My previous post sparked off some responses and discussions from friends, nothing negative. They just felt that I have touched on something raw, and most people will not see it that way, ie most will not know the difference between just mere being in a relationship or actually being with a person, as they equate both as the same.
Actually, it took me a while to know the difference as well. I used to think how can you be in a relationship yet not really wanting to be with the person? I used to think both are the same, until I learnt a hard lesson.
The thing is, if you want to be in a relationship, you will not care who you end up with. Both meet each other, both think they can get along on a superficial level, both have fun and can communicate, so why not? Yes, why not? After all, a relationship is just to keep each other’s company and do things together right? Wrong.
A relationship is more than that. Both may enter a relationship just to keep each other company and do things together, but if you do not really love each other, then when you start to know each other’s quirks, when you see how “ugly” both can be, can you still be willing to accept each other?
Which is why lots of relationships and marriages break down. They think it is so easy to just be together and that is it. But being in a relationship is not just that. Do you want to be in a relationship just because you want company and have fun? You can do that with friends too! You need not be in a relationship just to have fun!
But if you really love and want to be with the person, then the relationship will take on a higher level. You will be there for each other despite sadness, problems. Like will you run away if the person is bankrupt or jobless? Will you be there to support the person no matter what he / she does? Will you be willing to be committed despite changes, family problems on either side, and the downside to life?
Life is never easy, I know that too well, otherwise I will not still be in trouble. The thing is, in the past, only one person had gone through bad times with me. The others would just go away if I broke down, refused to lend me a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on, left me to my own problems, and could even tell me not to be upset when I was already so upset!
If one really love and wants to be with a person, then his / her happiness matters most to you and you will never bear to see him / her upset. How can I then trust that we can go through upheavals if they are not even ready to be there for me when I am down?
I notice that those who are still nursing the wound at the aftermath of a relationship are those that are most prone to want to be in a relationship more than anything else. I can understand that as I have been through it. It is like all those years you have someone with you, all of a sudden, you are all alone. You have no one else to share things with, to talk with, to confide in, to share happy and sad times with. You yearn more than anything to be with someone.
In one’s confused state, he / she often find someone on rebound, without thinking through carefully. For instance, someone just broke up with the ex after several years. Another person comes along and shows a bit of interest, and the person will then want to be in a relationship with this person. Which is why rebound is never healthy, because you may not be fully clear of what you are doing.
You may say you want to be with the person, but at the same time treat the person as the shadow of your past, of what you would like the relationship to be, to what it used to be, and whenever things did not meet up, you would start being so frustrated. But the problem is the person is different. It is a different person from the ex. So either you accept the person for who he / she is and let live, or just do not enter into the relationship.
Yes, you may be lonely, you may yearn for company, but face it, there are so many more things in life than just being in a relationship. When you are on the verge of being bankrupt and losing your job, matters of the heart is the least of your problems. If one just wants company, one can just find someone whose company one enjoys.
I used to think it would be better being in the company of someone I love, but recently I have been lucky to have good company, girls who are fun and sassy, and guys who are reliable and humourous, generous and caring. But that does not mean I have to date them. We can just enjoy each other’s companies as friends, with no strings attached. One thing I can never understand is just because a guy and a girl go out together, others will just assume they are a couple. Honestly, can a male and female not just be friends without being involved with each other?
I guess when people have come to a certain stage, they know it is not just a mere fact of being in a relationship that counts, but being with the right person. There are many people out there who want to settle down, but they are not going to be with just anyone. No one enters a relationship so hastily, especially for those who are looking for the right person. It does not mean we have to be with anyone who is nice to us, or anyone whom we have fun with. Just keep an open mind and things will fall into place when the time is right.
Actually, it took me a while to know the difference as well. I used to think how can you be in a relationship yet not really wanting to be with the person? I used to think both are the same, until I learnt a hard lesson.
The thing is, if you want to be in a relationship, you will not care who you end up with. Both meet each other, both think they can get along on a superficial level, both have fun and can communicate, so why not? Yes, why not? After all, a relationship is just to keep each other’s company and do things together right? Wrong.
A relationship is more than that. Both may enter a relationship just to keep each other company and do things together, but if you do not really love each other, then when you start to know each other’s quirks, when you see how “ugly” both can be, can you still be willing to accept each other?
Which is why lots of relationships and marriages break down. They think it is so easy to just be together and that is it. But being in a relationship is not just that. Do you want to be in a relationship just because you want company and have fun? You can do that with friends too! You need not be in a relationship just to have fun!
But if you really love and want to be with the person, then the relationship will take on a higher level. You will be there for each other despite sadness, problems. Like will you run away if the person is bankrupt or jobless? Will you be there to support the person no matter what he / she does? Will you be willing to be committed despite changes, family problems on either side, and the downside to life?
Life is never easy, I know that too well, otherwise I will not still be in trouble. The thing is, in the past, only one person had gone through bad times with me. The others would just go away if I broke down, refused to lend me a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on, left me to my own problems, and could even tell me not to be upset when I was already so upset!
If one really love and wants to be with a person, then his / her happiness matters most to you and you will never bear to see him / her upset. How can I then trust that we can go through upheavals if they are not even ready to be there for me when I am down?
I notice that those who are still nursing the wound at the aftermath of a relationship are those that are most prone to want to be in a relationship more than anything else. I can understand that as I have been through it. It is like all those years you have someone with you, all of a sudden, you are all alone. You have no one else to share things with, to talk with, to confide in, to share happy and sad times with. You yearn more than anything to be with someone.
In one’s confused state, he / she often find someone on rebound, without thinking through carefully. For instance, someone just broke up with the ex after several years. Another person comes along and shows a bit of interest, and the person will then want to be in a relationship with this person. Which is why rebound is never healthy, because you may not be fully clear of what you are doing.
You may say you want to be with the person, but at the same time treat the person as the shadow of your past, of what you would like the relationship to be, to what it used to be, and whenever things did not meet up, you would start being so frustrated. But the problem is the person is different. It is a different person from the ex. So either you accept the person for who he / she is and let live, or just do not enter into the relationship.
Yes, you may be lonely, you may yearn for company, but face it, there are so many more things in life than just being in a relationship. When you are on the verge of being bankrupt and losing your job, matters of the heart is the least of your problems. If one just wants company, one can just find someone whose company one enjoys.
I used to think it would be better being in the company of someone I love, but recently I have been lucky to have good company, girls who are fun and sassy, and guys who are reliable and humourous, generous and caring. But that does not mean I have to date them. We can just enjoy each other’s companies as friends, with no strings attached. One thing I can never understand is just because a guy and a girl go out together, others will just assume they are a couple. Honestly, can a male and female not just be friends without being involved with each other?
I guess when people have come to a certain stage, they know it is not just a mere fact of being in a relationship that counts, but being with the right person. There are many people out there who want to settle down, but they are not going to be with just anyone. No one enters a relationship so hastily, especially for those who are looking for the right person. It does not mean we have to be with anyone who is nice to us, or anyone whom we have fun with. Just keep an open mind and things will fall into place when the time is right.
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