the interview. Needless to say, I was totally drenched and soaked. The worst thing was my phone's battery went flat in the middle of the day and all my interviews' venues were recorded inside. I had to try to remember as much as possible. I am really a slave to my mobile phone! I do not seem to know how to function without it!

By the time everything was done, I was so tired, hungry, wet and cold that I even cancelled opera practice tonight and came straight home to take a long hot shower. Besides I could feel sniffles coming. I cannot afford to get sick now, not with more interviews this week and the Sacred Music Festival performance this weekend. My artistic director is going to give me such a scolding, but I better preserve my health and voice so as to perform well at the Sacred Music Festival on Saturday.

Gourmet Satisfaction

I had my taste buds satisfied today. First, I went out for lunch with a friend who treated me to Jalan Kayu prata! I ordered all my favourites - Tissue Prata, French Prata and the infamous Milo Dinosaur with my beloved fried chicken wings!

For dinner, I met up with Sonic. I wanted to buy him dinner for quite some time already for all the help he had rendered me. We went to Phins Steakhouse at Liang Seah Street off Bugis. The place is really famous for its steaks. The ladies cut Sirloin steak I had was really sumptuous, especially with the mushroom sauce on it. My friend had about the same thing, except his was the Ribeye steak with the gentleman's cut. In the end, he ended up paying for dinner. (Thanks, friend!) So I offered to pay for dessert and we went to Swensen's at Bugis Junction. I wanted the Frosty Chocolate Malt ice-cream to satisfy my chocolate craving, but unfortunately it was not available :-( so I settled for the Coit Tower instead.

I ate so much and felt so stuffed that we had to take a long walk from Bugis Junction, past Shaw Towers, down to Suntec and then through Citylink Mall so I could at least digest a little. In fact, I was so full that I could hardly walk! But the long walk did me good, at least now I do not feel that stuffed anymore.

All in all, it was an enjoyable day. I got to eat to my heart's pleasure and in company of my good friends. I hope they enjoyed as much as I do.

Shall Anyone Settle For Someone Less Than Perfect?

My job interview for today has been postponed to tomorrow. So now I have to go for five interviews tomorrow. I really wish for some good news soon! My friends have been telling me I should be able to find a job rather fast since I am not choosy and holds a degree. But so what if I am not choosy? The employer can choose whether to hire me!

The fact is there are not that many jobs I can choose from anyway, considering I am not specialised in any area. Sometimes no matter how much you know does not help if you do not have the qualifications to show for it. Rather sad, isn't it? Some people have all the high qualifications, yet their knowledge is so limited. However these are the ones that normally get the more prestigious jobs, leaving people like me with not as high qualifications but probably wider knowledge hopping around.

I suspect one of my friends is starting to pursue me. He has been dropping hints like messaging me a few times a day, asking about my day, calling me up sometimes to chat, and we talk about serious stuff like what I look for in a guy, instead of superficial conversations. Rather a sweet guy actually. He has not said anything so far, but any normal person can tell from his actions.

In that case, why couldn't that particular person tell anything especially since I have probably done more? I have said other guys are starting to stand a chance, but it is still up to me whether I want to give them the chance. I am still in the process of slowing down my affections for someone, although I believe I can consider this friend, since I have a rather good impression of him so far. Oh well, just let nature take its course and see how things develop.

I have advised my friends that no one is perfect so one cannot hope to find the perfect one. But the fact is that after being able to find the perfect one, shall I then accept someone with almost all the requirements when I could find someone with all the requirements? Is it so important that he must fulfil all the requirements? I know I am being unfair for other guys as I admit I am measuring them up to a certain someone's standard, but does that mean other guys are no good? I believe they are good, and probably can give me more security as they probably have lesser female friends who can call them up anytime.

Sometimes a person can be so perfect in your eyes, but may not necessarily be a good partner. Perhaps he / she knows he / she is such a good catch, that is why he / she may tend to be self-centred when it comes to relationships. (Archie Comics "Veronica" comes to mind.) Maybe it is better to be with someone less popular, then perhaps I can be better treated. It is really depressing for a girl to love a guy without getting any response from him. Looks like it is still best for a guy to love a girl, then he will really treat her well. So I guess other guys do stand a chance now, but they have to be the type I am looking for in the first place. As long as they fulfil about 80% I will seriously consider.

I will be going over to my friend's place to help him with his ideas for the essay later on and a dinner appointment after that. Very good, my day is starting to be more productive.

Faith, Hope And Charity

Do you know Sumiko Tan, one of The Straits Times premier journalists? Ever since the early 90s, she has her own column in Sunday Life, and I will always read her articles every fortnightly. In a way, I grew up on her articles. To me, she is the epitome of the modern single working woman.

I learnt a lot from her, about life, older generation, working world, problems faced by single women in society. She even published a few books on crime, ie "999 - True Crime" and "Sisters In Crime". Of course I have read both since I have been interested in criminology since young. I did think of becoming a crime reporter like her earlier days, or a forensic pathologist, then I realise I cannot stand seeing dead bodies.

Anyway her article in today's Sunday Lifestyle was on the charitable controversy of recent days. She said that NKF would give a personalised ten-page brochure like an annual report to ask for people's donations through mail. In contrast, the SPCA would give a generalised 1-page letter and ask for donations. Which would warrant bigger donations? NKF. Why? Because it is more eye-appealing.

I have been thinking, if NKF is rich enough to have massive marketing campaigns and promotions, does the organisation really need donations from the public? But then, as what was mentioned in the article, one should not forget what NKF was initially set up for - to help the poor dialysis patients have the best medical care and facilities. And if people really have the initiative to donate, they will still do so without all the brouhaha or colourful brochures and flyers around. Donations should come from the heart unconditionally.

Meanwhile, I think I will increase my annual donation to the SPCA, that is, after I secure a new job.

Minority Report

I just caught "Minority Report" on Channel 5 earlier on. Actually I have already seen the movie a few years back when it was shown here, but since droolicious Tom Cruise and a young Colin Farrell (before his bi-sexual role in "Alexander") are starring in it, I decided to watch again. Besides, the storyline is good - intense, stimulating and captivating.

The movie's famous tagline : Can you arrest someone for a crime that has not been committed ... yet? Interesting question. Can someone be arrested based on the intention of committing a crime alone? Does it make sense to arrest a supposed murderer if the supposed victim is still alive and well? If he is charged in court, what will the prosecutor say? Will it be "Do you plead guilty to intended murder of __________?"

And how will the judge react? "I sentence you to life imprisonment (?) for the intended murder of ____________." That will surely trigger appeals. "But Your Honour, my client has not murdered anyone. He is innocent beyond a doubt." Who to call for witnesses? The intended victim? "He wanted to kill me!" And the defending lawyer will argue, "How do you know? You are still alive!" Interesting turn of events if something like this really happens.

This depends on the mens rea (intention) and actus rea (action). If the crime was committed with actus rea but no mens rea, it will be classified as culpable homicide and the murderer may be jailed for a certain term depending on how serious the crime is. No matter how remorseful the murderer is, the victim's life could not be brought back.

If there were both mens rea and actus rea, then it would be a straight case of sentencing the offender to capital punishement. The complication arrives if there was only mens rea but no actus rea. Can the intended offender still be convicted? Afterall, he did think of committing the crime, but the crime was never committed. I cannot find anything in the Penal Code to justify the arrest of an intended offender just by the intention of crime alone. The only exception is if you think of murdering the President, as that is a crime by itself already, as stated in clause 121A of the Penal Code.

I cannot believe I still remember all these. Looks like I have not spent time in law school for nothing after all!

Queuing For What You Desire - A Necessity?

Why is there such a hype over the new Harry Potter book? Apparently people queued up as early as 6:15 a.m. outside Borders just to be the first to get their hands on the book. Why do they even bother? They can easily pre-order the book at a 40% discount just like I did. Although the book will only arrive at my doorstep a few days later, but so what? I can choose when to read the book once it is in my possession. This is just one of many incidents. A few years ago, there was the Hello Kitty hype, where people also queued overnight just to grab the limited edition collectibles. Is there really such a necessity to go to these extents?

I had first-hand experience on queuing overnight. It was during university years when undergraduates like myself were competing over the various subject combinations. To get the desired subjects, students really queued overnight just to be the first in the computer room to sign up for modules. That was the first time in my life when I actually wanted to be a bit more "kiasu".

So I woke up at 4:00 a.m. and took a cab all the way down to the old NIE campus at Bukit Timah (formerly the old campus of the University of Singapore, currently the SMU campus). I arrived about 4:45 a.m. and already the queue stretched from outside the computer room from one end of the building all the way to the main entrance around the middle part of the building. The computer room would be opened only at 9:00 a.m. in the morning, and only 5 were allowed in at one time.

When it was finally my turn to sign up for modules, it was already 10:15 a.m. Luckily I was still able to get the subject combinations I desired. But then, I do not think many would take the same subject combinations as I did, as they probably knew better than to commit academic suicide. Luckily after that, all subject modules could be signed up online at home, so I never had to go through that again.

Why must people queue up in the first place? No doubt it is for something you want, but is it really important? Afterall, people are queuing up for books (ok that is important, but I believe there should be enough to go round, so people did not even need to queue up in the first place), toys, dolls, 4D tickets, etc. All immaterial stuff. I wonder if people ever queue outside orphanages to adopt children, or outside the SPCA to adopt a pet, or outside old folks home to visit with the old folks. These seem like more meaningful things to queue up for.

Younger By 10 Years?

I went for a free micro-dermabrasion treatment today. It was really lucky as I won the voucher for a trial facial during one of the departmental shopping sprees lucky draw a few months back. The person-in-charge called me last week and asked me to go down today.

I have not been to a facial for about two months now. The last time I went was after the "Madame Butterfly" performance in May, where after a week of heavy stage makeup, I wanted to make sure my face was not too clogged up. I have been hoping for a micro-dermabrasion treatment and it was a stroke of luck that I won the free voucher, as one treatment can go up to S$200 at least.

It was not a normal facial as the therapist used the micro machine to literally "scrub" and "squeeze" my face. It was itchy and a little painful, but the effect was really good! My skin really looks brighter and feels much smoother than before. Is it my imagination or have I looked younger by ten years? Just nice for my job interview tomorrow. I can portray a more polished and professional image.

The Blog = Individual's Freedom Of Speech?

Sonic went to the Blogger's Convention yesterday. He told me that there was a talk on legal aspects regarding blogging, such as defamatory and copyright issues. Apparently authorities are still concerned about these issues in individual's blogs.

I did not attend the convention so I did not know the full picture of what was being said. In my opinion, I always feel that a person's blog is up to him / her what he / she wants to say. I have no qualms on freedom of speech. If one feels strongly against certain issues, he / she has every right to state his / her own opinion. What better way to do it than through a blog? Afterall, you cannot protest or rally or go up to the head honcho since all these are not going to work anyway.

Let us take a more recent example. Quite a number of people signed an online petition (I cannot remember the exact number) to remove the NKF's CEO and Board. This petition and opinion originated from someone else's blog. And what happened? The petition worked! The CEO and Board have been replaced. This shows that public outcry and individual's opinions are more valued than before.

So my stand is that one can write anything one likes in one's blog. The public should be more open and accept individual's opinions. Afterall, everyone is different. Each of us is bound to have a different opinion from others. A blog is the best channel to bring all the frustrations and criticisms across. Sometimes accepting criticism is the best way to see where things have gone wrong, instead of trying to cover up and defend.

ASSUME = ASS Out Of U And Me??

I hate it when people assume things about me. As if it is not enough that some guys think I am out for a fling, another guy whom I recently rejected just messaged me and said I must be out having a ball with all the smart guys I know just because I was not free to talk to him yesterday. I had singing practice for the whole day then was out with my girl friend from the Lyric Opera. What makes him think he knows everything about what I do?! Does he not know that Assume means making an Ass out of You and Me?

Today happens to be the birthday of one of my good friends. Happy Birthday to you! May you enjoy your day and hope you find a girlfriend soon, not getting any younger already!

Can You Remain Friends With Your Ex?

My youngest brother saw me chatting with my most recent ex-boyfriend online and asked me how come we are still friends? I answered, "Why not?" Just because two people are not suited to be together does not mean they cannot still be friends. So he asked whether I will feel awkward. Initially when the relationship ended, I did not want to have anything more to do with him as I was really unhappy then. But after a while, things went back to normal, and we are still on speaking terms. In fact, now I treat him as one of my closest friends. He knows about the Mystery Guy of late too, and have been encouraging me along.

Actually some of my friends have been discussing this issue : Can anyone still remain on good terms with his / her ex? In my opinion, why not? End of a relationship does not equate end of a friendship. Strangely though, I am still close friends only with my most recent ex. I have not spoken to my previous two boyfriends ever since our relationships ended, until recently. Perhaps it was because we did not end on good terms, thus I was too emotionally scarred to want anything else to do with them ever.

Even my best friend who has gone through four relationships once told me she would never want to meet any of her ex-boyfriends outside, with the exception of the second one, as they are still on good terms. Incidentally he is getting married and invited both of us to his wedding. A rather sweet guy actually, thus I was really angry with her when she broke up with him for another guy who took her for granted. But love is blind sometimes.

I believe if both parties are mature enough, they can still remain friends even after the end of a relationship. In fact, recently, I called my second ex-boyfriend, just to catch up with him. He was rather surprised to hear from me actually. I took so long to get over him, yet he was the one who felt awkward talking to me.

A sign that I am finally over him - I can talk to him amicably like a normal person. I do not need to avoid him anymore. In fact I changed my number then as I did not want to hear from him ever again. Talking to him does not trigger anymore emotional upheavels and I do not even think of him anymore. It is true that time heals all wounds.

Of Singing And Vocal Problems

Another day of singing. I had to be at the rehearsal venue this morning at 11:00 am to practice for the Sacred Music Festival next week. The Lyric Opera Adult Chorus is just giving supporting voices to the Children's Chorus. Our artistic director really went all out to pick on us today. She stopped us at every interval, screamed at us on our technique and generally made us cower in fear. I had to go for a voice projection workshop (insisted by my artistic director) after lunch. I have never sung for a straight six hours before! Goodness me, my voice is going to give way soon again, especially since my sore throat is still on and off.

My artistic director is great for voice therapy. I was recommended to her by my speech therapist when I was still a teacher. My voice went down 3 octaves after teaching for a while, and there was a period of time when I lost my voice often. I was often hoarse. As a result, all my music classes and song-leading were affected. My choir was affected as I could not teach properly due to my loss in voice.

The saddest part was that I could not even reach the high notes anymore! After seeing numerous doctors, I was referred to the ENT department of National University Hospital. Guess what? The specialist found a nodule in my throat! Horrors of horrors! That accounted for all the hoarseness and airiness when I spoke. The doctor said luckily I was trained in singing so my voice projection was there, otherwise the nodule problem would be worse. So I was referred to the resident speech therapist to try to get rid of the nodule in my throat.

That was when I made the decision to quit. Nothing interferes with my singing. Singing is part of my life. If I cannot even conduct the choir or song-lead anymore, what is the use continuing? It was not worth it if my voice had to suffer because of my line of work. Even now, my voice is still not fully back to normal, but at least it is better than before already. At least I am able to reach the high soprano parts again, which is a good thing! That was also part of the reason why I was reluctant to take up a full-time tutoring or music teaching post at this point in time.

Nevertheless today was a fruitful day. I accompanied my friend to the Esplanade Library after our rehearsal to borrow some operatic songs, then on to Genki Sushi at Marina Square for dinner. I suspect there may be another guy who is trying to get my attention, which my friend asked me to consider.

How do I know? He seems to be messaging me quite often during the day, asking me how I am, what I am doing, etc. He called me once and we talked for about an hour. Actually he is rather friendly and mature, and we seem to be able to get along rather well, but unfortunately a little too young for me. As I told my friend, I will not consider as long as he does not meet all my requirements. She kept on saying that age should not be a factor, what is important is compatibility. Well, I have not dated any guy younger than me. All the guys I like (or used to like) are all my age. Come to think of it, I have not dated any guy older than me as well. Shall I expand my horizons then?

Single, Desperate And Ugly??

I have come to the conclusion that there are many desperate men out there. Just when I thought my life would be a lot less complicated after rejecting five guys in two months, there are more pesky guys out there. Should I be less friendly then? But it is in my nature to be nice to others. It is simply not me if I am to be nasty.

I just received a call from this acquaintance of mine whom I met recently. He wrote some good poems, and all I did was to praise his poems. I probably only spoke this one sentence to him. A few hours later, he called me up for a date. HUH?! He said I seem to be the person for him. Hello?! How much can you know about a person who only spoke to you once?! He said he would give me half an hour, he would come and pick me up after that. Who does he think he is? I do not appreciate people ordering me around like this, especially not from someone I only just met. No doubt I can be very submissive if I want to, but only to the person I love.

Some of you may argue that I am desperate too, judging from my futile attempts at trying to get someone's attention. But my case is different. I already know him for quite some time already, so I know the type of person he is. That is why I felt he fits all my requirements. It was not love at first sight though as I fell for him only after a while, but oh well.... I am not in the habit of going out with guys on dates just after one conversation. Usually I need to know the person rather well first before I decide whether he is worth it. Although I openly admit I am looking for someone I can settle down with, but I am not that desperate to just find anyone off the streets.

Of my three relationships, I only fell in love at first sight with my second guy. No doubt his looks are above-average, but it was his body language and his actions that attracted me. I could tell he is witty and intelligent just by his actions alone. Even then, I did not let on anything. We were close friends for about a year before we finally started, although he had been pursuing me during that period of time. Thus, this relationship lasted the longest, almost six years, and I must admit he was the guy that I loved the most. (Although if a certain someone and I had started, I would probably love him even more than anyone else ever.) That was why I was most heart-broken when we ended, especially from the way it ended.

But I guess if a relationship does not work out, sometimes it is all for the best. Perhaps we are just not fated, or perhaps we are just not right for each other. Every failed relationship is a learning curve, so I can take note on what to improve on and what not to do so as to know how to better handle things next time round.

When Is The Right Age To Be Attached?

My brochure from the new SIM University just arrived. The course I am going to take has been revamped, but the subject combinations are still the same. But instead of one whole subject, every subject has been split into two parts, one part for the first half of the year, the other for the second half of the year, just like a normal university structure.

I prefer it this way actually as it is easier on my pocket. Instead of paying the whole year's course fees, I can pay lesser fees every half yearly. And I can even take up more modules per semester due to the lesser fees paid. So I can complete an Honours degree in four years instead of six. I need to confirm my place by November, which means I have to confirm a job soon so I can raise enough cash to pay the fees by then. Come to think of it, I am probably the only person who can profess going into NUS, NTU and SIM University in my lifetime. Shall I try for SMU next?

A close friend of mine who is a mature student just asked me to help him with a paper, knowing how free I am right now. I told him I charge S$0.10 per word, and it is a 3000-word essay. Anyway, I was only kidding about the money part; I have no qualms helping him out for free since I am just so happy to have something to occupy my time with. I will be going to his place on Monday so I can help him out with his ideas.

My youngest brother just asked me this question : When is the right age to be attached? I really have no answer for him. The fact is that there is no "right" age when it comes to being involved in a relationship. There are couples as young as 12 nowadays. I suppose as long as both parties know what they are doing. He said he probably would have several girlfriends before he could find the right one. I told him that he must always enter a relationship with the view of making things work out. Never enter a relationship with the view of just trying out or not wanting to work things out, as that will be unfair to both himself and the girl.

All three of us siblings have been rather unlucky in love. For me, I entered my first relationship at the age of seventeen, and now, years later, I am still single and searching, with my heart broken a few times. For my first brother, he met a girl in the college he is studying in right now, but she rejected him. For my youngest brother, he had liked a girl ever since Secondary Three, and finally plucked up enough courage to let her know how he felt last year, but was rejected. I wonder how my parents have it so easy. They were each others' first loves in university. No wonder my mum always complains I am frivolous; probably compared to her time, my dating and love life is a whole lot more complicated than hers. But does she think I like it?

My brother said that right now he wants to concentrate on his studies and not think about love and relationship. I told him it is a good thing, but impossible once the time comes. I wanted to just study and not think about relationships as well when I was his age. I thought I would find a boyfriend only in university. But when feelings started to develop, it was literally impossible to stop. I already knew what type of guy I like when I was only in secondary school. When my peers were boasting about their rich handsome hunks, I always told them it is better to find an intelligent guy who can engage in intellectual debates with you. I like someone who can stimulate my mind when I am with him, and not someone who is only concerned about how good he looks and going to the gym to pump iron to beef himself up. Certainly not someone who spends more time on personal grooming than me!

All my closest guy friends are all intelligent. For instance, my godbrother is an Engineering and Finance graduate from an Ivy League college, my childhood friend (the brother of my senior) graduated from NUS with an Honours degree in Chemical and Process Engineering, another guy I have known for more than 15 years holds an Honours in Business Administration, and another guy I know from my music class all those years ago recently obtained his Masters in Mathematics from NUS. Even my ex-boyfriends, all have qualifications in Engineering or Law. My closest girlfriends also have Honours degrees in Business Administration, Education, Marketing, Arts, Science. In fact, I seem to be the least qualified among all my friends. Shame on me! :-(

Anyway, I told my brother that when the feelings come, he will know. But he must know the type of girl he is looking for. I gave him the same advise - do not go for a mere pretty face. Go for someone intelligent who can stimulate your mind. I know the type of guy I like, so my boyfriends all fall into the same calibre. Somehow or other, people tend to choose a guy / girl who has very similar characteristics than the previous one. Actually, considering my history, the type of guy I like is not that hard to find. Maybe I can find someone like that soon and hopefully things will work out this time.

Through Thick And Thin, For Better Or For Worse, In SIckness And In Health, Till Death Do Us Part

So it finally happened. NKF CEO and Board are all stepping down. Health Minister Mr Khaw expects a new board to be formed within the weekend. This time round, the new board members have to give accountability as to how the public funds are being utilised so as to earn back public's trust and confidence. Which is a good thing. There is nothing wrong with charitable organisations being run like a company with its own CEO and Board of Directors, but I guess where public donations are concerned, people are more likely to be picky on how their money is being used.

I have two more job interviews scheduled later today, another one on Monday, and one more on Tuesday. I hope to have good news soon. It is a bit hard to get used to when your time had been occupied and all of a sudden you have too much time on your hands. I finished all my accumulated stuff in three days, and read 5 new books in two days. Right now I am re-reading "Angels and Demons" and "Da Vinci Code" as a good friend of mine just finished the two books and wanted an intellectual discussion with me.

Incidentally, do you know there is an up-coming movie on the "Da Vinci Code" starring Tom Hanks (my favourite actor!) and directed by Ron Howard? It will probably start screening next year or the year after next. Another must-watched movie! I hope the "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" which I pre-ordered will arrive soon. I am counting down to the days when "Goblet of Fire" will arrive at theatres.

My youngest brother told me about his class tutor yesterday. She just took an indefinite period of no-pay leave as her husband was struck down by a major illness and she will be accompanying him to the States for treatment. It was so touching the way she described. She said she had pledged to be with him "through thick and thin, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, till death do us part". Therefore, she must be with him through this trying times. The whole family will have to readjust accordingly. I am touched by her love for him. This is what true love is all about. If you really love a person, you will stick with him / her through happy times and sad, normal times and trying times.

A few years back, I read a true life account by a lady who contracted breast cancer. She was already engaged to be married when she found out about her illness. Guess what? Her fiance left her the moment he heard about it. He just disappeared and left her to fend for herself. Can I take him as a coward? Or is it just that his love for her is not strong enough? Probably the former as when she had completed her surgery and recovered, he came crawling back to her but she refused to have anything more to do with him. Served him right actually.

I have witnessed two close cousins of mine leaving us. One died of an asthma attack, the other one of leukaemia. The one who died of leukaemia was closer to me. She contracted the dreaded disease when she was only six. My parents brought me to the hospital to visit her everyday. I witnessed all the tubes going into her body and how she suffered. I cried everyday after my visits to the hospital. When my mum broke the news that she passed away, I really cried my heart out. I thought it was so unfair! She was only ten then, same age as me, and was the prettiest and smartest of all my cousins. She had a whole bright future ahead of her, yet why must she be taken away at such a young age? I cried for myself, for the company I would miss, for her parents and her siblings.

Now if I ever witness another loved one being struck down by some sort of disease, what would I do? Family members aside, what if that person happens to be my boyfriend, fiance or husband? Will I be with him through thick and thin, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, till death do us part? I believe I will because if he is to be my boyfriend, fiance or husband in the first place, he must be someone I really really love, someone worthy of all my affections. The question is, if this happens to me, ie if I ever contract a serious major illness, will the guy I am with endure all and be by my side throughout the trying times, or will he just abandon me and leave me in the lurch? Maybe that is a real test on how much you love a person.

Crying Out Love In The Centre Of The World

I chanced upon this movie trailer while waiting for my friend at Orchard Cineleisure on Sunday. This Japanese show is really touching. The story is about a pair of Japanese high school sweethearts who corresponded by taping conversations and sending out cassette tapes to each other. Unfortunately, the girl was struck down by leukaemia, and in a bid to make her last days happy, her parents allowed her to slip into a wedding gown and take a wedding photo with her sweetheart. He brought her to the desert area of Australia, where she once told him it was the centre of the world, and if you cried out for love in the middle of the desert, your wish would come true. Both of them went there and started crying out for each other. It was a sad thing that she died from her illness. The movie actually started off about seventeen years later when the guy was reminiscing about his first love.

This movie struck a chord in me as it was very similar to a story I wrote many years back, which I submitted for a Singapore Press Holdings Young Writer's Short Story Contest. It was the one and only short story I ever wrote. I did not win anything of course (I was never that good in the first place), but when I saw the similarity between this movie and the story I wrote, I could not help but feel my story could have been made into a movie too.

I still remember my story was entitled "Over The Rainbow, Under The Sky". It was actually inspired by a few things - life as a JC student, The Teenage Textbook, The Teenage Workbook, internet dating of the modern times, typical puppy love of teenagers. The story was also a tribute to my favourite cousin who died of leukaemia. My central character was on a rich girl. She was the only child of well-established parents. Despite all the wealth and being a top student with lots of admirers, she was lonely. Sounds familiar? This character was modelled after Sissy Song of The Teenage Textbook.

Anyway she went online every night, going by the moniker "Juliet", just to bump into her "Romeo". They chatted about lots of things. She found herself seriously falling for this guy. And the guy? He was actually her schoolmate in secondary school who had a crush on her for the longest time, but he never dared to tell her as he was just an average-looking simple guy. He decided to forget about her and fell in love with his "Juliet" instead.

So one day they decided to meet up at the beach. Rain just stopped and there was a beautiful rainbow in the sky. When they recognised each other, he was surprised but pleased, but she was totally shocked. She rejected him upfront. But after a while, she started to reflect : she fell for him because of his intellectual conversations, his character, his depth. She knew him as a person, and fell for him as a person. Did it really matter even if he was not drop-dead gorgeous? She wanted a guy who was really intellectual and interested in her, and not someone who was only concerned of showing off his muscles. However, she felt so bad rejecting him that she did not dare to express how she really felt.

During the end-of-orientation night, she had to bring a date. Even though many guys in school were lining up to date her, she refused all of them and called her "Romeo" to be her date. He willingly obliged. While dancing a love ballad together, he finally expressed how he felt for her and this time, she accepted readily. Unfortunately, she started to have a nose bleed and fainted in the hall. She was rushed to the hospital and discovered she was down with leukaemia. He stayed by her side throughout her hospitalisation and took care of her. He pledged his undying love to her. Her parents brought her to America for treatment, but she did not survive. In her last letter to him, she told him not to worry as someday she would come back as an angel.

My ending was ten years later. He became a doctor and set up a research centre for leukaemia patients. One day, after work, he decided to stroll along the beach where they first met all those years ago. There was another rainbow in the sky. Just as he was about to leave, he saw a lady walking towards his direction. She seemed to be the splitting image of his "Juliet". They had eye contact and started talking. When she told him her name was "Angel", he felt that his love had come back to him. So he invited her out for dinner and she accepted and they went off together.

I know it seems like a rather lame story upon reflection. Perhaps that was why it never won anything. But after watching the trailer of the Japanese movie, I was really struck by the coincidental similarity between the storyline of the show and the story I wrote all those years ago. I wonder if I should change the original story into a script then? But that would be plagiarism, wouldn't it, since a movie with a similar storyline is already out on screens.