In every (or almost) Chinese wedding ceremony, there will always be a tea ceremony, for the bride and groom to serve tea to their elders, and for them to receive tea from their youngers (is that the right word?). This is a custom that has been passed down from generation to generation.
I have no idea how this tradition came about, but as far as I know, long long time ago, when people got married, the way they celebrated their wedding was to have a tea ceremony, to signify they are now "of age" and could start a family of their own. The serving of tea is a sign of respect to the elders, and the younger ones look upon them as a sign of respect, hence would serve tea to them.
Traditionally, it was the groom who had to fetch the bride from her home, then they would serve tea to the groom's family. The elders would just sip the tea (not drink up in one gulp) to signify that they approve and accept the newest family member.
If any elder (especially the parents) did not receive or drink the tea, it would mean he / she did not approve of the new daughter-in-law, and that would be an insult to the new bride as it would mean she would start her new life badly.
Then three days later, the groom would bring the bride back to her parents' place (with lots of gifts, including a whole suckling pig), where they would then serve tea to her elders, and in turn being served tea by those younger.
[On a side note, the suckling pig must be whole, any part missing would deem that the bride was not a virgin when she married, which would then be a big insult to the bride's family, as it would indicate they did not bring her up properly.]
However, in modern context, the bridal couple need not wait three days to go back to the bride's parent's place. Hence in a wedding ceremony, the groom would fetch the bride, bring her back to his place for the tea ceremony, then go back to her place for the tea ceremony, before they proceed to their new home.
Some would go to their new home immediately after the tea ceremony at the groom's place, then after which the last stop would be the bride's parent's place for the tea ceremony. I used to question why the trouble? Why not just have the tea ceremony at the bride's place since it was the first stop, then move on to the groom's place?
But after that I found out, if the couple had the tea ceremony at her place first, it would mean he married into her family instead of the other way round. Hence, troublesome as it is, the groom still has to fetch the bride to his place first before going back to her place. Now all these is done in one day.
Modern couples (like some of my cousins) cut it even shorter by getting everything done at the hotel. Instead of the groom fetching the bride and whatnot, they would arrive at the venue, do the solemnisation, had the tea ceremony, then the reception. Everything at one go.
Another tradition is that when serving tea to elders, an unmarried lady is not allowed to be served tea. In fact, if the elder "sister" is still unmarried, then she is not even allowed to witness her younger "sister"'s wedding.
I always wonder why? Apparently it is a bad omen for an elder "sister" to witness a younger "sister"'s wedding, as it would deem that she is past her prime and will remain single. This only applies to women, not men. Men who are single and older than the couple are still able to be served tea by them. Unfair, right? But that is the way customs are, whether they make sense or not.
Hence I have never been able to be served tea whenever my younger cousins get married. I could only shake their hands and wish them the best. Last Sunday, my cousin insisted she wanted to serve me tea as she realised that all along I have been missed out.
My mum was apprehensive of course, but my aunt told her not to believe in superstition too much, so for once in my life, I got served tea by a younger "sibling" who got married before me! And I must say, the cup of tea tasted really sweet! I am not sure whether it is originally sweet or because I suddenly felt so "important" in that few seconds!
But it will not be long now when people are not able to serve me tea. Perhaps by the time the next younger cousin gets married, I will have the full right to be served tea by them, with someone else by my side perhaps?
I have no idea how this tradition came about, but as far as I know, long long time ago, when people got married, the way they celebrated their wedding was to have a tea ceremony, to signify they are now "of age" and could start a family of their own. The serving of tea is a sign of respect to the elders, and the younger ones look upon them as a sign of respect, hence would serve tea to them.
Traditionally, it was the groom who had to fetch the bride from her home, then they would serve tea to the groom's family. The elders would just sip the tea (not drink up in one gulp) to signify that they approve and accept the newest family member.
If any elder (especially the parents) did not receive or drink the tea, it would mean he / she did not approve of the new daughter-in-law, and that would be an insult to the new bride as it would mean she would start her new life badly.
Then three days later, the groom would bring the bride back to her parents' place (with lots of gifts, including a whole suckling pig), where they would then serve tea to her elders, and in turn being served tea by those younger.
[On a side note, the suckling pig must be whole, any part missing would deem that the bride was not a virgin when she married, which would then be a big insult to the bride's family, as it would indicate they did not bring her up properly.]
However, in modern context, the bridal couple need not wait three days to go back to the bride's parent's place. Hence in a wedding ceremony, the groom would fetch the bride, bring her back to his place for the tea ceremony, then go back to her place for the tea ceremony, before they proceed to their new home.
Some would go to their new home immediately after the tea ceremony at the groom's place, then after which the last stop would be the bride's parent's place for the tea ceremony. I used to question why the trouble? Why not just have the tea ceremony at the bride's place since it was the first stop, then move on to the groom's place?
But after that I found out, if the couple had the tea ceremony at her place first, it would mean he married into her family instead of the other way round. Hence, troublesome as it is, the groom still has to fetch the bride to his place first before going back to her place. Now all these is done in one day.
Modern couples (like some of my cousins) cut it even shorter by getting everything done at the hotel. Instead of the groom fetching the bride and whatnot, they would arrive at the venue, do the solemnisation, had the tea ceremony, then the reception. Everything at one go.
Another tradition is that when serving tea to elders, an unmarried lady is not allowed to be served tea. In fact, if the elder "sister" is still unmarried, then she is not even allowed to witness her younger "sister"'s wedding.
I always wonder why? Apparently it is a bad omen for an elder "sister" to witness a younger "sister"'s wedding, as it would deem that she is past her prime and will remain single. This only applies to women, not men. Men who are single and older than the couple are still able to be served tea by them. Unfair, right? But that is the way customs are, whether they make sense or not.
Hence I have never been able to be served tea whenever my younger cousins get married. I could only shake their hands and wish them the best. Last Sunday, my cousin insisted she wanted to serve me tea as she realised that all along I have been missed out.
My mum was apprehensive of course, but my aunt told her not to believe in superstition too much, so for once in my life, I got served tea by a younger "sibling" who got married before me! And I must say, the cup of tea tasted really sweet! I am not sure whether it is originally sweet or because I suddenly felt so "important" in that few seconds!
But it will not be long now when people are not able to serve me tea. Perhaps by the time the next younger cousin gets married, I will have the full right to be served tea by them, with someone else by my side perhaps?
3 comments:
Chinese culture and traditions tend to side the males, which I think is unfair, especially in these times when we support equality and human rights.
And yes, some of these traditions don't make sense at all!
Agreed. It's only society that supports equality and human rights. Traditional Chinese families (at least here) still follow customs and favour the males. Even though some claim they treat everyone in the family equally, but their actions speak otherwise as they still bend towards the male members.
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